Where to have my baby shower?

krisleav1130 · August 2014

Hey everyone!

So I have started the initial planning for my baby shower. I made an initial guest list and it has about 50 people on it! I was originally thinking of having the baby shower at my house, but I don't think it will be big enough for all those people. My mother-in-laws house is a little bigger, but I still don't think it's big enough. So ... I am looking for a venue. Any ideas of the types of places to have a baby shower?

Any and all advice is welcome and wanted! Thanks!

krisleav1130 · August 2014

Courtneylovesjason2 said:

Somewhere tea and cucumber sandwiches are served, of course.

That's a lot of people! Maybe a community house or vet's hall?

It is a lot of people. I have a lot of women in my family, so does he. I invited almost everyone from work, I work with 10+ other women. I invited some friends too. No husbands and no kids. Well besides mine ... my daughter is being forced to come (since you know, she hasn't been born yet) ... and I am forcing my husband. I hate being in the spotlight, so having him there would be easier for me.

cwbh928 · August 2014

May I ask why you are planning your shower?? I would assume it would be the decision for the person hosting the shower for you....

As far as your question - Thats quite a lot, for that many people it sounds like you will definitely need to rent a hall or whatnot, perhaps a resturant with rooms for large parties?

CandEChicago · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

Hey everyone!
So I have started the initial planning for my baby shower. I made an initial guest list and it has about 50 people on it! I was originally thinking of having the baby shower at my house, but I don't think it will be big enough for all those people. My mother-in-laws house is a little bigger, but I still don't think it's big enough. So ... I am looking for a venue. Any ideas of the types of places to have a baby shower?
Any and all advice is welcome and wanted! Thanks!

krisleav1130 said:

It is a lot of people. I have a lot of women in my family, so does he. I invited almost everyone from work, I work with 10+ other women. I invited some friends too. No husbands and no kids. Well besides mine ... my daughter is being forced to come (since you know, she hasn't been born yet) ... and I am forcing my husband. I hate being in the spotlight, so having him there would be easier for me.

QFP

Edited: To add the response.

CandEChicago · August 2014

What does the host of your shower say? What does their budget dictate? I would consider asking your local board since they are more familiar with actual possible venues.

krisleav1130 · August 2014

@CandEChicago ... what does QFP mean?

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

The host should decide, and they may not be able to afford that many people. For work friends, I know my work buddies are throwing me a shower in Sept - not sure the exact date but they're already planning it and I've seen it be a surprise before for other pregnant women. No planning your own shower, that's tacky.

abcmom12 · August 2014

quoted for posterity

chicorojo · August 2014

The host of the shower should be the one deciding where to throw the shower. If you are the host of your own shower you should probably reconsider having one.

CandEChicago · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

@CandEChicago ... what does QFP mean?

Surprised you haven't come across it before since you have been a member since 2011 and you have been posting on D14 since about June. A couple other posters provided the link to the blog and some background on QFP above to get you up to speed. Hope it helps.

krisleav1130 · August 2014

alissendis said:

Are you planning your own shower? FYI, if you're concerned about etiquette or seeming tacky, planning and/or hosting your own shower will be seen as a big no-no and very tacky not only by people on this site but also by people on your guest list. Even if you swear there's no alternative, know that someone, somewhere is going to think you're tacky. If you're okay with that, go for it. If that bothers you, you might want to find someone else to plan/host the shower.

Re: your questions, 50 people is a lot. Is it a co-ed shower? Is this family, friends, and coworkers? You could try to split it into two showers - one for family, one for friends. Do you live in a suburb that has a community room available for rent? Is there a community centre nearby that you could use? Any option to go outside, so that the shower isn't contained to someone's living room?

Oh wow ... I didn't know planning my own shower was a no-no. Oops!!! My bridal shower was a surprise and I HATED that. I hate surprises like that. It was sweet, but still. I want to prevent that from happening again. I figure the only way is to plan my own baby shower. If I don't do it, then my mother or mother-in-law would want to. But I know both of them would like to have it at their homes ... which are NOT big enough. I definitely don't want to see tacky though.

