Overwhelmed FTM Needs Advice please!! 2 Different Questions! Long, sorry.

TattedAngel69 · August 2014

Hey ladies! So I have 2 questions that I would love advice on! First a little background story. This is pregnancy #3 for DH and I, but this is the farthest I have ever been in pregnancy. We found out we are having a little boy!

DH is in the Army so we moved to Georgia where we don't know anyone and all our families are in Maine, Ohio, and California. We won't be having a baby shower. My mom and Nana said they would help as much as they could, but they've done so so much for DH and I in the past, so I really don't want to ask for anything. My mother has already bought some onesies, which I figured she would (she's incredibly excited since this will be her first grandchild). So having no baby shower prompts my first question. How do you get everything needed for baby on your own? What all do we need? I am so overwhelmed by all the baby things I am starting to lose my mind.

2nd question is more simple, I do believe. So, I know that you can't really 100% prevent stretch marks, but you can help things. I know that not scratching is a big help and that is where I need help. My boobs and stomach are starting to itch so incredibly bad! I am trying my hardest to not scratch and keep hydrated. During my first trimester, I was putting on cocoa butter on religiously, but now I cannot stand the smell of it. I have tried Jergens, Walmart and Target brands, and also Coconut Oil. Everything feels so oily on my skin that I end up wiping it all off within 2 minutes of putting it on. Anyone have any suggestions? I am going nuts trying not to scratch my tummy and boobs. Any advice is greatly appreciated. TIA

Unknown · August 2014

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Eora3 · August 2014

As far as buying baby stuff, check out local consignment stores and Salvation Army if finances are tight. Look around on Facebook for local garage sale/mommy buy sell trade groups. Babies actually don't need a lot of stuff.

As far as scratching goes, put your lotion on right after you shower and let it sit on your skin while you get ready. It should soak in a little better that way.

ColeyCannoli · August 2014

1) We made a list of baby things that we knew we needed. It helps to ask STMs what was actually essential for them - especially early on. And start looking for sales, on craigslist, ask friends and family if they have anything left over from their own kids (just be careful about cribs and don't ever take car seats). Focus on the essentials like clothes, diapers, formula (or not if breastfeeding), bottles and a place for the LO to sleep for the early months. STM's will have better advice for this part, I'm sure.

2) You are right that you can't prevent stretch marks but you can fade them a bit while they are still red using glycolic acid or vitamin E oils. For the itching, I've heard good things about Mama Bee's Belly Balm (from Burt's Bees) . As an aside, keep my moisturizer in the fridge (cause I'm weird) and put it on after I've dried off from the shower. Vaseline also makes a spray moisturizer but I've never tried that one. Hope you feel better soon!

kimba1976 · August 2014

Feeling overwhelmed is totally normal and you can never emotionally really prepare for motherhood. So know you're not alone in that aspect. As far as getting everything you need for the baby, this can be accomplished even on the tightest budget. Keep in mind that babies need far less than you think they do. If you've got diapers/wipes and food covered, you're most of the way there. My daughter slept in a little cloth moses basket for the first several months that we could just move from room to room, depending on where we were. She could have slept in it longer except that I went back to work and we were gifted with a crib. So a crib isn't necessary right away. You can hold off on that for awhile until you can find one used or on sale. Clothes and swaddling blankets you'll need, and some bibs or burp cloths, but those things you can pick up on sale here and there over the next few months. Most cities also have a few really great children's consignment shops where you can get some great deals on clothes and other items. Just go slow, start with the essentials, and you'll be fine. Also, maybe consider checking sites like Meetup.com for some mom groups in your area. Other local moms will be a great resource for friendship and guidance (and most will be happy to get rid of items their children are no longer using).

As to your second question, it sounds to me more like you are suffering from some very dry skin. Focus on finding a product that helps with that as opposed to avoiding stretch marks, which you really can't do. Some of the products you named might actually be making it worse. I am not a doctor, but have suffered similarly with this pregnancy and finally consulted a dermatologist. She told me to avoid products with dyes and perfumes, change my soap and laundry detergent, take Benedryl when necessary, and use Eucerin at night before bed.

