New Pathology Information and Repeat D&C with Hysterscopy *living children mentioned* (salsawifey)

We lost our baby boy at nearly 16 weeks back in April and I had a D&C. Before I even finished bleeding, I had my period so it felt like forever before it stopped.  That first one seemed pretty normal at 32 days but then it was 19 days, 19 days, 26 days.  I was hopeful that it was almost back to normal but I had two periods in July.  Then I found these fragments when doing a cervix check that were white and hard.  Of course I feared it was bone.  Although I felt strange about it and thought it may be gross, I saved them.

I had a consult appt on Monday to discuss a plan for another baby.  My first appt was with a genetic counselor that went over the results and said his chromosomes were normal and my age was not why he died.

Then I saw my OB.  She told me to tell her what happened.  I told her my pregnancies were always perfect with DS1 and DS2.  My RA went into remission and I never had so much as a sniffle.  This time I got really sick.  I had the stomach flu was terrible cramps and diarrhea followed by a terrible cold with a cough that lasted a month.  I told her that I coughed so bad one day that I peed and puked in the same coughing spell.  I told her how I called the nurse line worried that it was something that could harm the baby like listeria but she wasn't concerned.  I told her how I went to the other OB office and they used a doppler with no screen and told me his heart rate was in the 150s and when I asked her how she knew she just said, "I just know."  I told her his heart rate was always about 167.  That other OB office had given me the pathology results as "normal" and I mentioned that I had bloodwork testing for infection but I was distraught and didn't ask if they had all the results from both offices.  She left the room and came back with a print out.  She said it was good news, she may know what happened.  The blood test they did tested for something she didn't expect them to test and we found out that 1/3 of his blood was in my system which means he bled out and that was likely the cause of death.  She said it was probably a tear in the placenta that can happen from a fall or minor car accident and sometimes things are fine and sometimes there is a tear.  She said this was good news because it was not something that could have been prevented and it was nothing I did and nothing that could be done.  I'm not sure if I feel that's good news but I see what she's trying to say.  She said the tear in my case was probably caused from coughing hard.  This is the part I have a hard time with.  I coughed so hard, I killed my baby.  I know this sounds harsh but how can I not blame myself?  I'm pretty sure when I called that nurse line about the fear of listeria that she told me I could take Robitussin for my cough but I didn't want to take anything that might harm my baby.  By not taking it, I caused a tear and now my baby is gone.  I am already going to fear another pregnancy loss but now I'm going to fear catching cold. 

Then we discussed my wacky cycles and the weird fragments I found.  I showed them to her and she said that it could be calcium deposits but she was going to send them to pathology to know for sure.  She said she wanted me to have another ultrasound to make sure everything was clear and HcG test to make sure my levels were 0.  She also said because of my late loss and everything that has happened since, she thinks I have a case to stay as her patient and I won't have to go back to the "other" OB.  That was the best news I heard.  Then she said, "however..." she's retiring after the first of the year.  Great.  But she said she was going to do her best to convince her colleagues to continue my care after she retires.

I had the procedure and immediately the u/s tech asked if I was on thyroid meds or birth control.  I told her I wasn't and asked if she could see something but she wouldn't tell me.  She said she didn't know and that radiology would have to review them and then give my doctor the results and my doctor would call me.  My OB set up a phone call in a week to discuss the results but the u/s tech said they would have them within an hour.  I wanted to call and then anxiety set it but when I actually picked up the phone they were closed.

I called this morning and she called me back.  She mentioned one ovary looked great and one had a very small cyst that was likely dermoid.  She wasn't concerned because it was very, very small.  She mentioned some shadowing I believe she said in the canal but I'm not sure now, maybe the uterus or both.  The radiologist said it was likely air from my "recent procedure".  My OB disagreed because my procedure was not recent.  She thought it may be more of the "calcium deposits" I found.

My OB called the doctor that did my procedure back in April and they argeed to a repeat D&C with Hystroscopy.  My fear is what they will find in there.  I'm hoping that it's just something residual that can be cleaned out and we can start trying again very soon.

Please keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers that there is nothing serious and all can be repaired for another healthy pregnancy.