Update in last post.....Hugs Needed....health issues with my mom
sundaesprinkles
member
I apologize in advance because this will probably get long.
I just found out in the last couple of days that my mom is having some potentially serious health issues. She will be scheduled soon for a biopsy of her breast because a small spot was found. The spot is supposed to be low suspicion so I'm trying to be optimistic about that. However I also found out that she had a test recently for her bone marrow. She won't get those results for another week. I am most upset about the bone marrow issue because I don't know a lot about it and it seems more serious.
My mom has always been very private with any health issues she has. The only one that knows everything is my dad. She doesn't like everyone knowing her business so she is secretive about a lot of things. My mom and I have a good relationship and see each other and talk often, but she still keeps health issues to herself. She has always been like this, but more so specifically toward me since I've been married. I think its because she assumes I will tell DH about it. DH has a good relationship with my mom but he can be a jokester and my mom gets her feelings hurt easily. Apparently according to my dad, DH made a joke or something relating to my mom's health one time and it hurt her feelings so she didn't want to tell me things anymore because I would tell DH. I have no idea what joke was made or how long ago, but I'm positive that my DH meant nothing serious about it. My dad feels the same way and tried to tell her this too.
My mom is also very anxious about her health. My dad thinks she really needs to see a therapist and possibly be on medication. Her blood pressure is up considerably right now because of these issues she has going on and she is worried all the time. She takes her own blood pressure (they have their own machine) multiple times a day and she changes the amount of her pressure meds accordingly, even though obviously she shouldn't be doing that without doctor's consent. My dad said her pressure was up to 170 the other day.
So the way things go is when my mom has a health problem I won't know anything about it except what my dad tells me occasionally over the phone. He doesn't really tell me much because he doesn't want to break his promise not to tell anyone. But he's always trying to get her to talk to me about it. Every once awhile she will confide in me. Yesterday is when she finally told me (over the phone) about the breast biopsy and the bone marrow test. She just had a mammogram last week so the breast issue is new. I didn't know how long the bone marrow problem had been going on but from the way she talked about it, it seemed it was recent too. Her whole conversation focused on the breast biopsy, and she mentioned the bone marrow almost casually on the side.
Well this morning my dad called and we chit chatted and then he told me he was glad my mom told me what was going on. Then he was talking about the health stuff and he happened to mention that she has been seeing the doctor who is testing her bone marrow for months (like over 7 months). I don't think he realized his slip-up. I said, "If she just took this bone marrow test and the results only take two weeks to come in, why has she been seeing the doctor for months?" Silence by my dad. Basically he couldn't tell me more and he encouraged me to try to find out more from my mom the next time I talked to her.
This whole thing is a mess. My mom and I have a good relationship but we never talk about major stuff like this. She is religious and I am pretty certain I'm atheist. (She doesn't know this.) My dad encourages her to talk to me because he is more matter of fact when it comes to these issues and it's hard for her to relate to how emotional she is. He told her because I'm a woman I might relate to her emotions better. I've never really been emotional in front of my parents. I kind of think it's wrong to purposefully pry and ask her probing questions because I don't want her to stop sharing the little bits she has been sharing. It's really hard for me to find this out all at once. I know if she tells me everything I will break down which will not help her be less worried. I'm scared.
My mom's in her 60s and my dad is 11 years older, in his 70s. He has smoked since he was 15, and has had more health problems in the past than her, but is doing great lately and really has no major problems. (He is very lucky!) My mom is at a healthy weight, she takes all these vitamins and supplements, and eats very healthy. My dad is very matter of fact about his own health and he shares everything. He has already wrote his own obituary, talked a lot about how he wants things handled after his death, and he has picked out and purchased his own urn. That's just how he is. All of this has just made me much more prepared (and almost expect) to deal with his death first. I feel guilty for thinking that, but it's true. And I know he could probably handle it much better than my mom if he got sick. But I am blindsided by this situation with my mom. For all I know she could have cancer and I wouldn't even know. Her own mother died from breast cancer when she was only 14 years old. I know that has to be affecting her.
I'm sorry this is so long. I just feel like I have to be there for my mom but I don't know how.
Re: Update in last post.....Hugs Needed....health issues with my mom
O14 January Signature Challenge: Snow Fails
I'd be really hurt if my mom wouldn't talk to me about something so serious.
Hope it is all ok!
My MIL is the opposite. Anyone has a cough and she calls DH saying that have cancer or lupus (that's her new go to). For years DH would come home all upset thinking someone had bird/swine/dragon flu. Two days later she called to say false alarm it was just allergies. I don't think there is really any good way to get bad news that a loved one is sick, but I'm so happy that your mom's health is looking up! (Just beware of the dreaded dragon flu)
Little West #1: Born May 23, 2013
Little West #2: Due April 15, 2015
2U2 Fossil Mommy
Little West #1: Born May 23, 2013
Little West #2: Due April 15, 2015
2U2 Fossil Mommy