MIL being ridiculously annoying about baby names

alanaw121 · August 2014

Is anyone else having this problem? We spent months going over baby names and finding nothing that DH and I both agreed on finally we decided on Carter (boy) because it was the first name we both liked.

Before we decided, MIL would ask daily what names we were thinking of. She even had a family dinner, without us, to go over the names she liked with the rest of DHs family. THEY decided they liked Anthony, which was never a name we were considering so I found it super rude that she would suggest it to them and essentially have them vote on it without us.

Now that we have decided, she is still texting DH three times a day with names she thinks we should use instead because she hates Carter. To make it worse, she is even involving other family members and telling them the name (we had planned to not tell until the birth announcement) so that they can give other suggestions.

Sorry for the rant, it's just driving me nuts because she is already on a path of wanting to control everything with this LO. She got so bad with our wedding that we cancelled a month before and eloped.

chardonnay24 · August 2014

My MIL isn't as bad, but she has made it clear that she hates our name and every time we talk to her, she asks us if we've changed out minds yet. She didn't like our name for #1, either, and also went as far as to discuss it with other family members and have everyone rally for their top two choices. I just keep a smile of my face and say, "Nope, haven't changed our minds" and keep our conversations to a minimum. The good news is that she shut up about #1's name after it was official, so hopefully it shouldn't last too long!

alanaw121 · August 2014

Thanks girls! I honestly just needed some reassurance that I wasn't completely overreacting to the situation. DH just tells me to deal with her and be nice but it's nearly impossible when she is doing stuff like this. I feel like I'm pretty far beyond just grinning and bearing it considering I'm the one carrying the LO and being in pain everyday.

jortiz780 · August 2014

I definitely do not think you are overreacting. Its your baby and you should be able to name them what you want!

If I was in your situation, I would have a serious conversation with DH and ask him to talk to his mom.

RedBaramid · August 2014

I told my FIL that if he hates her name so much he doesn't have to meet her. Luckily everyone else in our family who has had a problem with our name has kept their stupid mouths shut... if they didn't I'd tell them the same thing I told FIL though. My baby, my name (although DH found it and because he was feeling left out and I didn't mind it I let him go with it).

bardini · August 2014

Someone needs to put her in her place! It's not her place to name your baby or to keep questioning your choice. Carter is cute.

Soogerplum · August 2014

Ugh! Your MIL makes me cringe! I'm sorry you're dealing with that nonsense...

amom2four · August 2014

I think carter is a cute name! My cousin named her little boy carter because it's our grandparents last name. Stick with what you like and tell her tough, she needs to stop, this isn't her baby.

A&DPritchett2be · August 2014

So sorry you are dealing with this! You are not overreacting at all!

My MIL was offering many suggestions and luckily has stopped. We told her we have two names and will decide with LO arrives and we hold our daughter. She knows names we have considered including our final two, but she doesn't know which ones are our two top choices.

For what it is worth I like the name Carter and think you made a nice choice for your son!

alanaw121 · August 2014

Thank you all for your support and for backing me up. DH never stands up to his mother so it's nice to just get reassurance that I'm not completely crazy for being annoyed.

dal2aus · August 2014

alanaw121 said:

Thank you all for your support and for backing me up. DH never stands up to his mother so it's nice to just get reassurance that I'm not completely crazy for being annoyed.

Uh-oh!

Djcieply · August 2014

Luckily mine has not even asked what names we are thinking of and if she did I think I would just tell her we really haven't decided yet.

I personally love your name choice, Carter is my DS's name. Your MIL needs to just back off or maybe say to her "Did your MIL name your kids?" "Oh she didn't? Then why do you think you can name mine?"

cls0602 · August 2014

I love my MIL, but I'm seriously thankful we are having a boy. Before we knew the gender we already had arguments over a middle name for a girl. My middle name is Louise, and I'm named after my great aunt who was very special to my mom but unfortunately I never met. I want my little girl to have Louise in her name as well, but my MIL put the guilt trip on EARLY with using her name (Lynne) as a middle name because it's a "family name". No offense to anyone named Lynne - but it's too common for me. I've always liked having a unique middle name, everyone I know is Elizabeth, Marie, Nicole, Lynn... I never wanted those for my future DD. I haven't even had this baby yet and I'm stressing over a hypothetical daughter!

