Nope....BFN and an awful night.

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

So it was as i suspected. Test was a BFN and i was on one hand relieved and on another realizing I may be added to the list of one with fertility problems.

I think there was some mixed emotions. Im not ready but at the same time I know that if there are issues my husband will not be on board later with the route of fertility treatments.

I was driving home thinking ok Im not pregnant so what the heck where is AF???? It was all i could think of the whole drive.

I get home and hubby is there already, home from work.

For the record he didn't know i was late. He was away while i was supposed to have AF arrive and he thought she did.....

So he proceeds to tell me that another couple, some really close friends of ours are expecting and that they just found out and I'm to keep mum.

He and dad to be were discussing it and My husband said to him "Well good....at least you know everything works with you" basically leading the convo to it not happening for us.....for unknown reasons.

I felt like a punch in the gut.

I felt guilty and inadequate and for the first time ever saddened by someone else's pregnancy news.

Hubby took one look at me and he knew.

Then i spilled the beans. I was 8 days late and Im not pregnant and I don't know why and I was sorry i haven't been ably to get pregnant and i of coarse started bawling my eyes out.

I told him I'm not even ready cause i want to lose weight but i feel like I'm going to not be able to give him any kids.

All this after he came home with a birthday present for me and brought me my fav treats and the sweetest card......

Im a mess.

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

also....sorry so late ladies.....hubby had been gone all week and was talkative and making dinner and it made it hard to get on the computer and then the news with our friends......i have a headache from stressing myself out.

thirtyninetoforty · August 2014

I am so sorry for your bfn and your bad night. I hope you feel better soon! Many, many ((((((((HUGS))))))))

rose_archangel · August 2014

You are in my T&P. Don't give up hope.

hooligans4 · August 2014

Aw man. I was hoping to wake up to some different news.
I know you don't think you are ready for this but maybe a visit to your doctor could ease some of your worries. They could do some beginning testing. While you figure that stuff out you could continue to eat healthy and loose weight slowly while you actively ttc.
By the way what day is your birthday, I know we are the same week but I forgot what day you are?

And I'm sending some big hugs your way >:D<

CML11 · August 2014

I'm sorry big hugs to you!

Austrogermokee · August 2014

I'm so sorry. I know I have a twinge of jealousy every time I find out about a pregnancy. It's okay to wallow for a bit, then dust yourself off and move on. If you push yourself too quickly, you'll get even more crushed if you get another BFN next time.

I've told my husband a few times lately, "You need to let me be upset and then feel better at my own speed, not at the speed that makes you the most comfortable."

lgsdesigner · August 2014

First of all-- ((((BIG HUGS))))

Secondly-- You keep saying you "aren't ready" but I believe you are. For you to be even slightly jealous of someone else's pregnancy, that tells me you want a baby. Sure...a lot of people have some extra weight on them they don't want, or want to do last-minute things before getting pregnant. Regardless-- I am pretty sure you are ready judging by how sad this whole ordeal made you.

I am really, really sorry about what your DH said. My assumption is he didn't mean anything towards you, but he just basically put his foot in his mouth.

Now that you can obviously see you want to have a baby (even if part of you wants to wait still), I think maybe it's time to go to the next step and see what needs to happen next.

I would call your doctor advising your AF is 8 days late, and see if you can get an appointment soon to see what's up.

Whatever happens...I truly wish you the very best. Hang in there.

katie0919 · August 2014

I'm so sorry you got a BFN!!! I can most definitely relate to the feeling of jealousy/envy when other people get their BFP's, especially if it's seemingly "easy" for them. I always try to remind myself that I don't know what they have/are going through to get to that pregnancy...it may be more difficult than you realize. This always helps me when I'm feeling down. Not that I want other people to have probklms! But just that I don't know what other people struggle with....there is always someone that has it easier AND harder than we do.

I think I may not know your whole story/circumstance, but are you sure your period is actually 8 days late? Are you charting/temping? It sounds like you may have just ovulated later than normal. I wouldn't call your doc until you get a BFP or do not have a period for 60 days.

