Now it's my turn to freak out about surgery

wanderlust508 · August 2014

Ok so that was fast! I just had my MRI a couple hours ago and within less than an hour, the GYN/surgeon emailed me back with the results. There are 2 large fibroids. One is 8x7cm and the other ....13x15(!!!!) WTF .....just .....what?! She said we'd talk more about what my surgery plan will be when she sees me for my pre operative appointment on 8/15. I responded thanking her for getting back to me so quickly. And asked if I'd still be able to do laparoscopic surgery. She said "I'm willing to try to do it laparoscopic but there's about a 50% chance I would need to convert it to a laparotomy. It would certainly be challenging to remove the 13x15 one by laparoscopic surgery."

This is not good news (needless to say). First off I'm really freaked out that something that big is growing inside me. What is that, the size of a cantaloupe I would say? How the F is there even space for something that big in there?! I'm so bummed that there's a good chance this will have to be done by laparotomy. I want to curl into a ball and cry

So upset

BethKate2 · August 2014

I'm so sorry you got bad news. I can imagine how shocking that was to hear. ((hugs))

MrsLolaSky · August 2014

I'm sorry to hear that!

I'm glad that your doctor has been so communicative though--and I second @NariaDreaming‌ that I'm hoping that the two fibroids can be taken out with minimal cutting.

Not the same, but when I found out that I had a cyst the size of a golf ball hanging out on one of my ovaries, I also thought it was so weird that this could happen. (Our bodies are so strange.) But, the good news is that you will soon have a plan to get the fibroids out. Good luck!

jencity9 · August 2014

It is scary to think of that being inside you like that! I had five large fibroids and even though I'm not skinny I couldn't understand how they all fit in there. I hope she is able to do the laparoscopy. Maybe at your next appt you can get more details about what she's thinking about for either option and you guys can come to a good agreement about what would be best.

Also this might not make a difference, but this is a gynecologist you're working with? I wonder if you met with an RE who specializes in this more if that might make a difference and/or might feel more comfortable doing the less invasive surgery?

theholmanherd · August 2014

I'm sorry, hun. I hope it turns out better than expected and you have a speedy recovery!

bravegrace22 · August 2014

HUGS! So sorry you are having to go through this. Seems like you have a great team, though. IMO I'd rather the dr. be totally honest, like it seems yours was, than try to downplay something. I hope it gives you some comfort knowing what to expect (and then turns out better than expected

)

BunnyBerry · August 2014

I'm so sorry! I just sent you a PM but that was before reading your sad news.

I just Googled the size conversion...the bigger one is 5"x6".

Hopefully that is just the 2 biggest dimensions but maybe it is not a ball shape so it's not quite as big as it sounds?

It must be so frustrating not to know what the surgery will be. I'd almost rather the doctor tell me I was getting a laparotomy, and then perhaps be pleasantly surprised to hear it was a laparoscopy at the end! I'm so, so sorry.

Thankfully your doctor is on top of this and ready to take good care of you. I hope you are able to enjoy the weeks of summer before the surgery. When I started to worry ahead of time, I kept telling myself, it will be however bad it is and worrying won't change anything. I didn't want to make myself suffer more than once by worrying. But of course that is easier said than done. I swore off Dr. Google until it was really too late to go figure out anything, and listened to our 3T sisters who advised me to stay off Google, and I think that really helped.

wanderlust508 · August 2014

Thank you all for the kind words and support! Don't know what I would do without all of my 3T girls.

@Rumbera28 - I was told when they were first diagnosed in 2011 that they were subserosal (didn't invade the uterine cavity). But at that time they were both around 4x5 and 5x6cm. Things may have changed now. I didn't think to ask about submucosal vs subserosal this time because when I saw her email, my focus was on the ridiculous size of it! And the possibility of having do do this as open abdominal surgery. I didn't know about the link with Vit D deficiency. But I had heard about Vit D deficiency linked to infertility - - - when I asked my Dr to check mine recently it was 30 (within normal range but my acupuncturist says it should be higher than that for optimal fertility. I do take a vitamin D supplement so I'll continue to do that and recheck my D periodically!

