My Mom on Becoming Grandma — The Bump
December 2014 Moms

My Mom on Becoming Grandma

I really don't have anyone to discuss this with--so here it goes!

When my husband and I first told my parents that we were expecting they were totally elated (this is their first grandbaby). As time progressed (I'm coming up on 21 weeks), my mom seems interested at times but is also equally disinterested. She never asks how I'm feeling or how the baby is and she teased me for being 'weak' and relinquishing lawn mowing duties to my husband at 17 weeks because it started getting way too hot outside. On the plus side, she has purchased some baby items for her home and is helping us purchase a breast pump.

Other than that, her baby excitement stops. She tells others that she's excited but doesn't show it to me. Yesterday she came to my sonogram and at the end she was like 'That's it? Can I go?' I don't know what her deal is. After yesterday my husband clearly saw why I do NOT want her in L&D with us. 

My mom has her own life--she is happily married to my dad, they are both 58 and ride motorcycles and are gone every weekend on a fun trip somewhere. Maybe she's too busy to show me her excitement? We've always had an 'off' relationship (she was always the authoritarian in my life keeping me in line, she was never someone I would talk to about personal things) so I wonder if this is a contributing factor. 

I am just so excited to be pregnant and wish this was something I could enjoy more with my mom. In the mean time, I am able to keep my excitement between my husband and I, my aunt (she and I have always been very close) and my SILs. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

Re: My Mom on Becoming Grandma

  • I don't have experience with this, but I'm very sorry your Mom is not being supportive/interested.

    Do you think it is something like a grand baby will make her feel old? Just a thought that popped into my mind.

    Try not to stress about it and realize that she'll come around when she's ready and you'll just have to evaluate her role then. 
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  • This entered my mind too

     PacoCat33 said:

    Do you think it is something like a grand baby will make her feel old? Just a thought that popped into my mind.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

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  • It's very possible--however my mom is one of those really fun ladies who don't look (or act) their age! My life is panning out so differently than my mom's did too, she wasn't supposed to be able to have kids and ended up accidentally pregnant with me at age 33 and had my sister at 40. Here I am, 25, married, I promised my mom I would be a college grad before having kids (I did!) and my husband and I have a really great life together. My mom is also post-menopausal which I'm sure affects her hormones. I sure hope she won't feel old (her friends have grandkids my age!) but it's something I hadn't considered. Sorry for the long post...just something I have kept bottled in for a while!
  • Pregnancy is just not as exciting for other people as it is for us pregnant ladies. I am betting she gets more excited once the baby is born.

    On a side note: it sounds like she is actually being super involved if she taking time to go to your ultrasound! Maybe your expectations for her are a little too high. I understand your disappointment but it sounds like you were expecting this pregnancy to transform your relationship with your mom.
  • Your latest post makes me think that she does feel too young to have a grand child (and maybe likes that she is grand child free among her friends??) and/or she is a little jealous of you for having it all figured out? Just some more thoughts. 
  • That stinks. I was talking about this with another friend of mine...we both thought this would be the best bonding thing with our moms and it just hasn't happened.

    My situation is a little different, I was always best friends with my mom, and she spent the whole first trimester telling me how fat I was and that I was "gaining weight." (I've always been skinny). It got to the point where I just stopped talking about the entire pregnancy with her because somehow she always tracked it back to me being fat. It just sucks really, I'm sorry you're dealing with the same kind of let down.

    One other theory could be that in the old days people just weren't as (this sounds bad but you know what I mean) self promoting as they are now. They didn't have a facebook to post on, and it was so normal to get married/get pregnant that it wasn't viewed as a "big event" like how some people make it out to be. For all you know, she tells everyone she meets about your pregnancy. But it still doesn't excuse the behavior at the doctor's office.

    Good luck, I've found it best to just focus on positive people. Some people in my life that I thought would be annoying have turned out to be the best people to share the journey with :)
    TTC since June 2011
    DH: perfect SA
    Me: 30, moderate endo, unexplained infertility
    IUI or IVF in December

  • Oh yes. I am having a similar issue with my mom. She's telling people that she's excited but one of the first things out of her mouth when I told her (and since) was "we aren't very good grandparents" and "I'll be gone most of the first year bc I go to Florida the day after Christmas" OH and this gem- my step mom wanted to do a shower for me, she was and is beyond excited to be a grandma (we don't get along but it's a BaBy!) My mom said she wanted to and has been MIA for the last two weeks on various trips etc. 

    It hurts my feelings even though I knew it would happen. 

    I got no advice, but we are in similarly shaped boats with our mothers....

    I'm just recognizing that if all she can be is "Glam-ma" than that's what she can offer to the baby and that's okay. There is lots of love around and we don't have to worry about getting more from her and my (step) Dad.
  • You all are wonderful! I am already feeling encouraged, especially to focus on the positive. One great thing is my relationship with my in-laws is growing tremendously. I'm the last of my SILs to have a baby (my MIL is a grandma of 3 already) and they are all so excited and happy. They are used to this baby stuff and my family just isn't. 
    [Deleted User]
  • My mom is NOT a kids person (outside of her own) and is very much a dog person. I was wondering how she would handle the prospect of becoming a grandma. She is very interested and supportive, but my pregnancy does not consume our conversations or activities. She'll ask me how I am, or how an appointment went, but not much more beyond that. There really isn't all that much to talk about at this point, anyway! I know she wants to buy the nursery furniture, and when we get to that point, I'll invite her shopping/lunch that day, but not really sure what else there is to do/talk about.

    As PP's have said, most people aren't going to be as into your pregnancy as you are. And there really is nothing wrong with that!


    ~*~EVERYONE always welcome!!~*~
    TTC #1 since October 2012
    BFP #1 11/22/12 EDD 7/29/13 MMC 1/14/13, D&C 1/16/13
    BFP #2 5/7/13 EDD 1/14/2014 Ectopic discovered 5/21/13, lost left tube
    Referred to RE, blood work done August 2013, AMH 0.27, all else normal, HSG clear
    BFP #3 12/1/13 EDD 8/8/14, MC 12/24/13
    January 2014: RE #2, blood work repeated, homozygous MTHFR c677t, SHG clear
    BFP #4 4/7/14 EDD 12/15/14 Our rainbow was born 12/6/14 at 4:26pm! <3 

  • I'm sorry your mom isn't being supportive and doesn't seem very excited. I'm sure she'll be more excited when she lays eyes on LO for the first time. My mom is lame too- when I told her I was pregnant she said "Again? Really? Again?" And that was it. She however, was over the moon when my sister announced her pregnancy. So yea, we have an off relationship too and I know how bad that can suck. Try not to let her attitude ruin your excitement.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • My sister had the first grandkid and my mom wasn't super excited either. Now that she has two grandkids with another on the way her reaction is very different. She thought she was going to turn into free daycare and is actually scared of little babies. haha

    "It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
    And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"

    TTC Journey Began 8/12
    BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
    SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis Unexplained
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    BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
    Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
    ~All Welcome~

  • In have a very strained (non)relationship with my mother. I told her I was pregnant with DD and she said "I started a garden".

    DH's family was excited but didn't really shout it from the rooftops. I found out that it was them being realistic and trying to not get too excited until we were holding a healthy baby. Now she is their world.

    In the end nobody is going to be as excited as you are about YOUR baby, and that is OK. People have their own lives and can be happy for you without bursting at the seams every second of every day.

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