50 people is a lot ... it's rounded up. And it is ALL female. I would rather have one shower and get it over with. Does that make sense?

I am aiming for the shower at the beginning of November (Nov 1st) ... since I am due Dec 11. I figure it would be too cold to have anything outside. My bridal shower was mostly held outside and it was in March or April. Everyone was cold. So I want to prevent that. There aren't any community centers near me ... that I have noticed.

krisleav1130 · August 2014

cwbh928 said:

May I ask why you are planning your shower?? I would assume it would be the decision for the person hosting the shower for you....

As far as your question - Thats quite a lot, for that many people it sounds like you will definitely need to rent a hall or whatnot, perhaps a resturant with rooms for large parties?

Well my bridal shower was a surprise for me. It was sweet and well intentioned ... but I HATE surprise parties. So I figured to prevent that ... I would plan my baby shower. Does that make sense? Is that stupid?

I was thinking of a restaurant ... some place that self caters. A tea house/room or something.

chicorojo · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

alissendis said:

Are you planning your own shower? FYI, if you're concerned about etiquette or seeming tacky, planning and/or hosting your own shower will be seen as a big no-no and very tacky not only by people on this site but also by people on your guest list. Even if you swear there's no alternative, know that someone, somewhere is going to think you're tacky. If you're okay with that, go for it. If that bothers you, you might want to find someone else to plan/host the shower.

Re: your questions, 50 people is a lot. Is it a co-ed shower? Is this family, friends, and coworkers? You could try to split it into two showers - one for family, one for friends. Do you live in a suburb that has a community room available for rent? Is there a community centre nearby that you could use? Any option to go outside, so that the shower isn't contained to someone's living room?

Oh wow ... I didn't know planning my own shower was a no-no. Oops!!! My bridal shower was a surprise and I HATED that. I hate surprises like that. It was sweet, but still. I want to prevent that from happening again. I figure the only way is to plan my own baby shower. If I don't do it, then my mother or mother-in-law would want to. But I know both of them would like to have it at their homes ... which are NOT big enough. I definitely don't want to see tacky though.

50 people is a lot ... it's rounded up. And it is ALL female. I would rather have one shower and get it over with. Does that make sense?

I am aiming for the shower at the beginning of November (Nov 1st) ... since I am due Dec 11. I figure it would be too cold to have anything outside. My bridal shower was mostly held outside and it was in March or April. Everyone was cold. So I want to prevent that. There aren't any
community centers near me ... that I have noticed.

*****************quote fail*******************
Yeah you shouldn't throw your own shower. Thats really tacky and rude. I woukd back off and let someone step up to host one for you.

ETA:quote box fail

krisleav1130 · August 2014

alissendis said:

krisleav1130 said:
It is a lot of people. I have a lot of women in my family, so does he. I invited almost everyone from work, I work with 10+ other women. I invited some friends too.

Are you sure your coworkers aren't already planning to throw you a shower? I'm not inviting any of my colleagues because we have a shower for every first-time pregnant woman on staff, so I just assume that I'll have a shower at work (probably with the woman who's due a week after me, haha).

I don't assume that they are planning anything for me ... I am the only one in the office who doesn't have children. So I don't know what they did for others before I started here. I guess I could ask around and see. But, I don't think they would do that. I don't know!

krisleav1130 · August 2014

CandEChicago said:

What does the host of your shower say? What does their budget dictate? I would consider asking your local board since they are more familiar with actual possible venues.

So far ... I am the host of my baby shower. I just now realized that is a big no-no. I just wanted to avoid what happened at my bridal shower. I haven't come up with a budget yet.

Thanks.

