Vent, feeling crazy (a little long)

Danielle0311 · August 2014

I just need to vent a little..

The closer my NT scan gets the more of a basket case I become. More people know about this pregnancy then what I wanted but I guess that's to be expected once you tell a few peole right?

Well, people are getting angry or annoyed with me. Everyone wants to be so excited and it makes me so uncomfortable. My mom bought me maternity pants and I told her it's too soon and to hold onto them for another month incase something goes wrong and she scolded me for being "negative". My friends wanna talk about it not stop and ask me about child care plans and names etc and I pretty much tell them it's too soon for me to talk about it. I understand they are excited and I love that they are and I am too, but I am so scared to get attached. I will be devastated if something happens and I have all this baby stuff and names and maternity clothes etc. I don't know what to do.

To top everything off I just had a fight with DH about this last night and slept on the couch cause I got so mad that he doesn't understand why I'm acting like this. Anddddd I been in bed all morning crying .. I really feel like I'm crazy. Any advice? Do you think I'll feel better after my NT scan on Monday?

Ughhh thanks to anyone reading this, I know I probably sound ridiculous but I don't know who else to vent to...

2redtulips · August 2014

You are not crazy. Pgal brain does that! I bet the NT scan will help.

In the meantime, set all the boundaries you need to with friends and family. If you're not ready for the clothes and name talk, it's ok.

Hugs!

BluEyedGirl26 · August 2014

I don't think you're crazy at all. Being PgAL is hard. I think we try to protect our hearts by not buying anything, not sharing our news, etc. so that if, god forbid, something goes wrong, we won't be devastated. The reality is that either way, we would be devastated if something happened.

My H is the same way as yours, he gets upset if I'm negative or scared and just wants to think positive. I try to appreciate his attitude towards it but sometimes I wish he could just fully understand how I'm feeling.

Just know that you're not alone. Big (((hugs))) and I hope your NT scan brings you some piece of mind.

sgio7485 · August 2014

I don't think you're crazy because i still have days like that at almost 17 weeks. The NT scan definitely helped - but I still feel some disconnect and worry things are going to go wrong. The home Doppler is helping to bring reassurance at the times that I really need it.

asglover514 · August 2014

You are not crazy! I've been feeling the exact same way. I want to be excited but I'm way too scared to truly enjoy this pregnancy right now. People don't understand what it's like to be PgAL if they've never been there and even so it's different for each person. I don't have much advice but I have lots of *hugs*.

megbmeg · August 2014

You're definitely not crazy. It's lovely tht your friends and family are excited, but I think they should be more sensitive about what you need. You take all the time you need until you feel ready to be excited about this LO. I hope the NT is wonderful and gives you some peace of mind. I admit that even after my good NT scan, I felt scared. I did start talking about it more and buying things, but it wasn't until after my good a/s, when I couldn't believe I still still felt scared, thy I finally just decided to believe things are going to be ok. Something terrible would hurt just as bad whether if let myself get excited or not, so I'm just embracing it. But you have to find your own pace for that. If it's not until baby is in your arms, that's ok too. Hugs!

Danielle0311 · August 2014

Thank you so much ladies, I knew you all would understand. I really hope once the scan is here that we get good news and things start to get easier and easier. PGAL is so tough

nohalo21 · August 2014

Not crazy at all. It's hard when you have been in our shoes to go through a pregnancy. I wish I could go back to be naive. I was nervous at the NT scan and then waiting for our cell free test results. Each little thing that gets checked off brings some relief. I agree that it might be best to set some boundaries. I had to come out and tell my mom exactly how I feel. She is still excited but understands how my mind works. Good luck to you at your appt!

kefttsc · August 2014

You are not alone and you aren't crazy either!
My mom emailed me about christening gowns, Christmas stockings and go home outfits a few days ago. I had to let her know that all of it was a bit overwhelming to me still, and I am stil nervous, so to please tone it down a notch. She doesn't understand, but she was glad I told her how I felt. Maybe you can tell DH and others that you are just still a bit overwhelmed and nervous and that you'd like to take it easy on the hyped up conversations until you are a bit further along. (((Hugs)))

doglover31 · August 2014

You aren't crazy at all. I was so nervous this pregnancy pretty much until I felt routine movement. Going to the NT scan I was incredibly nervous. I think it's normal when you have been through what we all have to have some anxiousness about everything. Sending you huge hugs! And it does get better, at least it do for me!

jess123456 · August 2014

You are far from crazy. You have every right to feel the way you do. We held off telling people until when I was 19 weeks because I was scared of other's reactions being too positive which of course is a good thing but for those of use who are PGAL it can all be too much. For me things got a bit better emotionally after the NT but it wasn't really until the anatomy scan that I could relax a little. I still have days at 27 weeks where I think it will all be taken away from me but I have made a decision not to let my fear get in the way of the joy now because it's been such a dark road to get here and I and you all deserve to embrace all the good stuff. Hugs to you.

Samuelismomma · August 2014

Nope not crazy I wouldn't announce until 16 weeks after harmony and several u/s. I still have pgal because I don't feel her moving:( it gets better but I don't think it really goes a way!

Danielle0311 · August 2014

All of your words are so comforting, thank you so much. I try and try to explain my feelings to my friends and family but they honestly just don't get it. I am jealous they get to be so naive but this is my reality and I am just trying the best I can to get through this and praying for a beautiful healthy rainbow baby! Thank you all again so much.

[Deleted User] · August 2014

((Hugs)) You are not crazy! These feelings are completely normal when PGAL. I'm sorry your DH and family aren't really understanding where you're coming from right now

I hope things improve for you soon. Hang in there!

JustinsGirl2011 · August 2014

You're not crazy! You have every right to feel the way you do. Being PGAL is tough & unless you've been there you don't necessarily understand it. ((Hugs)) I hope your nt scan goes well & brings you some comfort.

peggels24 · August 2014

Like the PP's said - you are not crazy. I just wanted to reiterate that and give you some ((hugs)). Everyone is different but I definitely felt much better after the NT scan.

chicagojackie · August 2014

Hang in there. NOT crazy. OK to set boundaries. Some people don't like boundaries. They are healthy. You have to take care of yourself.

JessicaG220 · August 2014

We all understand your feelings! They are completely justified. No one gets it like a loss mom. You can feel however you want and you have the right to handle this pregnancy in whatever way works for you. Idk if you'll feel long-term relief after your NT, but I always feel better for a short while after passing milestones. Sending you lots of hugs!

luciddreamer106 · August 2014

You're not crazy. We all understand how PGAL is and I'm sorry that your family and friends aren't getting it. It's great that they're excited for you though!

((Hugs))

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