Baby Shower Card Ettiquette

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

So, at my wedding shower, my mom made me open every card (about 30) and announce what was inside each one. So, $20! or $50! or a check for $200!

I kind of felt not only was this boring (why I don't like gift card showers), but annoying and unnecessary. If someone just throws cash in a card, I feel like that's personal--you don't know how much people spent on gifts, but that is cash. And it feels personal to me.

She brought it up again, and wants me to not only do that, but make a list and read it of all the things we already have received for the baby. I'm NOT doing that. I'm not reading a list of all the things someone bought us that isn't even at the shower. Or the things my mom bought for the baby ("And my mom bought a crib and 5 packs of diapers!") prior to the shower. NO ONE CARES. My mom just wants people to know all the things we got, but she doesn't realize that PEOPLE DO NOT CARE. Seeing the presents opened, sure. That's cute. But cards and a list? No.

If you people tell me I need to open and announce 30 cards at my shower, I will do it. But, a lot of people at my wedding shower said that was stupid and boring (after the fact). So, that's why I thought I'd ask here.

Unknown · August 2014

This content has been removed.

BreandMikewedding · August 2014

I completely agree with you and think that is really tacky! People only want to see the cute baby stuff being opened. And the list of what you have is ridiculous. I would side eye you the whole time you were reading it.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

Well that's what my gut was saying, but just bringing that up with my mother will be a huge fight. I fought it the last time.

I'm with you, when I get a card with cash in it, I don't even count it. I quickly close the card and say thank you.

hgielrebmik · August 2014

I tthink its great to open cards you get at the shower, but absolutely do not announce the amount of a monetary gift. Also, no need to open cards sent in advance at the shower or tell what has already been gifted.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

@BreandMikewedding Yeah I'm NOT doing that. I did it at the wedding shower and felt ridiculous. I'm NOT doing it this time.

asarem93 · August 2014

Yeah I wouldn't want people to know what I put in a card... that was a personal gift to you. Also, it might make people who couldn't put as much as they would like feel bad or embarrassed when they see someone put a lot more. I also wouldn't want to sit and listen to all of that. Gifts are cute, money is boring (very helpful and welcomed) but boring.

pnwlover12 · August 2014

Ooof. I would feel so awkward announcing monetary amounts of gifts received.

ADH0906 · August 2014

Ditto PPs...I think your mom is dead wrong about this. If it's a gift card I usually hold it up and say 'A target gift card from Aunt Kathy...thanks, Aunt Kathy!' And set it aside. I think most shower attendees would be pretty embarrassed to sit through announcements of every monetary gift. People know that cards can be kind of tricky to get through at a shower.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

So, as a follow-up, do I open the loose cards at ALL? And just open and say "money from Aunt Sally" or do I ignore the card box entirely?

I'm dreading telling my mother "no" entirely. It's just not worth the struggle. I'll go halfsies and just open the cards and say "money" or "gift card" if that's acceptible. I still feel like it's not.

ADH0906 · August 2014

SPurp13 said:
So, as a follow-up, do I open the loose cards at ALL? And just open and say "money from Aunt Sally" or do I ignore the card box entirely?

I'm dreading telling my mother "no" entirely. It's just not worth the struggle. I'll go halfsies and just open the cards and say "money" or "gift card" if that's acceptible. I still feel like it's not.

I think announcing a gift card is completely fine. I still open cards, personally, and just say 'a gift from ___. Thanks, ___!' Like I said...people aren't dumb. They know there's money in there. You're still publicly acknowledging a generous gift just like if they got you a physical item, but I don't think there's any reason ever, at all, to announce the amount.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

W.T.F?!!?!?

I would NEVER announce a monetary gift or even state, "money/gift card from X". My preferred route is, "Ohh, Aunt X, you're too generous!" or "Ohh, Aunt Y, this will be so helpful, thank you!", without stating what is in the card. The mere thought of announcing dollar or gift card amounts makes me cringe. I would tell my mother a straight up no to that and tell her she's being gauche and tacky.

