What would you do?

aminalex · August 2014

Ladies, my best friend and roomie from college is having her wedding 3 weeks after my due date. She asked me to be in her bridal party but I politely declined because I just couldn't commit to something with that much responsibility so close to the arrival of LO. She is being super chill and very accommodating.

I'm a FTM so I really don't know what to expect about the aftermath. I'd like to go to the wedding but with a 3 week old... and it's in another state (not far but DH and I don't drive). What do you think we should do?

Emerald27 · August 2014

Babies are so often late. You could even have a 2 week old or less.

I would not have felt up to a wedding that soon pp.

Is it the sort of venue where you can tell her you'll come if you can but depending on when baby arrives it might not happen?

pnwlover12 · August 2014

FamousEa said:

Wait you don't drive? Genuinely curious that's all. The first few weeks home with a new baby is an adjustment for anyone, I think you should see how you feel at that point. Also think about the season, being around all those people, I'm not saying you have to quarantine yourself and LO but going to a huge event like a wedding with a 3 week old would not be on my list. Good luck making your decision OP

Yep, all of this. I wouldn't go. The first 4 weeks are insanely hard, and I barely had time to shower when I had my DD, let alone, be presentable for a wedding that I had to drive to another state to go to.

aminalex · August 2014

She said we can tell her up to the day if we're coming or not. She's so sweet. I'm leaving towards no and taking her out to brunch or something after things settle down at home. Famous Ea, we live in NYC. We're starting to think about getting licenses now since LO on the way. Public transport is the way to go in the mean time! Lol

Klavanga74 · August 2014

I flew alone with my DD and attended a wedding when she was 8 weeks, but the difference between 3 and 8 weeks is huge. I wouldn't make any decisions yet. If she's giving you the leeway to decide up to the day, I'd take the time. So many variables, you just can't know righ now how you'll feel.

AmandaJean12 · August 2014

We had a family member bring her brand new baby to our wedding because she felt pressure from my grandma and aunts to come (definitely NOT from me) and while having the baby there was adorable, the mom looked like she wanted to be anywhere else the whole time. I totally don't blame her, she was exhausted.

If it was me, i might hold off and see because you could have your LO early. But I wouldn't make yourself go if you're not feeling up to it.

MollyC20 · August 2014

I will say we flew from tx to Chicago for a wedding with a 5 week old. My husband was the best man and for some reason we decided I'd go too... HUGE MISTAKE!! It was nice for family to see the baby, but I was literally in the hotel with a SCREAMING/colicy baby the entire night and I was freaking out. If you're ok with that being a possibility I'd say go, otherwise skip it.

hgielrebmik · August 2014

I drove to a cousin's wedding (7 hrs away) when DS was four weeks old with just me DD and DS. It was a cousins wedding and I spent the weekend at my parents who live in that area. The drive took longer than normal as I had to stop to nurse and manage a newborn and 4 yr old by myself, but I managed just fine. Being at the wedding and reception was no big deal either, but I had a fairly easy labor and delivery and had family at the wedding to help me. ( I was also a STM and was very comfortable with BFing). You may end up feeling up to it - you may not. It's great that she is being so flexible with you. If you don't go, celebrating brunch with her sounds like a good option.

IrishHoney123 · August 2014

I think you could go if you feel up to it. I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding when DS1 was 4 weeks old. I felt fine, but the top of my dress was a little better filled out!

I also had to go to a funeral 3 days postpartum with DS2, and again felt fine. I've had pretty easy deliveries, though. I just wanted to add that you might feel great not long after delivery!

aminalex · August 2014

Thanks ladies! This makes me feel like less of a horrible friend for not going.

DaniGrace89 · August 2014

Also a FTM, but just wanted to share I'm in a similar boat.
I'm the matron of honor in my sister's wedding about 9 days before my due date.

No clue what to expect, but just wanted to give some support.

andrieya · August 2014

@Alexturnier‌ is it in the tri-state so that you COULD get there w public transit?

archi35 · August 2014

For what its worth my doctor recommended not bringing LO out of the house for visits or trips outside of the doctor, for the first 2 months unless necessary. Obvi this is one doctor's opinion (and from another culture with different scales of illnesses) but she said until then he would be too fragile and its not worth it.

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