Oh hell no! First day of daycare

speechie517 · August 2014

Went to pick up B and she was asleep in a crib on her stomach.
Not only had I told the staff she's not allowed to sleep on her stomach, it was in writing on her paperwork and it's a freaken state daycare licensing law. *She does not roll from back to front*

I told the staff we don't let her sleep on her stomach and one teacher said "oh, so and so put her down" and that was the extent of their response. We went home an I've been sick to my stomach ever since.

The more I thought about it the more pissed I got, so I called the director, told her what happened, explained that not only is it in the licensing law, it was discussed with the staff and she didn't say anything than "mhmm". I told her we don't think we will be bringing her back tomorrow, but we will let them know for sure and the director just said "ok".

So on Day 1 they went against our request and state law and didn't seem concerned. Am I crazy or does anyone else think my reaction was appropriate? Thoughts?

MamaFantastic · August 2014

i'm riding the fence on this one.

first and most importantly - they should NEVER have gone against your explicit written instructions, especially if you had reiterated them on dropoff. there's research out there about "back to sleep" and whatnot, etc etc... wrong move on their part.

second, they should not have been so cavalier about responding to your shock and anger. also a bad move on their part.

on the other hand... i'm a "belly sleeping before being able to fully roll over is not the worst thing in the world" convert with this kid. i was a stickler for the rule when i was a FTM. i am very much not so this time around.

so me personally? i wouldn't have been bothered by that exact scenario because it doesn't raise my own red flag at all from a safety standpoint. BUT... substitute it with something i do feel passionate about (like not wanting my baby to get formula ever) and i would be RIP ROARING MAD.

so i think you are justified. they were wrong. you should call state childcare licensing and explain the problem.

zazu13 · August 2014

Id be more bothered by their "meh" response to your complaint than what happened. Do you have another option for tomorrow? I would probably give them another chance.

J&NL · August 2014

I would be pissed off too. More so at their careless response. I wouldn't take DS back if I were in your situation. They seem very careless.

Rrrrrachel · August 2014

I would be pissed even though I don't consider belly sleeping a big deal. If they're disregarding that instruction what else?

Cecilbear · August 2014

I'm so sorry that happened to you! That must feel like a real breech of trust--and trust is so important when you're putting your little one in someone else's care. I wouldn't bring my baby back to that place if I were in that situation. Their response was all kinds of wrong.

lokimau · August 2014

I would be pissed too. Regardless of what it was about, they disregarded your wishes and didn't seem to care.

cwm11985 · August 2014

I'd be very angry. It would be one thing if the director apologized and seemed concerned in wanting her staff to do what is asked/required, but considering she didn't care... I'd probably be out of there.

stgeist · August 2014

I agree with others in that while I personally don't feel that belly sleeping is the worst thing in the world, I would be livid that the teachers and director failed to follow state laws and your instructions. The fact that the director was so nonchalant with her attitude towards your concerns is appalling! Leaving your LO is tough, and if you don't trust the people caring for LO is even worse! If I were you, I would be actively researching different caregivers! Whenever I approach the director at LOs daycare, she is attentive and addresses the problems immediately. I have no fear leaving him and his sister there. I am sorry that you had such a bad experience!

Ashleypixie · August 2014

It's not about the belly sleeping, it's the way the treated the whole situation that bothers me. If the first person would have apologized and promised to let everyone know and to never let it happen again I'd put the whole situation behind me, but they all blew you off, even the director. I'd have done the same thing if I were you. Is sleeping on the belly a huge deal, no. But being able to trust those who take care of your baby every day is!

Abcollins57 · August 2014

I was reading an article the other day that discussed the risk factors of SIDS, it said 20% of the cases occurred when the baby was in the care of someone else, half of those cases happened on the very first day of daycare. So your baby is already at an increased risk according to this study, then even more elevated again because she was placed in a different sleep position. Yep, id be pissed. Also at the nonchalant way they handled it. Perhaps they think you're a hormonal mama who freaks out over everything but the fact remains, you should feel safe leaving your child there, and they gave you no reason to feel that way. I would definitely consider filing a complaint against the center but also know you will burn that bridge forever so make sure you have a lot of other options.

yellowflower15 · August 2014

I am furious for you. There's a reason that it's state law. It's one thing to choose to let your baby sleep on their stomach under your supervision; it's an entirely different thing for someone else to choose to do it in a daycare setting. For sure they are not checking on your baby like you would. The response just makes it even worse. Can you go to state licensing agency? I would thing a body like that would want to know about such a violation. Sorry you have to deal with this.

