MIL announced on FB

mirigirl · August 2014

Yep, you read that right. My MIL announced our pregnancy on her fb. She is mutual friends with ALL of DH's family. Many of whom we have not told yet. She has a history of being this way and I know that DH is distraught and angry. She basically abandoned him when he was 4, so this goes back pretty far. We have been trying to call her for over an hour now with no response. His family has been calling him and I. Our second appt is tomorrow and we weren't going to say anything until after that.

How do I handle this??? I want to rip her throat out, but I also know I need to be strong and love on DH while he deals with this. Ugh.

Sorry, I guess I just needed to vent.

DronkeyGal · August 2014

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I think you are correct in your instinct to let DH handle this. It's his mother and he should be the one to address this with her first. I don't have any advice besides this. Please keep us posted about what she says when you finally get to speak to her. I can't even imagine how upset y'all must be!

mishka29 · August 2014

Total dick move.

If I knew someone was like this I wouldn't tell them until later. At least now you know she can't be trusted with a secret.

coloradoginger · August 2014

Ugh, I'm sorry. I would be super upset too; that was incredibly rude of her to share your news.

jennjilljo · August 2014

That's ridiculous. Letting DH handle his mom is a good choice. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. If it helps at all just know that there's one in every family.

wintersong139 · August 2014

:-( Just wanted to say I am so frustrated for you!

scgmama · August 2014

Oh wow. Apparently she never got the memo that the parents should be the ones to tell their own news. I would definitely let DH handle it and now you know to never tell her something that's meant to be kept secret.

Megane8907 · August 2014

Oh girrrrrrl, I know exactly how you feel! My fiancé's mother did the same thing on Thursday and I totally freaked out! I am still upset about it. I am not sure how to get past this and every time I think about it I want to punch her in the throat. I am SO sorry that this happened to you. I can't tell you how to handle this BUT I can tell you that once I (was forced to) announce it on FB- that everyone was still super excited and supportive and it made me feel better about the situation! Stay strong mama!

easton2131 · August 2014

I'll punch her in the face for you. I'm so mad right now that's something my mil would do ugh.

ambernicole06 · August 2014

I am so sorry!! Having struggles with my MIL too but nothing like this

sending supportive hugs your way!

AngieAn · August 2014

Keep calm! She expects a confrontation, that way you can attack her, and she can blame you in the end for being all unreasonable. She enjoys the drama and this is just a way for her to cause some. If you don't play into it, then she has nothing to feed off of.

She's probably having a hard time thinking that everybody is going to be focusing on you and your husband instead of her. It sounds as if she just needed the attention back on her. Her telling all her FB friends that "She's expecting a grandchild" and knowing that you will inevitably find out and be angry is a way for her to get it.

You need to treat it how you would treat a 3 year old who said something bad. Calmly, to the point and non-confrontational.I know it's super difficult to do, and a bit pathetic, but the longer you let her know the whole negative-attention seeking behaviour is not acceptable, the easier it gets.

Most of the clients notice they come to an understanding of the dysfunctional habits they are dealing with, then the fact of the other person ever changing.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts!

hillarylo · August 2014

That is exactly why mine doesn't know yet!! I am so sorry. I would be livid!!!

SaraJtwo · August 2014

I would have punched her :P

mrsherr22 · August 2014

That's beyond aggravating! I can't believe that. Hopefully she deletes it and realizes it was not her place to publicly announce it before the parents-to-be or the rest of the family finds out.
Good luck

Allie429 · August 2014

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this! When we told my husband's mom with our first we had to literally tell her and be firm in saying she couldn't tell anyone. She did a good job! We had to do the same again and so far so good! We will know if it gets out because she works with a mutual friend whose mother I work with who would tell other coworkers before I get a chance to. I hope your husband gets a chance to discuss this with her-keep us updated please!

HerHighness · August 2014

I would freak out! Its so rude! (And makes me completely thankful that MIL doesnt have Facebook, i was mad enough she told other family members)

Im really sorry she did this to you. I would let her know that it upset me (or have dh tell her) but unfortunately there isnt anything you can do to take it back. Next time i would be careful what you tell her until ready to go public.

animalcrckr · August 2014

Wow! I would be really upset!

That being said, I would try to forgive and forget. Just focus on the end result. In the long run, it really does not matter. And if there are future pregnancies, do NOT tell her until you are ready to tell everyone else.

michelle142 · August 2014

I know the damage is out there already, but I would most definitely ask (or make!) her remove the post.

What a bunch of bull, I'm sorry

agm04 · August 2014

Seriously wtf is wrong with people? So selfish and inappropriate of her!

smg2302 · August 2014

That sucks! I'm sorry you are going through that. I second sugah, murder seems appropriate.

mahalo3 · August 2014

That's horrible. I would ask her to remove it. I have a feeling the damage is done though. Just tell everyone you were waiting to tell them yourself after your appointment today but your MIL announced without your consent. It will end making her look like an ass, but at least you can tell people what you meant to do.

mh269650 · August 2014

This sucks! I'm so sorry! I can't imagine being put in that position. I would be devastated. Try to stay calm and let DH handle his Mom. It sounds like he is upset too so at least you know he will let her know she was wrong and he is pissed!

psychobutthead · August 2014

My stepmother did the same thing to me withcmy second pregnancy after specifically asking her not to and then I had a MC. it was terrible having to explain to people that I lost it over and over again.

