NWMR: 40th birthday planning frustration

SunAndRain · August 2014

After much consideration I decided to spend my 40th b-day with just DH, rather than celebrating with even a small group of friends, because we really haven't had time to ourselves since DD came along. I found a restaurant that looks like it'll be a great treat for us both. I figured I'd let DH do some planning too, so I asked him to arrange for the grandparents to watch DD overnight and for him to choose a nice resort. I gave him a couple cities nearby that are known for amazing resorts. It really shouldn't be too hard to pick one. Pretty much fool proof. And I asked him to keep the evening romantic.

So DH comes home and tells me that his parents "reluctantly" agreed to take DD. MIL gets tired watching her. I totally get that. I don't want to burden them! We can pay a sitter over night. But DH said they will do it. "Reluctantly"...great! Now I feel guilty.

DH then hits me with a recommendation for a resort on a reservation. Which is...ok...even though it is outside of the cities I purposefully requested. Why did he suggest it? Oh, apparently it is one of the new "hot spots". And what, I asked, makes it a hot spot? Apparently it is where all the 20-somethings go to party. Which is exactly how I want to celebrate turning 40. Surrounded by hot women (and they are all hot around here) who are nearly half my age.

I'm upset. DH doesn't understand why. Am I over reacting? Or is DH being obtuse?

I'm thinking I might just tell DH to stay home and baby sit and I'll take a couple girfriends out to the nice restaurant I chose. Since romance is off the itinerary anyway.

HobbityBarb · August 2014

I think your husband is being very obtuse, and seems to have forgotten whose birthday is being celebrated!

shannm · August 2014

Boo. I'm sorry he isn't completely taking the bull by the horns and making it a stress free and fun thing for you.

74dragonfly · August 2014

Happy birthday! I just turned 40 in may. I am still a little shocked by it. It sound slike such a grown up age.

Anyway I think you should tell him i want to go to "X" resort. please book it. I think he was just trying to help by coming up with ideas. For my husband if I give too many ideas he throws out more ideas too, sounds like what your husband did.

id stick with the plan of a getaway without your kiddo.

MickeyM04 · August 2014

I would be super irritated too, but honestly you made the same mistake I always do. Not being really freaking specific. Instead of making suggestions about possible options, I would have said, "I want to stay at one of these two resorts. They both look great. I don't care which one. You pick." "I want something romantic. Here are 3 things I consider perfect. You pick one and surprise me." Any time you give a man (in my experience) some vague directive, you end up in the type of situation you're in now, where they think they're being helpful, and really they're not. It's not intentional, it's just that men don't think like we do. So you're bound to end up with something that he thinks is great, but you don't. I still think you should do a getaway. I don't know what to do about DD, because the thought of someone reluctantly agreeing to take my child would 100% make me want to find someone else who actually wants the job. But I would just plan your own getaway and tell DH what the plans are and just accept the fact that if you want the perfect weekend for you, you'll have to plan it yourself, since he kind of bombed the idea.

MickeyM04 · August 2014

LOL, maybe I'm hung up on the fact that he thought a romantic weekend was going to a spot where there would be a bunch of hot 20-somethings. Just what every 40 year old woman wants to see, right? I mean ouch!

SunAndRain · August 2014

catbenatar said:

I would just plan your own getaway and tell DH what the plans are and just accept the fact that if you want the perfect weekend for you, you'll have to plan it yourself, since he kind of bombed the idea.
Damn, some of you guys are harsh. The man had one suggestion! One! lol

And his ONE idea sucked. I specifically told him I was envisioning a romantic evening. Help me understand how an evening being surrounded by hot women half my age qualifies. Maybe I'm missing something.

Pips09 · August 2014

I think he was definitely off base with his suggestion, but you did tell him to plan something. Next time, or this time, just tell him which ones you want, and have him pick from your list. That way you know you'll be on the same page.

bumpuser10331514 · August 2014

You said "romantic." He heard "sex." Cue the young, hot babes. Or maybe he thought that going to someplace "youthful" would make you feel "youthful." Or maybe he was remembering when you were 20-something and that it would have been a place you would have liked to go then and it would make you feel youthful again. The point is: men are not known for their skills in logic. Just decline, ask him if he thought that place would be romantic. Then discuss what exactly "romantic" means. Then give him his options again (except maybe just one city to choose from, since they get overwhelmed and distracted so easily).

SunAndRain · August 2014

Thanks everyone for the commiseration and great advice. I'm sure what ever dh plans will be great.

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