I'm still awed by this.... Is the amount of money or number of tangible presents you get some sort of point of pride for your mother? Not only do people not care, but it just seems incredibly materialistic.

ADH0906 · August 2014

@golfingdarwinfish‌ Okay, now I'm curious...why would announcing that it's a gift card be tacky?

Jennifer18131 · August 2014

golfingdarwinfish said:
W.T.F?!!?!?

I would NEVER announce a monetary gift or even state, "money/gift card from X". My preferred route is, "Ohh, Aunt X, you're too generous!" or "Ohh, Aunt Y, this will be so helpful, thank you!", without stating what is in the card. The mere thought of announcing dollar or gift card amounts makes me cringe. I would tell my mother a straight up no to that and tell her she's being gauche and tacky.

I'm still awed by this.... Is the amount of money or number of tangible presents you get some sort of point of pride for your mother? Not only do people not care, but it just seems incredibly materialistic.

Yes! Don't announce money or gift cards. Open and read cards amd thank giver.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

golfingdarwinfish said:

W.T.F?!!?!?

I would NEVER announce a monetary gift or even state, "money/gift card from X". My preferred route is, "Ohh, Aunt X, you're too generous!" or "Ohh, Aunt Y, this will be so helpful, thank you!", without stating what is in the card. The mere thought of announcing dollar or gift card amounts makes me cringe. I would tell my mother a straight up no to that and tell her she's being gauche and tacky.

I'm still awed by this.... Is the amount of money or number of tangible presents you get some sort of point of pride for your mother? Not only do people not care, but it just seems incredibly materialistic.

Yes. She asked for a full list of all the gifts from the wedding and shower last year, so she would know.

I told her to go fuck herself, and she nearly canceled our wedding (I told her we were getting married and paying for it ourselves, having the small wedding we wanted. She threatened to kill herself, so she paid for the food portion, but that meant she got say in things, obviously, and our wedding was blown out of proportion. My shower was in April and when she asked for the list, and I told her no, she said "then I'm not giving you any money," and I said "fine, we'll elope, and I'll go ahead and draft the postcard that will need to go out to everyone saying the wedding will no longer take place as planned." Cue threatening to kill herself again. After a long two weeks in which my MIL vowed to take out a personal loan if she needed to to avoid the embarassment of sending out a postcard to cancel the wedding as it was planned, my mom pretended like nothing happened. I did share with her about 3 or 4 specific things from people as she asked, but I certainly did not supply her with a list of names and gifts.).

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

ADH0906 said:

So, as a follow-up, do I open the loose cards at ALL? And just open and say "money from Aunt Sally" or do I ignore the card box entirely?

I'm dreading telling my mother "no" entirely. It's just not worth the struggle. I'll go halfsies and just open the cards and say "money" or "gift card" if that's acceptible. I still feel like it's not.
I think announcing a gift card is completely fine. I still open cards, personally, and just say 'a gift from ___. Thanks, ___!' Like I said...people aren't dumb. They know there's money in there. You're still publicly acknowledging a generous gift just like if they got you a physical item, but I don't think there's any reason ever, at all, to announce the amount.

I think this is how this is going to have to go, but the thing is, opening 20 or 30 cards in a row is really fucking annoying and boring.

So, I'm probably stuck opening them, just like last time, and just saying "Money from Aunt Sally, thank you!" and "Target gift card from Susan! Thank you!"

We did them all at the end, and it was just so obvious people didn't care and wanted to go home.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

ADH0906 said:

@golfingdarwinfish‌ Okay, now I'm curious...why would announcing that it's a gift card be tacky?

I just think it's unnecessary, but I concede that I dislike accepting presents period, so announcing them is even more difficult for me to grasp. (shrug) I don't see why people need to know what was in the card, period.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

W.T.F?!!?!?

I would NEVER announce a monetary gift or even state, "money/gift card from X". My preferred route is, "Ohh, Aunt X, you're too generous!" or "Ohh, Aunt Y, this will be so helpful, thank you!", without stating what is in the card. The mere thought of announcing dollar or gift card amounts makes me cringe. I would tell my mother a straight up no to that and tell her she's being gauche and tacky.

