Need some help

Champs28 · August 2014

I know I'm new here and don't know you ladies yet but I need an outlet. Today was my best friends shower. It was the hardest day of my life next to my surgery six weeks ago. I cried in the bathroom. Twice.

But to make it worse my husband was an asshole. He made plans with a friend to go out on his boat then golfing. Not realizing how hard this would be for me. To top it off, I text him that this is the worst if day I've had. He decides to have dinner with his friend afterwards. He's still not home. He doesn't get why I'm upset. (He left at 8am today)

I get that he shouldn't have to sit home to comfort me all the time. But today was too tough to be alone all these hours. It never occurred to him it would be hard for me. Not once. Why don't men get it? Why don't they feel the pain of infertility like we do?

Champs28 · August 2014

Worst part is that the only person I can talk to about this is my best friend and today was her special day. I can't ruin her day with my depression here. THANK GOD FOR WINE

BunnyBerry · August 2014

I'm so sorry. It was so strong and kind of you to support your best friend this way today. I am so proud of you - it is not easy to be there for a pregnant friend, especially on her baby shower day. You made a true and loving sacrifice in many ways.

Sometimes when things are tough I like to remind myself that I am building up my strength in order to be the kind of mama who can always be there for my kid(s).

I hope YH is willing to hear how hard it was for you today, and really listen to your experience which may be different from his. Regardless, we understand. I hope tomorrow goes better for you.

williegsocks · August 2014

First of all I wish I could give you a BIG hug!!! You have definitely had a rough day and I can relate. My niece (allow me to repeat NIECE) just had a baby shower and is due in September and it was HORRIBLE. It was terrible when she announced that she was trying and then 3 months later announced that they were expecting....talk about a humongous slap in the face. Then my cousin who is older announced her third pregnancy and then my cousin who is younger than me announced her pregnancy with her boyfriend...it's been overwhelming and just way too much. Sometimes I want to run away!!! I completely understanding the crying and your heart being broken. These past few weeks have been especially emotional for me and I have spent a lot of time crying as well. Just keep reading everyone's encouraging comments, stay strong, read other posts to help pass the time and to get support, and know that I am adding you to my prayer list. We're in this together

MrsLolaSky · August 2014

Perhaps it's different with MFI, but my DH is also taking things really hard ever since we confirmed the diagnosis. It's nice to be in it together, but the days we're both especially affected are the worst. After one particularly sad evening, we had a talk about how we definitely need to take it in turns; otherwise, our wonderful/happy marriage will turn into a sad pity fest. So now, we try to feel out who needs support more--and makes sure that person gets it.

You definitely should talk to your husband about your feelings so that he understands. I also wonder if guys go through a period of denial.... If so, maybe he needs a week or two before he's there with you. But again, I recommend you take turns with the being sad/being comforted and don't just be sad together! Good luck!

Champs28 · August 2014

Thank you for your support, everyone. We had a very long talk last night until the wee hours of the morning. His positivity is one of the things I loved most about him when we met. But now it feels like he's so positive he's not acknowledging our infertility. I feel much better today and told him he needs to think about situations which are going to be hard for me. Since it was my BFF he didn't think i would be so upset.

I know it's no ones fault but all of our if issues are within my body. So maybe that's why it's harder for me. I am going to try and take a cue from him and think on the positive side.

catlover790 · August 2014

I'm so sorry you had such a rough day yesterday.

It was so commendable of you to be there for your friend at her shower. It sounds like you and your friend are really close so I'm sure she understands how hard it was for you too and appreciates it that much more.

As for the H, mine is very similar in that he is more positive. I also think part of it is because his SA came back normal. He also thinks that once I ovulate it will all work out! He doesn't read the statistics or really seem concerned about anything. I also think sometimes that he is worried, sad, etc but he doesn't show it as much but the emotions are there when we really talk. I'm glad you were able to talk with your H last night and tell him how you feel. IF is so hard!

I also understand the feelings that it's with "me" and not my H. I feel like it's "my fault" sometimes. I have to try not to think like that or I get really sad! I try to think of it as a medical condition (which it is!) and I need to see a doctor for treatment. I understand how you feel though.

I hope you're having a better day today! We're here for you and totally understand! That's why I'm so glad I found these ladies!

LindseyM2012 · August 2014

I am so sorry you had such a hard night! BIG HUGS!!!

I'm also glad you and your husband talked about it. Like you said, he didn't think it would be a big deal so I'm glad he now knows. Maybe next time (hopefully there isn't a "next time" for this exact situation) he'll know.

I can relate. I had similar feelings with my husband. When I told him that I don't think he understands how difficult this is for me, he told me he consciously tries not to talk about it unless I bring it up because he wants to be the steady one. Since my emotions change from one day to the next, he wants to be steady so he can support me and bring be back to earth when I ned it. Knowing where he was coming from definitely made me feel better. He isn't disregarding the issue, but he sees decided to take on a different support role for me.

I hope you're feeling better today!!

denisongirl2007 · August 2014

Baby showers can be the worst. And there's never any wine there!

Like so many of the women here, I can definitely relate. My DH and I had to have a sit down about 6 months ago. When we started really talking, he confessed that sometimes he stayed away during hard days because it was so hard for him to see me so upset. That's definitely not an acceptable excuse but it did help me see that it was really tough on him too. He's just awful at feeling all the feelings.

Glad you're here. I've gotten a lot of comfort in a short amount of time from this community. Sending you lots of light and love.

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