My 21m wants to be attached to me all.the.time.

pb_bride · August 2014

This is more like a vent than a question, I suppose.

My DS is 21m and I SAH. We go to "class", play dates, library music/story times a lot, and we spend most of our other free time out in the playground. DS used to be fine with exploring by himself, as long as I'm nearby. He is shy/cautious if we go to a new venue but not at places we go often. For example, he'll go up/down the playground slide on his own while I sit on the bench watching him. He also used to be very good at independent play at home (and I used to boast about that here). He would happily play with his cars and trucks for 20-30 minutes while I cook dinner.

However, for the past 4-6 weeks (if not longer), he has become "clingy." Everywhere we go, even places he's been to a lot, he HAS to be holding my hand (and pulling me to whichever direction he wants). If I ask him to let go of my hand (but offer to stay right with him), he'll whine and throw a tantrum. Some days this even happens in our house! If I don't let him drag me to this room or that, tantrum ensues. And when he throws a tantrums, he will continue to whine and cry for 20 minutes + and not be able to calm himself down. And when he finally does calm down, a tiny trigger will restart the whole thing again.

As you can imagine, this is really draining and exhausting for me. Now I can't get anything done when he's awake (I used to be able to put away some dishes, or do laundry while he plays by himself for 5-10 minutes), because I have to be with him all.the.time. I have resorted to cooking our dinner during his nap time, otherwise I'll be cooking dinner with him clinging on to my leg and crying.

I don't know if this is a form of separation anxiety? But he doesn't have problems when I leave (eg, nap time, bedtime, or go out when DH is home). He'll wave and say bye-bye to me when he goes down for his nap. I KNOW this is just a phase but it's been going on for 1-2 months and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Another thing that frustrates me is that when we go out, I NEVER see another toddler that does this - certainly not one who HAS to be holding his/her mother's hand wherever he/she goes. We were at a park today and he was the only child who was throwing a tantrum in the middle of the walkway and I didn't even know what triggered it (I was letting him drag me all over the place).

Please tell me I'm not the only one and that this will end soon!

P.S. When we are with others - eg, at ILs, or with my parents on vacation last week, he is totally happy and fine, and runs around by himself. It's only when I'm alone with him that he acts like this. (sometimes at home too when DH is around).

ashiscute · August 2014

I agree with Nic. You are definitely not alone! It's easy to feel that way but not accurate.

I actually think this is much more common in boys than girls (although girls will go through it too). I had a playdate at my house last week for our playgroup and most of the kids were boys. And most of the boys were clingy to their moms for the first 30 mins they were here. Then they slowly warmed up and began playing.

I think it's just a crappy phase to be in and sometimes you have to give up and just be with him and sometimes just deal with tantrum and leave him be. DS was very clingy when he was younger and still has his days but for the most part is okay.

DawnJM25 · August 2014

It's a phase. It's annoying to have children constantly hanging on you but one day they won't want to!

pb_bride · August 2014

DawnJM25 said:

It's a phase. It's annoying to have children constantly hanging on you but one day they won't want to!

I know that and that's what I keep telling myself! But there are days (like Monday this week and today) when I'm so frustrated that I'm crying by lunch time. I even texted DH Monday afternoon to ask him to come home soon because I couldn't handle the whining/crying/clinging anymore.

I'm glad to hear it happens to other bumpies too.

Bizzy80 · August 2014

You're not alone. My DD who is 15 months old has been doing this for a while now. She goes to daycare during the day and is totally fine there. Usually doesn't fuss or anything when I drop her off. If we are out running errands or visiting friends she is ok too and usually doesn't want to be held. She would rather run around and explore. It is when we are at home and I am trying to cook dinner or clean the house is when she wants to be held all the time. Cooking dinner has been the biggest challenge for us. She will sit at my legs whining and push me, cry, and throw a temper tantrum if I don't pick her up. Ignoring her doesn't work either. She rarely entertains herself at home now. I just try to remind myself that it's just a phase and won't last forever. Hang in there!

aada0615 · August 2014

I am in the same boat with my DD who is 20 months! She is absolutely fine at daycare but first thing in the morning (and until we leave) and almost immediately when we get home at night, she is crying/whining/throwing a tantrum for me to hold her. She usually won't let DH hold her either, so frustrating!! I am right there with you!!!

stgn01 · August 2014

ashiscute said:

I agree with Nic. You are definitely not alone! It's easy to feel that way but not accurate.

I actually think this is much more common in boys than girls (although girls will go through it too). I had a playdate at my house last week for our playgroup and most of the kids were boys. And most of the boys were clingy to their moms for the first 30 mins they were here. Then they slowly warmed up and began playing.

I think it's just a crappy phase to be in and sometimes you have to give up and just be with him and sometimes just deal with tantrum and leave him be. DS was very clingy when he was younger and still has his days but for the most part is okay.

I agree with the bolded statement. DD was pretty content as a toddler and would play by herself in 10-20 minute spurts. I could cook, clean, get a little laundry done. It was great. Then came DS. He would crawl back into the womb if I let him! He's much clingy-er than DD ever was. He's gotten a little better, but it's still pretty bad. And if you ever see us in public, you'd know you're not the only one! It takes time, but it will get better. I SAH with my kids too, so it's not even like he misses me when he's away. He's around me all day! BTW, DD is 4 and DS is 22 months. Keep your head up, mama. It will get better.....eventually.

pb_bride · August 2014

stgn01 said:

I agree with the bolded statement. DD was pretty content as a toddler and would play by herself in 10-20 minute spurts. I could cook, clean, get a little laundry done. It was great. Then came DS. He would crawl back into the womb if I let him! He's much clingy-er than DD ever was. He's gotten a little better, but it's still pretty bad. And if you ever see us in public, you'd know you're not the only one! It takes time, but it will get better. I SAH with my kids too, so it's not even like he misses me when he's away. He's around me all day! BTW, DD is 4 and DS is 22 months. Keep your head up, mama. It will get better.....eventually.

YES! I can't tell you how many times a day I thought to myself, "he wants to climb back inside me!" Anyway, I feel better to know I"m not alone.

My 21m wants to be attached to me all.the.time.

Re: My 21m wants to be attached to me all.the.time.

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