I'm still awed by this.... Is the amount of money or number of tangible presents you get some sort of point of pride for your mother? Not only do people not care, but it just seems incredibly materialistic.

Yes. She asked for a full list of all the gifts from the wedding and shower last year, so she would know.

I told her to go fuck herself, and she nearly canceled our wedding (I told her we were getting married and paying for it ourselves, having the small wedding we wanted. She threatened to kill herself, so she paid for the food portion, but that meant she got say in things, obviously, and our wedding was blown out of proportion. My shower was in April and when she asked for the list, and I told her no, she said "then I'm not giving you any money," and I said "fine, we'll elope, and I'll go ahead and draft the postcard that will need to go out to everyone saying the wedding will no longer take place as planned." Cue threatening to kill herself again. After a long two weeks in which my MIL vowed to take out a personal loan if she needed to to avoid the embarassment of sending out a postcard to cancel the wedding as it was planned, my mom pretended like nothing happened. I did share with her about 3 or 4 specific things from people as she asked, but I certainly did not supply her with a list of names and gifts.).

Well that sucks.

Why do you even have to discuss with her what you are going to do or what you are going to say? Why can't you just own the decision yourself while you are opening?

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

Jennifer18131 said:

W.T.F?!!?!?

I would NEVER announce a monetary gift or even state, "money/gift card from X". My preferred route is, "Ohh, Aunt X, you're too generous!" or "Ohh, Aunt Y, this will be so helpful, thank you!", without stating what is in the card. The mere thought of announcing dollar or gift card amounts makes me cringe. I would tell my mother a straight up no to that and tell her she's being gauche and tacky.

I'm still awed by this.... Is the amount of money or number of tangible presents you get some sort of point of pride for your mother? Not only do people not care, but it just seems incredibly materialistic.
Yes! Don't announce money or gift cards. Open and read cards amd thank giver.

I'm scared if I go this route, the gift giver will be like "wait, did I forget to put the gift card in there?" And what's the point of opening the card with something inside if you don't even say what's inside?

On one hand PEOPLE KNOW THERE IS MONEY IN THERE. On the other, if that is what they chose to give, do they want me to say it (not money amounts)?

I don't want to open the loose cards at all, I think people don't give a shit by that time, but like I said, if it's the right thing to do, I'll do it. NOT saying any dollar amounts. That's established now.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

Jennifer18131 said:

W.T.F?!!?!?

I would NEVER announce a monetary gift or even state, "money/gift card from X". My preferred route is, "Ohh, Aunt X, you're too generous!" or "Ohh, Aunt Y, this will be so helpful, thank you!", without stating what is in the card. The mere thought of announcing dollar or gift card amounts makes me cringe. I would tell my mother a straight up no to that and tell her she's being gauche and tacky.

I'm still awed by this.... Is the amount of money or number of tangible presents you get some sort of point of pride for your mother? Not only do people not care, but it just seems incredibly materialistic.
Yes! Don't announce money or gift cards. Open and read cards amd thank giver.

I'm scared if I go this route, the gift giver will be like "wait, did I forget to put the gift card in there?" And what's the point of opening the card with something inside if you don't even say what's inside?

On one hand PEOPLE KNOW THERE IS MONEY IN THERE. On the other, if that is what they chose to give, do they want me to say it (not money amounts)?

I don't want to open the loose cards at all, I think people don't give a shit by that time, but like I said, if it's the right thing to do, I'll do it. NOT saying any dollar amounts. That's established now.

if the gift giver is concerned they "forgot", they will address you after the shower and confirm that the gift card/check/cash was present and accounted for in the card.

Emerald27 · August 2014

I haven't read the other comments, but I wonder how you would know what gift was from whom without opening the cards attached. I usually just write the recipient name on the envelope.

