To me it says "new mommy" To my doctor it said "PPD"?

StarBurry · August 2014

I went to the doctor last week because i knew my anxiety when driving 1.5 hours to visit family 2-3 times a month was out of hand. I thought i just had anxiety about the drive and some xanax would be helpful rather than me sitting in the back seat hunched over my baby scared ever car was going to crash into us or every tap of the brakes was leading to our doom.

I explained my driving anxiety to my doctor and she agreed xanax would be a great option for me. I also had a gallbladder surgery 3 weeks after having my c section. When i awoke from the surgery my jaw was locked up and has been that way ever since. She suggested taking it when my stress/anxeity gets heightened and that could help with my jaw relaxing. I also had an episode a couple weeks ago where i choked on a bite of food. From then on i had problems swallowing food, i just thought i caused a muscle to freak out in my throat and it would all pass, not that i threw myself into an anxiety about swallowing food. What? Who has ever even heard of such a thing?!

My doctor asked me a bunch of questions, at the end of all the questions i learned something about myself. I learned i have problems falling asleep, i have an irrational fear of something happening to my husband, my baby or myself and i get frustrated/stressed easily. To me that just says "new mommy" to my doctor that said "postpartum depression" I did the research while i was pregnant, none of what i was going through seemed like ppd. My doctor explained to me that ppd and ppa go hand in hand. I knew i had some depression when pumping, because of all my medical issues my supply dropped and i was pumping almost nothing, every pumping session was followed by depression, but a couple weeks ago my husband and i decided it would be best for me and my family if i just stopped.

Day to day i dont feel like there is a problem. Sure at night i have problems shutting off, but i have had that problem as long as i can remember. My only concern was the driving anxiety. So how did i walk out of the doctors office with a perception for xanax and zoloft being diagnosed with ppa ppd? I know zoloft is over prescribed, is this just one of those cases?

So now almost a week after the appointment the zoloft sits on my counter, untouched. I pace by it from time to time and ask myself if i really need this. Iv read the side effects, i know the risk. I run through all these questions. What if it changes who i am? What if it gives me mood swings and makes things worse? What if it dosent work? What if it DOES work and im stuck taking this for the rest of my life?

Oddly enough all these questions running through my head, and the thought of taking this little pill thats purpose is to help me is causing me anxiety. I feel its like if thinking about taking an aspirin gave you a headache so you would take the aspirin to get rid of it. Im now questioning my mind. I dont want to be stuck on this stuff for life, i dont want to go through the weening, withdrawal of it but now im wondering if i need it.

flcl · August 2014

I'm not sure about depression but it does sound like you're dealing with a lot of anxiety. Your doctor is right that depression and anxiety go hand in hand often but not always. The medications that you've been prescribed helps treat both. I'm not saying that you have PPD or PPA and I don't know how long PP you are, but some of the anxieties you're dealing with are very much FTM and some may be more than that.

Medications: it's really tough to start taking them, especially if you don't feel like you need them. Did you have a chance to talk to your doctor about your hesitations on starting meds? If not, do so. It may be helpful if you two came up with a plan so you can see the start and possible end of using the meds. Through my own struggle, I've had years of no meds and feeling awful, meds and feeling awful, meds and feeling great, and now I'm no meds and feeling great. Have a deeper discussion with your doctor and keep in the back of your head that whatever's happening now does not mean it will be what is for the rest of your life. GL.

flockofmoosen3 · August 2014

I am not a medical professional so dont take my word for it...but while it is totally normal to worry about bad things happening and how you can manage life and raising a new child, some of what you describe sounds more than just that. The biggest clue is how it physically affects you. Your jaw issue, your milk supply issue...normal worrying shouldn't manifest itself like that. I would trust your doctor's word over anyone here. Good luck. And remember, if you dont like the effects of the meds you can work with your doctor to find alternatives.

mcgeeva · August 2014

jmcdyer said:

I am not a medical professional so dont take my word for it...but while it is totally normal to worry about bad things happening and how you can manage life and raising a new child, some of what you describe sounds more than just that. The biggest clue is how it physically affects you. Your jaw issue, your milk supply issue...normal worrying shouldn't manifest itself like that. I would trust your doctor's word over anyone here. Good luck. And remember, if you dont like the effects of the meds you can work with your doctor to find alternatives.

