Family Rudeness Rant

elocke1986 · August 2014

Ok so I just need to rant on here because I'm sure I'm not the only one going through this....

My husband's uncle came over last night because he is flipping a house nearby and needed a hot shower and a hot meal. After dinner he asked if we had thought of any baby names yet. I know that I am really sensitive to this, so I typically tell people "We'll have to wait to meet him to decide", but instead my husband very proudly told him the name we are thinking of (Jackson Alexander). His response to this? "Oh.... what are the other names in the running". We told him (Max or Alex), and he said "So where's the suggestion box". We laughed, thinking it was a joke, and he said "No really, this poor kid has to live with that name his entire life.". Who says something like that?!?!?! I just walked away and started doing dishes so I would keep my mouth shut. I know I am super sensitive because of all the hormones, but it is wrong to think that was completely out of line? My husband says it's not a big deal, but I'm still fuming the next morning.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you deal with these people?

pinkshades05 · August 2014

Yeah, that is really rude. That is why we don't tell anyone period. I would just ignore him; his opinion doesn't matter in the long run, anyways. He's probably just mad that you're not naming the baby after him

SCMomma · August 2014

My family has made is clear they don't care for the name we've chosen, but they haven't been rude or hurtful about it. I'm sorry you're experiencing that

And I don't get what's so bad about the name you've chosen... It seems like a pretty normal name to me. I personally think it's really odd when other people think it's their place to name someone else's kid.

Nobody has to like the name other than you two as the parents. You might have to develop a "your opinion doesn't mean diddly to me" attitude. People are going to frown at your parenting choices down the road no matter what.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

I don't think the comment was appropriate for the names you are considering, but I do believe the comment applies to some "names", and there are times I think it's appropriate.

We are not sharing LO's potential names as being the final few with anyone (I've mentioned a few, but just rattled them off as options in a long list) but if someone did make a comment I would thank them for their opinion, remind them we make the final choice, and move on.

victoria+james · August 2014

I have always had to approach telling people names I like with a thick skin because the names I tend to like aren't exactly common.

To give you an idea... I have loved the name Cable for many years now (DH has vetoed it). So of course I would constantly get comments such as "like for TV?" or "So are you going to name his brother Dish?"

I let the comments roll off because when any of these people finally offer up a name suggestion it usually makes me gag (Petunia? Beauford? Wilberforce?! - really people! ).

We all have different naming styles, and while Jackson, Max, and Alex may not be your uncles cup of tea he'll just have to come around to them because it's your choice!

And for the record - those are all perfectly normal, legitimate, and respectful names!

SCMomma · August 2014

OP, the next time someone asks, you should totally say "Wilberforce"!

Tabithahaileyc · August 2014

My FIL said "I guess y'all have some right since y'all are the parents" I know it's not really rude. And it didn't really upset me. I've learned not to listen to most of his family. But it was kinda shocking considering everyone else likes the name. I think if someone said something like that to me I would be upset too. I don't think other people really understand how hurtful what they say can be. Especially to someone that is pregnant.

victoria+james · August 2014

SCMomma said:
OP, the next time someone asks, you should totally say "Wilberforce"!

My DH did this at a party we went to last night... priceless!

pnwlover12 · August 2014

My MIL has no tact and has been suggesting Levi for months. The first time she said it, it was after we told her one of our potential names. She made a face and then was like, "how about Levi??"

So I made a face to her and was like, um no. (levi just isn't my style). Now everytime I see her she suggests it.

No. Just no.

People (especially family because they feel entitled to input) suck when it comes to naming your baby. Sorry, OP, hang in there.

lilmissfancy · August 2014

I remember STM up here advised us FTM NOT to share the name. What did I go do? I shared the name with my family. Some like it, some don't. If they like it they still try to change the spelling. I decided I wanted the MN Austin. Now my mom wants me to spell it Alston. I'm convinced you can't please everybody.

Not that it matters but I like the name yall chose.

MissMandyD · August 2014

My mother has been pretty vocal about my liking our girl name. I dealt with it by....

1. Not telling any other people

2. Telling my mother that she clearly doesn't like that name and that is fine but I don't want to hear about it because it is a done deal. She immediately started back pedaling and hasn't brought it up since because I think she realize how rude she was being.

I am sorry your uncle is being an ass hat. I will never understand why people feel the need to comment especially when they don't care for the name. You could always say something like...well we don't care for your name but we have learned to live with it.

MauraCy · August 2014

I have a wierd name that half of my family doesn't even pronounce right. What's wrong with Jackson Alexander? That seems pretty nice and normal to me. You can't win everyone over, either. I wanted a normal name my all through school and had friends that hated having the name that everyone else had. Everyone wants to be uniquely the same in school so it doesn't matter what you name him. He's probably going to hate whatever it is at some point for one of those 2 reasons, but he'll get over it (if he even feels animosity) when puberty is over

I haven't had any bad reaction to my kids name. It's Thomas Glen, after both of or fathers. I'm the one who isn't super excited about Thomas (probably because growing up all the Tommys' I knew were total reject dumbasses, so that's just on me). I don't hate it, I just don't love it. My husbands father passed away a few years ago and this name is HUGE for his entire family. I think that trumps my issues with Tommys' of the past. I don't think it's a bad name and I didn't have a better one. And we both get to include our dads. I would love for someone to challenge us on the name so we can tell them it's my husbands late fathers name and watch their face change to horror

We probably would have had some 2 cents thrown in there (because we both have those people in our families) but no one is going to challenge a dead grandpas name.

