GTKY: Parental Distance

CNJ4EVA · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents?

How far from H's parents?

Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements?

CNJ4EVA · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents?
I don't have a relationship with my father, but he lives in the Bronx (about 40 miles from me). My mom lives in the same complex we do.

How far from H's parents?
MIL also lives in the same complex. FIL lives about 15 miles from us.

Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements?
I like living so close to my mom, especially since she needs assistance often due to poor health.

I hate living so close to MIL.

I wish FIL was closer since he watches LO during the week and it would make pick up and drop off easier, but I really can't complain. Could be a lot worse!

kelseyhh · August 2014

We live about an hour and a half from my parents. I think it's a good distance, but I wish it was more like an hour. It's far enough that they don't expect to see us all the time, but close enough that we can see them whenever we want. I just wish that it was more like an hour, because it's too far to drive there as back in a day, so we end up staying the night, which is annoying.

We live about 25 minutes away from DHs family which is too close IMO. Counting the adopted siblings, there are 7 children in all, who all live here. I feel like we're expected to go out there ALL THE TIME for someone's birthday and every holiday. It gets old after a while.

coffeeandbooks · August 2014

We are five hours from all our family. I have moments when this really upsets me and I wish we all lived much much closer. However, sometimes extended family can put pressure on a marriage so I don't see it all as all bad either though.

motang · August 2014

My parents are about 5 miles away.
FIL is also about 5 miles away. MIL lives here seasonally. When she's here she's 20 mins away. When she's away she's 1200 miles away.
I love that my parents are so close. We see them a few times a week. My FIL used to live next door until we moved about 9 months ago. He acts like the 10 mins it takes to get to our house is too far. We see him once a week. We don't have the greatest relationship with MIL so we see her only a few times a year.

c-elizabethf · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents? About 15-20 minutes.

How far from H's parents?
About 5-10 minutes.
Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements?

I'm happy with the way it is, i like having them close.

sundaesprinkles · August 2014

We're about 50 miles from everyone. (They all live in the same town, which is the one we grew up in.) We moved up here because the housing was cheaper and we didn't mind the commute when it was just us. Now that we have DS we are so over the commute and are in the process of getting our house ready for sale so we can move back. (You live, you learn.)

We get along with everyone fairly well so we are looking forward to living close by. My parents are great but can be overly involved. They never think we visit enough. I'm a little worried my mom will want to come over everyday once we're down there! My MIL is wonderful and we have a great relationship with her too but at the same time she has her own life so she doesn't overstep boundaries like my parents tend to.

huzzahuzza · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents?
Approx 2 hours

How far from H's parents?
1/2 hour-ish

Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements?
I wish my parents were closer and like having my IL at that distance because they can babysit.
The ones I REALLY want distance from is both BILs because they really take a toll on DH's self esteem. It's like they're still children!

surpriseaddition · August 2014

My parents are both deceased. DH's father is also deceased. His mom is 86 and has Alzheimer's. She can't remember my kids' names, and lives in a special nursing home. It really sucks!

Even if you aren't thrilled with your parents/in-laws, not having them at all is even worse.

tee18 · August 2014

We live 1 mile from my parents, and 2 miles from H's parents. I'm so glad we live close. It's so helpful to be able to have the help when I need it. We will be moving to a single-family home in the next few years hopefully and don't want to be further that 30 minutes. I'd actually prefer to stay this close though. It can be overwhelming though like PP mentioned because we are expected to be at a lot of my IL's events, plus weekly get togethers.

We live in a high cost of living area, so that's the only downside because we want to be really close to our families, but feel a little stuck in our area (we'd prefer to move to a different, less expensive area).

MamaMD · August 2014

We live about 1800 miles from my parents and DH's parents. We moved away 8 years ago and loved it for a long time. But things have changed for me since having LO. A big part of me really wants to move back. DH not so much but lately he's even been considering the idea. I really want LO to have a chance to be close to her family and we don't have any family close by where we live now. My 3 sisters, DH's brother, SIL, and my 2 nephews all live near our parents.

Boo0512 · August 2014

We live about 25 mins from my parents and 10 from DH's.