Sorry you are dealing with this. I think it's important to just stand your ground, and know that it's your baby and you have to live with his name forever! Carter is very sweet, I like it!

alanaw121 · August 2014

She tried to tell us we had to use Rosalie if it was a girl because it's a family name. We had to keep reminding her that she already has one granddaughter with that as a first name and one as a middle name. There is just no reasoning with some people.

Middle names are hard. We still haven't decided on one because most people I know actually hate their middle names enough that they hide them and I don't want to do that to LO.

GeminiJordan · August 2014

Your MIL sounds awful, she would probably get along great with mine! Everytime she makes rude comments just put her in her place, your DH definitely needs to stand up to her or once little Carter gets here (adorable name by the way) things are just going to get worse with her being controlling.

MMason12 · August 2014

Almost all of our family hated the name we picked. I even had one of my SIL tell me they will "refuse to call her that and will come up with their own name for her". Yeah, you can imagine that went over well.

We were 100% firm in our choice and whenever someone would voice their disapproval we would say "That's awesome you don't like it. Glad you aren't her parents and have no say in her name."

We both could careless what people think of the name we picked. We love it and it's not a "made up" name, which is all that matters to us.

Next time your MIL brings it up I would say, "Thanks for you input. Our decision is final and you continuing to be rude about it not helping or supportive. You had your chance to name kids and now it is our turn."

Mrs. Pleimann · August 2014

Same situation except it's MY mother. She's naturally difficult and judgmental... All our names were old & pet-like according to her. I'd get nonstop emails & texts of "better" options. She wasn't getting the hint so I finally started criticizing her (forceful) suggestions. Apparently only one of is allowed to be sensitive because I haven't gotton another name thrown at me in weeks. It's been awesome!

MrsLaLaBug · August 2014

She can say whatever she wants, but ultimately, she will love that baby no matter what his name is.

harkeyl86 · August 2014

I am having the same thing but my FIL. i swear he's crazy. We already politely said we picked a name first middle and obviously last but he is so upset that we're not using DH's name or family name anywhere in there and so same thing texting us on the daily with ideas. we're like REALLY?! i just think its rude and unnecessary. If my DH wanted it, I would have been fine. But we picked the name MONTHS ago and he loves it as much as I do

ajmackay1 · August 2014

There comes a point where she is crossing a line

This is your and your husbands son! I was thinking when I read your post, you could say to her: Oh, who picked your sons name? My MIL was pushy also so I know the feeling!! If she is this way you should have a talk with your husband about boundaries esp. After delivery ( like how often you want her over) so you feel comfortable to be in new mommy role. Your husband can say " we need to bond with Carter as parents"

Hang in there!

nilvero · August 2014

Sorry you're having to deal with that! I'd definitely tell her to shove it because it's not her name to choose.

I personally love the name Carter and it's always been my favorite boy name, but DH vetoed it.

SingleMom31 · August 2014

I have the same problem with my mother. She wanted her name passed along, at least as a middle name. My top two choices were Caroline and Eleanor, neither of which went with Ellen. When I told her those were the contenders and that it didn't go, she told me how horrible they were. We finally settled on Caroline Elizabeth. She still didn't like it, and decided that Carolynne would be better (even though it's a totally different name) or even Carrie would be better. Yeah, not changing our minds. Plus, my sister and niece both have Ellen as their middle name, so it seemed weird to me to use it anyway.

No advice, but good luck and hang in there.

Disneygeek77 · August 2014

Well if it was me I would put this back on my husband not her. I would tell him to tell her to knock it off because if he won't then I will and I promise I won't be nice about it.

I have only had to say this to my own husband once and only once. It was enough that he got the message and deals with his mom.

AccioPizza · August 2014

alanaw121 said:

Thanks girls! I honestly just needed some reassurance that I wasn't completely overreacting to the situation. DH just tells me to deal with her and be nice but it's nearly impossible when she is doing stuff like this. I feel like I'm pretty far beyond just grinning and bearing it considering I'm the one carrying the LO and being in pain everyday.

QUOTE BOX FAIL:
Why exactly, it is your job to be fucking NICE? And not his mother's? Why doesn't SHE "be nice."
Since he's being an asshole about it, I suggest you put your foot down and tell her that you are sick of it and don't want to hear another word. That the name is as final as if it were already on the birth certificate. And then hang up or walk away if she EVER brings it up again.