Good luck!

nopegoat · August 2014

I would also suggest looks for stuff at garage sales, consignment shops, etc. Kids grow so freaking fast that new stuff, unless you have the extra money is really pointless. With the stuff that you do need new, like bottles, car seat etc, shop around, compare prices, and wait for deals.

As for the itching, maybe try an oil for immediately after you shower. Before you dry off slather it on and then pat dry. I have found you get the softness without all the leftover greasiness.

CandEChicago · August 2014

TattedAngel69 said:

Hey ladies! So I have 2 questions that I would love advice on! First a little background story. This is pregnancy #3 for DH and I, but this is the farthest I have ever been in pregnancy. We found out we are having a little boy!

DH is in the Army so we moved to Georgia where we don't know anyone and all our families are in Maine, Ohio, and California. We won't be having a baby shower. My mom and Nana said they would help as much as they could, but they've done so so much for DH and I in the past, so I really don't want to ask for anything. My mother has already bought some onesies, which I figured she would (she's incredibly excited since this will be her first grandchild). So having no baby shower prompts my first question. How do you get everything needed for baby on your own? What all do we need? I am so overwhelmed by all the baby things I am starting to lose my mind.

2nd question is more simple, I do believe. So, I know that you can't really 100% prevent stretch marks, but you can help things. I know that not scratching is a big help and that is where I need help. My boobs and stomach are starting to itch so incredibly bad! I am trying my hardest to not scratch and keep hydrated. During my first trimester, I was putting on cocoa butter on religiously, but now I cannot stand the smell of it. I have tried Jergens, Walmart and Target brands, and also Coconut Oil. Everything feels so oily on my skin that I end up wiping it all off within 2 minutes of putting it on. Anyone have any suggestions? I am going nuts trying not to scratch my tummy and boobs. Any advice is greatly appreciated. TIA

Welcome back!

Item #1 - Plan on covering the baby's items on your own. We are planning to cover our baby's expenses and the existence of a baby shower is just the icing on the cake for us. To keep track of everything I have started to put items I need and reviewed on an Amazon wish list. You can do a registry there and people can still buy you gifts (if they elect) without a baby shower. I think I recall reading that Amazon had a completion discount. If money is tight plan to check out Craigslist, mommy groups, garage sales, consignment stores, etc.

Item #2 - I am using regular body lotion or baby oil. Baby oil is helpful after the shower and typically absorbs quickly.

soulcupcake · August 2014

In answer to your first question, I would make a time to sit down with your DH and have a discussion as to what you need/want and what your position is on "baby stuff." I've never purchased or owned the bulk of is associated with a new baby. Most of it never gets used, and with my own parenting style, a lot of it is useless.

I had two showers with my first, and only my first. My mom and aunt threw the first, and the wives of my first husband's unit threw a surprise shower a little later. I didn't need anything new or extra with my second or third, but had to essentially start over again with my fourth because all of the baby stuff we had was in storage in another state.

And this time, there's five years between this baby and my youngest, and this is my new husband's first, and my MIL's first. I sold and gave away all baby stuff a couple years ago after my first marriage ended and I wasn't sure about having more. So now we start from complete scratch. I've generally always been a minimalist. Never did a nursery, used a crib, changing table, baby furniture, and most baby things. I received so much from my showers with my eldest that a lot of it didn't get used.

My list of things we'll be getting:

Pack 'n play

Glider/swing

Car seat/stroller (unless one of DH's friends gives us theirs)

Boppy pillow and a few covers

Swaddle blankets x2-3

Ergo carrier

Baby Hawk carrier

Baby K'tan

Bath insert for the sinks

Bath towel set

Toiletry set/first aid kit

Clothes (most onesies, sleepers, socks and outfits after the first few months)

Lansinoh

Breast pump

Cloth diapers and accessories

Old fashioned cloth diapers (for burping/spit up)

Play mat

abcmom12 · August 2014

As an ARMY Brat (kid from a military family) I'm all too familiar with living places were you know no one. As such, with DD, only my parents lived in the area and I had just 3 friends. So my shower was 97% my mom's friends and 2 of mine lol. All my other relatives live in Oregon and DH's in NJ/FL. That being said, they did want to gift us with something.

