venting: DH just doesn't understand how I feel

mattandlora · August 2014

First off, let me start this by saying that DH is a wonderful husband, a wonderful father to our 13-month-old son, has a demanding job, and does more than his fair share around the house. I also have a demanding job, so being busy and tired was the status quo before throwing in this pregnancy.

But he just doesn't understand how tired I am right now!!!!! Last week, he got upset that I wanted to nap during the baby's nap instead of using that time to help him around the house. Then earlier this week, he got mad that I wanted to go to bed at 7:00 (just after putting the baby down) instead of spending time with him. After that incident, I had a nice long chat with him about how tired I am. His response? "Well, unlike the last pregnancy, we have a toddler now. You can't just sleep every time you're tired when there's so much to be done around here." Fine. So THAT'S how it's gonna be. We negotiated that I could sleep in on the weekends in exchange for trying not to sleep extra on weekdays. That was on Wednesday. The whole rest of the week, I've obsessed about my chance to sleep in this weekend. Whenever I want to go to bed at 7:00, or nap at work, I tell myself "yeah, but I can sleep until noon this weekend. I just have to make it until then."

And do you know what happened at 6:30am today, when the baby woke up? I told my husband that he needed to get up since he promised I could sleep in today. Do you know what he did? He said, "Honey, I didn't sleep well last night and I'm really tired. Could you get up with him?"

I. am. furious. It doesn't matter that I haven't slept well since I was pregnant with DS#1, and that it's been even worse with this pregnancy. Or that I'm tired all the time from making a human. And that his "i'm tired today" thing is how I feel every freaking day.

Also, I could be blowing this a tad out of proportion due to pregnancy hormones and being so freaking tired.

I don't expect a solution. I just wanted to vent. And since we haven't told anyone else I'm pregnant, I could either vent here or bite his head off whenever he eventually gets out of bed.

FigureSkater8 · August 2014

Sorry, that really sucks. I'm annoyed bc right now DH is sleeping in bc he says he doesn't feel well which means I have to take DS (20 months) to daddy and me swim classes. Cold pool and swimsuit this am? No thanks... At least I got 10 hours of sleep last night bc I'm making myself go to bed at 10 now....so tired.

Samuelismomma · August 2014

Yeah my H works 13-14 hrs and I try to compare the pregnancy to working 24 hrs a day but don't think he got it either. I don't know how to wrap their head around it:( sorry no advice but there with you!

leela02 · August 2014

Sorry, it sounds like you're doing your best and he can't get his butt up on a weekend. Maybe he is coming down with a cold or something?

In his excitement, my DH read What to Expect cover-to-cover and so he's been really understanding when I get behind on chores. I don't know how many Hs would want to do that though. Maybe show him a short article like this? I don't really know. I hope you both sort it out soon

CaraH · August 2014

Oh, I'm so sorry. I think the fatigue is really hard to understand. My husband has been supportive, even coming home early one day when I told him I just couldn't stay awake any longer and our daughter wasn't in bed yet. (He's another one with really long days.). But, he's definitely amused by my early bedtimes/naps and eager for the second trimester when we might see each other a bit.

NeonNoon · August 2014

Sorry about your struggles. Sounds like you're both stretched pretty thin. Even though it's hard, try to cut yourselves and each other some slack. It's OK if the chores don't get done perfectly or promptly, or if you have to order out more often than you'd like. Remember also, things can seem worse than they are thanks to the raging hormones. (My husband doesn't fully appreciate my fatigue either, although he's been trying to be more sympathetic as time goes on.) Good luck

cathartic1 · August 2014

I know how you feel... in our house, I am the bread winner and my husband is the stay at home hubby. So, I work all day and by the time I get home I'm ready to snooze for at least 2 hours. Its a little different with us though he doesn't get mad at me or tell me I need to get up and do stuff but he teases me incessantly and doesn't believe that all the things I'm going through are real. He's like, "oh its just an excuse pregnant women use to get out of doing things". A lot of the time he will take naps with me but then complains that we're in bed all the time. I'm like, then don't sleep when I sleep! lol. He also teases me when I want to go to bed early... last night I went in at like 1:00 to sleep and he said "what the hell we usually stay up so late on the weekends" - My reply? I'm not the same person I was! lol.

I also have a very hard time getting him to do the litter boxes for me. He did his own research online and he's like there's no chance of you getting anything from the catbox we've had our cats for a long time and they are all indoors... and when I tell him its time to change the box he's like I'll change it when I'm ready to. Which would be never if I didn't nag him.

I can see it now, I'm going to be mean mommy and he's going to be fun daddy.

topaz7777 · August 2014

if this was my DH I'd be fuming... wow...

I'm pretty sure I'll be dealing with this also since my DH can't seem to handle a toddler by himself, but I'll be locking the door and putting in ear plugs. I think he can sort it out for an hour.

MsMacual · August 2014

Hugs! I had the same battles during my first tri and it was frustrating- espeically when he took a nap after work and left me to deal with our toddler (who isn't a big sleeper and is impossible to get to go to sleep at bedtime). I often laid on the couch and slept and then dealt with the fallout after. Not the best way of handling things, but I literally couldn't keep my eyes open some days. It sounds like sleeping in on weekends isn't always going to work so maybe an alternative is that you'll get up with your 13 mo old, but that you get to nap when s/he naps.

alexesq33 · August 2014

I'm so sorry about this - pretty sure this will be status quo for me too, although my mom lives with us she does ALL the work for our twins while i'm at work - actually not looking forward to breaking this news to her unfortunately

But no one will understand me sleeping 10 hours a day - and hubby gets so frustrated with mom, ugh!!

Good luck hunni!!

mattandlora · August 2014

Mine isn't even sleep! I am exhausted, but I can't sleep. I constantly feel like I just had a very difficult workout and only need to lie around long enough to recover. Unfortunately, 'recovery' will take a few months.

venting: DH just doesn't understand how I feel

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