AccioPizza · August 2014

SingleMom31 said:

I have the same problem with my mother. She wanted her name passed along, at least as a middle name. My top two choices were Caroline and Eleanor, neither of which went with Ellen. When I told her those were the contenders and that it didn't go, she told me how horrible they were. We finally settled on Caroline Elizabeth. She still didn't like it, and decided that Carolynne would be better (even though it's a totally different name) or even Carrie would be better. Yeah, not changing our minds. Plus, my sister and niece both have Ellen as their middle name, so it seemed weird to me to use it anyway. No advice, but good luck and hang in there.

It is totally gross to me when people demand that you use their name. It's demanding a HUGE HONOR. Good for you to sticking to your guns!

AccioPizza · August 2014

MrsLaLaBug said:

She can say whatever she wants, but ultimately, she will love that baby no matter what his name is.

This gives her the right to be rude ... ?

I doubt OP @alanaw121 is worried about the baby's feelings. It isn't too much to ask for MIL to be polite to her and her husband and respectful of their decisions. I can imagine this MIL will be super vocal when she disagrees with any other decision so it's good to start laying out boundaries now.

Disneygeek77 · August 2014

AccioPizza said:

MrsLaLaBug said:

She can say whatever she wants, but ultimately, she will love that baby no matter what his name is.

This gives her the right to be rude ... ?

I doubt OP @alanaw121 is worried about the baby's feelings. It isn't too much to ask for MIL to be polite to her and her husband and respectful of their decisions. I can imagine this MIL will be super vocal when she disagrees with any other decision so it's good to start laying out boundaries now.

Good point. I mean if she is like this now, what will it be like when you tell her you want to spend Christmas morning at home. Should you just suck it up and be nice because God forbid his mommy is upset. What if she doesn't approve of the school you send your child to or the religion / church you choose to attend.

Tell your husband to find his ball sack and tell his mom that the name of your baby is none of her concern. The name is chosen, end of discussion.

Ciardasully · August 2014

I am sorry you are dealing with this OP. I really dont understand why people feel like they can overstep their boundsz. We have not discussed names with anyone because of my mother. She keeps trying yo get in on the discussion. DH just says "We are not naming by committee. If you weren't present at conception, you don't get a say in the name." We are Team Green but I know she does not like our girl name. My response will be something along the lines of "you got your chance to name kids and I don't care for my name and have to deal with it."

MMason12 · August 2014

AccioPizza said:

alanaw121 said:

Thanks girls! I honestly just needed some reassurance that I wasn't completely overreacting to the situation. DH just tells me to deal with her and be nice but it's nearly impossible when she is doing stuff like this. I feel like I'm pretty far beyond just grinning and bearing it considering I'm the one carrying the LO and being in pain everyday.

QUOTE BOX FAIL:
Why exactly, it is your job to be fucking NICE? And not his mother's? Why doesn't SHE "be nice."
Since he's being an asshole about it, I suggest you put your foot down and tell her that you are sick of it and don't want to hear another word. That the name is as final as if it were already on the birth certificate. And then hang up or walk away if she EVER brings it up again.

I kind of feel this way too! Seriously... Who does your DH have to live with every day!!

alanaw121 · August 2014

You girls are great to have for support! I decided to say something to MIL after asking DH to and him declining. It turned into quite the argument until he finally backed down and agreed that his mom was being ridiculous. She's of course mad that I asked her to stay out of it. I was super nice but DH still said she called him crying (seriously she makes me nuts) saying something about it being the nail in her coffin for the bad week she was having.

But you're certainly right, I feel like if I didn't stand up to her now she would slowly, or quickly, try to control everything else from here on out.

kenshiela · August 2014

dang, she's a biatch!

Disneygeek77 · August 2014

Ignore her and save your anger for your husband. This wouldn't happen in the first place if he upheld his wedding vows to " Forsake all others and let no one come between." HE needs to understand the HE isn't acting like a very good husband right now and yes being a good husband is more important than being a good son.

Again, if I was in this situation I would tell my husband that if dramatics and guilt trips are what get his attention, then hold on to his butt because he hasn't seen anything yet.

MIL being ridiculously annoying about baby names

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