I agree with this. I got prescribed medication this time around for ppd. It's fine to take and it's not a horrible thing to say you have it. Your anxiety doesn't seem normal to me especially when it comes to driving. The worst case scenario you don't like the effects of the drug and stop taking it and go back to your doctor to talk about alternatives. I think I personally would see someone about your jaw issue if your having that much trouble with eating etc. In case it's a bigger issue. Good luck

ggatlanta · August 2014

Your mind sounds like it's racing. Is it normally like that? You don't sound depressed, you sound anxious and like you're at hyper speed with your thoughts. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mood disorder?

Taking Xanax for anxiety is like taking Tylenol for a fever - it will resolve the symptoms but not cure the illness. Plus it's addicting. I'd proceed with caution on the Xanax but happily take some sort of mood stabilizer if I were in your position.

To answer your main question, no, this does not sound like normal new mommy feelings. I have struggled with anxiety and mood issues, and if I felt what you describe, I would be making an urgent appointment to see my psychiatrist. I hate the racing anxiety, but it's simple enough to fix once you face it - and medicate it. Good luck.

Peanutz21 · August 2014

hi. i am a new mommy and i do have some anxiety about certain things but from what you're describing it seems you may have more than just that.

you have a lot of common concerns about starting medications - the xanax is more of a quick fix/bandaid. the zoloft may be more helpful long term. it doesn't hurt to try the zoloft and see how you like it. it can take weeks to see any benefit and the xanax may help you in the interim. if you don't like the medications you can always stop them later

Jillette98 · August 2014

I can give you my opinion from what I have been through with anxiety. I took Xanax for a few weeks leading up to my wedding because it was all very stressful, and my mother was going through chemotherapy at the same time. Too much all at once. I liked the way it worked, but coming off it seemed really difficult to me. I freaked out easily, and it took a while before my moods normalized, and I was able to handle small stresses on my own.

I am on Zoloft now for PPA, and I took it about 15 years ago to combat depression and anxiety (not PP related). For me personally, Zoloft was wonderful. It kept me from being too stressed or depressed, and it is working the same way now. I feel much more like myself instead of almost "drunk" like with Xanax... no noticeable change to my personality whatsoever. The only clue it's doing anything is that I don't worry myself ragged at night while trying to fall asleep, etc. I haven't had an attack in a few weeks now, and I feel great. I am not afraid that I'll be on Zoloft forever, because when I took it in my 20s it was easy to come off once my depression was under control and I had spent adequate time in therapy to come out of depression. Unlike with Xanax, I never had any withdrawal, so I am feeling much better about taking it now. I am sure once I stop BF/pumping and my hormones go back to normal, I will be able to judge whether or not I am ready to stop. And if I stop taking it and feel the anxiety come back, it's easy to just start taking it again.

Just my two cents based on my personal experiences. It's best to have a doctor help you with weaning off antidepressants, though. I would try the Zoloft and see how things go while staying in touch with your doc.

radiohd18 · August 2014

I am not a medical professional so this is just my personal viewpoint. Anxiety as a mom is natural, however, if it's debilitating and keeping you from moving forward/getting things done/functioning safely, then it's worth considering medication. However, I am of the thinking that anti-depressants go hand in hand with talk therapy. Otherwise, you are not resolving what has brought you to this point.

Just my two cents, based on my own experiences... and what worked for me may not work for you.

DTNZ4Ever · August 2014

If you don't want to take meds why don't you go and talk to a therapist. They can give you tools to help without meds. Anxiety is easily treated without meds. Plus you can get a second opinion with someone in the mental health field.