AcaAwkward · August 2014

As PPers have said, belly sleeping isn't the biggest deal to me but the way they responded to your concerns as well as disregarded your instructions / licensing requirements...yeah I'd be super pissed.

Teresa1896 · August 2014

They don't seem very interested in starting off on the right foot, do they? Yeesh. I'd be annoyed from a customer service standpoint. You're trusting them with your daughter's life, literally, and they don't seem to give a shit about what you want, or care that you're upset. That's a problem. I'd give them maybe another chance and then eff them.
Not trying to be overly dramatic, but my dd attended an in home daycare where a kid very nearly died, so that changed my laid back attitude about child care.

speechie517 · August 2014

I'm so hesitant to give them a second chance based on their response to me, however, there are such limited child care options here I don't know what we will do. I'm just shocked that they were so ambivalent on her first day. I know the belly sleeping itself is a non issue for some, but she's never slept in that position at all, which is why it's concerning to me.

Rrrrrachel · August 2014

Belly sleeping is a lot more dangerous when the baby isn't used to it. The risk of SIDS is higher when they're occasionally placed on their belly by a care giver vs all the time.

chichi589 · August 2014

@speechie517‌ do you have freedom in your job to "drop in" during the day to check on your LO? May ease your mind about the teachers & give them a little more worry that you aren't just going to pick up and drop off. Keep them on their toes?

@aprilmay9 you too?

speechie517 · August 2014

My husband or I could drop in at lunchtime, but as of now we aren't going to take her back. I am going to talk with a friend's nanny and see if we can work out an arrangement with her and I'll be calling the other day cares to check on openings.

katy4128 · August 2014

I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her tbere after that. If they already ignored your requests on day 1, who knows what could happen. Hugs to you and good luck finding a sitter!

ksulli · August 2014

I would file the complaint even if you leave.

BuggasMom · August 2014

I'm sorry this happened. I would be so upset. Especially after the way the company treated your concerns.

Sisimama10 · August 2014

At the daycare I work at this would be a HUGE problem. We have signs everywhere about "back to sleep". Everyone in te building is trained on it, not just baby teachers. And the director should have been much better at handling the situation. I would definitely ask for the district managers number.

Mustardseed2007 · August 2014

Deciding to let your own child sleep on their stomach in your care is one thing, but putting a child on their stomach in a daycare situation is really terrible.

Our daycare provider actually will not put a child down on their stomach even if you tell them that this is how they normally sleep. If they roll to their side on their own, that is one thing but to put them down that way is a violation of licensing rules.

The director should have been telling you how that is never done and she will at least address it with education. It sounds like she said nothing. I actually don't understand that at all.

ETA: I am currently dealing with the fact that my 2 year old DS's daycare provider has a policy that I don't agree with (posted about it on the WM board) but it isn't as big of a deal as this. It does have me questioning if I want to continue with them, but the thought of picking a new provider is giving me major anxiety, and honestly there aren't a lot of options if we want to change. For our 4 month old DD it would be even harder to switch. If I decided I didn't want to take her there tomorrow, we'd be looking at a nanny or a terribly cobbled together family solution - that's absolutely the only options in our area. But over back sleeping....yeah I'd go there.

speechie517 · August 2014

My husband went in this morning to pick up B's things and to get our refund. The director said that she "didn't get to talk to B's mom" about it yesterday.. WTF? I called her about it. She then said that B rolled onto her stomach independently (doubtful), but then backtracked and said they put her on her side to "prevent choking".

I visited a new daycare today and they had an opening so B will start tomorrow. I felt a lot more comfortable with this center too. Better security, policies and education for staff. A HUGE indoor playground for inclement weather too. I hadn't looked at it previously because I thought it was out of the way, but it's only a 10 minute drive.

