"Decency" in the household

aml+japan · August 2014

Not wanting to start a debate about whether the human body is indecent (I don't think it is!), but my eldest girl will be three soon and I still regularly walk around my house in various states of undress or entirely naked. We also bathe together. My DH, being the only man in the house, will wear his boxers from bedroom to shower but will immediately put on clothes. Is there any certain age when you feel it's appropriate to cover up your lady parts in front of your daughters?

Serenla · August 2014

I guess it depends on the household, I'm thinking when they reach school age I would cover up from the waist down to get to the shower if I'm BFing a second yeaaah the boobs will still be out.

Eta words are hard.

Rrrrrachel · August 2014

Your kid will let you know. Those things are self regulating.

RedDawnsRevenge · August 2014

I'm hoping my daughters will always love there bodies and never find being naked shameful?

Laroo0220 · August 2014

Yeah we're kind of a naked house. My
Son is 5 and we don't shower tgthr or anything but I do walk around in a bra and shorts frequently since its summer and he sees my breasts all the time since I'm breastfeeding. I guess I would rather have it be nbd instead of freaking out and making it into a bigger thing than it is. He also hasn't said or done anything that makes me feel like I need to be more careful at this point. My husband still showers with him occasionally

MamaFantastic · August 2014

I still walk around naked in front of kiddo all the time, and he is four years old. He doesn't seem to notice or care.

Jessimax · August 2014

I think it depends on everyone's comfort. I grew up in a one bathroom home with lots of nakedness. My husband's family is the opposite. I still pee with the door open and walk around naked (DS is 4) while he always locks the door. If I saw that it was bothering my son I would stop, but it really doesn't bother me.

momofmanyinthemitten · August 2014

I grew up with a mom who had no problem with being seen naked by us and a dad who was practically a never-nude. I walk around in a bra and bottoms all the time and if the kids are in the bathroom when we're showering, they see us naked. Our oldest is 3.5.

Ashleypixie · August 2014

It won't be a big deal and one day, all of a sudden, they don't want to even be in the same room while you change. My DD started getting weird about getting dressed in front of me around 7. She tells me not to look when I'm in the dressing room with her. I tell her that I have no reason why I would need to look and she doesn't have anything I haven't seen before. H never hangs out in his underwear so that's not an issue.

AmberLiz99 · August 2014

With ds I am just starting to be more private (he's 3) but if he walks in on me it's no big deal still. In the next year or so I'll probably be more careful about it. With dd I don't think I'll worry about it unless it becomes a problem for some reason (don't know what that would be).

BGGP9196 · August 2014

Good question! Dh is very modest and is almost never nude, he wear his towel or boxers to and from the shower, locks the bathroom when he goes. I leave the door open when in the shower or when peeing, but I wear a robe to and from the shower. I am EBFing E so my boobs are always out, DD1 was fasicinated for awhile but now she could care less.

J&NL · August 2014

DH always covers up. I don't.. She has the same parts so why would I hide them from her? It's not like we go around flashing people on the street.

ashcole28 · August 2014

I grew up in a naked house as well mom was almost always naked. When I brought friends home I would have to run in to make sure she had clothes on first. Dad was always in shorts. We all used the bathroom with the door open and I still do. It's NBD to me.

Bluebird2318 · August 2014

My DD is 2 and she still takes showers with me from time to time. DH doesn't walk around naked usually, but he doesn't hurry to cover up if she happens to be there either. I imagine I'll just take cues from her and then use a similar timeline for DS as he gets older. Good question though. I've never really thought about it.

As far as breastfeeding goes, I would never feel the need to cover up in front of my children. Though generally I don't feel the need to cover up in public either. We aren't planning any more children though, so that may be a moot point.

KatieGummow · August 2014

Totally envisioned this @kielpinskim‌!!!

