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2ww and some rambling thoughts

trigirl79trigirl79 member
in Success after IF
Just got home from IUI #3 - DH counts were good so let's hope this is it. Beta on 8/21.

To be honest, I have such mixed emotions, I was so nervous to the point of almost being panicked on the way there. I've never felt like that before so I have no idea why. I don't know if it's fear of failure (BFN) or what. I am torn these days between wanting #2 and not. I think it's because I'm trying to keep myself from being too hopeful and being crushed if it doesn't work. But I also know financially and from a time perspective (scheduling and just time with Alexa) things with one would be easier. DH and I actually went and grabbed Starbucks after since we had some extra time and I spilled all of my emotions. Here's the thing (please don't kill me): I loved being pregnant. Probably partially because it had taken so long that I was so grateful. I had an amazing delivery and couldn't have wanted it to go better. I have so much positive emotion and association with that time and I want those feelings again. Now, I realize this is NOT a reason to get pregnant. And of course I would love Alexa to have a sibling and much as I am terrified of having two kids and keeping my sanity, I know it will be just fine.Has anyone else ever felt this way? It was so different last time because it was a matter of whether or not we would be parents, not expand our family. OK, thanks for listening ladies :)
Me: 34 Unexplained IF, DH: 31, no issues

3 cycles of Clomid Jan-March 2012
3x BFN
IUI #1 Sept 2012 BFN
IUI #1 Oct 2012 (10/11/12) BFP!
Beta #1 10/26 313
Beta #2 10/29 1450
Beta #3 11/1 4202
U/S #1 11/13
Baby Girl born 7/3/13!!!

And now we begin again...
RE Consult 2/25
Baseline Bloodwork and U/S 3/4
Had a 22mm follicle on the R, getting ready to O on my own...BFN
AF 4/6, CD11 testing done 4/16
3 follies right (largest 18), 1 left (11.8). Lining 7.16
starting Estrace 4/16, trigger 4/16 with IUI likely 4/18
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Re: 2ww and some rambling thoughts

  • kmc84kmc84 member
    I know I've since gotten my BFP- but I was feeling EXACTLY the same way! This was our last try no matter what and I think it really was just a way to try and protect my heart. I would start thinking positive and start envisioning the future....then I would get mad at mysel for being hopeful. Then I would start planning things as a family of 3 and then get upset with myself for feeling negative....around and around! I was starting to feel a little crazy honestly.

    ((Hugs)) and good luck!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    TTC# 1 since 5/10
    Me:34 Type 1 Diabetes, Ankylosing Spondylitis, Hypothyroid DH:35 Perfect
    DX: Unexplained IF
    Many IUI's with various meds all BFFN
    IVF #1 11/11 canceled due to OHSS
    IVF #2 Feb/March 2012 ET of 2 on day 3 4/7 BFP! 5/1 u/s blighted ovum
    IVF #3 July 2012 ET of 3 on day 3 7/24 BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w4d on 3/9/13
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    TTC #2
    IVF #4 May/June 2014 ER 6/4 18R 8M 8F ET 6/9 1 blast, 2 frosties
    Beta 6/18 BFFN

    FET of 2 blasts 7/24...BFP!
    Healthy baby girl born at 36w3d on 3/17/15

    TTC#3
    IVF #5 June 2018- PGS planned, no surviving embryos
    IVF #6 August 2018- ET of 2 on day 3 - Chemical pregnancy
    IVF #7 August 2019-....?
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  • mdiblasi10mdiblasi10 member
    I had a lot of the same feelings for the year we were trying. Big hugs and best wishes for this IUI!!
    Dx: Unexplained Infertility

    TTC #1 
    IUI's #1 - #3 Clomid = BFN's, IUI #4 Follistim = BFP
    Grayson arrived via emergency c-section on 7/28/12!

