My baby isn't sleeping.

Belinca · August 2014

To start off. I know it's my fault he's not sleeping. I'm not consistent with what I'm doing and I'm trying to fix it, but it seems like nothing is working. My baby has gotten used to falling asleep using me as a pacifier. Now I did get to a point where I would not let him, but then he wanted to just touch my chest for comfort and will not stop crying until he could. My husband can't stand the crying during the night and would rather me do anything I can to get the lil one to be quiet. Now we are back to square one again. On top of all this we are in a one bedroom apartment until the start of the school semester. Once we get our two bedroom apartment back my husband wants to start the cry it out method. At first I thought it sounded great, but when we move back he'll be working and going to school and I will be doing my internship. So we will be both exhausted. We also are going to have a babysitter start this Thursday and I want the lil one to be less dependent on me to fall asleep because that will be torture for her to get him to nap during the day. Our LO is so unpredictable on top of all this. Recently he has done 6 hours of sleeping through the night then the next day he wakes every two hours even though his day is pretty much the same.
Another thing I am concerned about is his ability to sleep by himself. I've watched him when he starts whining in the middle of the night. He doesn't just whine. He moves around. He moves so much that he gets himself sitting up crying with his eyes wide open. Occasionally he will try to stand in the crib too, which I hate because he is still sleepy and doesn't have his balance and ends up hitting his head against the crib which makes it even worse. I know he gets enough to eat so he is able to sleep through the night, but I guess he is just now used to waking up every few hours through the night.

I don't know what the best route to take in dealing with this. This is more of venting at 1 am after ice gotten him to go back to sleep again finally knowing its a matter of time when he will wake up again. Sorry for the randomness of this post.

Frustrated mother

Flamingemu · August 2014

How old is your son? The only way to teach your child to sleep, is to let him sleep and be consistent.

There are thousands of ways to get a child to sleep. I used CIO, but you have to use what will work for your family, just do it every day/night.

I takes time to break a habit for an adult, let alone a child, Stick to your guns, don't give in, and he will follow suit.

SarahBBowers · August 2014

How old is LO? My DD is a terrible sleeper, but slowly it has been getting better lately with consistency. Also google the sleep lady shuffle. I forget the name of the actual book, but it was very helpful.

I totally get your frustration. Hang in there mama!!! You are not alone

maybebride · August 2014

My kid has been a great sleeper from day one - under the right conditions. We still nurse to sleep at 20 months and MOTN, but that is my choice to continue and he actually has many nights a week now where he pulls off and falls asleep on his own. Your husband needs to get on the same page as you. If you want to CIO, great. But, he needs to understand that is going to require his involvement. Especially if you are still breastfeeding and want to break him of that sleep crutch, your husband will have to step up at bedtime and MOTN; can't just be you. (For the record, my DH needs to do the same, so I am not putting your DH down at all!)

As for the babysitter and naps, have you never left your son with anybody else for nap time? While we exclusively nurse to sleep (bed or nap) when together, DS has no trouble being rocked to sleep by DH or his Nana (rocking needs to stop at some point too). I was worried about that myself, but he has never given either of them a moment's difficulty in that area.

As others have said, consistency is the key. We are not always very consistent in my house, but when we do manage it, DS is much happier and a much better sleeper, day and night.

Beevol · August 2014

We let our daughter CIO and she was fine with it, I had a much harder time though. It sounds like your husband wanting you to "do whatever it takes" to get the baby to be quiet is a big part of the problem, though. You two need to be a firm, unified front and you need to support each other in whatever decision you make. Especially in the first week or so of a new routine, giving in "to get the baby to be quiet" once will set you back to square one.

Making sure that you are consistent with naps and an early bed time will also help (depending on the baby's age and what time your family wakes up between 6 and 8 pm is a good standard).

When the baby wakes up at night, how you react matters. Wait a few minutes before going to him - I usually get up and go to the bathroom and by the time I've washed my hands, she's back asleep. Most of the time, babies are loud sleepers and they can talk or even cry in their sleep - getting them will just wake them up and keep them from self-soothing. If the baby is still crying after a few minutes and you want to check on him, keep the lights off. Don't talk to him or nurse him, and honestly, try not to make good eye contact (not to say don't look at the kid, but don't engage him directly). Go check on him, help him lie back down in bed, and maybe sing one verse of his before bed lullaby (we've had good results with one constant lullaby being the last thing before bedtime and use that). If he's flipping out like from a bad dream, comfort him (but no nursing or talking other than soothing murmurs), and then lay him back down. Try to make waking up in the middle of the night the most boring thing in the world.

Belinca · September 2014

Thanks for the advice. The inconsistency is definiteley what's killing us. Haven't decided what's best yet.

BelhurstBride · September 2014

You could also look into the No Cry Sleep Solution, but you'll probably see the best results with your DH's involvement.

jhunter77 · September 2014

I would love to hear what you have decided to try as well as how it is working! We are in the same boat, not sure if you saw my post (13 month old can't sleep without mommy and daddy) and there is a lot of good advice on there. Unfortunately, I am having a hard time committing to one thing. I dread the sleepless nights as well as no longer cuddling with our sweet boy.

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