I love where my parents are. His parents are too close. They are very nice about babysitting any time we need them which I really appreciate. However, my ILs are on our property just about every single day. That's too much for me.

delino · August 2014

My parents are about 15-20 minutes away. Mil is about 10 minutes and FIL is about 5 minutes.

I'm happy with this. I wish my parents were a little bit closer so I could pop in more often.

smg2302 · August 2014

My parents are 4 hours away. MIL is 90 minutes. FIL is in NY (we're in FL).

We have this conversation so often. We would love to be closer to family, but because of how spread out they are, we will never be near all of them. I miss my parents so much, but I grew up where they live, and dislike it so much. Living there is out, and they are not leaving ever. We talk about relocating to NY when DD is ready for kindergarten, to be closer to the rest of DH's family. MIL would follow us there. My parents would visit seasonally if my home was accessible (dad has many physical limitations). I'm not sure there is a perfect solution, but we're definitely over splitting up whatever time we do have off only visiting family. It would be nice to take a real vacation once in a while.

littlewest1 · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents? About one hour in the summer and but they go to Florida for the winter so however far it is from Michigan to Florida (24 hour drive).

How far from H's parents? About an hour

Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements? I wish they were a little closer for babysitting purposes and I miss my parents like crazy when they are in Florida. Overall though it's pretty good.

littlewest1 · August 2014

surpriseaddition said:

My parents are both deceased. DH's father is also deceased. His mom is 86 and has Alzheimer's. She can't remember my kids' names, and lives in a special nursing home. It really sucks!
Even if you aren't thrilled with your parents/in-laws, not having them at all is even worse.

Awe, that must be hard. Both of my grandparents died when I was really young and I have barely any memory of them. I was always jealous when other kids got to spend the summers with their grandparents. I'm sorry yout LO doesn't have that either.

caden1206 · August 2014

My parents just moved five hours away. My SOs live here half the year and then in Maine for the summer.

I wish my parents were still here.

memcgee1 · August 2014

Reading all these responses really makes me sad about the distance we are from both mine and DH's families. My parents live 7 hours from us, and my ILs are 1300 miles away in the summer and 1900 miles away in the winter (not that it really makes a difference). We have no family close by, and I hate it. DD is going to grow up thinking that it's normal to only see your grandparents via Skype

I would love to move closer to either set of grandparents, but DH and I both have great jobs with amazing benefits that I'm not sure we can afford to give up. Maybe one day we will get closer, but for now it is what it is.

Kashy · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents?
-We live 40 mins away from my parents

How far from H's parents?
-They live in a different province

Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements?
-I sometimes wish my parents lived in the same city as we do. they live in a small town and my mom hates driving in the city so they almost never come to us, we always go to them.
I also would love it if both sets of H's patents lived closer. They are great with Gus and we all get along great.

lizziebooper · August 2014

All the parents live within a 2 min drive as my son says Grandma and Papa up the hill and Grandma down the hill. I love having my family close.

john5111 · August 2014

My mom lives just over an hour away..its really perfect bc its close enough to spend a few hours and still go back the same day... sometimes I wish she was in town for babysitting for nights out..now shes gotten to the point where she likes us to bring him to her to babysit for a weekend or whatever and it can get annoying if we have to drive somewhere else on top of it.

Dh's family lives a little over 3 hours away....it just sucks because it always involves staying over night or them staying over for visits..but it is nice bc they would drive me bonkers wanting to come over all the time if they were closer.. they already assume we should drive back for everything.

flyliceandcoffee · August 2014

We're 8-ish hours by plane from my parents and 11-ish hours by car from DH's mom. So basically no grandparents around at all.

