Can I just vent?

nightowl1989 · August 2014

I feel so ungrateful to even go this direction. I see some of you ladies here on the board having a legit tough time with personal stuff and I'm thinking of you and just feel like shit for feeling like shit, you know? So please, none of you take this the wrong way because you're all awesome and deserve the best and I really wish you'd all get it.

I feel like I'm drowning or going crazy or something. I can't control my emotions and they're all over the place. I'm having a really hard time not throwing something or slapping people or stupid shit, and that frustrates me to no end. DH has been away since the 24th and doesn't get back until Friday night, and I haven't had a good night's sleep since he left. The house is a mess and I'm overwhelmed with that because I don't even know where to start even if I had the energy. Then I'm freaking out with all the errands and stuff I have to do in addition to work when all I want to do is go home and sleep. Add in the fact that I'm ignored completely at work unless someone wants something or someone wants to get on my case because I was in the bathroom for 30 minutes trying not to throw up or I need to leave 15 minutes early to make it to a place before they close at 5. I just want to scream, and then I remember the fact that I forgot to eat all day and it's 7pm and I have to start all over again tomorrow and I just start crying and can't stop.

I'm tired. I feel like I have a hangover or something. I hurt all over all the time. Standing hurts. Sitting hurts. Then there's the fact that I'm wondering why I even still care about a career that punishes me for trying to be honest about the problems I've been having with this pregnancy. I'm sick and tired of being a wreck and there's no end in sight. There's no way out and I feel so selfish for even thinking that in the first place.

I just want to curl up in a corner and cry myself to sleep but I don't bend that way anymore.

MrsSinner402 · August 2014

Here. You need this >:D<

ohioloveyou · August 2014

Aw hugs! We're all entitled to feel just absolutely shitty sometimes. I hope that this passes and you feel better both emotionally and physically soon.

SusieBW · August 2014

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so miserable. It doesn't matter what anyone else has going on, you're entitled to feel like shit sometimes and to vent and complain about it all you want. Hopefully once your DH gets home, things will get better for you. Take some deep breaths, and think about what things that you're stressing yourself with are really and truly vital to get done right now. Then let some of the other stuff go. It stresses me out to have a messy house, too, but sometimes you just have to let some things go for another day to save your own sanity. Do something for yourself instead of worrying about the house and the errands for one afternoon/evening. Do you have enough PTO that you could take a day off work or call in sick (mental health days are still sick days, IMO) one day this week to do something for yourself for the day? It sounds like a day out of the office might also help you a little.

It sounds like a lot of what you're feeling is pretty normal pregnancy emotions/hormones. We all have days and weeks like that, so just know that you are not alone, and we're totally here if you want to vent and notch about it. There is an end in sight - first when your DH is home from his trip, and later when LO gets here and you have a sweet, squishy baby to cuddle. No one said pregnancy was easy. Try to take it one day at a time and look for the positives wherever you can. You've got this.

bumpuser10309732 · August 2014

one of these *creepy internet hugs*

and one of these

cozybluebear · August 2014

Hang in there! Pregnancy itself can be overwhelming and when you throw in the daily tasks in life it can sometimes feel like too much. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed, I make lists... that makes me feel like I have a little more control over the chaos. When are you starting your maternity leave? Are you returning to work after baby? Have you considered a new career after maternity leave? Maybe taking some time now and exploring new options or working on a resume might make you feel better.

MrsTinMKE · August 2014

I'm sorry you are having a rough time! I can tell you that you are not alone in how you are feeling with being overwhelmed. I think this is natural right now. You feel like you have so much to do and no energy to do it. the lack of sleep doesn't help. Hopefully once your H is home you will have some sleep and some help. I make sure to tell my H when I need him to help me out, and we make a list of the things we need to do and cross them off as we go. It just helps us to manage what we need to get done, and we also prioritize these things so we don't get overwhelmed. It helps when you look at that list and say, Ok, we crossed two things off our list tonight, it is still progress.

Can you try to do something for yourself and get a message or something? Maybe if you can take a time out, relax a little and get some sleep you will feel refreshed enough to begin tackling somethings? I hope you feel better soon. It is no fun when things pile up like that and you feel like you don't know what you will do. Sometimes you just have to stop, take a break for yourself then come back to everything if you can.

Jennifer18131 · August 2014

I completely understand how you feel. Ditto PPs, you are entitled to feel overwhelmed and sad and stressed and all of the other emotions you feel.

There was a moment in early 2nd tri where I just felt sad. Then I felt guilty for feeling sad because I had to "reason" to feel sad - I had a healthy baby, a perfect pregnancy, an amazing husband who was always in my corner, and a wonderful family I could lean on for support. So it started a downward spiral of sadness and guilt.

I know that your time is already spread thin, but is there a way for you to take some time to yourself? You need to allow yourself to really feel those emotions that you have and to think/work through them. Allow yourself to cry, indulge in a super large sundae with extra chocolate sauce. Is there a way you can talk to a counselor? Set up an appointment for every other week or once a month or something? Grab a girlfriend and use her as a counselor?

