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Give me strength...

Spring78Spring78 member
edited August 2014 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
So... My college roommate is visiting tomorrow. I'm dreading it. I have not seen her in years and have not spoken to her in over a year. She was one of those girls who never wanted children. Always very adamant and vocal about it. Well, of course once she was married, Her tune changed. Once she got pregnant she became an expert on all things baby. When I confided in her that we were trying and dealing with infertility, she said she knew exactly how I felt -- it took them 7 months. A whole 7 months! Tragic. When I expressed my concerns of turning 35 after two years of unsuccessful trying, she minimized and brushed off my concerns with a flippant "it is just a number, women get pregnant over 35 all the time." And she was unsupportive of our move to treatment because she was sure all we had to do was "just relax" and it would happen. That's about the time I decided to step away from the friendship for a while. I still see her on face book, of course. Every single post s about her wonderful, exceptional, obviously far superior to every other child ever before born on earth son. Every post. She emailed me about a month ago to say she'd be in town and wanted to get together. I thought, ok, fine, I'm pregnant now, so it might be safe to reconnect. Of course, not quite two weeks ago I had my MMC at 11 and a half weeks. And tomorrow, I get to play host to her and her marvel of a son. I never even told her I was pregnant. I dread her starting to shower me with her words of wisdom again regarding pregnancy and motherhood. I am so not looking forward to this! Not sure if I should just tell her up front about the loss and see if I can short circuit her insights into getting pregnant... Or if that will just motivate her more to offer advice. Either way, I am pretty sure I will not make it through the evening without an ugly cry. Thanks for letting me vent.

*************Siggy Warning. Loss mentioned.************




Me: 36, DH:37

Married 4/2010, TTC since 7/2011

Dx: Officially Unexplained (I have Polycystic Ovaries diagnosed via ultrasound, but few classic PCOS symptoms, he has mild MF issues. So... not issue free, but nothing so severe as to explain IF)

I also deal with post-surgical Hypothyroidism following Thyroid Cancer in 2009, but under control with Levothyroxine

4 months Clomid (thinned lining) and 10 months Letrozole (every indication that I responded perfectly)

6 failed IUIs in 2013, 3 with trigger

IVF #1 in March 2014

ER 3/21/14, 31R/21F, 12 frosties!

ET 3/26/14, 1 perfect blast transferred: BFN

FET#1 5/28/14, 2 "beautiful" early blasts transferred. BFP!!

Beta #1 (6/11/14) 798; Beta #2 (6/18/14) 7,966.

1st u/s (6/25/14) showed 2 sacs, 1 empty & 1 with a beautiful little bean doing what it needs to do!

EDD 2/14/15, missed miscarriage, DX: Trisomy 21. D&C 8/1/14

FET#2 Transferred 3 embies, 2 looking pretty good, one not so much. BFN.

IVF#2 January 2015, tentative ER 1/23

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Re: Give me strength...

  • negritosmaminegritosmami member
    I'd probably cancel the meeting..sounds like she will stress u out more...i can barely stand the facebook baby post...seeimg that in real life would be way too much for me..but either way I'm so sorry for your loss!! Best wishes to you

    ~TTC #1 Since 3/2014
    ~BFP #1 6/2014      EDD 2/11/15
    ~MMC 7/31/14 @12weeks ~D&C /2/2014  

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  • Mandafly84Mandafly84 member
    If I were in your shoes, I'd feel a stomach bug coming on. That might be terrible advice, but nothing in your post leads me to believe she would be the kind of friend to offer loving support, as opposed to endless amounts of unwanted advice. When I miscarried, I needed to take a break from socializing with friends and I allowed myself to not feel guilty about the "me" time. I suggest you allow yourself to do the same.
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