Haven't told my husband any of my feelings on this either. It wouldn't do anything but hurt. His dad was his best friend, and I think it will be very healing for the whole family to have another Tommy to hug. It'll grow on me. It took me 20 years to like my weird ass name, but now I love it, and Thomas is a nice normal name. He can hate it all he wants when he's 15. That will be the least of my concerns then.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

TicketTuesday said:
I just can't get over that he thought those name choices were so bad... They are totally normal, solid names. That's bizarre. What a rude, weird uncle. I'm super curious what he would have deemed worthy?

Next time he wants a hot meal at your expense, tell him he'll have to wait a few weeks until you have filled your dinner suggestion box. That's my best lame insult at the moment.

Yes!!

Casey512 · August 2014

Yes my SO's mother walked around my baby shower saying she would have to get "used to an Irish name" We chose Ryan, not a super Irish name. People are always going to have something to say. I try to ignore because my mouth gets me In trouble.

onelilroo · August 2014

I love Jackson Alexander!!

Disneygeek77 · August 2014

Well I honestly believe that sometimes new parents do need to at least listen to what others are saying about their name choice. My parents almost named me Rainbow and I am eternally grateful that my family told them that was a dumb name ( sorry, but it is) and that my parents actually listened.

However, your names are normal and your uncle is being rude.

heathera1979 · August 2014

If people ask LO's name, I tell them. I don't care what they think about it, it's my child, not their's. If they don't like it, they're the ones with a problem, not me.

ghostof5letters · August 2014

elocke1986 said:

Ok so I just need to rant on here because I'm sure I'm not the only one going through this....
My husband's uncle came over last night because he is flipping a house nearby and needed a hot shower and a hot meal. After dinner he asked if we had thought of any baby names yet. I know that I am really sensitive to this, so I typically tell people "We'll have to wait to meet him to decide", but instead my husband very proudly told him the name we are thinking of (Jackson Alexander). His response to this? "Oh.... what are the other names in the running". We told him (Max or Alex), and he said "So where's the suggestion box". We laughed, thinking it was a joke, and he said "No really, this poor kid has to live with that name his entire life.". Who says something like that?!?!?! I just walked away and started doing dishes so I would keep my mouth shut. I know I am super sensitive because of all the hormones, but it is wrong to think that was completely out of line? My husband says it's not a big deal, but I'm still fuming the next morning.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you deal with these people?

You're super sensitive because of all the hormones...get over it. Put on your big girl panties and stand up for the names you love.

Get over it. People have opinions, everyone has opinions and not everyone is going to love the name you select for your child. Nothing you can do about it. You sound like a child.

Csltdk · August 2014

@jalara48‌ it's a public forum, grow up

pnwlover12 · August 2014

jalara48 said:

It is a public forum, which rocks because I wouldn't know all these awesome ladies otherwise.
But it's also a super awesome support group and we take care of each other here.

OP just had a crap day with a frustrating family member making annoying comments. It's surely not the most flammable thing you guys can find, is it?

It's the wknd and TB must be slow. I'm not even THAT bored though.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

Csltdk said:
@jalara48‌ it's a public forum, grow up

Yeah, grow up!

Says the people trolling other boards for kicks.

I mean, I get it, we all lurk for giggles. But a rando post made by said lurker just to try and start an internet fight is what I'm laughing at.

Csltdk · August 2014

October, why so serious? I'm full of rainbows and glitter, I'm not trolling, I'm making Jalara laugh and laughter is the best medicine

(you're welcome)

pnwlover12 · August 2014

Csltdk said:
October, why so serious? I'm full of rainbows and glitter, I'm not trolling, I'm making Jalara laugh and laughter is the best medicine (you're welcome)

Pregnant and huge in August leaves me no room for laughter

(

MrsL2B · August 2014

Csltdk said:
October, why so serious? I'm full of rainbows and glitter, I'm not trolling, I'm making Jalara laugh and laughter is the best medicine (you're welcome)

I can't believe I'm pulling this one out of the archives. Normally I'm too serious to bother with internet memes.

Csltdk · August 2014

pnwlover12 said:

Csltdk said:
October, why so serious? I'm full of rainbows and glitter, I'm not trolling, I'm making Jalara laugh and laughter is the best medicine (you're welcome)
Pregnant and huge in August leaves me no room for laughter
(

I remember that feeling all too well. I only had to deal with June, not the whole summer- sorry.

But really you will get laughter from reading those links. Trolling Tuesday is the gift that keeps giving

pnwlover12 · August 2014

Csltdk said:

pnwlover12 said:

Csltdk said:
October, why so serious? I'm full of rainbows and glitter, I'm not trolling, I'm making Jalara laugh and laughter is the best medicine (you're welcome)
Pregnant and huge in August leaves me no room for laughter
(
I remember that feeling all too well. I only had to deal with June, not the whole summer- sorry.