CandEChicago · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

Oh wow ... I didn't know planning my own shower was a no-no. Oops!!! My bridal shower was a surprise and I HATED that. I hate surprises like that. It was sweet, but still. I want to prevent that from happening again. I figure the only way is to plan my own baby shower. If I don't do it, then my mother or mother-in-law would want to. But I know both of them would like to have it at their homes ... which are NOT big enough. I definitely don't want to see tacky though.
50 people is a lot ... it's rounded up. And it is ALL female. I would rather have one shower and get it over with. Does that make sense?
I am aiming for the shower at the beginning of November (Nov 1st) ... since I am due Dec 11. I figure it would be too cold to have anything outside. My bridal shower was mostly held outside and it was in March or April. Everyone was cold. So I want to prevent that. There aren't any community centers near me ... that I have noticed.

krisleav1130 said:

Well my bridal shower was a surprise for me. It was sweet and well intentioned ... but I HATE surprise parties. So I figured to prevent that ... I would plan my baby shower. Does that make sense? Is that stupid?
I was thinking of a restaurant ... some place that self caters. A tea house/room or something.

Can I urge you not to host your own shower? I know you said you don't like surprises but perhaps your mom or mother-in-law would like to be able to do that for you since it is something special. Just because they host does not mean to make it a surprise.

krisleav1130 · August 2014

chicorojo said:

alissendis said:

Are you planning your own shower? FYI, if you're concerned about etiquette or seeming tacky, planning and/or hosting your own shower will be seen as a big no-no and very tacky not only by people on this site but also by people on your guest list. Even if you swear there's no alternative, know that someone, somewhere is going to think you're tacky. If you're okay with that, go for it. If that bothers you, you might want to find someone else to plan/host the shower.

Re: your questions, 50 people is a lot. Is it a co-ed shower? Is this family, friends, and coworkers? You could try to split it into two showers - one for family, one for friends. Do you live in a suburb that has a community room available for rent? Is there a community centre nearby that you could use? Any option to go outside, so that the shower isn't contained to someone's living room?

Oh wow ... I didn't know planning my own shower was a no-no. Oops!!! My bridal shower was a surprise and I HATED that. I hate surprises like that. It was sweet, but still. I want to prevent that from happening again. I figure the only way is to plan my own baby shower. If I don't do it, then my mother or mother-in-law would want to. But I know both of them would like to have it at their homes ... which are NOT big enough. I definitely don't want to see tacky though.
50 people is a lot ... it's rounded up. And it is ALL female. I would rather have one shower and get it over with. Does that make sense?
I am aiming for the shower at the beginning of November (Nov 1st) ... since I am due Dec 11. I figure it would be too cold to have anything outside. My bridal shower was mostly held outside and it was in March or April. Everyone was cold. So I want to prevent that. There aren't any community centers near me ... that I have noticed.
*****************quote fail******************* Yeah you shouldn't throw your own shower. Thats really tacky and rude. I woukd back off and let someone step up to host one for you. ETA:quote box fail

chicorojo ... I am just realizing that now. But who would throw me a shower? My mother? My mother-in-law? Do I get a say in it whatsoever?

chicorojo · August 2014

*****************quote fail*******************
Yeah you shouldn't throw your own shower. Thats really tacky and rude. I woukd back off and let someone step up to host one for you.

ETA:quote box fail

chicorojo ... I am just realizing that now. But who would throw me a shower? My mother? My mother-in-law? Do I get a say in it whatsoever?

*****************quote fail****************

You said previously your Mom or MIL would want to do it, so I assume them. If no one steps up you just don't get one. Also no you don't really get a say.

CandEChicago · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

alissendis said:

krisleav1130 said:
It is a lot of people. I have a lot of women in my family, so does he. I invited almost everyone from work, I work with 10+ other women. I invited some friends too.

Are you sure your coworkers aren't already planning to throw you a shower? I'm not inviting any of my colleagues because we have a shower for every first-time pregnant woman on staff, so I just assume that I'll have a shower at work (probably with the woman who's due a week after me, haha).

I don't assume that they are planning anything for me ... I am the only one in the office who doesn't have children. So I don't know what they did for others before I started here. I guess I could ask around and see. But, I don't think they would do that. I don't know!

