Church won't baptize

haylo33 · August 2014

I'm very annoyed. I called my childhood church a few days ago to get LO baptized. The secretary wanted to talk to the pastor and let me know. Well she called today and said #1 they don't do private baptisms (which we wanted) and #2 if we don't plan on raising the baby in that church, he doesn't feel comfortable doing it. We recently moved 30 minutes away and have not found a new church. I wouldn't have mentioned it but she knew we haven't been in a while. I will admit we are pretty much holiday church goers a large part because I work a lot of weekends as a nurse. I understand that the church has to accept LO and help guide him but I didn't know you had to commit to that specific church. I've called around and every place said they typically don't baptize non members for the same reason. I just want my baby to be introduced to god at a young age and didn't realize it would be so difficult. The only place I've found said they do dedications which sounds ok but I really wanted him to be baptized like I was. Any advice? Has anyone heard of this? I'm at a loss of what to do. Sorry for the rant.

bazingaa · August 2014

I haven't heard of this ... I'm surprised though. I knew they would sometimes limit weddings for non members, but wouldn't think they would turn down a baptism! What if you explained to your old church that you are still trying to find the right fit for you near your new home and are reaching out to the old church for baptism because you feel a connection there that you won't immediately have at a new place. It sounds like that's the position you are in and I would think that's a perfectly reasonable request.

letal316 · August 2014

Ugh, churches can be such a pain, lol. We have to jump through hoops to get our LO baptized. We recently moved to a new city so we have to establish ourselves at a parish before they will do the baptism, apparently it's a 3 month waiting period.

I thought churches would be clamouring for new parishioners but I guess that is not the case.

ksyknelvr73 · August 2014

We do a dedication...I think you would find it is a good thing if you wanted to do it. I am a Methodist and so we do dedications where it's kind of like the parents dedicate their child's life to God and promise to raise them with God in their lives. The pastor usually sprinkles the baby's head with water as part of the process. Then typically baptism is reserved for when that child is old enough to make that decision for themselves.

manna1212 · August 2014

ksyknelvr73 said:

We do a dedication...I think you would find it is a good thing if you wanted to do it. I am a Methodist and so we do dedications where it's kind of like the parents dedicate their child's life to God and promise to raise them with God in their lives. The pastor usually sprinkles the baby's head with water as part of the process. Then typically baptism is reserved for when that child is old enough to make that decision for themselves.

This is what we are doing!

PattyTC · August 2014

We are in a similar situation. We live almost an hour from my hometown. I had planned on getting LO baptized there but they will only baptize if you are an established member. To do so you have to fill out this form and be approved. I don't feel comfortable commiting as we don't go that often bc it's an hour away. I'm not a fan of our local church and we haven't found a new one. I'm at a loss. It meant so much to me that my parents made that choice for me. I feel sas I can't do the same for my child.

ho11yday · August 2014

Ask to see what it would take your old pastor to feel comfortable. If your parents still attend, ask if they can intercede. Or see if there is a parenting bible study or counseling (I don't know quite what to call it, but like marriage counseling) that you could do to get his cooperation. Finally, see if they know any pastors in your area who might be comfortable doing it.

laurblum · August 2014

My childhood church won't baptize my LO because the god parents aren't catholic. They keep trying to bully me into picking new ones and I am not going to!

giggler25 · August 2014

Lissiehoya said:
@laurblum‌, it's my understanding that only one of the godparents needs to be Catholic... Can you pick one Catholic?

I thought the same thing but asked about this at my church and they said they both need to be confirmed Catholics.

But I also don't understand how none Catholic godparents can guide the child in the ways of the church.

RachelCA29 · August 2014

Ocoma said:
Being Catholic isn't just believing, being baptized, attending mass, celebrating the sacraments, praying. It's all of those things and more. The Catholic Church does not exist as a buffet where you can pick what you want and move on.

Thank you for wording this so perfectly!

I am not religious at all and my husband is atheist, but my family I'd very relious, my mom is a reverand, and my younger sister is following her path and is pursuing religous studies and local ministry herself. I thought this question/ topic was kind of odd in that people that don't regularly attend church find it so important to go through this specific ceremony. My mom did not enter church life until I was in university, and my sister is currently in school. So I saw/see the extreme dedication hey put into their training and now in their church community. I don't take for granted how dedicated people in a faith community are, and why they would want equally dedicated families to join that community.