I'm a little stressed out about doing the whole first day thing again after this breach of trust.

I also filed a complaint with DHHR, who oversees child care licensing.

Ladies, keep your fingers crossed for us tomorrow!

Rrrrrachel · August 2014

Sounds like you found an awesome new place!

edoliesmom · August 2014

Let us know how the first day goes at the new place.

speechie517 · August 2014

Our second first day went much better! The assistant director sent me a few pictures of Blaire throughout the day and they gave very detailed information about how her day went. I feel so much more comfortable leaving her with them! She didn't nap well, but that is to be expected. My first day back to work was complete insanity, so I'm so glad she is at a place where I can feel comfortable with her care.

smushi · August 2014

So pleased for you! Being another speech pathologist, it makes me feel much better

I leave LO at daycare on Monday for the first time.

speechie517 · August 2014

@smushi I'm sure you can appreciate the back to school craziness too. I just found out I'll be covering a third school and my "base" school doesn't have a space for me right now. I had to tell the principal yesterday that I need privacy not only for therapy this year, but pumping, so figure it out please!"

smushi · August 2014

@speechie517 oh dear lord...

I'm in the same boat. My 2nd school has had me in an 'office' the last two years that connect two classrooms so essentially teachers and students use it as a pass thru, no consideration... One teacher tried coming through during testing, and I had to slam the door in her face.

Anywho, I'm getting with the principal of that school this week because there's no way in hell I'm pumping in the bathroom, which would be the only other option. Hope you find a calm pumping spot too... It's a stupid added quandry

RocksInTheWater · August 2014

@speechie517 and @smushi Another school speech therapist there

I start back on the 19th. Luckily, I don't travel so I have my own office with locks. I hope your principals find a decent place for you to pump! Good luck staring out the school year.

smushi · August 2014

So I guess I can relate... showed up to pick up J on his first day of daycare, and guess who was taking a long nap on his tummy.....

Eeeeeee gads but I was mad. And they pish poshed that he went to sleep in a way he was most comfortable. I'm thinking, this kid fights his tummy and rolls when he gets grumpy, so you had to have rolled him back several times to get him to go to sleep this way.

I told them the next day no more tummy naps. Then I get pictures of him in a doorway jumper, which is fine, but they send me one happy picture of him, then 30 minutes later another of him asleep in the jumper (he played so hard he fell asleep!). And all I can think is, why the heck did he stay in the jumper for 30 minutes???? Did you forget about him? That seems WAY too long for a new 4 month old.

smushi · August 2014

@3crazykitties Glad I'm not the only one thinking that's too long for a newly 4 month old in a jumper. He's in a class of older babies so I'm afraid that's why they think he's ok in it that long. He doesn't do any one activity for more than 20 minute (on his back) and old stays awake an hour and a half at a time...

speechie517 · August 2014

@smushi I'm so mad for you! Have they been responsive to your comments and concerns? The daycares I worked at in college didn't permit jumpers either.

smushi · August 2014

Oh yeah, they quit the tummy sleeping today (yesterday was day one). I'm going to mention the jumping to sleep tomorrow when I take him in. He's too young for anything but a bottle or bouncing to sleep at this point. He's not developmentally ready to wear himself out at any one activity I'm thinking, especially not sleeping at a jumper... I know teacher 1 took him out to sleep in his crib, but teacher 2 (afternoon) is the one who let him tummy sleep, so that is more concerning to me, and I'll chat with them about length of jumper play. I'm so glad he's enjoying it, but damn, he doesn't do anything more than 20 minutes with me. 30 minutes with his hips engaged and trunk engaged seems way too long for a newly 4 month old.

MamaFantastic · August 2014

This post gives me anxiety by proxy! Kiddo went to a home daycare between 4 and 7 months but he was cared for by my good friend and neighbor who happens to be a child development specialist (lucky me!). I don't know the unique set of worries that come with care in a larger, more structured setting. Hats off to you mamas!

LaurenC109 · August 2014

If it is a licensed daycare contact their licensor.

Want a personalized experience?

Oh hell no! First day of daycare

Re: Oh hell no! First day of daycare

Choose Another Board

Search Boards