Please don't ask around to see if they are planning to give you gifts and/or host a shower. If they do something for you than great. If not, then so be it... unless you are friends with these ladies outside the office (brunch, museum, concerts, etc) then I wouldn't worry about them being offended if they weren't invited to an shower that is hosted outside of work.

krisleav1130 said:

CandEChicago said:

What does the host of your shower say? What does their budget dictate? I would consider asking your local board since they are more familiar with actual possible venues.

So far ... I am the host of my baby shower. I just now realized that is a big no-no. I just wanted to avoid what happened at my bridal shower. I haven't come up with a budget yet.
Thanks.

Once again... I would recommend you re-consider hosting your own shower.

JRod13 · August 2014

No no no- you don't host and you don't really get a say. Please don't ask around and see if your work ladies are throwing you one- also tacky. My sister threw her own shower even though several women in our family offered, just because she's a total control freak- guess who showed up out of her 50+ invited guests? Just immediate family. So so awkward.

path75 · August 2014

I would fish around to see if someone is already planning. Is this your first? As for the venue I would lean toward a restaurant private room or hall with catering.

CandEChicago · August 2014

path75 said:

I would fish around to see if someone is already planning. Is this your first? As for the venue I would lean toward a restaurant private room or hall with catering.

@path75 - She is hosting her own since she didn't like the surprise Bridal Shower that was thrown for her.

abcmom12 · August 2014

you can contribute or share with your host what you'd like or not (ie, no baby games or whatever) but pass off the hosting duties. You're supposed to be the guest of honor

drpayne · August 2014

chicorojo ... I am just realizing that now. But who would throw me a shower? My mother? My mother-in-law? Do I get a say in it whatsoever?

Technically, your mom isn't supposed to host it, either.

Also, most showers aren't surprise parties... at least not here.

drpayne · August 2014

dup

cwbh928 · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

cwbh928 said:

May I ask why you are planning your shower?? I would assume it would be the decision for the person hosting the shower for you....

As far as your question - Thats quite a lot, for that many people it sounds like you will definitely need to rent a hall or whatnot, perhaps a resturant with rooms for large parties?

Well my bridal shower was a surprise for me. It was sweet and well intentioned ... but I HATE surprise parties. So I figured to prevent that ... I would plan my baby shower. Does that make sense? Is that stupid?

I was thinking of a restaurant ... some place that self caters. A tea house/room or something.

I can understand hating surprises, as I am not a big fan either. I firmly believe "to each their own", However, I agree with PP that it could come across as tacky, since showers are done for the mother-to-be. I also agree with everyone that even if you let you MIL or Mother host, it doesn't have to be a surprise!

I had my bridal shower at a resturant that caters and it was great! I am sure the host of my baby shower will mostly do that again since it worked out so great! So perhaps an idea to pass on if you choose to have someone else host.

PacoCat33 · August 2014

Not to add to this... buuuttt... on the invite where it says "hosted by" were you planning to say "Mom-to-Be"? That would be very odd.

My Mom and sis are hosting my shower, but have asked me to be involved with some of the planning. I pick out some things I like, they make the final decisions. They asked for my help in scouting venues. I leave the final decisions up to them and have been providing input when asked. I know others would look down on this, but they have asked, so I give it.

Your shower does not need to be a surprise. I would talk to your Mom and Mother-in-law. Where I am from (Pittsburgh) it is not rude for the grandmothers to host a shower, in fact its the norm. So, talk to them and see what they are saying. I agree that 50 is a lot, but not crazy. I've heard of people having 100, which is INSANE.

just my two cents.

SoxFan777 · August 2014

alissendis said:

krisleav1130 said:

@CandEChicago ... what does QFP mean?

QFP – Quoted for Proof/Posterity

(Usually done when there is a risk of a post starting drama and subsequently being deleted.)

From: https://december2014babies.blogspot.ca/p/acronym.html

That page is a very helpful part of the blog that helps decipher acronyms with which you are not familiar.

um, for the past few years I've been on here I thought it meant "quote first post"! Anyone else think that? Lol at myself now...