My husband and I have no intention of having any sort of baptism or christianing (he was raised Catholic), as we are only holiday church goers with our families (for their sake really).

laurblum · August 2014

I will be completely honest with you all since no one here is running and ratting me out to my family anytime soon. I don't know what I think or believe anymore. It's not because of any one thing, but so many things over the past few years have had me question it all. Am I truly a believer or do I only believe because my whole life I was taught I had to. Ya know? And discouraging things like this continue to turn me off. How could the church reject my little baby? Do they not trust me in picking the best possible god parents for my child? Because I do feel I've picked incredible god parents. So they won't baptize her simply because I didn't pick someone I felt was less qualified but at least they were catholic?! Come on. The bottom line here, in my mind, is that I am trying to bring my child to God and being told no, not unless I change my mind. I refuse. I will baptize under another denomination or not at all if it comes to it. A God of love probably could care less whether or not my child has catholic god parents or any god parents at all for that matter! And another thing, I gave birth at a catholic hospital and they offered to baptize right then and there. No questions about attending church or god parents. I declined thinking I wanted to do the traditional ceremony and now I wish I hadn't because all this has happened. At this point I am so upset I am just trying to get it over and done with to pacify my family.

britab · August 2014

laurblum said:
I will be completely honest with you all since no one here is running and ratting me out to my family anytime soon. I don't know what I think or believe anymore. It's not because of any one thing, but so many things over the past few years have had me question it all. Am I truly a believer or do I only believe because my whole life I was taught I had to. Ya know? And discouraging things like this continue to turn me off. How could the church reject my little baby? Do they not trust me in picking the best possible god parents for my child? Because I do feel I've picked incredible god parents. So they won't baptize her simply because I didn't pick someone I felt was less qualified but at least they were catholic?! Come on. The bottom line here, in my mind, is that I am trying to bring my child to God and being told no, not unless I change my mind. I refuse. I will baptize under another denomination or not at all if it comes to it. A God of love probably could care less whether or not my child has catholic god parents or any god parents at all for that matter! And another thing, I gave birth at a catholic hospital and they offered to baptize right then and there. No questions about attending church or god parents. I declined thinking I wanted to do the traditional ceremony and now I wish I hadn't because all this has happened. At this point I am so upset I am just trying to get it over and done with to pacify my family.

There are many denominstions beyond Catholic with less rigid "rules". I got to an Evangelical church. They are open to anyone, especially those seeking or are not sure what they believe. We do baby dedications and the families pledge to raise their child to follow God (not at a certain church). GL!

letal316 · August 2014

We need the church record so we can send our kids to Catholic schools (or at least it will be easier to send them to Catholic schools if they are baptized Catholic), but maybe it is different in Canada.

Lild09 · August 2014

As baptists we dedicate and do adult or believers bapstim when a person is old enough to decide they are going to follow God it's an outward show of faith and following. As babies the dedication is just that: parents dedicate to God infront of church and family who in essence will be in the child's life to guide him or her to faith in The Lord by teaching them his ways

no water sprinkling or anything

letal316 · August 2014

@Lissiehoya‌ yes, we are planning to send our kids to Catholic schools. My husband and I both grew up going to Catholic schools and as @katsmewsings‌ mentions, in some areas, the Catholic schools are better than the public schools. I'm sure my kids would get a good education wherever they go bc let's be honest, education starts at home, but the idea of Catholic school is familiar to us.

@katsmewsings‌ good luck with your decision, it isn't an easy choice. Luckily in life we always have the option of changing our minds.

EDIT: posted too soon

RachelCA29 · August 2014

letal316 said:
We need the church record so we can send our kids to Catholic schools (or at least it will be easier to send them to Catholic schools if they are baptized Catholic), but maybe it is different in Canada.

You only need them for elementary level school, I think because there are sacrament trainings as part of the curriculum for certsin grades. You don't need to be baptized (or even Catholic) to attend a Catholic high school in Ontario. I was not Catholic and attended a Catholic high school as it was the better school in my city, you have to take reliogiom classes in grade 9 and 10, but that's about it.

letal316 · August 2014

@RachelCA29‌ yes, I think that is the same in AB where we attended, there were kids at my high school who weren't catholic. But I want to start them in catholic schools and then let them decide later on.

dlproctor · August 2014

Catholic law states that one godparents has to be a confirmed catholic the other can be a Christian witness. It was explained to me that if my. sister who only got as far as communion wanted to be a godparents she had to denounce the church become a Christian witness of another faith or get confirmed.

Mimaloo · August 2014

This is why I don't like the Catholic church.

I am religious. I believe in God and we just baptized our daughter Episcopalian with two Catholic godparents. We consider ourselves diet Catholics. We don't have all of the rigidity or the hypocrisy that the Catholic church has.

danabsd · August 2014

You can introduce God into your babies life without baptizing them.

I have to say I am with the church, if you don't plan on raising the baby in the church and you're not members why would they baptize your baby? andplusalso, 30 mins a couple Sundays a month is totally doable if you wanted it to be. Fuck, I drive 30 mins every Monday to take my toddler to swim class. It's not rough.

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