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SWMR - Grateful kids?

mae0111mae0111 member
in Working Moms
Lately, DD1 (who is 4.5) has been acting very ungrateful.  If I take her to the playground on the weekends, she'll say she wished we went to a DIFFERENT playground.  Or that my car is too small.  Or that she wished she had different clothes.  I took her to the zoo on Friday - a special day-out-with-Mom surprise - and she said, "oh, the zoo?  I wish we went somewhere else."  Later that day, our POOL WAS TOO SMALL.  (WTF??? I would have killed for a pool at her age...).

It's never about wishing she could spend more time with us, or wishing we didn't have to go to work.  It's about how she wants more things, different things, better experiences.  It's like no matter how hard I try to have some kind of special time with her or treat for her, it's not enough.

I've reacted differently - from ignoring it, to telling her that it makes me feel bad, to telling her it makes me want to leave her home when I plan special things.  I've even tried to give her an example of how she might feel if I did that ("DD - say you colored me a picture, and instead of telling you I loved it, I just told you that I wished you'd used more pink instead of purple.  How would that make you feel?").

She's a very articulate kid, and I think that because of that, I expect more than I should from her developmentally.  Is this normal?  Or am I spoiling the crap out of my kid?  If not normal, any advice on how to course correct before it gets worse? 
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Re: SWMR - Grateful kids?

  • ppantsppants member

    I'm sure it's typical for the age.  My b/g twins are 8 and I've talked to them over the years about how much items cost and that sometimes people can't afford even necessary items.  There was a special about child hunger on Sesame Street years ago.  We watched it together as a family.  We donate clothing that now longer fits to Goodwill. They know we make choices with money also.  DH's car is old and paid for and doesn't have airconditioning currently.  It would be $1000 to fix.  The kids know we don't have unlimited resources and have to pick and choose how we spend $.

    Do you ask her what park she wants to go to?  Is her carseat uncomfortable (car too small)?  I try to provide options that are available and get my kids input.  It sucks when you are trying to have fun and they poop all over it. 

     

    Wendy Twins 1/27/06. DS and DD
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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    I think it's the age and more about control than materialism (at least it is with my kid). I ask for his input when we plan outings. If he complains and gives a specific reason, I say "thank you for telling me," then we discuss the issue and try to find a compromise.

    We donate outgrown clothes and toys together. We talk about needs vs. wants. He has said he wishes we had a car with sliding doors, but he knows cars cost a lot of money. I wish we had sliding doors, too!
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
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  • emberlee3emberlee3 member
    I think it's the age and more about control than materialism (at least it is with my kid). I ask for his input when we plan outings. If he complains and gives a specific reason, I say "thank you for telling me," then we discuss the issue and try to find a compromise.

    We donate outgrown clothes and toys together. We talk about needs vs. wants. He has said he wishes we had a car with sliding doors, but he knows cars cost a lot of money. I wish we had sliding doors, too!
    DS born 8/8/09 and DD born 6/12/12.
    Report Reply
  • mae0111mae0111 member
    Thanks everyone. The clothing donations are tough right now because she forms some strange attachments sometimes, and there are tearful goodbyes involved. She knows that the blue hamper in her closet is for the clothes that we are going to give away, and who might get them. She also knows that we buy groceries to donate to the food pantry. She has a piggy bank that is sectioned into save, spend, donate, and invest, and she seems to get the "donate" section. I will continue to reinforce the wants vs needs. When she asks for an iPad ( which she does weekly), we talk about saving, and what it will take for her to buy one. DH us taking her away for a few days, and we will work on recalibrating when they get back.
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