@iPutKetchupOnKetchup - Thank you! I will definitely turn to you for advice on drinking wine in the horizontal position.

And I have a feeling that I will need some Ketchup humor to help me get through the next couple months so I will take you up on your offer to PM you!

@jencity9 - She is a gynecologist. But she's done more laparoscopic myomectomy surgeries than any other specialist at my facility. I don't feel very confident that my RE's know their stuff when it comes to fibroids, unfortunately. They were the ones who told me that I didn't need surgery (just 2 months ago) and that Clomid wouldn't affect the size of my fibroids (and then 3 cycles of Clomid later - my largest fibroid is 13x15 ...coincidence?!).

@BunnyBerry - Thank you! I'm really glad that your surgery ended up going much better than you expected. I hope it'll be the case for me too! Staying away from Dr Google is so hard!

Pintobean39 · August 2014

I'm sorry that sucks! I'd probably want to cry too. Sounds like your Dr is on top of it though. Good luck with surgery.

I highly suggest the wine bra for drinking horizontally, no spillage because that's a shame to waste good wine.

ronniesgirl1981 · August 2014

Surgery is scary business! I'm so sory for the bad news!

jencity9 · August 2014

@EastBayBride508‌ Oh yikes! I'm sorry that was the experience you had with the RE.

They certainly do not sound knowledgable.

catlover790 · August 2014

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! The idea of surgery no matter what kind I'm sure is scary! I hope you can meet with your dr soon and figure out which would be best. I'm sorry about the experience with your RE too, that must be so frustrating!! Lots of hugs (and wine) to you!! I'll be thinking of you!

kushie77 · August 2014

I'm sorry it wasn't better news and surgery is on the horizon. I second Pinto on the wine bra. I hope you have a easy recovery and are back on the TTC road quickly. ((hugs))

edited: bc spelling is hard without coffee first.

MBJune · August 2014

I'm so sorry it wasn't better news! Hopefully they can take care of this soon! ((Hugs))

wanderlust508 · August 2014

You ladies are the best! Thanks for the support.

....So I have a new thing I'm freaking out about. I'm even having dreams about it! When I was 19, I had a laparotomy done to remove my left ovary/fallopian tube. That was painful but I was happy that they gave me a bikini line cut (so it doesn't show). What if I end up having to get a vertical cut?! I'll admit that this is all about vanity - - - I do NOT want a big vertical incision, I will feel so self conscious about that.

At the very least, if they HAVE to do laparotomy I pray that it's a bikini line cut (and NOT vertical). I had a dream last night that I woke up from surgery and discovered that they'd cut me vertically. I immediately started bawling (in the dream). Dr Google is probably feeding my fear here ....I couldn't help it, I googled abdominal myomectomy! And of course there were horror stories of women who had to get vertical incisions who were so unhappy with the end result.

It's funny how when life circumstances change, your focus/priority can shift so quickly. Just 1 month ago, I was fretting about 2WW after IUI's and being disappointed by BFN's. Now I could care less about that! I just want a surgery with as little cutting as possible. Worry about not getting pregnant seems like a distant memory (even though it wasn't that long ago). I'm sure once the surgery is done and I've accepted whatever outcome there is, I'll be jumping back on the TTC train with all those concerns once again. But right now - seriously IDGAF.

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March 2014 - RE appt.
April 2014- Saline sono all's good, terrible SA results - 8 sperm found all abnormal
May 2014- Fert Urology- Bilateral varicoceles, recommend Donor Sperm

12/2014- Surprise natural BFP EDD 7/31/15 Plan: Starting foster to adoption, natural cycles

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Now it's my turn to freak out about surgery

Re: Now it's my turn to freak out about surgery

March 2014 - RE appt. April 2014- Saline sono all's good, terrible SA results - 8 sperm found all abnormalMay 2014- Fert Urology- Bilateral varicoceles, recommend Donor Sperm

12/2014- Surprise natural BFP EDD 7/31/15 Plan: Starting foster to adoption, natural cycles

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March 2014 - RE appt.
April 2014- Saline sono all's good, terrible SA results - 8 sperm found all abnormal
May 2014- Fert Urology- Bilateral varicoceles, recommend Donor Sperm