Davie813 · August 2014

Hugs to you. I'm sorry you had such a rough night, but it sounds like DH is being supportive.

I know it's easy to panic when we think there might be a problem with our fertility, but take a deep breath! You've just been NTNP, right? I don't think not conceiving under those circumstances indicates that there's anything wrong. I do agree with PPs advice to get started with some basic testing, for reassurance if nothing else.

Hang in there, lady! >:D<

emsmama15 · August 2014

I'm so sorry about your BFN. That sucks. Like others have said, your reaction makes me think you ARE ready.

I just wanted to share that I'm also overweight. I started out TTC my first a little over my ideal, the stress of getting married, trying to get pregnant, and then the darn Clomid sealed the deal - I gained 20 pounds before I got pregnant. Now, despite my best intentions, I'm trying again even 20 pounds HEAVIER! Sometimes, you just have to go forward. My first pregnancy wasn't negatively impacted by my weight, so I'm hoping the (hopefully) next one won't be either. I guess I just wanted to say, don't let that hold you back!

Maybe a trip to the doctor to get some preliminary testing done would make you feel better? Good luck!

kindershlitz · August 2014

I'm sorry for the BFN.

Tears and mixed emotions are normal! Hope you're feeling better today.

TAT2MAMI · August 2014

I'm so sorry. I can relate to the mixed emotions as well, but I do know that I want a baby. Just nervous about the change it brings. I would go see your Dr as well, just so that he/she is aware of what's going on.

Big HUGS to you!!

URMySunshine77 · August 2014

I'm sorry that you're feeling so low, Kirsten.

Because you are not sure about your ovulation day, I would not be extremely concerned at this point, but talking to your doctor sounds like a good idea. Do you think that you will start temping after AF?

Take care, sweetie.

lcwed · August 2014

I'm so sorry. I was hoping it was positive. I agree with @lgsdesigner about feeling the jealousy issue. I think you are ready too. Its great you have such a wonderfully supportive husband. Hopefully your time will come soon.

meredithcarole · August 2014

I am so sorry. ((hugs)).

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

Thank you girls for all the kind words and advice.

Well......AF showed........today. With her came the migraine....also a day late cause that has a tendency to happen the day before not the same day.

Im still very emotional today.

I think it surrounds more than just the TTC stuff. Im also going through a rough patch work wise thats another post though......which I'm sure i will. lol. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment by numerous things. So my emotions are a roller coaster. My weight is also really bothersome....its all weight on my shoulders....so needless today i was mostly offline.

I will start temping now.....so we will see. Yes i was NPNT i think thats why my initial reaction to a BFN was minimal. The news of our friends sent me into a tailspin because in that moment listening to my husband I KNEW no matter how nonchelant he acts.....he wants a baby. HE had jealousy and it hit a nerve with me......deep. He reacted well to my meltdown though.....he tries so hard and he is supportive. I love him

@Hooligans4 my 38th bday was on Saturday.

On the lighter side and to add some sunshine into my gloomy posts, my husband was going to bring me flowers but thought that instead of spending $40 on flowers that die in 2 days in this heat, to get me something else. Another large hummingbird feeder and a HUGE bag of sugar to make food. Im obsessed with the little birds and have 2 feeders already and there are like 20 of them on my porch at a time flitting around my head. He knows exactly what brings me absolute joy.

kelley72 · August 2014

Hi @KirstenAlecia I was off yesterday but want to add my .02 first and foremost I am so sorry for af arrival. I allow myself a day to be down and then focus on the blessings in my life. Best wishes for you this cycle and I truly believe you charting your temps will help you with first knowing when you ovulate and when / if you are truly late. If you go to an RE, etc the more information you have the better.

hooligans4 · August 2014

Happy belated birthday!!!!
I turn 39 on Sunday.
I loooove hummingbirds ( I have a tatoo on one). That's an awesome gift from your husband.

Hope your mood improves but until it does we are all here to listen.

Davie813 · August 2014

Happy birthdays, @kirstenalecia and @hooligans4!

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

Thanks @Davie813!!!!

