Baby fever at 39, husband and family not convinced (children mentioned)

onemoremaybe · July 2014

I am 39 and have 3 children. I feel very blessed and I am grateful for my family. However, for the past year I feel like our family is not complete. Almost as if I know that another baby is waiting for us. Sounds crazy but I don't know how else to word it.

So even if life is quite hectic with 3 children under 6, I am ready for #4. Everybody, including my husband, seems to think it is a bad idea for the following reasons:

1) I am too "old"

2) I am too fat and being overweight adds pregnancy complications

3) My hands are already full with 3 children

4) Another baby means going back to sleepless nights and restrictions in lifestyle (like traveling, etc.)

My rational mind tells me these are valid points. My emotional mind says BS.

Like I said, I know I should be grateful for what I have. But how can I block this strong desire for another baby? Nobody around me wants to talk about it. I need to vent and I would really appreciate advice.

Thank you in advance!

lgsdesigner · July 2014

Being grateful for what you have is one thing, but when you strongly feel you are ready to have another, then I say go for it.

I have two children from a previous marriage, and thought I was done. I told people all the time about how I only wanted two kids and never wanted more than that. Then-- I got divorced, met the man of my dreams who has no biological children of his own, and here I am...eager, happy and excited to have a third child! Sometimes-- life just takes you somewhere you don't expect to be, and in your case, you are at a place where you want to have another little one, and that's okay.

And for the record-- 39 isn't "old". We have women on this board 40+ getting pregnant, and they are all perfectly fine.

I would talk to your husband again, and see if you can get him to change his mind. Have a list of pro's ready to go over with him so he can understand your side a little easier.

I wish you the best!

[Deleted User] · July 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Austrogermokee · July 2014

I would tune everyone else out and talk directly with your husband. His opinion is the only one that matters.

Give him your reasons, and ask him to think about it for a week and get back to you. During that week, don't ask him where his thoughts are, don't bring up the subject, don't talk about babies, just let him mull it over in peace. Then, when the week is up, ask which way the wind is blowing. If he says yes, mazel tov to you both! If he says no, thank him for thinking it over, then ask if he'd reconsider at a later date or if his answer is final. Then consider the subject closed.

I think TTC should only be undertaken if both parents are completely on board. I fully understand the desire to have a child, and how disappointing and crushing it is when it doesn't happen (either due to IF or your partner vetoing the idea). It's a grieving process and it sucks. But ultimately, it's better to be disappointed than to introduce a child into a marriage when both parties aren't enthusiastic about the idea.

Davie813 · July 2014

I hope you and your husband are able to come to an understanding. Good luck to you!

kelley72 · August 2014

You've been given wonderful suggestions, just another voice to offer you hope and peace on your journey no matter the outcome. I wish you well!

onemoremaybe · August 2014

Thank you everybody for the feedback. I definitely plan to discuss this with my husband and perhaps give him some time to process.

Having my feelings validated made a huge difference. I truly appreciate all your advice.

I will keep you posted.

Good luck to you all.

crankstergangster · August 2014

onemoremaybe said:

I am 39 and have 3 children. I feel very blessed and I am grateful for my family. However, for the past year I feel like our family is not complete. Almost as if I know that another baby is waiting for us. Sounds crazy but I don't know how else to word it.

So even if life is quite hectic with 3 children under 6, I am ready for #4. Everybody, including my husband, seems to think it is a bad idea for the following reasons:
1) I am too "old"
2) I am too fat and being overweight adds pregnancy complications
3) My hands are already full with 3 children
4) Another baby means going back to sleepless nights and restrictions in lifestyle (like traveling, etc.)

1) Women have babies into their 40's all the time. This may be your last chance.
2) Overweight women have children all the time too. I don't think this should prevent you from trying. If it's unhealthy levels, then work towards fixing that, but don't think you can't at least try in the meantime.
3) I imagine your hands are full with 3. I think a seasoned monther as yourself would know whether or not you think you can handle a 4th. I think if you're not running for the hills at the thought of it, then you know you can handle a fourth.
4) Sleepless nights are temporary. They won't be little forever. And you can still travel. It will just make it more interesting.

I think if you can get DH on board, then you should do it!

maybebaby3 · August 2014

I've been on the other end of this spectrum. I'm 34 but my DH is 41. His first mention of trying for another baby was after his 39th bday. First thought was mid-life crisis. It took several conversations (& prayers) to honestly see how serious he was. Once I realized it, I was more open to considering it. Hopefully your husband will be the same way. Ask him to sit down and truly hear you out. I agree with PPs; this is a decision you and your husband should make. Opinions are like elbows...everyone has one. Good luck!! Keep us posted!

Baby fever at 39, husband and family not convinced (children mentioned)

Re: Baby fever at 39, husband and family not convinced (children mentioned)

Choose Another Board

Search Boards