Sexytime ain't so sexy :/ (vent?) — The Bump
December 2014 Moms

Sexytime ain't so sexy :/ (vent?)

I've noticed less interest on DH's part in doin' the deed since my bump really popped. He's still his affectionate, sweet self so I've just kind of shrugged it off for a while.

Last night, I verrrrry gently and nonjudgmentally asked DH if sex with me is weird for him now. He answered yes, and said it's because "there's a baby in you".

Well, shit.

I appreciate his honesty, but man, I'm bummed. I've never felt more confident in my body in my life (something I think has to do with feeling " broken" after two losses), my libido is through the roof, and my attraction to DH has never been stronger. And now I'm feeling like a sack of unwanted lumpy potatoes.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far. I needed to get this off my chest and don't have any friends that are having kids yet. Thought you ladies may relate and understand things a bit better!

Re: Sexytime ain't so sexy :/ (vent?)

  • @MissChristineMarie‌ Aww, I hope things get better for you! It's tough not having that outlet for intimacy, but I'm sure your DH understands. :)

    @gradschoolmom1234‌ Thank you! I hope so too :)
    krystrist2014
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  • My H gets kind of weirded out with sex too after he can start feeling the baby move and my belly gets big. Trying different positions has really helped both of us get past it.
    Wife. Boy mom x5. Expecting #6. Wannabe homesteader.

    [Deleted User]gimmeyronionringskrystrist2014
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    nopegoatgimmeyronionringskrystrist2014mele0301
  • I'm where your husband is at. It's hard for me to have sex or be in the mood with my ever growing belly and because there's a baby in me. Weirds me out and makes me feel uncomfortable. My poor poor husband...
    This is me too. I don't feel super confident about my size and I can feel my LO moving around a lot now which can kill my libido instantly. I know he can't hurt the baby or anything but I just can't get into it like I used to. Bleh
    In memory of the baby Hufflepuff and all the angel babies of D14 <3
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    gimmeyronionrings[Deleted User]JaymeeLHmele0301
  • My husband hasn't had that much if an issue... Except I notice he hasn't even tried to do the oral deed... Which obviously can get a chic going especially when she's struggling with lubrication issues! Ugh ...
    gimmeyronionringskrystrist2014
  • Thanks for your input ladies! It helps to know I'm not alone in this situation.

    @kdm06c‌ Good point about trying different positions, that may help. :)

    @homebodyatx‌ That's very sweet of you to say! Thank you :)
  • Mine too gets really weirded out so I pretty much don't get any loving until this little bean is breathing on its own. Sad face :(
    gimmeyronionringsmele0301
  • I wish I could be one of those ladies who is super into sex while pregnant, but I just can't. I feel sorry for my DH, but he is being super sweet about it all and just kind of taking what he can get. Sex dreams on the other hand...I've had a few of those I can get into!
    gimmeyronionrings[Deleted User]blessdtxasmele0301
  • My DH was like that during my first pregnancy. This is our 3rd and now he can't keep his hands(or pole) to himself. He gets turned on just thinking about the fact he got me preggo. I attribute it to being more mature and understanding of the way my body works. Thankfully, my libido has been pretty high as well.
    gimmeyronionrings
  • That's awesome he could be open and honest with you, but don't let that make you feel like it has to stay that way!  Maybe even just getting it off his chest can help him get past it...especially if he can take his cues from you that it's still normal, fine, and healthy for you & the baby.  I definitely understand what it's like to lose your confidence at the different stages of pregnancy, but I think it's worth it to try and ease his mind by showing some confidence in the fact that it's just new and different but not going to hurt anything!
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    gimmeyronionrings
  • Aww your poor DH, I hope he discovers how sexy your prego body is soon (with those improved boobs?) and get over his feelings of weirdness.

    We were slacking in the bedroom department in the beginning of this pregnancy because we were worried that it would cause a miscarriage or bleeding, but the more we tried the more comfortable it became. My DH thinks I'm sexier than ever!

