In a dark place tonight

clover30 · August 2014

As I have tears streaming down my face, I realize this evening that I am in a lot of trouble. AF reared her ugly head today and this one is really hitting me big time. I've been sobbing all day and thinking about the "what ifs". I can't get my mind of off the possibility of never being able to have children. I feel like I'm turning bitter quickly, and it scares me. I think of all the family and friends who get pregnant "by accident" or right away (1st attempt) or who have children and complain incessantly about having them. I'm growing this anger toward them and I'm worried that it's going to affect my relationship with them at some point. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply into this but tonight, I'm in a pretty dark place.

Sorry- just had to get this out there and off my chest. There's no one I can really talk to (with the exception of my DH).

Champs28 · August 2014

Hugs to you! I'm in the same place tonight. I wish I could be more encouraging but at least I can offer you that you're not alone. And I wish diarrhea on everyone who gets pregnant super fast

MBJune · August 2014

Huge ((((hugs))))!!! I've been in the same place as you many times. I know how hard it is to try to not become bitter, I've been lapped more than once on this journey. Please take the time for yourself! I hope you feel better soon!

clover30 · August 2014

Thanks,everyone. I'm so sorry that you all know exactly how I feel and that you've been here before. It's just so freakin' hard. @Champs28 I appreciate the laugh

BunnyBerry · August 2014

I'm so sorry. It's just so unfair that IF affects our feelings toward others that way. It's not your fault. I hope you feel better soon.

williegsocks · August 2014

I was in that dark place last month. I honestly thought it was FINALLY my turn after 3 family members and 4 friends announced their pregnancies last month. I thought I was having implantation bleeding. It all made sense I had spotting 7 days early and it was brown. I made the mistake of getting overly (and I mean over the top!) excited and elated. It turned out that my period was just early which it has never ever been before. I spent the next 3 days crying and unable to focus on anything else. I was truly afraid that it would never pass and that that was going to be my life from now on...empty, alone, and bitter. BUT as time passed so did my feelings. I reached out to my husband and he was extremely understanding and really helped me feel like we were in this together. Also, getting on these boards has made a world of a difference. We're all in the same boat and we all have our dark days. It won't last. Know that you've been added to my prayer list and that we're all here for you!

MrsLolaSky · August 2014

I've definitely been in that dark place! I'm so sorry that you find yourself there now. The day of my AF used to be the worst.... But things do get a little better a few days later. I'm hoping that all of us will have OUR DAY soon. ❤️

But yeah, that's why I sometimes Debbie Downer on the post-O "pregnancy" symptoms posts.... I've just had it all too--the triphasic temps, the "implantation bleed," I even once thought I felt my uterus expand (I was so sure that was our month)--all end in BFN, AF, and tears. Too easy to get your hopes up... Though when it does actually end in a BFP, I can only imagine that feels so good ("I just had a feeling," "I always knew," etc). Again, I hope we all feel that one day!

I'm not sure if we can make you feel better tonight, but you should at least know that you're not alone in these feelings.

theholmanherd · August 2014

I've been a pretty dark place lately myself, so I completely understand (as most PP have mentioned they do also). I hope you can find solace in something. I will keep you in my prayers.

EmilieT10 · August 2014

I've definitely been there and understand how you feel. I will be thinking of you and wishing you only the best.

catlover790 · August 2014

I'm so sorry you had such a tough day! I've been there too, and I've gotten my hopes up way too high before only to be crushed. I hope you feel better soon! Hugs!!!

Hollowvic · August 2014

I'm sorry you're having such a bad day. I know it doesn't help, but I'm having the same kind of day. It sucks!!! Feel better.

Sewfie · August 2014

I'm sorry that yesterday was tough, I hope you're feeling at least a little better tonight. I've had a number of bad days lately, I can relate to how much it sucks, and how dark it gets. <<<hugs>>>

cautiouslydomestic · August 2014

I'm so sorry you are going through such a hard time. (Hugs)

adejde · August 2014

I'm so sorry and I wish I could give you a hug, I know all too well (I bet all women in 3T do as well) how hard it can be.

JericaLH · August 2014

I'm so sorry. ((Hugs)) I think we all have those days and it's ok to slip into a dark place for a moment but don't let yourself live there! Things will get better, you just have to have faith.

shirleymaeby · August 2014

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. I am right there with you though and I know that it will get better. Sometimes it feels like the pain is so huge and it is taking over my entire life, but then I'll have one good day and then another and another and pretty soon I can't even remember the last time I cried.

Creepy internet hugs for you.

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