CandEChicago · August 2014

PacoCat33 said:

Not to add to this... buuuttt... on the invite where it says "hosted by" were you planning to say "Mom-to-Be"? That would be very odd.

My guess is that she would have that removed from the invite or like a PP from another similiar thread say that it was her mom "hosting".

Cryssteen · August 2014

Poor girl. I get why you're planning your own shower. I don't think it's a problem for mom or MIL to plan it, for what it's worth. Baby showers aren't usually surprises. I don't think you need to include "Hosted By" on the invitation. But, I would talk to mom/MIL and see if they want to be involved.

All that said, to answer your question, go with a restaurant that has a big private room, or is willing to reserve a private space for your party. That's what most people do in my area. Also, 50 people is about the average size of the baby showers I've been to. Don't feel bad about your guest list. My effing bridal shower had 90 people.. It was annoying (to me). I'm hoping to scale it down to 50/60 for the baby shower. We're Italian. We have a TON of relatives... and they all want to be involved in everything. It would be worse, in my family, to NOT invite them.

QueenOfSpades622 · August 2014

krisleav1130 said:

cwbh928 said:

May I ask why you are planning your shower?? I would assume it would be the decision for the person hosting the shower for you....

As far as your question - Thats quite a lot, for that many people it sounds like you will definitely need to rent a hall or whatnot, perhaps a resturant with rooms for large parties?

Well my bridal shower was a surprise for me. It was sweet and well intentioned ... but I HATE surprise parties. So I figured to prevent that ... I would plan my baby shower. Does that make sense? Is that stupid?

I was thinking of a restaurant ... some place that self caters. A tea house/room or something.

IMHO this sounds very stuck up and ungrateful. Your being tacking and selfish IMO.

QueenOfSpades622 · August 2014

Andplusalso. I shower is a gift to you and do you also give yourself your own gifts? Tacky Tacky Tacky.

aksue22 · August 2014

My mom, MIL and SIL are throwing mine. They asked for my opinion on the venue and I gave it. They also asked for my guest list. When my MIL was pregnant, neither her sister or mom stepped up so my FIL hosted her shower. Very sweet, I think.

QueenOfSpades622 · August 2014

alissendis said:

QueenOfSpades622 said:

IMHO this sounds very stuck up and ungrateful. Your being tacking and selfish IMO.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why does this sound "stuck up?" I hate surprise parties. The only reason why my family knows that is because I told them once when I accidentally found out about a surprise party being planned. If that hadn't happened, they never would have known. Now that they know, they won't plan a surprise party in the future, but they are free to plan parties that I know about. It has nothing to do with being ungrateful or stuck up. It's a preference thing.

Stuck in quote box

To clarify. I wasn't saying it was stuck up to hate suprises. That is completely understandable but in the post before this one she said she was thrown a bridal shower and it was nice and al but-That comment rubbed me the wrong way and I thought that sounded very ungratful.

QueenOfSpades622 · August 2014

alissendis said:

Honestly, OP just sounds like she doesn't know the etiquette behind showers. She has said that on several occasions now - that she had no idea that hosting your own shower was seen as a bad/tacky idea - and seems pretty down to earth. Harping on the tackiness seems a bit mean-spirited now that she's said she didn't realize it was frowned upon.

Her post about the bridal shower sounded like she appreciated the gesture and effort but didn't like that it was a surprise, full stop. I didn't read any kind of ungratefulness there. I probably would have felt the same way had that surprise party my family was planning gone through. They still had the party, but I knew when/where it was happening and felt much more at ease, heh.

She may not have intended it to sound that way. Just how I took it. All in all I think its tacky. But you are right in the fact that she did not seem to know this and has pointed it out. I wasn't tryin to be mean spirited and maybe i'm just bitchy today. SO OP sorry if I was being mean spiritied and took you comments a little to personal. I'm not wanting to start drama.

