bummed out, feeling lost
After DD was born, I worked for almost a full year. When I was still working, I still felt like myself- I had the same job, same friends, same basic routine, just with a baby waiting for me when I got home. Not much changed with my relationship with DH, either, other than having to fit in sex during naptime or after DD's bedtime. No big deal.
I really felt guilty being away from DD, so I quit work when she was almost a year old. She'll be two next month, so I've been a SAHM for just over a year. For the first 10 months I was home, I watched another little girl who's the same age as DD. It was very stressful, so I quit that a few months ago. Anyway, for the last few months, and especially for the last few weeks, I've been in a funk.
I just don't feel like myself. The weather is crappy, so I haven't been able to get outside for walks much, I cancelled my gym membership (to save $) so I haven't been able to work out at all, other than some yoga at home. I have a hard time meeting with friends from work because they're all working 10-12 hour days and partying at night and I'm just not into that. My only married friends live 75 miles away so I see them rarely, and I haven't made any mom friends yet because I wasn't able to take DD to any mom-and-me groups or anything when I was watching the other little girl. I feel like I have no one to talk to other than DH. I've been doing some web design and internet marketing for a local store and I meet with the store owner every 2 weeks or so, but I always take DD along with me, so I'm not even getting a break there. The only thing I really do for me is a once-a-week Bible study that's started to feel more like a chore than a pleasure. I don't really have time for any hobbies because I use DD's naptime to do my computer work, and time after she's in bed to spend with DH (when he's not studying).
To top it off, I feel really disconnected from DH. He just finished finals for a class on Tuesday, and that class has been his main focus for the last 4 weeks or so. When he really puts his nose to the grindstone like he did, everything falls to the wayside, especially time with me. He did make time for DD every night, for which I was extremely grateful, but it also made me jealous because I felt like he'd rather spend time with her than me. Normally, I'd just put on something slinky, drink a few glasses of wine, and have my way with him, but I'm feeling really gross and unattractive because I'm 5 months PG and every pound of the 15 that I've gained is in my belly. Sex is almost work for us now, and it sometimes isn't worth it.
I used to work in the fashion business, and I loved to look good. I shopped sales and discount stores, but I was able to look pretty trendy no matter what. Now, I don't see the point in buying new maternity clothes because DH is the only one who sees them, and he doesn't care what I wear (if it's not a short skirt, he really doesn't even notice). I've stopped wearing makeup because my eyes are really sensitive suddenly, and I've stopped blowing out my hair because I want it to get healthy.
DH and I plan on starting a few projects around the house this week, so that should give us something to do together and get us talking a little easier again, and it should give me some feeling of accomplishment. I signed DD up for a storytime at the library and a gym class at the local fitness center starting in 2 weeks, so that will get us out of the house and meeting other kids and moms, and maybe I'll meet someone I actually get along with.
Right now, I feel like I've lost my spark, or whatever you want to call it, that
makes me who I am. I'm just "Mommy". I'm really down right now. I'm just wondering if anyone else feels or has felt like they lost a part of themselves when they quit working and became a SAHM. How did you fix it?
Re: bummed out, feeling lost
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I have felt this way sometimes. I usually get out of it by buying myself some new clothes, wearing makeup, fixing my hair. Pretty much just focusing on myself a bit.
Even though you don't feel like buying new clothes, etc, try it, even if your husband doesn't notice, you may feel better about yourself.
Have you considered going back to work? Maybe even part-time, if you'd be happier that way.
Its never too late to join groups - my local nest board is very active and meets regularly. Or you could try Meetup.com, my cousin is a SAHM in a small town and has made friends that way.
Hi, I am with you more days than not I feel like I am just alone, my husband works so much, and just does not give me one day of his time, most weeks. So on top of just simply being board, when I do want to get out and do something, he is always gone. So then I get even more made at him because he has the life now, and can do whatever, whenever!!
I really dont know what helps, I too go to a Bible study called MOPS eo friday, really ejoy that. I cant go to they gym because it seems like more of a pain than anything, bringing pump, getting someone to watch her SNOW!
I dont know, I guess I just wanted you to know I am having my days as well.
I too know how you feel. ?I didn't think I'd be a SAHM, much less a mom, when I was growing up and even in college. ?But after getting married I wanted to have a kid and then I thought that I wanted to be there for my children to watch them grow. ?Besides day care is too expensive. ?I'd be working just to break even and it didn't make sense. ?So I've been home since I was 7 1/2 months pregnant with my son. ?He is now 2 years old and I am expecting our second child sometime at the end of May/early June (depending when c-section is scheduled). ? It was great a first, DH helped out with the feedings and changing diapers. ?Then he just slowly stopped helping so much and was always gone, even on weekends. ?We also lived in a very small community and most our neighbors were my parents age, so there weren't many kids for my son to play with or mom's for me to relate to. Most of my friends either still worked or lived too far away for us to get together. ?I felt very alone and was depressed a lot. Then we moved. ?There is a playgroup in our new community and I take my son to gym class and met a few mom's there. ?My son has a best friend from that group now and we get together occasionally. ?Now that I am pregnant I haven't been going to playgroup as much because I've been really sick. ?And my DH is still gone all the time. ?Our new house still has "projects" that are being done so it's a mess a lot. ?My son is very demanding of my time which takes a lot out of me and I still don't get to see my friends as much as I had hoped. ?I just had a break down which I thought was a case of post-pardum depression while being pregnant if that is possible. ?I just cried all the time, was miserable, didn't want to get out of bed. ?Hated everyone and everything. ?Felt like I was the worst mother for not giving my son the attention he needed, and for not being able to give this pregnancy the attention I did the first time around. ?Felt like a horrible wife for always yelling at DH, blah blah. ?It goes on. ?Now I am doing better after talking to a friend but I still feel that sometimes I'm still alone. ?But it's gotten better. ?I think even if I was working I'd not be 100% happy either. ?I think that it's that my life has changed a lot in the last 2 years and I'm still trying to deal with it. ?To work it all out and accept it. ?It's hard. ?But I think just by talking about it with people (DH, friends, family, board groups, etc.) it helps. ?Now I just try to take it one day at a time. ?Try not to have unrealistic expectations of myself or my my life. ?I do love being home with my son everyday. ?I cherish it. ?Not that he doesn't annoy me sometimes but I still love him and still want to be home with him. ?I'm also learning to ask for help more and not try to do it all. ?I just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way and still do, some days. ?It's a work in progress but in the end I know it's all worth it, and some day I will look back on this time and laugh about it. ?Anyway, I hope just knowing you aren't the only one who is going through this helps you survive and gives you confidence that you can make it. ?(it's helped me). ??Good luck!