If you're opening the gifts at the shower, you should open the cards so that you can smile at the giver and say "thank you." It's a pain, but it's part of the MTB's duty. :P

I would NOT read the cards aloud. I would not announce cash or gift card amounts. I would read it quickly to myself, say "thank you" and smile at the giver, and close the card (cash or card inside), and stick it back in the envelope. Then if there's a gift, I would look at the person keeping note of what gift is from whom and say "this gift is from so and so," and open it.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

@Emerald27 I mean the loose cards. The ones without a gift. Just the ones with money/gift card inside.

So, obviously the cards with the gifts get opened. And I can say "this onesie is from Grandma." But it's the loose cards that I don't know what to do with. Open it and say "cash from Grandma?" Don't open? Just open and say "thanks Grandma?"

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

Happyin14 said:

Are you having games? My favorite thing both at my shower and at others is to have present bingo. Someone makes up the cards with things off registry or oddball things (or both) and when you open, they cross it off. I bring this up because a) it makes present opening more fun for guests and b) it might be a way to get your mom off of the list and card idea by saying it doesn't work with the game. Sure it's mildly transparent but also a bit hard to argue with... Or at least harder.

Yup, we're doing bingo, and she will see right through that. She will say "what if someone gave you $20 and someone wrote that on their bingo?"

I swear to god she will.

I guess I wouldn't care so much if the loose cards were mixed in, but last time, I opened all the presents, then there was awkward silence while I opened 30 cards and people wanted to go home.

That said, while I need cash/gift cards more than ever, I hope this is a non-issue and everyone just gets me something small instead. That way, if they at least give me a pack of pacifiers WITH a gift card, I can just hold up the pacifiers and say "thanks Nancy!" and get around the gift card/cash thing with a loophole.

I know I should stand up to my mother. I'm just too fucking exhausted. I'm saving my strength for bigger fights, which are "no you cannot live with us for 5 weeks when the baby is born." That has already started.

SusieBW · August 2014

I wouldn't do the cards at all. I vote to tell your mom that you're not doing it, period, and then don't. She wouldn't make a scene about it at the shower, would she?

Maybe tell your mom that you're afraid that if you open all the envelopes at the shower, you're afraid that the gift cards or whatever is in them might fall out and get lost in the shuffle when you bring all the gifts home.

I also like the idea of making present bingo a shower game and then saying the cards don't fit with the game.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

Happyin14 said:

Are you having games? My favorite thing both at my shower and at others is to have present bingo. Someone makes up the cards with things off registry or oddball things (or both) and when you open, they cross it off. I bring this up because a) it makes present opening more fun for guests and b) it might be a way to get your mom off of the list and card idea by saying it doesn't work with the game. Sure it's mildly transparent but also a bit hard to argue with... Or at least harder.

Yup, we're doing bingo, and she will see right through that. She will say "what if someone gave you $20 and someone wrote that on their bingo?"

I swear to god she will.

I guess I wouldn't care so much if the loose cards were mixed in, but last time, I opened all the presents, then there was awkward silence while I opened 30 cards and people wanted to go home.

That said, while I need cash/gift cards more than ever, I hope this is a non-issue and everyone just gets me something small instead. That way, if they at least give me a pack of pacifiers WITH a gift card, I can just hold up the pacifiers and say "thanks Nancy!" and get around the gift card/cash thing with a loophole.

I know I should stand up to my mother. I'm just too fucking exhausted. I'm saving my strength for bigger fights, which are "no you cannot live with us for 5 weeks when the baby is born." That has already started.

I would just say nothing, and then thank people as I see fit that day. I don't understand why this is such a huge issue when there is a way to avoid it; even if you have to just say whatever to appease her now, and then do what makes you comfortable that day. Do you think she'll make a scene at your shower if you just go rogue and do what you want?

Is anyone else doing this now?

Syllessa · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

@Emerald27 I mean the loose cards. The ones without a gift. Just the ones with money/gift card inside.

So, obviously the cards with the gifts get opened. And I can say "this onesie is from Grandma." But it's the loose cards that I don't know what to do with. Open it and say "cash from Grandma?" Don't open? Just open and say "thanks Grandma?"

This is all that is needed.

