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February 2013 Moms
tamarar5
member
Anyone? Anyone?
tamarar5
member
Want too come deep clean my house? And possibly stay my housekeeper until the baby comes?
My husband just agreed to host all of my in-laws on Saturday, Labor Day weekend. as in the weeks from now. Which means, I have to clean this entire house, by myself, and keep it clean, by myself, while still pregnant. And since baby still shows no inclination of coming any time soon, and the doctor won't even discuss intervention until the 25, there's a good chance I'm coming home from the hospital to a house full of people.
I just don't know how to do this.
My husband just agreed to host all of my in-laws on Saturday, Labor Day weekend. as in the weeks from now. Which means, I have to clean this entire house, by myself, and keep it clean, by myself, while still pregnant. And since baby still shows no inclination of coming any time soon, and the doctor won't even discuss intervention until the 25, there's a good chance I'm coming home from the hospital to a house full of people.
I just don't know how to do this.
We're Going to be a Family of 5!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone? Anyone?
My DH's family kind of did this to me after #4. I had a homebirth and I kid you not, not even two days following the birth my ILs all came into town for the day and were in my house. They also expected to be fed, so less than 48 hours after the birth I was standing in my kitchen, cooking dinner for about 12 people.
If I had it to do over again I would have said no. They could have just as easily come to visit the following weekend. Or, if they insisted on coming then, I should have said they were on their own for food and could order pizza or something and that while they were there, I would be in my PJs in bed, resting, not hosting them.
The only way I would allow ILs to come stay is if they understood the house was going to be a wreck and it is their job to help clean it up while you rest with your newborn.
I want to nut punch him. I've been telling him for months I dread this. Nephew's birthday is so close to our baby's, and I've been planning on trying to go down for the party to keep them away from my house. But he completely misunderstood my concerns.
At the very least, I won't have to worry about food. DH is a chef, so he can just cook or deal. It's just getting the house clean. My in-laws are all super neat freaks and I'm... NOT. My house is clean, but it is cluttered. If I don't get the clutter cleaned up, my MIL and twin SILs will start "cleaning." And that would make me even more crazy.
Nope. If they are not afraid of the crazy of the post-partum lady, make them afraid. Do whatever you want to do, and if anyone says anything to the contrary, make them afraid to do it again. If your ILs touch your stuff, make them afraid to do it again. Most of all, make your DH afraid to ever extend this offer without talking to you about it first again.
I'm not talking pitch a fit (unless necessary), but haul out the evil eye and the dreadfully quiet I-am-barely-holding-it-together voice.
This is how I have handled my family and now it all works quite smoothly. LOL. But seriously, if you are that close to being post-partum with all those people in your house, do what you have to do to make yourself and your baby comfortable in your own home, even if it means scaring them away (or at least to the pizza parlor across town). Anything else is less than acceptable. Period.
If he doesn't and the ILs comment on the state of your house, don't hesitate to throw him under the bus for it.
When your wife is either heavily pregnant or JUST had a baby, it's NOT ok to make more work for her, especially if you don't consult with her first!!
I love my in-laws. They make me crazy, but I really do love them, for the most part. I'm just not sure why, in what realm of acceptability, any of them felt it would be OK to visit so soon after a baby is born. My MIL has 4 kids, my (favorite) SIL, just had a baby last year, and one of the twins has a son (now 9 years old). And my last SIL just doesn't think — but she also doesn't come up with plans like this to just "pop" in for a visit. We've lived 3 1/2 hours from her for 3 years and she's only ever come when my BIL will drive, a total of 3 times, all in the past 18 months. I get that combining visits for nephew's birthday and seeing new baby will be convenient for them, but what about me?
Edit to add: I'll leave things alone this week. Maybe I'll get luck and baby will show up.
But if she's not here by Thursday, maybe I'll tell DH to tell them not to come. In the mean time, maybe this house will get clean.
Or cleaning will make the baby come.
But seriously, hide in your room and rest. Use this to your advantage.
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.
For the record, we've already talked about when or if the in-laws can come. If baby comes by Friday, they'll visit. If not, they won't. Yes, I'll have to do the cleaning, but I asked my mom to come help. She'll drive me bat shit crazy because she's just crazy. But at the very least, if cleaning this house starts some kind of action, she'll already be here to take the kids home.
You are right. I DON'T know how to stand up for myself. This lesson was obviously one I never learned. I'm working on it. I just don't know how— or when — it's okay to say no when I have people strong arming me all the time.
I'm also sorry that I don't have any other social outlets. I *have* no one else to take my problems to. So I come here. You ladies have been the closest thing I've got to friends since my last girlfriend moved away suddenly stopped talking to me. Obviously I need to change this, too. I've never been good at making friends and at the moment. Have very few places to meet people.
Clearly I need to stop bringing my life problems to online groups. I look up to all you put-together women who have so much confidence and I envy you. I wish it were just something that easy to learn.
And I would venture to say that the majority of the women who post here frequently don't have many other outlets. We're mostly introverts and we feel like the women on these boards are our friends. I hope that people respond to each other as friends do in "real life". Some friends are going to be more honest and give more tough love. And we all need those kinds of friends sometimes. Everyone here cares for you, some just show it differently, just like friends in real life do!!
Some love is gentle and some is tough, but it is all love. In all fairness people are just pointing out the obvious, like, yes, you can and should say no. If you choose not to, then you can't really complain about it. We also understand the difficulty of pregnancy, but many of us carried to our due date and well past, it shouldn't catch you off guard when your little one doesn't come early and your doctor isn't willing to discuss unnecessary interventions until they become necessary, that's just the name of the game when gestating.
I think most of these responses are just trying to keep things in perspective and saying "buck up!" At the same time. People only take the time to respond because they care, not because they are looking to hurt feelings or make a very stressed pregnant woman feel bad, none of us want that.
We are so thankful that our second daughter, Lillian Elizabeth "Lily", was born healthy and happy on February 11, 2013. We love her to pieces.
We lost our first daughter, Hannah Grace on May 4, 2011. She was buried on May 14 during a beautiful service at my home church. We are grateful that if she could not be here with us, that she is healed and whole with the Lord. We look forward to the day when we will get to meet her. We love her so much.