Im still feeling off.....like i could cry at the drop of a pin.

I don't know why. Im not too upset over AF's arrival as much now and this morning the work stuff took a turn upwards for now..........I am still not sleeping well and I think that has a lot to do with it.

Being moody like this makes it hard to want to eat healthy....i want comfort food

BOOOOO!

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

@kelley72 you are absolutely right.

Temping is necessary when i really get serious about this which is now....

and you know i really do well MOST of the time knowing that my life is a blessed one no matter what challenges and stresses pop up.

I never forget how hard it used to be as a single mom of a little girl (who is about to turn 18) and the struggles i had then......and even then i felt life was good. So many people out there have it wo much worse and I never forget that.....but we are only human and i try to allow myself to feel my let downs a little. This time they seem to want to take over though......hmph!

thirtyninetoforty · August 2014

Happy Birthday to @KirstenAlecia and @hooligans4!!!!

@KirstenAlecia I feel your pain. My IUI #2 was a big bust and I took it HARD very HARD! It just hit me like a ton of bricks. I have a baby shower to attend this weekend and am dreading it. (((HUGS))) to you!

URMySunshine77 · August 2014

I'm so sorry, @thirtyninetoforty.

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

Oh my that would be hard @thirtyninetoforty.

Im sending hugs right back......

crankstergangster · August 2014

Why is it that when TTC, our cycles decide to play tricks on us? Dirty tricks too. Well, idk what to tell you. When I was TTC my first, after 9 months or so, I was a week late. I knew I was prego. Kept getting BFN's. I just knew it was a matter of time before my hcg levels would be high enough to trigger a BFP. But no. AF was just late. Rude.

Anyway, I'm sorry and know how ya feel. I will add, that the next month or two (don't recall exactly), I did get a BFP. So maybe your body's just doing a little re alignment to deliver your BFP ASAP!

Good luck!

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

Well my husband is the sweetest ladies. I love him so very very much.

He isn't much for Facebook......like at all. He has one and rarely bothers with it.

Today he posted this:

I am not one to give affection in public often and I am horrible at giving my wife credit publicly so it is. Kirsten Arial I love you and appreciate your passion for things you desire. I love you and hope you know I'm thankful for what do. Keep your head up. Love you.

Now i don't need all that from him but that was the equivalent of him shouting he loves me from rooftops.....lol. I believe this post pertained to several things (babies, my wanna be photography career, my love of animals, particularly cats and hummingbirds....which is insane.) but i know all these little quirks i have is the reason he loves me and drive him nuts at the same time.

I no longer believe that he is going to push me to get a job...even though he mentioned in the same night i got my BFN.......i believe he is processing all this right now and wants to support me in my goals and desires. He knows that my job is going to have low months and that we just need to prep for them. Im in a much better mood this evening.......

still can't sleep though! lol

KirstenAlecia · August 2014

yes i know i used my last name......i don't really care :P

Davie813 · August 2014

KirstenAlecia said:

Well my husband is the sweetest ladies. I love him so very very much.

He isn't much for Facebook......like at all. He has one and rarely bothers with it.
Today he posted this:

I am not one to give affection in public often and I am horrible at giving my wife credit publicly so it is. Kirsten Arial I love you and appreciate your passion for things you desire. I love you and hope you know I'm thankful for what do. Keep your head up. Love you.

Now i don't need all that from him but that was the equivalent of him shouting he loves me from rooftops.....lol. I believe this post pertained to several things (babies, my wanna be photography career, my love of animals, particularly cats and hummingbirds....which is insane.) but i know all these little quirks i have is the reason he loves me and drive him nuts at the same time.

I no longer believe that he is going to push me to get a job...even though he mentioned in the same night i got my BFN.......i believe he is processing all this right now and wants to support me in my goals and desires. He knows that my job is going to have low months and that we just need to prep for them. Im in a much better mood this evening.......

still can't sleep though! lol

Aaaw! Your husband is one of the good ones, for sure! I love this post!

Want a personalized experience?

Nope....BFN and an awful night.

Re: Nope....BFN and an awful night.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards