It is going to be a long week

CandEChicago · August 2014

Without too many details... I am back out of town visiting family. My mom's never ending construction projection was supposed to be finished Friday (minus the floor refinishing) but the ever so delightful contractor is still cementing the dry wall. We are now on day 40 of a 10 day project.

The contractor refuses to bring someone out to help and has blown 3 deadlines he provided with no practical explanation. I finally called his boss and despite mom agreeing to this course of action 2 weeks ago if he blew past a 3rd deadline she does to remember this agreement and is not happy, begging, pleading, and lashing out. (I have had a couple people tell me that calling the boss was long overdue but I was really trying to respect her wishes).

We are doing a site inspection with the bosd today to get an actual realistic ETC so I can bring in the other contractors.

In addition to the house work, I am also here to inspect the work of the chimney rebuild (pay that contractor) and meet with my mother's attorneys (on her behalf).

Mom is stressed and blew up at me yesterday with many nasty (and untrue) accusations from her. My sister, brother, husband, and aunt agree that she is lashing out.

Everyone who knows her is trying to tell her she is lucky but she is refusing to see it that way. I keep reminding myself that there are legit medical reasons for her behavior but its complicated since she refuses to seek proper treatment. (I am seeking out separate counseling for myself so I know how to best work with her...especially since I know these behaviors will probably get worse).

Since there is no room or useable space at my mom's house, I am staying with an Aunt & Uncle. Literally there is not even a couch to sleep on or enough room for an air mattress. There are only 2 functional/accessible chairs to sit on in the entire house.

Latet this week I am supposed to fly with mom to a conference over the weekend.

To top it off...last night off handedly my sister unloaded a heavy piece of baggage where DH and I agreed we had to talk on how to handle things related to this new information since it will impact us.

Once these construction items are completed I plan to step away for a bit...but it hurts that I need to tell mom this and she will not see the rational side of it but see it more as punishment/retaliation. Thankfully she has enough ability and support to function on a day to day basis.

If you read all this...thank you. Also probably expect another vent or two coming this week.

jennielee123 · August 2014

Sorry things have been rough, I don't blame you for taking a step back when you get the chance.

abcmom12 · August 2014

Dispite all the setbacks, it seems you have a good grasp on things and are processing them well! Growing a human and retaining your sanity is no small feat!

nashamber · August 2014

Yikes! That's waaaaaay too much for a human-growing person to deal with. Hope everything settles down soon. Where is happy hour when you need it!?!

beachy6 · August 2014

That is a lot to deal with and I'm so sorry. Family issues are so difficult to deal with and try to make everyone happy.

I'll be thinking of you this week and feel free to vent away!

CandEChicago · August 2014

Update: Met with the boss. We have a plan to get the construction on the first floor completed before the end of next week. That includes paint, trim, light fixture.

Second floor construction (not yet started) will be done before the end of the month.

Vent: I am sorting through boxes of receipts that my mom is "attached" to with grocery receipts from 2012. She claims they are important for her taxes (Nope) and/or she might use it for a return (2 yo groceries being returned --- really?). It's preversely humorous (and draining) that she is arguing taxes with her daughter the CPA.

Also my mom picked a fight over her ability to pick up milk from the store. Thought it was reasonable to offer to pick up milk at the store while I was picking up my GF groceries especially so that she can stay focused on her project. Apparently I am mistaken.

CandEChicago · August 2014

Thank you ladies. Your comments and creepy Internet hugs are much appreciated. Yesterday was interesting when the bank manager asked me if mom was ok since she and her staff have noted mom seems a little more "off" lately.

amedbery · August 2014

Having a crazy mom is the best, isn't it? So sorry you are dealing with this right now. Hopefully the more immediate stuff (construction) will go as smoothly as possible from here on out. Remember to take care of yourself, too.

MaineMama · August 2014

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! ((hugs))

littleboyermoose · August 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have people supporting you.

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

That sounds horrible! I'm so sorry your dealing with that. From your description of your mother I'm gathering from my unprofessional opinion that she has a mental health issue? Or perhaps dementia? Either way or even if she just acts like that you are very very brave for dealing with the contractor for her and dealing with her in general. I personally have family members with mental health difficulties and it makes having a relationship with them so difficult. You'll definitely be in my thoughts this week. Stay strong girl!

CandEChicago · August 2014

nauticallife said:
That sounds horrible! I'm so sorry your dealing with that. From your description of your mother I'm gathering from my unprofessional opinion that she has a mental health issue? Or perhaps dementia? Either way or even if she just acts like that you are very very brave for dealing with the contractor for her and dealing with her in general. I personally have family members with mental health difficulties and it makes having a relationship with them so difficult. You'll definitely be in my thoughts this week. Stay strong girl!

@nauticallife‌ - Your unprofessional opinion is not too far off. Alzheimers is one of our concerns especially since there are 2 generations of family history (her parents and grandparents) however she has a couple other current diagnosis of other items that complicate matters (and explain the conditions at the house). I am trying to get her to see a neuro physiologist but that has become a hot button issue for her.

PacoCat33 · August 2014

Yikes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this.

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

CandEChicago said:

That sounds horrible! I'm so sorry your dealing with that. From your description of your mother I'm gathering from my unprofessional opinion that she has a mental health issue? Or perhaps dementia? Either way or even if she just acts like that you are very very brave for dealing with the contractor for her and dealing with her in general. I personally have family members with mental health difficulties and it makes having a relationship with them so difficult. You'll definitely be in my thoughts this week. Stay strong girl!
@nauticallife‌ - Your unprofessional opinion is not too far off. Alzheimers is one of our concerns especially since there are 2 generations of family history (her parents and grandparents) however she has a couple other current diagnosis of other items that complicate matters (and explain the conditions at the house). I am trying to get her to see a neuro physiologist but that has become a hot button issue for her.

It really is amazing how things like this can happen and it seems to compound on itself so quickly! My Grandmother has been diagnosed with worsening dementia for about 5 years now and for the longest time she refused to do anything about it. Her general practitioners told her there was a problem, her family told her there was a problem, and it got to the point where my dad just dragged her there. I think he got her to take the tests saying "If nothing's wrong then you have nothing to worry about/ prove it". Once she was willing to go to the drs it was a lot easier though, so I completely respect what you're doing. Don't feel bad about needing your space either! And just know that if she says anything mean to you she doesn't mean it. It's the disease talking. I don't know how helpful this is, but know that you aren't alone and you will definitely be in my thoughts.

leoandethansmom · August 2014

Sheesh that is a lot to handle! T&Ps for you, I can't even imagine trying to handle half of what you've taken on. Hugs.

Shortstack06 · August 2014

I would have called the contractor after the 2nd blown deadline. A 3rd is just ridiculous. Good to know you have a great support system backing you. I hope things look up for you and that eventually she agrees to get a professional opinion, sometimes with mental health issues denial is easier than facing reality.

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