It kind of sucks in that we don't have anyone around to help us, but my parents at least make an effort to visit every couple months if they can. We only see my MIL like twice a year though so that really sucks. Our families are in completely opposite directions though so we're not moving towards one or the other because then we'd most likely never see the other set.

emmy236 · August 2014

We live in another state than both our families. We're from the same place in NY, which is where my parents and siblings live but DH's family has moved to VA which is about 5 hours from us. Far enough away to he drive able and a pain in the ass at the same time. We do prefer to be on our own. It's always been that way. My parents rented a place in NC near us to help with R but it was too much. The only thing that sucks is always having to fly back home for events or make that drive to VA. DH luckily put his foot down that we will he home for Christmas and my parents are flying down. We'll do thanksgiving in VA.

surpriseaddition · August 2014

littlewest1 said:

surpriseaddition said:

My parents are both deceased. DH's father is also deceased. His mom is 86 and has Alzheimer's. She can't remember my kids' names, and lives in a special nursing home. It really sucks!
Even if you aren't thrilled with your parents/in-laws, not having them at all is even worse.

Awe, that must be hard. Both of my grandparents died when I was really young and I have barely any memory of them. I was always jealous when other kids got to spend the summers with their grandparents. I'm sorry yout LO doesn't have that either.

Thanks @littlewest1. My parents were 41 & 48 when they had me, and I only had one living grandparent at that time who was 80. She died at 93 when I was 13, and lived in nursing homes my whole life so no fond memories of vacations etc. with her. I told myself I'd have my kids younger so they could have at least some years with their grandparents (I was 28 & 30). But, this LO being born when I was 43 has continued this cycle! It's one of those things that people really don't think about when they have kids later in life. It stinks to not have grandparents. :-q

blush64 · August 2014

My husband's mother passed away and he has no contact with his father. (for many years) We don't actually know where he lives or if he is still alive.

My parents live a 4 minute walk away. (our backyards touch)

We are happy with the distance. My parents never come over unless invited but they are always willing to help out if we need anything. (at any time of day or night) We are welcome to go to their house any time. We are a really close family, we don't knock on doors and we are expected to help ourselves to a drink or snack from their fridge if we want one. Growing up we never knocked on our aunt's or uncle's doors, it was always expected to just walk in.

My parents were pretty young when they had kids so they are still pretty young grandparents. My own grandparents are getting older now. Family is important to me so I suggest my husband reaches out to his father if it isn't too late but I understand that sometimes issues are too big to overcome.

jmevol · August 2014

My parents are 8 hours away and the ILs are about 15 hours (by car). I wish we were closer but that won't happen until h can retire...trying to convince my mom to get a condo/summer house somewhere between me and my sister (4.5 hours away) but mom's been in the same city for decades so I don't see that happening.

I'm ok with the distance, because my mom drives me crazy after about 3 days, and I'm pretty sure I drive my ILs crazy, but I do get jealous of friends who can get "free" babysitting on a moments notice. DH and I haven't had a date since......December 2013?

bumpuser3155624 · August 2014

We are about 3 hrs from my family and 5 from dh's.

This was after relocating for work. We were 30 min from my family before. It would be nice to be closer but for now it is what it is

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

10 mins from my parents

19 hour flight from H's parents

Wouldn't have it any other way.

TheFutureMrs.O · August 2014

How far do you live from your parents? We live about 700 miles away. About 11 hours by vehicle.

How far from H's parents? Same as above. Hubby and I are from the same area and we moved together 9 years ago.

Happy, sad, or indifferent with current arrangements? It sucks. We would love to be able to go out and do more more often. We have only been away from DS a few times. I feel they are missing out on so much but it makes the times we do see family that much more special. And I know my mom takes it hard when he doesn't even remember or know who she is when she comes to visit.

Lolalipsy · August 2014

I live about 10mins drive away from mine. My H's are the same although he only has his Dad now as his mum passed last year. My H and his Dad don't speak so we really only see my side of the family and his sister and a few cousins on his side.

I love having my family close after living apart from them for so long. They're a good help but they're not ones for interfering so my H loves them. He always says he has a real family now.

TradeMama · August 2014

My IL's are 12 hours away and my mom is 0 hours away. My mom lives with us. I'd like the ILs to be closer and my mom to be further away.

snowgirl427 · August 2014

We live 11 miles from my parents (about a 15 min drive). DH's parent's are both deceased.

I'm very happy to be so close to my parents. We moved here when DS was born and they watch him full-time. It saddens me a lot that DH's parents never got to meet J.

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