CandEChicago · August 2014

alissendis said:

Honestly, OP just sounds like she doesn't know the etiquette behind showers. She has said that on several occasions now - that she had no idea that hosting your own shower was seen as a bad/tacky idea - and seems pretty down to earth. Harping on the tackiness seems a bit mean-spirited now that she's said she didn't realize it was frowned upon.

Her post about the bridal shower sounded like she appreciated the gesture and effort but didn't like that it was a surprise, full stop. I didn't read any kind of ungratefulness there. I probably would have felt the same way had that surprise party my family was planning gone through. They still had the party, but I knew when/where it was happening and felt much more at ease, heh.

She said she didn't realize it was tacky but then continued talking about planning her own shower and asking if she would have to give up control.

CandEChicago · August 2014

alissendis said:

CandEChicago said:
She said she didn't realize it was tacky but then continued talking about planning her own shower and asking if she would have to give up control.

I just went back and re-read and the first few replies seemed like she was going to go ahead planning it (by talking about what she's figured out so far), but since the one where she asked who should be hosting, she hasn't said anything else...? I didn't get a vibe from her that she was sticking to her guns or anything. I don't see any where she asks if she has to give up control - just that one asking who should host if not her.

I took the still planning for a resturant and developing a budget along with the following comment as her being reluctant to give up control.

chicorojo ... I am just realizing that now. But who would throw me a shower? My mother? My mother-in-law? Do I get a say in it whatsoever?

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

CandEChicago said:

alissendis said:

CandEChicago said:
She said she didn't realize it was tacky but then continued talking about planning her own shower and asking if she would have to give up control.

I just went back and re-read and the first few replies seemed like she was going to go ahead planning it (by talking about what she's figured out so far), but since the one where she asked who should be hosting, she hasn't said anything else...? I didn't get a vibe from her that she was sticking to her guns or anything. I don't see any where she asks if she has to give up control - just that one asking who should host if not her.

I took the still planning for a resturant and developing a budget along with the following comment as her being reluctant to give up control.

chicorojo ... I am just realizing that now. But who would throw me a shower? My mother? My mother-in-law? Do I get a say in it whatsoever?

I agree, it seems like she's not keen on what we're telling her. That plus that fact that she never came back to say anything to me says "I'm doing what I want, because I want the shower of my dreams and don't care if it's tacky"... Maybe I'm wrong, but the vibe I got is the same as C&E's.

kelsz12 · August 2014

People typically offer to give you a shower. I hosted my SILs shower and she ended up wanting to invite 50 people, let's just say my house was very full! It also took for.ever. to watch her open gifts and we had to spend more money hosting than if it were a smaller shower.

To avoid this for myself, my other SIL and MIL offered to host a shower which we are inviting about 35 people to, being hosted at my church which offers plenty of space. My aunt and a close friend offered to host another shower that we are inviting about 30 people to which will be held at said friend's home.

After hosting a shower for 50 people I would not want to put that burden on any of my close family or friends which is why I'm thankful that several people had offered to host a shower for me.

I am very thankful that I am able to have a say in both showers. My SIL and I have a very similar style and taste and I trust that she will do an amazing job. My aunt however, hasn't hosted a baby shower for about 25 years so she is taking as much of my opinion I will give her, which I really appreciate in the end! Good luck!

xc1148 · August 2014

My best friend is hosting my shower, but she lives in a different state so I am picking out a venue and she is planning games/themes etc. Nothing is going to be a surprise (although I like surprises).

Can I suggest that you NOT bring your husband? My friend's husband had to sit next to her in a room full of women while she opened gifts for a baby girl and he looked like his dog just died the entire time. Do women only, trust me. Plus, if you don't like attention but you throw your own shower, it literally comes across as grabbing for gifts.

ebilbao · August 2014

I think inviting 50 people is fine, if there is really no way to trim it down. You definitely should not host your own shower. Just let your Mom or MIL know you don't want it to be a surprise and you want it indoors. Tell your Mom or MIL if you have a friend who can help with the planning and speak for you and state your preferences.

Where to have my baby shower?

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