ADH0906 · August 2014

@golfingdarwinfish‌ Yup...I think the topic has been hashed to death at this point. OP, you get to decide which words come out of your mouth. If your mom is really going to grab cards out of your hand and announce the amount, she will look badly, not you.

I personally think it's much more rude to not open cards than to announce their contents (not amounts), but I'm learning today that people have a lot more opinions on this than I ever realized. The safe thing to do is to open the card, look at the giver, and say 'thank you' with a smile. That's it. Simple.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

ADH0906 said:

@golfingdarwinfish‌ Yup...I think the topic has been hashed to death at this point. OP, you get to decide which words come out of your mouth. If your mom is really going to grab cards out of your hand and announce the amount, she will look badly, not you. I personally think it's much more rude to not open cards than to announce their contents (not amounts), but I'm learning today that people have a lot more opinions on this than I ever realized. The safe thing to do is to open the card, look at the giver, and say 'thank you' with a smile. That's it. Simple.

Agree - I also wouldn't save all the cards for the end and do 30 cards in a row - I would intersperse them between the gifts, especially so that people didn't feel their card means less than something with pretty wrapping.

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

Happyin14 said:

Are you having games? My favorite thing both at my shower and at others is to have present bingo. Someone makes up the cards with things off registry or oddball things (or both) and when you open, they cross it off. I bring this up because a) it makes present opening more fun for guests and b) it might be a way to get your mom off of the list and card idea by saying it doesn't work with the game. Sure it's mildly transparent but also a bit hard to argue with... Or at least harder.

Yup, we're doing bingo, and she will see right through that. She will say "what if someone gave you $20 and someone wrote that on their bingo?"

I swear to god she will.

I guess I wouldn't care so much if the loose cards were mixed in, but last time, I opened all the presents, then there was awkward silence while I opened 30 cards and people wanted to go home.

That said, while I need cash/gift cards more than ever, I hope this is a non-issue and everyone just gets me something small instead. That way, if they at least give me a pack of pacifiers WITH a gift card, I can just hold up the pacifiers and say "thanks Nancy!" and get around the gift card/cash thing with a loophole.

I know I should stand up to my mother. I'm just too fucking exhausted. I'm saving my strength for bigger fights, which are "no you cannot live with us for 5 weeks when the baby is born." That has already started.

I would just say nothing, and then thank people as I see fit that day. I don't understand why this is such a huge issue when there is a way to avoid it; even if you have to just say whatever to appease her now, and then do what makes you comfortable that day. Do you think she'll make a scene at your shower if you just go rogue and do what you want?

Is anyone else doing this now?

She will absolutely make a scene, and that's why I opened them at the last shower. She kept saying my name over and over as I was thanking people for coming and finally yelled CARDS NOW! OPEN THE CARDS AND TELL PEOPLE WHAT IS INSIDE NOW.

Look, I know I should stand up to her, thanks. But also, this is a small blip on the radar for her. It is really not important enough for what will happen. I'm saving the suicide attempts for when she wants me to bring the baby to her several days a week (an hour drive away).

I'm just asking for an overview of opinions that are outside this bubble. And it seems like most people are saying open the cards, don't say what amount is inside. So, that's what I'll do (and what I did last time--I didn't say amounts, but I did say "cash" or "check" or "gift card"). I just know last time I had several people tell me how boring and weird that was, that I shouldn't have opened the cards at all.

Emerald27 · August 2014

Oh! Sorry...reading fail. I wouldn't even TOUCH the loose cards. On the gift table, have a special basket or something to collect cards in, and just leave the basket on the table when you open gifts. If your mom picks up the basket and sets it at your feet, look at it, smile, and say "thank you to those who brought thoughtful cards. I can't wait to read them and add the sweet notes to LO's baby book." DONE - your mom can't do anything else at that point, and the card-givers have been acknowledged and thanked.