    Pregnant with #2

    IVF cycle 1 (Nov 2013)- freeze all d/t OHSS
    FET #1-BFN
    FET #2-BFP baby girl born Dec 2014
    FET #3-Sept 2017 BFP but miscarried at 6 weeks

    IVF cycle 2 (Oct 2017)- freeze all again d/t OHSS
    FET #1 BPF, pregnant with a singleton due Sept 2018


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    gimmeyronionrings
  • if he's uncomfortable having sex, what about oral or toys?  might get you both want you need ;)

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    gimmeyronionrings
  • It's never bothered me, but it was a little weird for DH last time once my belly started really growing.  He said it felt the baby was laying on him or he was laying on the baby, lol.  Like PP's said changing up the positions helped a lot and then I guess he eventually got over it.  
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    gimmeyronionrings
  • Just put it on him - I'm sure he'll come around pretty quickly.
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    gimmeyronionrings
  • Mine yelled "ear muffs" in the middle of sexy time once.  It really freaks him out.  He told me if he ever feels the baby move during he'll stop right there.  We only get to it once every 1-2 weeks.  The bigger I get the less often it happens.  I told him that's fine but he needs to work on other ways to make me feel sexy.  He does a pretty good job telling me I'm pretty and what not.

     

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    gimmeyronionringsblessdtxas
  • DH hasn't wanted sex for about 2 weeks now. :-L I've tried (i'm not the sexy type, so maybe my goofiness is getting in the way?)

    Just like your DH, he's still his loving and affectionate self. Just not givin' me the ween. 

    He has many times told me (before and during the pregnancy) that pregnancy is gross, and he doesn't find pregnancy bumps "cute" or "a miracle" as some might say. Grrr. 

    I still find myself attractive. I'm carrying the baby very well, and not gaining any extra weight besides the belly and a little (tiny) bit in my face.

    loooooove meeeee! 
    first time mom
    BOY  07/12/14
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    agsgrrlgimmeyronionrings
  • *Sigh* I'm not super into it and I don't think he is either. We may never produce a second child lol
    gimmeyronionrings
  • I'm sorry, this happened to me the first time around. The OB actually warned us that even after baby arrives some husbands might be more turned off by sex. It is something that you can have honest discussions about and address any concerns or thoughts he might have.

    More power to you for still wanting sex. I'd rather hold feel the burn of a thousand suns than look at a penis.

    It comes back and before you know it he won't be able to keep his hands off you. ;)

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    gimmeyronionringsabcmom12
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    I've just started feeling the baby move and while I still have a high libido I'm nervous as to how I'm going to react to feeling her inside me during sex, luckily DH seems completely impervious to turnoffs as far as I can establish so far. :p

    One of the things I did early (assuming I'd be a 2nd trimester sex-fiend) was send him a few links about how sex during pregnancy is normal/safe/healthy and anecdotes of how much men enjoyed sex with their pregnant wives (you can find links in men's magazines online, pregnancy books, etc.) I think it helped him go in with the attitude of "wanting my increasingly spherical wife is normal."  Not sure if it will help any of y'all but thought I'd throw it out there just in case. :) 


    "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 
    2 Corinthians 12:9

    Manateearmzgimmeyronionrings
  • My hubby has been the exact same way!! He says it's just weird for him because our sons in there.
    It's not because you're not attractive because I'm sure your glowing in this pregnancy...it's really just the dads thinking about their babies and you really can't blame them for that. He's already being a great little daddy but believe me I do know how it's still hard to feel like damaged goods :/ all the best to you!
    gimmeyronionrings
  • courtd2 said:

    DH hasn't wanted sex for about 2 weeks now. :-L I've tried (i'm not the sexy type, so maybe my goofiness is getting in the way?)

    Just like your DH, he's still his loving and affectionate self. Just not givin' me the ween. 

    He has many times told me (before and during the pregnancy) that pregnancy is gross, and he doesn't find pregnancy bumps "cute" or "a miracle" as some might say. Grrr. 

    I still find myself attractive. I'm carrying the baby very well, and not gaining any extra weight besides the belly and a little (tiny) bit in my face.

    loooooove meeeee! 


    I laughed so loud at "not givin' me the ween" that I scared DH. Haaa! Thank you for that! :))
    [Deleted User]
  • courtd2 said:

    DH hasn't wanted sex for about 2 weeks now. :-L I've tried (i'm not the sexy type, so maybe my goofiness is getting in the way?)

    Just like your DH, he's still his loving and affectionate self. Just not givin' me the ween. 

    He has many times told me (before and during the pregnancy) that pregnancy is gross, and he doesn't find pregnancy bumps "cute" or "a miracle" as some might say. Grrr. 

    I still find myself attractive. I'm carrying the baby very well, and not gaining any extra weight besides the belly and a little (tiny) bit in my face.

    loooooove meeeee! 


    I laughed so loud at "not givin' me the ween" that I scared DH. Haaa! Thank you for that! :))
    Yeah that cracked me up too!
    gimmeyronionrings
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