NB question

JNCPro3130 · July 2014

Hey, ladies! I've lurked here and asked a few questions. My husband and I recently found out I'm pregnant with our first baby. We're excited! I knew before getting pregnant that I wanted to go natural. I've already started reading and researching. When I found out I was pregnant, I had lunch with my mom and told her the news and of course she was thrilled! I also shared my desire to go natural. She had me naturally (was too far along to get an epi) and she had my brother with an epidural. She talked about how awful labor was without the epidural. She will support what I want, but hearing her story makes me nervous now. I'm wondering if her experience was awful because she wasn't prepared to do it med free. Now I'm nervous that I won't be able to do it. I have a long time before delivery, but I want to be prepared. Do you ever get nervous? Does research/programs that teach birthing techniques actually help? What do you think? TIA!

iris427 · July 2014

Honestly, some labors are just awful. I had an unmedicated birth with DS1 that was hard and painful but never to the point where I couldn't cope. Overall it was a good experience. My labor with DS2 was completely different--despite being prepared and already having experienced an unmedicated birth, I was never able to cope with this labor. It was far more painful than the previous labor. Not to mention that my baby had a shoulder dystocia--being unmedicated didn't prevent the SD and having the maneuvers done to get him out with no epidural were not fun.

So yeah, it might be that your mom thought her unmedicated birth was worse because she was unprepared or didn't want to deliver that way. But it might also be because for most people, labor just really hurts, and because some labors are harder than others.

I'm not saying this to scare you, just to point out that there are a range of experiences even within each "type" of birth. You don't know what will happen, even if you've given birth before. So prepare your best but go with the flow when labor occurs. You may decide to get an epidural, you may be OK without one--and either way is fine and something to be proud of.

nilvero · July 2014

Having a painful birth can sometimes be lack of preparation for an unmedicated birth. Like PP said, it could also be that the labor is just more painful. Each labor is different.

That being said, if you want to go the natural route, definitely take the time to educate yourself on it. Think about taking a class (like Bradley or Hypnobirthing) and read up on some natural childbirth books. I'm sure there's already been a thread that discusses different books. Also, read up on positive natural birth stories too.

I'm planning for a natural birth, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit nervous about it. Taking the classes and reading has definitely eased my fears. If I am able t do it without meds...then great! If I need an epidural then great! End goal is healthy mom, healthy baby.

mb314 · July 2014

To echo what pp have said, every labor is different. No labor is easy and painfree, but some are harder and longer than others. However, preparation is key if you want a natural childbirth. I really enjoyed the Bradley classes because they are extremely thorough at 12 weeks long and I felt like I was well-versed in all of the different complications that can arise during labor. Being prepared for a variety of situations is key (and sometimes those situations mean that you'll get an epidural or have to have a c-section). Read up on natural pain relief and meditation techniques if you think that will suit your personality. For me, the natural pain relief of warm water in the shower/labor tub was amazing, and I never even wanted an epidural.

For me, I wanted an epidural-less birth mainly because I wanted to maintain more control over my labor, positions, pushing, etc. I found books like Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth to be really helpful in giving me the confidence to aim for a natural labor.

barnwife · July 2014

Ditto everything pp.

Also, for me, where I birth makes a huge difference. I know that if I birthed in a hospital, I'd be pretty easily influenced in labor to accept pain meds. If offered meds in labor, I'd probably say yes.

To take that option off the table, we plan HB.

Finally, the most helpful book for me is Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way book by Susan McCutcheon. I practically memorize that each pregnancy. (Classes are out - not offered in our area).

drpayne · July 2014

Having experiencing both an epidural and a natural birth, I'm choosing natural again. The epi was nice but there's a long list of things I didn't like about it (needing a catheter so I could pee, not being able to feel whether I was pushing, having to stay in a hospital when I was ready to go home with my baby). With my natural birth I felt great right afterward and was home within about 7 hours. The two labors were night and day, however. #3 could really throw me for a loop but I hope to do it naturally again.

JNCPro3130 · July 2014

Thanks every one! I'm going to continue to read and plan for a NB. If it happens, great. I'm going to remain as positive and focused as I can. Thanks again!

sschwege · July 2014

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Preparation could have been part of why it was such a challenging experience for your mom. The woman I used to nanny for had a similar story to your mom's, an epi with her first, which she loved and a med-free birth with her twins which she hated (she got there too late for an epi). She really tried to talk me out of a med-free birth, saying she had had it both ways, epi was better, etc. It really boils down to the fact that no way is 'better' or 'worse', 'right' or 'wrong' just personal preference.

I took a Hypnobirthing, which I absolutely loved! I can tell you that for me other than the 'ring of fire' at the end I truly had a pain free birth. It was challenging and required all my concentration, but there was never a point where I felt 'pain'. I'm sure some would argue I just forgot as nature conveniently allows us to do, but my MW asked me after if I had felt anything. Not everyone has the same experiences I had with Hypnobirthing, but I can tell you that for me it was amazing!