GIFSoup

Edit: got the gif to work from my phone!!!!

knotty-girl · August 2014

I am also in the camp of not creating body shame however I do think a time comes for children to learn a healthy concept of privacy. I'm not sure exactly when that is though, perhaps as some other experienced mother's have voiced, it kind of works itself out. I don't see any reason for mothers to go out of their way to cover up around daughters, (same parts, women are naked in locker room scenarios) until they assert the need for privacy (for some it may be earlier and for others not until closer to the onset of puberty) and aside from teaching them to knock or asking privacy to shower/get ready, again in a healthy sense, not shame based. With children and parents of the opposite sex maybe once they are out of the toddler stage? Most moms I know shower with their toddler boys because it's the only way they can get a shower.

And a funny out of the mouths of babes story related to the topic at hand: my friend was getting in the tub with her toddler and he said, "Hey you with those big things, get in here!"

knotty-girl · August 2014

Also I think decency is not a good word because it's shame based as in decent=good and indecent=bad. Privacy is better because it relates to "private parts" and a personal need and better reasoning for the why questions. I don't like term modesty either because of the religious applications and double standards often applied to women.

cnbean · August 2014

I only had sisters growing up and my mom never bothered to cover up if she was naked. I remember several times that she had me make sure the blinds were closed so she could go grab something real quick when she was naked. If I had only daughters I wouldn't worry about it at all, but since I have 2 boys I figured once DS1 starts noticing the difference I'll stop showering with him.

ETA: This never made a difference in my modesty level either. I've always been pretty modest and I still don't like being naked in locker rooms.

baileymama3 · August 2014

I have not thought about this! I am super comfortable in the nude (just raised that way-- very naked house). But at the same time, I am not sure how that will change since I have a son.... I guess time will tell as previous posters said.

nicole mackenzie · August 2014

I was raised super modest!

But now I'm naked all the time.

I don't know when I'll start covering up for LO... I think I'll read her cues and see what we are comfortable with.

I feel that DH should cover up sooner than me.

Dixon813 · August 2014

Interesting topic.

I grew up with all brothers (and only one bathroom) and privacy was respected. You either changes before/after showers in the bathroom or wrapped a towel/robe to your room and always walked around with clothes on.

Currently, SS is 7, and just in the past year has wanted privacy for himself (closes the door when changing/showering). We've taught him (from around ages 3/4) to knock on closed bedroom and bathroom doors out of respect.

That being said, he is my stepson, I think I'll be a little more comfortable (for lack of better words) with Liam.

katiedidthat · August 2014

I grew up in a naked house. I guess I'm also raising my boys in a naked house. I can remember both my parents walking naked across our hallway to the bathroom well into my preteen years, they may have still done it as I got older than that, but I didn't look for it, so I don't remember. Growing up it was 100% normal for my mom to walk around the house and yard in a sports bra all summer, and my sister and I did the same until she brought home a college boyfriend who was uncomfortable with it. With my boys, we shower together, I get dressed around them, and when they get uncomfortable with it- it'll stop. DH is the same way.

chichi589 · August 2014

My family was modest I guess I had three brothers so it was completely normal to cover up at all times. I don't remember my mom being naked ever or my dad, ew. My boyfriend is a cover up to and from the shower lock the door kinda guy. I close the door but if DD walks in on me it's no big deal I make sure I cover up after a few mins though I think nudity is ok to an extent but as some PP said I don't want my kids being overly comfortable where they want to be naked all the time, bodies are to be respected I don't want that downplayed.

juniper75 · August 2014

As with others I will let my girls decide. I don't see the big deal with them seeing me naked. DH will be a different story - probably earlier rather than later due to his comfort level. He doesn't like to walk around naked in front of the girls already but he does have to get dressed in front of DD1 sometimes when he takes her swimming etc...

Just last week she finally noticed his penis and it totally freaked him out. He said she pointed at it and said Boobie and then tried to touch it. We talk about Boobies a lot here because I am nursing LO.

