DH going back to work

Pinksundrops · August 2014

Forgive me if this has already been discussed. If it has, please direct me to the thread! Searched but didn't find anything.

Anybody else terrified about being home alone all day while DH goes back to work? For those of you already at that point, how did you deal/are you dealing with it? My older DSs are 12 and 15 so it's been a LONG time since I've been needed 24/7.

I've been so fortunate to have DH mostly home for three weeks. However, we've been juggling company the entire time - the last of which goes home Tuesday. DH has been right there every second even with juggling company, working some, and running errands, at least he would be back in a relatively short time period - not 12 hours like his normal work day. Should be 8 hours but he's too dedicated and this gives him flexibility to be gone when he really needs to be - like the last three weeks.

My usual energetic self feels a little dampened realizing how much work it takes to get up and go out of the house these days. I'm slightly terrified I won't want to bother and end up being sad, lonely, and reclusive, which to be honest is my tendency when I'm dealing with a big life change I don't fully realize how to deal with.

Any suggestions/tips? Any of these or personal experience would be awesome!

ETA: also, I realized for those of you single momming it, I admire you!! I was there once, too, so really this transition shouldn't be as difficult as it feels right now. Please join in because you would know best, and just thinking about those who are single moms here and in real life makes me realize maybe being grateful is the route I need to deal with this newest life change.

JLHV1909 · August 2014

My mom leaves Tuesday and I am absolutely terrified. My dh owns his own business so he went back to work the day after we got home, but my momma has been here for two weeks helping out and I'm not sure how to handle the quiet and demands without her helping me out. :-S

emy730 · August 2014

My DH goes back to work a week from Monday and I am also terrified. I feel so lucky that I've had him home this entire time, but I'm worried about how we'll manage with him working.

And I totally agree with you about single moms: MAJOR respect for you ladies! You are awesome!

SaranJonathan · August 2014

I am a single mom of now two. You just do your best each day. Number one priority is feeding the baby. Dishes can wait. Laundry can wait. Once baby is sleeping is when I get stuff done.

Shelleybell · August 2014

my goal every day is to keep everyone alive and fed. All other housework, etc can wait. Single mamas you are amazing.

reils500 · August 2014

OP- I think the best thing you can do is set realistic expectations for yourself. I found I have had to let go of keeping my house as tidy as I would like and mac & cheese has become a regular part of DS1's diet.
I try to set a realistic goal for the day like doing a load of laundry or cleaning a bathroom. If I get more done, then great!
I also try to get out of the house a couple times a week (hard with toddler & newborn). We often go to the library, grocery store, or out for a walk. Getting out of the house keeps me sane.
I have also learned to be very upfront with DH about what I need from him. With DS 1 in the beginning I waited for him to initiate picking up my slack or giving me a break. I came to realize that he couldn't read my mind. When I started asking for help, he was more than happy to give it.
Having a newborn necessitates survival mode, just do what you have to to get through it. It does get easier!

Nichole8787 · August 2014

My dh went back to work while I was still in the hospital. You'll be fine. Honestly just do what you can when you can. Invest in a slingand a portable bouncy seat.

Soon2BMrsN · August 2014

My DH was only able to take off four days this time due to major deadlines at work (he's a lawyer). I had help from
my mom and MIL until about 2.5 weeks ago but I've been on my own with the kids since then - most weekends, too.

I completely agree with the PPs who said it's all about setting realistic expectations and surviving one day at a time. Good luck!

lamarei · August 2014

You might be surprised that you will find your own rhythm when DH is away. I move a little slower, but that pace works for my LO and me while DH is at work. I get to have precious one on one time with my baby. I thought it would be overwhelming, but having the opportunity to just hold her and stare at her uninterrupted is a luxury I'll take for now. I miss DH terribly sometimes but am grateful for the week he had off for the delivery and getting settled back at home. You can do it!

