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Decline question

lucyb82lucyb82 member
in Adoption
Hi everyone. I know I don't post much but honestly it's just due to lack of activity and or inexperience in this whole adoption process. But I'm learning as I go, so there's that! :) I do have a question for those of you that have been down this road...what are your thoughts on declining a situation? We've recently had this come up and I go back and forth between thinking I know I should follow my gut, questioning if the gut feeling is right, and feeling terrible about not pursuing any and all posibilities no matter the circumstances. I don't want to go into great detail due to privacy, etc but I'm curious as to what others think. Have you declined a potential situation? Would you if you had concerns? Thanks.
TTC Since 2008; me: 30, DH: 33
DH: Low count, low motility/morphology Me: Prolactinoma 
IVF w/ ICSI #1 June 2013 ER12, M10, F8 - 4dt of 1 morula and one 8 cell grade 1.5 (1 being best)- BFN
None to freeze
IVF w/ICSI #2 .....November 2013 - Cancelled - Once again, my eggs matured too quickly. Converted to IUI BFN
Added prenatal, metformin, coQ10, DHEA and acupuncture. 
IVF w/ICSI #2 (again) January 2014 ER 11, M9, 4F. Transferred 3 embryos (2.5 grade) - BFN 

Moving on to Adoption!


Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
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Re: Decline question

  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    We did. We got a call about a baby already born, and our agency wanted to know if we wanted our profile shown. There was a medical issue involved, and we were given about 3 hours to decide one way or another. After a long discussion, we declined having our profile shown. I felt HORRIBLE calling our SW and saying no. She was awesome. She kept reminding us that it was in no one's best interest to say yes to a situation we couldn't handle.

    2 days later we got the call for DD

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  • lucyb82lucyb82 member
    Thank you all! I feel a bit better about it especially reading that the gut feeling is true to adoption as well. What I mean is that I guess I always assumed we would never turn down a situation. It makes me hopeful that when it's right, we'll know it's right. Thanks again for the insight.
    TTC Since 2008; me: 30, DH: 33
    DH: Low count, low motility/morphology Me: Prolactinoma 
    IVF w/ ICSI #1 June 2013 ER12, M10, F8 - 4dt of 1 morula and one 8 cell grade 1.5 (1 being best)- BFN
    None to freeze
    IVF w/ICSI #2 .....November 2013 - Cancelled - Once again, my eggs matured too quickly. Converted to IUI BFN
    Added prenatal, metformin, coQ10, DHEA and acupuncture. 
    IVF w/ICSI #2 (again) January 2014 ER 11, M9, 4F. Transferred 3 embryos (2.5 grade) - BFN 

    Moving on to Adoption!


    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
    Report Reply
  • CeCe8579CeCe8579 member
    edited August 2014
    We've already told our SW we will say no if we feel the placement is not a good fit. The way I look at it is this will be our forever child and if we don't feel right about the placement then we may never. Our SW said she's glad to see us take that approach. On that note though, we are open to drug addicted and special needs babies. My bio DD is special needs (not related to drugs) so we have some experience and we have a great program in our county for helping rehab drug addicted infants. Sometimes I think if we're presented with a placement and we turn it down what will happen to that child but the. I have to remind myself that we have to do what's best for everyone.
    Carly
    (Former UN: iloveshanej)

    Birdie born 05/01/2007
    Rainbow Surprise Baby due 05/26/2017                                          


    Potato Launcher


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  • orangecupcakeorangecupcake member
    We declined two the second time around. One was due to continued drg/alcohol use by the EM, even in the second/third trimesters. The other was due to the baby being very premature and needing ongoing treatments and specialist medical appointments. We already had DD1 and felt it was unfair to her knowing we would be spending so much additional time at various doctors. Also DH is a full time student, and I don't have much time off work. I hated telling the sw no.
    I became a mother because of adoption. She is the absolute love of my life. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker formerly known as sw_in_kc
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