And he's off! (rant)

lewispm · August 2014

Since finding out about baby #2, MH has been crazy obsessive about refiguring our budget. He just walked into my office and handed me EIGTH pages of spreadsheets to "look over when I get the chance". I'll be honest, all I'm going to do is take note of my grocery and misc budget per month and stick to it. Ignorance is bliss sometimes, right?

This is when his OCD kicks into high drive and I just have to hold on tight and try not to lose it. We have talked nothing but finances since I saw that plus sign and its getting ridic. I mean, yes, money is huge and our budget is important, but I feel like every moment we spend together is discussing our budget. I will PAY HIM to shut up about it right now!! LOL.

So, anyone else have an insanely detailed 8 page budget or is MH a lone crazy? I mean, he actually wrote "Sunday NFL Ticket" into our budget at $240 a year. I think that will have to be first to go if we are making cuts!!

nesenotes · August 2014

That would drive me insane!! I can't do budgets. I mean I can if absolutely necessary but a spreadsheet hell no. I feel like it's a way to over analyze and micromanage everything I do.

britbratjf · August 2014

Um no that's crazy. My H keeps track of all our bills and stuff in a spreadsheet but we don't really have a "budget". We take in more money than we spend and have a healthy savings so we don't worry about it too much.

lewispm · August 2014

nesenotes said:

That would drive me insane!! I can't do budgets. I mean I can if absolutely necessary but a spreadsheet hell no. I feel like it's a way to over analyze and micromanage everything I do.

Oh we have long since had the discussion of whether I will agree to enter my receipts into a spreadsheet. My answer was hell no!! He wanted to do that for a long time but I feel like I would always be forgetting and it would just cause to much stress and tension. He has finally given up on getting me to agree to that. I have a hard enough time keeping up with my receipts for business expenses!

He creates these crazy budgets and keeps an eye on all of our spending. He usually doesn't micromanage my spending or say much about anything I spend on really. He knows he spends much more than I do on frivolous items so he can't really say much. I kind of like that he keeps an eye on it. He has discovered fraudulent charges on my credit card that I never would have found and he handles the bills and all, which I love.

However, he just wants to talk and talk and talk about it all until he is blue in the face. Just give me the budget, and if I go over or if we have issues then we can discuss it. I just hate discussing it and rehashing it 24/7! He's like this with a lot of stuff. The budget, the grocery list, our to do list, etc. He cant just make a list and leave it somewhere. He wants to pull it out everyday, a few times a day and talk about it. UGH. This in one area in which we are total opposites. I'm sure my way of procrastinating and flying by the seat of my pants drives him just as nuts though.

lewispm · August 2014

mightybee said:

Yikes! It sounds like he is channeling all of his feelings on another baby towards THE SPREADSHEET.

Not budget spreadsheet related, but on of the guys my H plays frisbee golf with keeps details spreadsheets of everyone's scores. He has graphs and charts on overall scores, who does the best/worst at each hole, etc. I think that's insane, too.

MH does this with his Fantasy Football leagues! He writes these super long predictions each week about what's going to happen and who is going to be on top or who's going to fall in the ranks and whatnot . He has read them to me and they are actually really funny and his friends requested he keep doing it, but still! Holy time consuming and unnecessary!! I'll admit though, I really need the organization in my life on most accounts, so its usually helpful. I'd be an absolute mess without him.

ETA: And yes, he is channeling it all into the budget. Finances has always been his #1 excuse for not TTC before, and I have vented on here about how much that has bothered me since our finances are fine and dandy and we would even do fine if I quit my PT job right now. It's in his nature to stress out over things though so he is always thinking of some reason we don't have enough money.

lewispm · August 2014

@Alou9785 he gets so frustrated when I "reject" his talks. I told him a week ago when he wanted to rehash every single thing he was doing to work on this budget that he should just finish it and show it to me and we could talk about it then. And out of the 8 pages, there are actually 3 versions of the same budget. One is about 4.5 pages, one is 2, and one is a short 1 page summary. So we just discussed it at lunch about 45 mins ago and it was as painless as I could have hoped for, only I know he will want to talk about it again tonight, and again tomorrow when he thinks of something else that needs to be added, and again the minute something comes up that doesn't fall into an overly obvious spending category.

And honestly, not much has changed from our old budget. That's the funny thing. My grocery budget went down $40 a month and my misc budget went down $30 a month. Our vacation budget went down about $1000 a year, but with 2 kids I don't see quite as many vacations happening for some time anyway!

lewispm · August 2014

jfresh said:

Mightybee's story reminded me of my dad, who's an engineer. He's all about the charts, spreadsheets, triple checking, etc. He always has to do everything right and must always 100% follow the directions. My H is so the opposite and figures things out as he goes. It gives me anxiety lol. Must. have. a. plan.

MH is like you. Plan, list, repeat. My entire family is the opposite. My parents will have a vacation planned for months and book their flights like the week beforehand. I never schedule appointments (Dr, hair, etc) more than a week away because I will forget about them. I give MH so much anxiety I'm sure, but it gives ME anxiety to plan and list! Like I seriously want to crawl out of my skin every time we have to have a serious conversation about something regarding planning, budgeting, etc. I let MH plan all our vaca's and just tell him to surprise me with the itinerary. He gets frustrated sometimes and takes it as me not caring, but really its just how I prefer it!

I think he is one extreme and I am the other, so maybe if he were less intense about the planning stuff, it wouldn't get me so anxious/annoyed, but I'm sure he'd say if I were even the teeniest better at that stuff, he wouldn't have to be so intense.

nesenotes · August 2014

I can't figure out what there is to discuss. I mean really what is there to hash out? If he has it all itemized what is there to discuss 3 times? It doesn't sound like you are fighting him on it. This would really drive me so batty.

lewispm · August 2014

@nesenotes, you'd be surprised. He loves to go over why we put away $x per month for this, how much that means we will have in 1 year, 2 years, etc. Then he discusses what percentage of our $ is going to savings and how much per month and year that is and how much we will have saved by the time K's in college. And then we talk about our equity and how much extra we need to pay to our mortgage to build up enough equity to sell our house in 5 years,and then the same scenario but if we wait 10 years. and then how much we would have to spend on a new house in 5 years or 10 years. And then there's his condo we rent out so we have the same discussion for selling that. And then there are his student loan payments. If we pay x amount over the next 3 years, they'll be paid off, but if we save $ here here and here and pay a different amount, we can pay them off in 2! LOL. I could go on and on and on, but its just too boring.

nesenotes · August 2014

So it sounds like he is just thinking out loud? Still annoying. I think in another couple of years the dust will settle. The first 3/4 years you spend learning all the damn quirks about the other person. Then the compromise comes along. I like to plan, MH likes to just go. He will buy flight tickets week of too. I like to have it done months in advance. Money is the opposite. He keeps an eye on all the money and I just make sure I have money in there to use my card. I think once he knows you don't care about all the little details he will back off. But don't be scared to tell him it's too detailed in the meantime either. I don't think there is anything wrong with speaking up about it feeling excessive. If you don't say something it will just snowball.

lewispm · August 2014

PaddyB said:
It sounds to me like he finds keeping track of how your family is doing financially to be really interesting, and he probably can't comprehend why you don't find it as interesting.

This made me LOL at my desk. And it couldn't be more true!

lewispm · August 2014

summergirl1211 said:
I agree with all of this. My H is similar in that he loves to discuss and plan, but we do not do spreadsheets and really don't budget much. I have a feeling it also has to do with them having Type A personalities and the fact that all 3 of our H's are attorneys.

@lewispm: Can you maybe suggest to your H that you set aside a certain amount of time per day/week/whatever to discuss this stuff? It's one thing if you both like it but I can imagine it would be a little (or a lot) stifling if you aren't used to it. Hopefully you two can come to some kind of compromise! GL!

@summergirl and @paddyB It's absolutely crazy that both of y'all can relate to MH's planning and your H's just happen to be lawyers too. I'll have to tell him about that one. Too funny! And thanks

aylafsu88 · August 2014

My H is a budget freak but not to that extreme. He tracks everything on an excel spread sheet and can see how/where we spend money. It is by no means 8 pages though! I can imagine how frustrating it is to deal with someone who obsesses over each penny. Stay calm and tell him that you will work on your grocery/shopping spending to help with the budget. Hopefully this will pass soon.

pinkangelmoon · August 2014

Yikes, that sounds a bit obsessive. Have you or your H looked into using something like mint.com? I love that I can just link all my accounts and they update automatically. The charts and graphs are great to see (I'm a visual person), and you can even set goals to save or pay off debt. This would make it easier for you to check in every so often and could help your H feel more in control of the finances. Since the twins were born, DH has taken over keeping up with our finances but I kind of miss keeping track of it.

britbratjf · August 2014

Ha throw me in the attorney husband who likes to have "discussions" about everything. It's basically him talking out loud about our finances & me nodding along. Drives me crazy but he needs to talk it all out.

ashleynaka · August 2014

Sorry your H is such a stickler about budgeting. Since becoming a SAHM, I have learned that money is nice (and I am very lucky to be home and still live very comfortably), but it is definitely not everything! It won't buy your happiness or family time together. I hope he really thinks about how this makes you feel, especially since it sounds like you have plenty of money and are not scraping by like a lot of folks. Just remember, like you said before, God had a plan and it will all turn out just fine. Oh yeah, Sunday Ticket would be gone ASAP, but thankfully we are not that into watching sports.

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