We are here for you. You can do this!

[Deleted User] · August 2014

Vent away! I hope you find some ways to let stress out without it eating you up. Know that we are all here for you!

bennikki · August 2014

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! It sucks and it's totally normal! I'm not a list maker, but DH is, and when I start to feel this way, I know it's time to sit down and make a list. I make the tasks small and short, so I can manage them. For example, instead of saying, "clean the house," I'll start listing a detailed break-down such as: 1) Sweep kitchen floor 2) Mop kitchen floor 3) Clean counter tops 4) Dust living room 5) Vacuum living room...It feels more manageable, and like I really accomplished something when I can cross several things off my list even though it may have taken me only 20 minutes. As far as the being in pain part, google third trimester stretches or third trimester yoga. You can often find quick stretches to do throughout the day to help keep you comfortable, and the bonus is they can help get baby in the right position for labor and birth.

NavyFlyer · August 2014

I have TOTALLY had days exactly like this. I don't know what to say to help because I never really found anyway to make myself feel better either. One of those days I just popped a benadryl to get a good nights sleep and I felt better the next day. Not a good solution, I know.

Just know you are NOT crazy, and you are not the only one who feels like this! It doesn't mean you are unprepared, etc. We will all get through this!!!

Eastie156 · August 2014

((creepy internet hugs))

Pregnancy can be super hard and everyone has a different level of what they can take, so don't compare yourself to anyone else. Hope it gets better soon. Maybe talk to your Dr. about how you are feeling? They can evaluate if you are feeling normal pregnancy "stuff" or if it's something worse.

yella726 · August 2014

BIG hugs. Big. HUGE! (Total Pretty Woman reference)

I'm so sorry about everything that is happening all at once, everything that is overwhelming, everything that seems totally out of your control and everything that is just plain uncomfortable. Glad you came to vent because all of this is valid! I wish us interwebs folks could help lighten some of the load, even if it's to just sit with you for a little bit. But we ARE here and you are not crazy, mama! You've got a serious load on your plate (hell, you're growing a HUMAN!!!). I hope that you'll get a chance to take some time for yourself soon -- even if for just half an hour. You deserve to be taking care of yourself!

nightowl1989 · August 2014

Thank you so much guys. I really really appreciate the support. I've just been feeling at the end of my rope for a while now and it's just...GAH!

As it stands right now, I will literally be working up until the day my water breaks and I'll get 42 days after that. Then back to this...place. I wish I had to option to just leave because it's gotten to the point with these people that I would in a heartbeat, but my commitment isn't up until 2018. I've been wishing a lot lately I could go back in time and tell the me who decided to join the military not to do it. If I'd known the lies, drama, and conniving people in the real AF, I would've never joined. I suppose it doesn't matter much anyway in the long run. Being truthful and transparent with them has effectively ended my career, so maybe it'll only be another year of misery as opposed to four.

MrsTinMKE · August 2014

bennikki said:

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! It sucks and it's totally normal! I'm not a list maker, but DH is, and when I start to feel this way, I know it's time to sit down and make a list. I make the tasks small and short, so I can manage them. For example, instead of saying, "clean the house," I'll start listing a detailed break-down such as: 1) Sweep kitchen floor 2) Mop kitchen floor 3) Clean counter tops 4) Dust living room 5) Vacuum living room...It feels more manageable, and like I really accomplished something when I can cross several things off my list even though it may have taken me only 20 minutes. As far as the being in pain part, google third trimester stretches or third trimester yoga. You can often find quick stretches to do throughout the day to help keep you comfortable, and the bonus is they can help get baby in the right position for labor and birth.

I have to second the yoga. I have been having terrible back pain, to the point I cant sleep. Doing some simple yoga stretches really helped the aches and pains. this helped me to sleep better and feel like I could contribute more at home. Some times simple things like this can help. Others have suggested good yoga videos on YouTube.

Glas43 · August 2014

Just wanted to extend my thoughts and prayers!

Syllessa · August 2014

Just because some of us are having a hard time/struggling right now, does not make your feelings and struggle any less important. You are important, too.

That said, >:D< to you. I hope things start turning around for you.

BeckyH05 · August 2014

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Thinking of you and hoping things get better soon.

Ann488 · August 2014

Oh my gosh... U described me exactly. I feel for you. I literally hate everyone and everything. Nothing goes right!! Its horrible. I'm sure you feel so tired of being tired and you know you're being irrational, but can't help it. Just hang in there... You can do this. It will be over soon. You've managed to get this far!! Your struggles are just as important as everyone else's!! They're real... Being pregnant is not always rainbows and unicorns. It is hard. Very hard to do when your other half isn't around. You need to take a mental health day from work, get away from those people causing you so much grief and just have a day to yourself. You'll feel so much better to just sleep in a little, get your errands done and relax. I hope things get better for you. Remember you're not at all crazy... Its the hormones!!! Hugs to you.

MrsL2B · August 2014

I'm sorry you've been feeling so crappy. The little things really do add up.

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