Baby Shower?

knottie1a39e7be857e3e96 · August 2014

Anyone else not have the desire to have a baby shower? It keeps coming up more and more in conversations with friends and family and they're acting as if I'm committing a crime by not wanting one and respectfully declining to plan one myself or having someone plan for me.

absolutelymaybe · August 2014

I think it's perfectly normal to not want a shower. Whether it's a first baby or not, some women just don't want to be the center of attention (a feeling I can understand) or feel uncomfortable with the situation.

I'd especially be side-eying your friends if they are pressuring YOU to throw your own shower or asking you to have someone plan one for you. If they wanted to do it, then that's one thing, but they shouldn't be pressuring you and putting the burden on you, too.

Maelara · August 2014

I think it's completely normal to not want one. Your body, your baby, your decision. You can always do a meet and greet after the baby gets here, you are definitely not the center of attention then. But again, that's only if YOU want it. If you don't, just continue to be polite and keep declining the offers.

CariLS8 · August 2014

Oh absolutely! I've felt like this a lot. Though, considering I don't know anyone where I live now and have no family of my old friends here it's sort of sad for me to just think about. I just feel bad because my SO's mother is so excited to throw one for me and its her first grandbaby so I kinda feel bad saying no thanks, you know? But then I sit here and think well I won't know but a few people at my baby shower? Lol. Oh well, I'm just gonna let her have her fun and I'm grateful to receive gifts, but it's just kinda weird to me lol.

knottie1a39e7be857e3e96 · August 2014

That's what I'm saying, lol! I understand that it's a "right of passage". But, I'm getting tired of having to explain myself or getting nasty looks. And, now DH is on my back of wanting one. I don't like being the center of attention, both my parents being ill at the same time right now, my side of family doesn't really believe in having baby showers before the baby is born for obvious reasons, and the awful stressful mess my in-laws made of my bridal shower a few months ago; having a shower is the least of my worries. I just can't fathom being pressured into having a shower thrown by anyone. I'm all for people coming over after she's born and celebrating that way.

CariLS8 · August 2014

@cvoss0918‌ then you need to tell them that lol. Especially if you don't really believe in one before baby comes. I mean they will still get to do the whole baby shower thing, but you can relax since it won't be all about you since the baby will be there

I think that's a great compromise

FishyMom · August 2014

The baby shower is the one thing in this pregnancy that is stressing me out!! I don't want one at all and have been forced to have one.. When I have to talk about it or answer questions about it I cry... It is in a month from tomorrow and I am dreading it so so much!!

tigerpawie · August 2014

I feel the same way. Reading all the shower etiquettes questions on N14 and doing a shower with my 3rd baby (a large age gap, my youngest is 7 and this was unplanned. This would be FI first child too.) freaks me out. I am terrified my guests would be side-eying me. FI's mother insisted on throwing a informal shower for us at a restaurant - family only. I was fine with that as long she didn't put registry information on invitations. Only word by mouth if they want to know. My registry is only for 'shopping list' and to get the completion discounts.

My friend also wanted to throw me a shower. I talked to her today and told her I wasn't comfortable with that. This LO is my responsibility and I just want to celebrate this one but informally with no expectations for 'gifts' She suggested a small lunch out at our favorite restaurant with close friends. I am fine with that so we'll plan on it.

Maybe a informal small gathering with no expectations would work better than a full blown shower?

Maelara · August 2014

tigerpawie said:

I feel the same way. Reading all the shower etiquettes questions on N14 and doing a shower with my 3rd baby (a large age gap, my youngest is 7 and this was unplanned. This would be FI first child too.) freaks me out. I am terrified my guests would be side-eying me. FI's mother insisted on throwing a informal shower for us at a restaurant - family only. I was fine with that as long she didn't put registry information on invitations. Only word by mouth if they want to know. My registry is only for 'shopping list' and to get the completion discounts. My friend also wanted to throw me a shower. I talked to her today and told her I wasn't comfortable with that. This LO is my responsibility and I just want to celebrate this one but informally with no expectations for 'gifts' She suggested a small lunch out at our favorite restaurant with close friends. I am fine with that so we'll plan on it. Maybe a informal small gathering with no expectations would work better than a full blown shower?

We did this for my BFF. We combined it with her fiancés birthday and just had a board game night with chinese food. There just happened to be presents. It was super small and she appreciated that

knottie1a39e7be857e3e96 · August 2014

See, if I had to have one, low key would be perfect. But we're Italian and from Jersey (enough said) and my MIL, SIL and friends must have lavish, rich, and huge parties. And only her ideas and opinions can fly. Thinking about it gives me anxiety, lol.

absolutelymaybe · August 2014

tigerpawie said:

I feel the same way. Reading all the shower etiquettes questions on N14 and doing a shower with my 3rd baby (a large age gap, my youngest is 7 and this was unplanned. This would be FI first child too.) freaks me out. I am terrified my guests would be side-eying me. FI's mother insisted on throwing a informal shower for us at a restaurant - family only. I was fine with that as long she didn't put registry information on invitations. Only word by mouth if they want to know. My registry is only for 'shopping list' and to get the completion discounts. My friend also wanted to throw me a shower. I talked to her today and told her I wasn't comfortable with that. This LO is my responsibility and I just want to celebrate this one but informally with no expectations for 'gifts' She suggested a small lunch out at our favorite restaurant with close friends. I am fine with that so we'll plan on it. Maybe a informal small gathering with no expectations would work better than a full blown shower?

FYI I wouldn't side eye you for having a shower for a baby other than your first (as long as they weren't like back to back babies less than a year apart). In my region/social circle, it's perfectly normal. I know some people groups frown on that around here, but if YOUR social circle is OK with multiple showers it should be fine.

Also, I totally don't side eye having registry information on the shower invite. I thought that was pretty normal to do for a shower (just not like wedding invitations). Hmm. Mine was on my baby shower invite. Hope people aren't going to side eye me.

Basically, your attitude about your shower -- the fact that your so concerned about offended people -- tells me your probably the least likely to actually offend anyone.

But you should do what YOU are comfortable with.

tigerpawie · August 2014

@absolutelymaybe‌
If another person had a similar situation like mine, I wouldn't side eye either. I did throw a cute baby shower for one of my best friend with the exact same situation about two years ago! We all had fun.

I get kind of anxious easily and more so with the pregnancy. My mom is big on etiquette and I never forget that day she was admonishing me for adding my wedding registry info to the wedding invite. It was apparently a huge faux pas. I was 19 and didn't know any better. Haha! So when FI's mother wanted to send out invitations and asked for registry, all I could think about was my faux pas.

My siblings are also outspoken. I also thought about what my sister would say. What I go set up now will work better for me and I can give personal attention. I do better in small groups.

Edited twice!! My comment keeps cutting off.

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