But really you will get laughter from reading those links. Trolling Tuesday is the gift that keeps giving

I actually am excited to read some of them... 8->

Csltdk · August 2014

jalara48 said:

Csltdk said:

pnwlover12 said:

Csltdk said:
October, why so serious? I'm full of rainbows and glitter, I'm not trolling, I'm making Jalara laugh and laughter is the best medicine (you're welcome)
Pregnant and huge in August leaves me no room for laughter
(
I remember that feeling all too well. I only had to deal with June, not the whole summer- sorry.

But really you will get laughter from reading those links. Trolling Tuesday is the gift that keeps giving

I just read your birth story - I can't believe what you went through!

Also, the hair on your little girl is so cute!!! Congrats on your new daughter.

Thanks

I had horrible heartburn for that head of hair. And yes,I wish what I went through to absolutely no one. It was a bitch recovering.

Look at July and October being friends- just don't blame anything on your hormones it's a bit of a trigger and we tend to get stabby

Dani0329 · August 2014

We gave in and told our immediate family after saying we wouldn't, but I think since we had been clear on why we weren't going to tell no one had anything negative to say. Our name is a little different, but we love it and if others don't tough shit. Sorry he ruined your day OP!

Cutiecruz327 · August 2014

OP that was rude! So sorry. I love Jackson Alexander.

When I told my Nani we were going to name our son Jose Manuel after my FIL but because my husband is Jose Antonio he does' t want another Jose or Joe. Before I could tell her we decided to call him Manny, she blurts out "ugh you are not going to call him Manny are you?". I told her yes we are. She must have felt bad because she explained she knew a Manny she didn't care for. I just told her "now you will know one you will care for".

ghostof5letters · August 2014

elocke1986 said:

Has anyone else had a similar experience? How do you deal with these people?

Because the OP ended her post with this sentence, technically it's not just a rant. She asked and received answers.

Also, Trollin' Tuesday is not just a "rando" (stupid word btw) post to start a board war about this thread. Please don't think so highly of yourselves.

ghostof5letters · August 2014

TicketTuesday said:

You're super sensitive because of all the hormones...get over it. Put on your big girl panties and stand up for the names you love.

Get over it. People have opinions, everyone has opinions and not everyone is going to love the name you select for your child. Nothing you can do about it. You sound like a child.
As do you you, pumpkin. (Does that count as name-calling? If so, I take full responsibility.)

krazyinsane · August 2014

We don't tell anyone until it's a final deal between DH and I. And then it's no negotiations.. "This is our child's name if it's a boy and this if it's a girl"
We've had a few naysayers specifically with DD#3 but we didn't listen and I'm SOOO glad because she fits her name so well it's amazing!!

I don't share the kids' actual names on forums though as 1) they're you-neek (we both come from families that spelled their names you-neek as well) 2)since they're spelled differently it's easier for people who know me to find me on the forums

But Spelled the 'normal' way DD#3 is Scarlett Rose.

Saragoeswest · August 2014

I'm kind of confused about where this thread went.

But anyway, your uncle was rude but many people will be. People be rude. I like your names. There's no suggestion box, asshole!

We told some family the name this weekend and right when my MIL was about to launch into an anecdote about the name I held my hand up and said, "I do NOT want to hear this if it it negative." I will do that whenever the situation arises.

elocke1986 · August 2014

Thanks ladies! I appreciate the supportive comments, and I suppose if others find my post entertaining for other reasons, that's ok too. Not everybody is on here for the same reasons. But most posts did make me feel better, and I like the suggestions to basically tell people to screw off... I'm just going to have to get more assertive with my family. And for the others that read this post: while I don't think it is nearly as absurd as some of the others that were copied onto the trolling forum, I'm glad you found some entertainment from my post.

roundabout2 · August 2014

Never understand why some people can't keep their opinions to themselves, sorry you had to deal with such stupidity. We never tell names because of that. I just don't want to hear it. We have people asking all the time and I just say "we have a list of names that I guess we're taking with us to the hospital" and then I laugh it off a little and they leave me alone.

JuliaB317 · August 2014

I'm really surprised at how many people don't just ask "have you decided on names?" but "WHAT names have you chosen?" As if it's their right to know our names before baby arrives. I get this all the time and have to lie and say we're still thinking about it. We know our names, and our boy one gets no criticism because we want to name him Mark after my Dad who died a while ago. Most people don't try to insult that one when they know it's the name of my deceased father. But for girl, we really like Annika (it's unusual for our neck of the woods, but a common German/Scandinavian name). When we do tell people that one, we get "interesting" comments. A cousin just straight up said "but what about Juliet? I thought that was in the running? You should go with that." It took a little time for me, but I'm at the point where I either just keep my mouth shut, or tell them our names and prepare myself to not give a shit about possible rudeness. It's hard, but it happens to EVERY pregnant woman. Names = A LOT of opinions.

vrj0522 · August 2014

The good thing about it is that you don't have to explain anything to this uncle or care what he thinks.

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