I think its the funniest story ever but it traumatized him.

juniper75 · August 2014

I should add for DH's sake that his penis looks nothing like a boobie..lol. I swear

hpanabaker · August 2014

I grew up in a modest family. For right now I don't worry too much about LO seeing anything, like other people have said, he'll let me know when it's time to be a little more private.

Funny Story: My sister has two daughters. The oldest has an Eeyore stuffie with a detachable tail. She was in the bathroom with her dad one day and realized something was different. She came out of the bathroom..."Hey Mom, do you know that Dad has a tail like Eeyore? Does Daddy's tail come off?" That was the point at which privacy got stepped up a notch.

RedDawnsRevenge · August 2014

AprilMay9 said:
In these naked houses did you see your dads naked? I.simply.cant.even.

It was like a regular nudist colony. But my mom is a nurse and my dad was a drill sergeant so, it wasn't ever going to be a normal family...

Rrrrrachel · August 2014

I saw my dad naked all the time. We had one bathroom and I would go in and brush my teeth while he was in the bathtub. When I was little. Pretty sure by the time I was hitting puberty I would've been horrified at the idea.

DisorientdAsIAm · August 2014

I grew up in a relatively modest household-- saw my mom naked from the waist up a few times and later in life, she liked to pee with the door cracked. That was about it... Never even saw my dad, brother, or stepdad in their underwear. So nudity was taboo for me and still is, to some extent.

I would BF DD in front of my mom and a close family friend, but that was it (besides DH, of course); when others were around, I went to another, private room. With LO, I don't necessarily leave the room anymore but I do cover up. I BF in front of DD and like a PP she was mildly fascinated by it at first but doesn't seem to care much anymore. In the beginning, though, she would say, "I'm going to feed my baby," grab a doll, and start lifting up her shirt. Made me nervous that perhaps she was doing that at daycare, too...

Strangely enough, even after living together for 9 1/2 years and everything that goes with love/marriage (including pushing two kids out of my body while he watched), DH and I have a "no using the toilet in front of each other" rule. It's like the one thing that is still sacred with us. However, I have no problem peeing in front of DD-- I figure we have the same parts and I did demonstrations as part of her potty training, so why not?

The only time one of us has ever showered with DD was when our only full bathroom was being remodeled and we had to use the shower stall in our basement (random, I know). I was 8 months pregnant with LO and barely fit in it by myself so DH got in there with her, but in swim trunks. He is always covered up in front of her. And now that I think about it, she's watched diaper changes but I don't think she's ever asked about LO's penis. But then she's in daycare so I'm guessing she's seen some of the boys there "in passing" in the bathroom...? Hm...

ksulli · August 2014

My house growing up was pretty private.

I stopped showering with my 3yo when I was massively pregnant because I thought I might deck her with the belly, then realized I sorta like that alone time. DH showers with her occasionally, but keeps boxer briefs on because she's exactly the wrong height for that to be acceptable.

I think underwear is an acceptable level of dressed for my household. I'd even do that with my parents/sisters around. Couldn't have a conversation like that with my dad, wouldn't do it in front of in-laws, yet a bikini from sun up to sun down is totally fine at the beach house.

avidkeo · August 2014

Meh, my mum and I are still comfortable naked around each other. But we are freer than most families I guess? Heck Ill even be naked in front of my grandparents and vice verca. I do remember when in my early teens not being comfortable being naked around my granddad and vice verca but I grew out of that.

sweetmelissa0707 · August 2014

I'm so glad to read this thread. I was starting to wonder if we were the only naked household. My hubby is frequently just in boxers, but is always barged in upon while in the bathroom. The guys occasionally shower together and I'll sometimes shower with DD. She's got and older and younger brother so she's seen it all and she's in the naked toddler stage. She's 3.5. DS1 went through his always nude phase but within the last year is dressed most of the time. It's just not even something we've even had to address other than the odd question here or there. Plus I'm breastfeeding, so boobs all day long! I think it's fine, no one is uncomfortable at this point. As they get older we will probably be more modest, but until then, I'm not worried.

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