Jbosarge85 · August 2014

My husband works nights and sleeps during the day. He went back to work two days after I gave birth. I have an 18month old and the newborn. It's not easy, but I agree with PP Do the best you can and be ok letting some things go a bit. Baby comes first, the house work can wait.

Pinksundrops · August 2014

Thanks ladies for the encouragement. I was fortunate enough to have my mom here til last Tuesday as well @JLHV1909‌ and even the transition without her but with DH home has been difficult. As DH held me, in tears, Saturday night I said 'this is difficult, but I love every second'. Part of the difficulty right now is my sister is here on vacation with her four kids. Trying to keep up with her has been tiring. This little man has been to more outings than I ever imagined in his first two weeks! That will slow down after Tuesday. She has been taking my older boys tho, which has been nice for them, and which I will miss. We join when we can manage doing so.

@lamarei‌ that's along the lines of what I was thinking before I got so used to family and DH being around!! I will have to focus on that and let go of all I want to 'do' and soak in the stares for all they're worth.

@SaranJonathan‌ kudos to you! I will have to remember that as well. Sleeping baby equals go time for me. I did think about his routine today and thought I can get ready while DH gets ready for work then go back to sleep with baby and be ready for his awake time, then work during his sleepy time in the afternoon. We'll see.

@Danipg‌ think I'll brace myself for this first week and give myself a break for feeling whatever may feelings may come up.

Thanks again for all the encouragement, ladies!!

ETA: tags

Aimes33m · August 2014

I was really nervous as well. However, I also felt like I built it up to be so much in my head. I was actually really ready to just do it and get it over with. There's been challenging days but for the most part every day has gotten easier and LO and I are getting our own routine down. You'll do great!

Lhalliburton · August 2014

I actually get more done with DH gone. When he's home, I want to spend time with him. DD, DS and I get out of the house more. I don't wait for him to change a diaper or do a feeding because it's all on me. I prioritize my time better. That being said, I'm much more sane when he's home, and I'm a better parent. With a fussy newborn, and a toddler that follows me like a shadow and never stops talking, my patience can wear thin quickly. I'm not ashamed to say that we watch a lot of kids shows during the day, and sometimes chicken nuggets and fries are on the menu, but you do what you have to to get by without getting too overwhelmed.

mrscutforth · August 2014

Yes. I was esp. with both kids. I think I was left by DH gma who was helping rather abruptly and rudely, if you ask me, but I digress. It's been an adjustment to say the least but I'm getting there. Trying to keep things as normal for DS as possible as far as same nap and bed time routines. I do try to involve him so he doesn't feel left out. DH works in the oilfield and I really have no choice when he goes out of town but like I said it's been an adjustment and I think I'm getting the hang of it.

1982Babies · August 2014

DH was only home for a week with us, and after he left it was much easier to pass out on the couch, etc. She's now 9+ weeks old and I don't go back until the 25th. I don't get much done now that she is awake more, but it's a lot nicer now that I am not *as* sleep deprived.

Pinksundrops · August 2014

Thanks, ladies!! It's been a rough three days, but I've been keeping your suggestions in the back of my mind, being okay with not getting anything done but loving on baby, and realizing what works and what doesn't ie getting out of the house helps my sanity but throws him off whatever schedule he happens to be on which then doesn't help my sanity, so learning a balance and figuring out what I want to prioritize. Good luck to all you as well that are still transitioning! Thanks for the encouragement too from those down the road that you make it through okay!!

ETA: Oh and doing things while he sleeps was a super helpful suggestion!! Everybody tells you to sleep but I've been going on power mode when he sleeps thanks to @SaranJonathan‌ 's suggestion, then I can relax and enjoy him when he's awake or figure out what he needs when he's fussy without stressing about what I need to get done.

kwh33ls · August 2014

I think the thing that has helped me most with DH back at work is baby-wearing. I can make a sandwich, do some little household chores, and she's content. I hope things get easier for you--hang in there!!

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