SO, we sent them baby shower invites so they could keep them as a keepsake and have the place where we were registered. A lot of gifts from my family arrived before, on, or after the shower and were shipped free (we did Amazon) to our house. If anything, they felt bad we were all alone and wanted to help. We bought the big stuff and a lot of medium priced things used so our registry wasn't obscene price wise/items by any means.

For #2, if you're not already, take an Omega-3 fish oil supplement with DHA. Not only is that impt for baby's brain development, but it'll moisturize your skin from the inside out which is the only way to really do it.

TattedAngel69 · August 2014

Thank you ladies! I've been back on here since April/May but I was lurking until we passed the 12 week mark. I read nearly every thread on this board because 1) some of them are really helpful and 2) some are also very entertaining and let me know that I'm not alone.

I know I cannot prevent stretchmarks, it's the itchiness that I am trying to get rid of. I have stretchmarks on my boobs (my veins also make them look like a road map) and on my thighs. I am not worried about getting anymore on my stomach or anywhere for that matter. Just the itchiness is driving me insane.

Thank you also so much for the ideas on Craigslist and such. I must have had a brain fart because I totally forgot they existed until now, lol. You ladies have helped me a lot. I love this group!

ColoradoBoat · August 2014

Former Air Force brat here. I know you'll be new to the area, but in my experience military families help each other. Once you get settled into the new base, ask around about mommy groups and get to know other moms. I've already gotten tons of hand-me-downs from friends who aren't having any more kids, and I'm sure even though you don't know anyone yet, I wouldn't be surprised if other military moms would let you borrow stuff. I hear that many babies only need x or y items for 3-4 months, so I'm borrowing as much as I can. I figure I'm participating in the new sharing economy

soulcupcake · August 2014

Also, I'm guessing your husband is Army? NMCRS has a budget for baby class where they give out a baby package to those who participate in the program (not sure what the equivalent is for other branches). My ex-husband and I were stationed away from my family during my second and third pregnancy. The only people I knew were the women I knew from a few message boards that were stationed in the area. And my SIL and her ex-husband were also stationed there. But it definitely took some time to adjust and get acquainted with the area.

Once you get settled and feel comfortable attending unit/family functions you can meet other spouses and moms that way. Also, another option is to join a milspouse forum and see about connecting with other spouses that way.

lionyloo32 · August 2014

For #1 I wanted to add that if you have health insurance you should check out yummymummy to see if you qualify for a FREE breast pump (should you decide to use one).

For #2, I also use baby oil, as a pp said. I use it right at the end of my shower. I step away from the water, rub it in, then do a quick rinse and towel off. I feel like it gets absorbed better when your skin is warm and still wet/damp and the quick rinse makes sure there's no greasy feeling after.

kz's_girlygirl · August 2014

I have super dry skin as well- After my morning shower I use Mama Mio Tummy Butter and really love it. It doesn't have strong scent and it absorbs really quickly. I can't stand feeling greasy and then having to get dressed.

At night I do use an oil just before putting on pjs- just straight up coconut oil that I whipped in my kitchenaid with jojoba and vit e oils added in.

rebekahapratim · August 2014

I'm a FTM so I can't really answer #1, but as for #2, I make a sugar scrub (brown sugar, coconut oil, and vanilla) until it's a "scrub" consistency. It's the last thing I put on in the shower and then rinse off, and it works WONDERS for the itchiness problem.

A more expensive solution (but one I splurged on) was Burt's Bees Mama Bee belly butter. I put that on before I go to bed at night. But it does smell a little funky. I haven't gotten stretch marks yet, so I'm crossing my fingers!

LSauer21 · August 2014

1. Do an online registry people will ask what you need you can direct them there.

2. I've been using bio oil n it works great no itching at all.

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Overwhelmed FTM Needs Advice please!! 2 Different Questions! Long, sorry.

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