    TTC #2 
    IUI's #1 - #4 Follistim = BFN's
    IVF #1 w/ ICSI + PGS: Lupron/Follistim/Menopur
    ER 4/13 - 19R, 13F, 4 PGS tested embryos, 1 normal
    5/14 FET: BFP. Beta #1: 123, Beta #2: 327, Beta #3: 854
    Cora arrived 1/23/15 via RCS!
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  • Ruthie04Ruthie04 member
    I have a lot of similar feelings. And, I definitely feel you on the wanting to be pregnant just to be pregnant thing. There is definitely a part of my desire to have #3 that revolves around having a successful singleton pregnancy and nursing experience. Twin pregnancy and the NB phase is so different and I crave the experience with a singleton. And, I miss being pregnant- I felt my most beautiful then and I loved being so connected to my babies. Of course, I know wanting to be pregnant just to be pregnant isn't a good reason, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't add to my want to ttc again.
    TTC in 2009, Dx: Unexplained IF
    Three TI cycles (BFP...miscarriage), five IUI attempts and 2.5 IVF cycles later...BFP!!
    12dp5dt: 765; 15dp5dt: 1979; 17dp5dt: 3379...TWINS!!!!!
    Our perfect baby boys were born at 36w1d!! 








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  • trigirl79trigirl79 member
    thanks ladies! it's tough too because everyone around me is so positive and telling me this will be the one, or they know it will happen for me. i love their hope but i don't have much left at this point. because too much hope equals more hurt. sigh. at least i'm not alone. :) 

    Me: 34 Unexplained IF, DH: 31, no issues

    3 cycles of Clomid Jan-March 2012
    3x BFN
    IUI #1 Sept 2012 BFN
    IUI #1 Oct 2012 (10/11/12) BFP!
    Beta #1 10/26 313
    Beta #2 10/29 1450
    Beta #3 11/1 4202
    U/S #1 11/13
    Baby Girl born 7/3/13!!!

    And now we begin again...
    RE Consult 2/25
    Baseline Bloodwork and U/S 3/4
    Had a 22mm follicle on the R, getting ready to O on my own...BFN
    AF 4/6, CD11 testing done 4/16
    3 follies right (largest 18), 1 left (11.8). Lining 7.16
    starting Estrace 4/16, trigger 4/16 with IUI likely 4/18
    Report Reply
  • Mayzie15Mayzie15 member
    I'm a little late but I've felt this way too. Fx that this 2ww flies by and that this IUI is your lucky one :)

    Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.

    IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double :( 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great :)  EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!


     "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."


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    BabyFruit Ticker


      Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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  • mcgeevamcgeeva member
    I feel like it's totally normal. I felt more like this towards the end of my second pregnancy like..oh no what did I do. But of course now that im in it I am so soo happy wouldn't change a thing. But of course like anyone else on a bad day we all feel that way. Two it's stressful with treatments..makes you wonder if you should keep doing them etc. Good luck on the 2WW!

    Married: 5/09 ~ TTC Since: 10/10 ~ PCOS ~ Progesterone from 10/10 - 2/11 ~ HSG on 3/18 - Clear ~ Started Metformin 1000mg & Clomid 50mg 2/11 ~ Metformin upped to 1500mg 4/6 ~ 6/7 Now going to SG and put on Clomid, Ovidrel, Gonal F, Prometrium, Estrace ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP!!!!!! March 6th our little man was born. 

    6/17/13 - Ovidrel, Follistim, Prometrium ~ IUI #1 7/2 = BFP! March 17th our St. Pattys day baby arrived

    10/29/17 - Started process for IVF, got pregnant & miscarried a 2nd time since summer. 2/22 started stims - Menopur, Gonal F, Cetrotide - retrieval 3/6 - , PIO, estrace 3xday - FET 4/18 = Beta 1: 616; Beta 2: 1342 = BFP 

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  • BabyKsMommyBabyKsMommy member
    I felt this way during our year long battle to ttc#2. I honestly at the end was just going through the motions. I didn't even know if I wanted it to work anymore and I wasn't excited about it at all. I think I was tying to protect myself because I knew our iui journey was coming to an end and DH won't do ivf.

    Well we ended up with twins from our last iui. I honestly couldn't be happier. I think I was just afraid of failure, I don't take it very well.
    Diagnosed MFI- low sperm count  
    DS-Born 7/27/11 After 2 years of IF we have our little man
    TTC#2 January 2013
    11 Medicated cycles gave us
    B/G Twins born 10/8/14 @ 32 weeks
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