ETA: if your mom does something like saying "well why don't you open them now?" You can answer in front of your guests that you would rather read the personal notes in the cards with DH. BAM.

golfingdarwinfish · August 2014

SPurp13 said:

golfingdarwinfish said:

SPurp13 said:

Happyin14 said:

Are you having games? My favorite thing both at my shower and at others is to have present bingo. Someone makes up the cards with things off registry or oddball things (or both) and when you open, they cross it off. I bring this up because a) it makes present opening more fun for guests and b) it might be a way to get your mom off of the list and card idea by saying it doesn't work with the game. Sure it's mildly transparent but also a bit hard to argue with... Or at least harder.

Yup, we're doing bingo, and she will see right through that. She will say "what if someone gave you $20 and someone wrote that on their bingo?"

I swear to god she will.

I guess I wouldn't care so much if the loose cards were mixed in, but last time, I opened all the presents, then there was awkward silence while I opened 30 cards and people wanted to go home.

That said, while I need cash/gift cards more than ever, I hope this is a non-issue and everyone just gets me something small instead. That way, if they at least give me a pack of pacifiers WITH a gift card, I can just hold up the pacifiers and say "thanks Nancy!" and get around the gift card/cash thing with a loophole.

I know I should stand up to my mother. I'm just too fucking exhausted. I'm saving my strength for bigger fights, which are "no you cannot live with us for 5 weeks when the baby is born." That has already started.

I would just say nothing, and then thank people as I see fit that day. I don't understand why this is such a huge issue when there is a way to avoid it; even if you have to just say whatever to appease her now, and then do what makes you comfortable that day. Do you think she'll make a scene at your shower if you just go rogue and do what you want?

Is anyone else doing this now?

She will absolutely make a scene, and that's why I opened them at the last shower. She kept saying my name over and over as I was thanking people for coming and finally yelled CARDS NOW! OPEN THE CARDS AND TELL PEOPLE WHAT IS INSIDE NOW.

Look, I know I should stand up to her, thanks. But also, this is a small blip on the radar for her. It is really not important enough for what will happen. I'm saving the suicide attempts for when she wants me to bring the baby to her several days a week (an hour drive away).

I'm just asking for an overview of opinions that are outside this bubble. And it seems like most people are saying open the cards, don't say what amount is inside. So, that's what I'll do (and what I did last time--I didn't say amounts, but I did say "cash" or "check" or "gift card"). I just know last time I had several people tell me how boring and weird that was, that I shouldn't have opened the cards at all.

So alternate gift, card, gift, card - people won't even notice the cards that way.

hgielrebmik · August 2014

You may not have that many loose cards anyway. I got way more cards with cash for wedding showers than baby showers. People love to buy tiny baby clothes. How big is your shower?

swizz09 · August 2014

Showers are awkward. Period. I'm excited and dreading it at the same time. Love to see all the people, hate awkwardly opening presents infront of everyone! GAHHHHH.

DreadGamerWife · August 2014

Open the cards and acknowledge the gift, yes. But don't announce the amount. Also, I never saw the need to acknowledge (at the shower) gifts sent to the house. Normally, I would have already sent out the thank you card prior to the shower, anyways. Go with your gut.

MrMrsandBaby · August 2014

I haven't read all of the comments so I'm sorry if this was already mentioned.

Baby showers are so different from wedding showers as far as gifts, I really doubt you will get too many card ONLY gifts. I got a lot of gifts and the card had a GC in it (I received exactly $0 in cash so that is a new concept to me) but just about every single card also had a gift. So really, this may be a non-issue.

However, I do think if you get a card only gift you should open it. After all, it is still a gift. IJ agree with all PP's who said just say somethint like "A GC from Aunt Sue" and move on.

DaniGrace89 · August 2014

I wouldn't do that. Typically, when someone gives me a gift card, I don't even look at the amount until I'm at home. I feel like it's inappropriate to focus on the size of the gift rather than on the sentiment of a gift itself. (No judgement, just something I'm not comfortable with)

MuffinMom14 · August 2014

Thanks everyone! Open cards, say thanks, move on. That's the plan, AND I do think you guys are right--hopefully I won't even have that many.

Although my mom already told me my Grandma is giving me money and I should definitely say how much it is, since it will be a lot. I'm not doing that. Sorry.

Everything's about money and status with her, it's ridiculous.

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