I completely understand how messed up what she did was. In the future if you have anymore pregnancies or news I would always wait to tell her last since she cant respect your wishes.

jazzmhin08 · August 2014

Thankfully we waited until we got the confirmation via U/S. But i can tell how frustrating this can be, she has no position in doing this to you. You are right in letting your husband handle this, just try to be supportive. I would give a karate chop on her throat for this. Lol. I guess next time do not tell her anything that needs to be kept down low.

modernfairytale8709 · August 2014

That is crossing a serious boundary line.

I would be livid. And do something equally as asinine in response. Because deep down, I'm 6.

JNettie73 · August 2014

I am so sorry that happened to you. My mom did something similar to me when we first got engaged. Any idea we were discussing for the wedding she ended up blabbing to everyone. It caused a lot of problems. I obviously don't know your MIL at all but in my mom's case she was just extremely excited and wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

When we told our parents about the baby we made it specifically clear that we did not want it posted on social media and for now we were only telling them. We to them we would let them know when we were ready to publicly announce. I gave my mom permission to tell 2 people, who I approved because I knew they wouldn't leak it out. She was surprising really good with keeping it under wraps this time around. Towards the end of 1st trimester my MIL got very irritating hounding us if she could share with everyone.

I agree with what everyone else said, it's best to let your husband handle this. I would also turn this into a learning lesson for when you find out the sex of the baby, if you go that route, or any other important information about the baby. Only tell her right before you are ready to make it public information. It will save you a lot of headaches in the long run.

Best of luck to you. Again, I am so sorry this happened to you. I know how frustrating it is. (((hugs)))

jennypolkadots · August 2014

I COMPLETELY understand. This is so frustrating and I absolutely hate when people feel like the news of your baby is theirs to share.

My husband's family doesn't understand why we did not want to tell people before 13 weeks. In his family, people tell the world with the first positive test. We told them at 10 weeks but that was only because a close family member was supposed to be moving away (since changed plans) and we wanted to tell in person. They don't get that we want privacy and immediately told everyone. GMIL said "well, I had to tell ____ because she is having a grandchild, too" and I just rolled my eyes because NO you don't have to tell anyone anything. We don't have FB but I told my SIL to keep an eye out and if MIL posts online to ask her to take it down. So thankfully I don't think it was an issue.

Two weeks ago we went to dinner with family and my MIL had some friends there. It was 100% apparent as we were walking up that her friend asked "are they the ones having a baby?" and MIL said "yes, but you aren't supposed to know" It was so awkward I almost said "yep, we are the ones who are pregnant.... geeez"

My family has been good though. We didn't tell them until 12 weeks anyways so it wasn't a big secret to keep. Everyone seems to respect boundaries though. I am not close with my mom but I called her and she didn't call me back. So my aunt ended up blabbing it even though I asked her not to... I was upset but then realized that it's just not a big deal.

So you aren't alone. Just keep your energy focused on your baby. Don't let things upset you and just remember that everyone has to find out somehow anyways. Sometimes it is easier if you don't have to tell them.

jennypolkadots · August 2014

Also - we had a u/s at 6 weeks that showed perfect with a good heartbeat. Then another at 9 weeks that was also perfect with a strong 178 heartbeat. I've never been pregnant before or had a loss, and no spotting or anything like that. Still, we wanted to wait until 12+ weeks to share just for personal reasons. I just hate that some people don't respect boundaries at all. It is really upsetting because I would never share someone elses news they asked me not to.

rentj1 · August 2014

My MIL did almost the same thing she called everyone to spite me and I said nothing to her. From that point I treated her like an associate she was the last person to know everything we found out the gender of out baby. We shared the news with my family and his sisters and she found out on FB like the rest of the mutal friends. She was very angry, however I told her she lost the privilege of getting the news first since she likes to run her mouth

REB1003 · August 2014

I am sorry that this happened! Hopefully y'all can get a hold of her and handle it, though the news can't be taken back. I can not for the life of me figure out why people think that it is their news to tell. It isn't. When you do decide to announce, like some other pp's have said.. people will be just as happy and supportive, though I know you would of liked to be the first to say...

psychobutthead · August 2014

rentj1 said:

My MIL did almost the same thing she called everyone to spite me and I said nothing to her. From that point I treated her like an associate she was the last person to know everything we found out the gender of out baby. We shared the news with my family and his sisters and she found out on FB like the rest of the mutal friends. She was very angry, however I told her she lost the privilege of getting the news first since she likes to run her mouth

This is exactly what I would do and have been doing with my stepmother and this pregnancy.

Savannahsmomy · August 2014

How did she find out? I probably wouldnt tell her anything more in the future and maybe she'll grow up.

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