As for getting nervous, I think everyone does. There is a beautiful book called, "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth" the first half of the book has the most wonderful birth stories which always helped me to get excited about my upcoming births as opposed to nervous.

nikkitaplin · July 2014

I didn't read through all the comments so forgive me if this has been repeated but I don't think you can go off of anyone else's story. You have NO idea how your labors will go. My mom was in labor for DAYS with myself, my sister and my brother. My sister was in labor forever and pushed for 10ish hours before finally having to have an ER C-section. I was not ashamed to say I was going to have drugs and lots of them to have my kids. When I went in for my son, my white blood cell count was too low so they couldn't give me an epidural. I begged! CRIED!!!! I had my son naturally...I was in ACTIVE labor for 4 hours. I pushed for 1 hour. I kept tensing up when I had a contraction because of the pain. So when I had my daughter, I loaded my ipod with songs...all kinds. I told myself that if I went for 4 hours with no meds, I can do 4 hours again...but if it was more, I'd be open to drugs. Every time I had a contraction, I scrunched up my toes and kept my whole body relaxed as I kept turning up the volume of the song till the contraction was done. I dilated from 5 to 10 in two contractions. I pushed through two contractions after that and had my daughter. I was in labor for about 40 mins. with her. So you CANNOT base your decision on others stories. If I were you (and I'm pregnant now too and planning to do the following), tell yourself that you will give yourself a good go at going natural and then if it doesn't work for you, have meds. Sometimes having an epidural is best to keep you and baby calm. I also did a class at the hospital that helped with breathing but also other techniques to keep yourself calm. That's how I was able to think outside the box for the ipod thing and I'll do it again with this one. Allowing your body to contract and dilate on its own without tensing up will help. I was good once I was able to push.. pushing through the pain makes you forget it hurts. Good luck and it looks like you have plenty of time to decide but with that being said, don't stress about it. There is nothing you can do...one way or another, that baby is coming out!

Aurora_Borealis · July 2014

Congrats on your pregnancy!

PPs are right - every labor is different and you really won't know until you get there.

I had a planned med-free hospital birth and took a Hypnobabies-based childbirth class to prepare. That said, I was completely unprepared for the pain, speed and intensity of my labor (hello, back labor with an OP baby who was in a hurry to be born!). It was 10 hours from 'hm...is that a contraction?' to 'It's a girl!' At hour 2.5 I was having difficulty resting/relaxing. By hour 6 I was done with the relaxing music and visualizations and demanding that we go to the hospital so I could have an epidural. At hour 8-8.5 we actually went and I was totally out of control. I yelled at a social worker in the elevator on the way to L&D because he kept trying to talk to me. And then I shut myself in the bathroom in triage and started pushing because I was so frustrated that the L&D staff wanted to ask me a bunch of questions and have me pee in a cup as opposed to help me have my baby (since no one really believed I was that far along after only 8.5-9 hours at this point). Thankfully one of the nurses was paying attention and got me out of the bathroom, convinced the midwife to examine me and then everyone (except me) was shocked that the baby was crowning and we needed to get to a delivery room ASAP.

So, while I had the med-free birth I planned, it wasn't necessarily the one I prepared for.

MsMacual · July 2014

Congrats and welcome! My advice is plan for the birth that YOU want and try not to be influenced by your mom or anyone else (I know- harder said than done!). I was fortunate to generally have support from my family, but I also was pretty bound and determined to do everything I could to have a drug free birth. I agree with the other ladies that there are many factors that make giving birth harder or easier and your level of preparation will make a huge difference in the overall process. I also think that choosing a supportive care provider is very important as s/he can help you to prepare. My midwives spend a lot of time talking with me about things that I can do now to prepare my body. They also have discussed labor positions and other birthing techniques that we might want to try. FWIW- I didn't think that labor was particularly painful (I've had other minor medical proceedures done that hurt a lot more IMO). I did find the pressue to be absolutely unbearable at times, but I doubt that pain meds really would have helped with that part.

jennypolkadots · August 2014

Birth is so individual. I am FTM 13 weeks along and planning to go natural. I have some people who are very supportive but already know the naysayers and just don't talk to them about it. The thing is, only you know what you are comfortable with, your pain tolerance, and how you cope with pain. You also can't base your experience off your mothers because she is only 1/2 your dna and you may have an experience very different than hers. I have known people who had great success with hypnobabies. If you are birthing in a hospital, make sure you have a doula. I have an amazing husband who is super supportive and plan to rely a lot on him during birth, but a doula can help him find ways to comfort you and also help you decide when to go to the hospital (hopefully wait as long as possible), give your husband a break to eat or go to the bathroom, etc.

We are currently exploring our options and considering home birth or birth centers with midwives, both of which feel like a better option for us than a hospital birth. We haven't made a definite decision yet but I do feel that laboring out of hospital, where pain meds simply are off the table, makes it easier to cope with the discomfort. And having midwives and doulas around who know pain management techniques like positioning, massage, aromatherapy, etc. to help. If you know the meds are just a call away, it may be more difficult during a weak moment. Just my two cents!

MuchlyGen · August 2014

mamakate12345 said:

Natural birth is awesome but it doesn't feel awesome. It hurts A LOT. You can do it but don't be naive about the pain...it is very real and intense. Educate yourself and prepare yourself physically and mentally.

I just want to note that this is one of those instances on which mums are going to vary a lot. I totes agree that it's very real and very intense, and I'll agree that there's pain, but I don't agree the it doesn't feel awesome. It's the most amazing powerful thing I've ever experienced, and while /hard/, it was still totally awesome, even in the midst of it!!

(mamakate12345, I hope it's clear I'm not posting this to belittle or demean what you said, just to express that there's a broad range for what birth is)

shellybean3788 · August 2014

Watch "The Business of Being Born" on Netflix. Seriously.

I had the same questions and it was the best advice I ever got about educating myself on obstetrics in this country, and the options we have available.

xc1148 · August 2014

Congrats!!

All I can say is be prepared. How do you deal with pain in general? Do you have painful cycles? Get books, sign up for classes. I have zero experience, but I will say there is no way I'd be doing this if my husband wasn't 100% behind me. He can't wait to be my coach. Honestly, I might not do it. I'm not going to consider myself a failure if I don't. But I really want to try and the Bradley classes have helped a ton. My hospital is surprisingly progressive and they encourage natural births and have tubs in the rooms, birthing balls, long hallways.

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