introduction, 21 weeks loss

sugarstar1784 · August 2014

Hello everyone. I was 20+6 when my water broke. I had a "very large" SCH from week 5 on. Bleeding with gushes the whole time. We said goodbye to our baby bear July 30, 2014. We had gotten pregnant rather unexpectedly and soon after a blighted ovum at 7 weeks. I have been crying most all of today. I am in need of support. My milk started to come in as I was leaving the hospital. I am in full blown pain- emotional and physical. . Feel very lost today. I had posted on miscarriage/loss board, but they advised me i might be better here with other 2nd and 3rd trimester losses.

Thank you

msunshine123 · August 2014

I am so sorry to welcome you to this board and for the loss of your child. Feeling the physical pain along with the emotional pain is so hard - ((hugs)). Binding my chest with tight sport bras along with cold cabbage leaves against my chest helped ease the pain and decrease the engorgement. I was told to avoid letting water from shower hit my chest as that could stimulate milk production. I think certain medications also are suppose to dry up one's milk, but I don't know which ones do. Your OB might be able to give you a recommendation.

shandorfml2 · August 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Did you name him? I agree with @msunshine123 about the cabbage and tight bra. I also iced a lot. It's just not fair at all! (((huge hugs)))

Mel&John2013 · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you didn't have to be here but I'm glad you found these ladies. It's an amazing and supportive group. You've come to the right place.

VyD81 · August 2014

*siggy warning* I'm so sorry for the loss of your boy, we would love to know his name. To stop milk from coming in more, I wore 2 sports bra and ice my breasts for 10 min every hour. It took a week for them to go down. Be gentle on yourself, and cry when you need to. I cried everyday for months, I promise the pain will get easy to manage. Hugs.

ikrystal · August 2014

We hate to have to welcome new people to this board, because the circumstances are so awful. But just know that the ladies are are wonderful and I know you will find a ton of support here. I am so sorry for your loss. Sending love, hugs, and prayers.

kz's_girlygirl · August 2014

Sig warning***

I am so so sorry for your loss. Like other pp's have said, tight sports bras and not letting the shower hit your breasts directly can help. There's also No More Milk tea by Earth mama Angel baby that you should t be able to find at CVS, WalMart or your local grocery store.

The physical healing was really difficult for me because it was a constant reminder of what was missing. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Be patient with yourself- there is no time line, and you will have bad and not as bad days. That is ok- I will be thinking of you and sending thoughts for comfort in the days and weeks ahead.

AshersMom11 · August 2014

I am so sorry for your loss, but I am glad you found this place. It is a wonderful source of support. Hugs

healz413 · August 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our twins due to water breaking at 21 weeks.
My partner @Manada was the one who was pregnant and her milk also started coming in after we left the hospital. I will let her speak about her experience with that if she wants. I know it has been a very tough thing to deal with but it has also been one connection she has had to our babies Tavin and Casey.
Sending supportive vibes your way.

Manada · August 2014

Hi @sugarstar1784‌
As @healz413‌ said, we lost our twin daughters at 21 weeks about 6 and a half weeks ago. We are still devastated, and I remember clearly the pain, fog, and disbelief of the first weeks. I didn't eat unless someone handed me food, and we didn't leave the house voluntarily because it just felt too scary. I am so sorry you're going through this now, if you need someone to write to, we lost our twins at the same time in a similar way, and it's awful.

As for breasts and lactation. I ignored my breasts for about 6 days while the milk came in, until it became obvious that I had to do something about it or I would get sick. Before that I was upset at the thought of it, emotionally, but I realized it was the last part of my body that was still responding to the babies' presence. It was then that I made peace with it.

I actually expressed the milk a couple times a day for about 6 weeks by hand. It started because my breasts were so blocked that the midwife told me to massage and empty them to prevent infection, so for about a week @healz413‌ helped me with this after showers or after putting warm compresses on them. I kept cabbage and ice packs on them until the inflammation went down. Otherwise I expressed by hand usually twice a day to keep them comfortable, it also helped me feel closer to our babies, and gave me more time to adjust to how fast the physical changes were happening. It was something I had a bit of control over, and gave me a few minutes of quiet/calm in the day, plus hand expressing really helped with the pain of engorgment without stimulating it hard in the same way pumping would.
Around 5 weeks pp the amount I was getting slowed from about 1 to 2 oz per session to a tablespoon or so, so I slowed expressing to match it, and have basically stopped over the past week or so. I still express a little in the shower, just so I know I can, but I don't need to anymore physically.

I don't know if that helps at all. For me, I was really upset by the milk coming in, but it helped for me to work with it rather than struggle against it. I saved some of it in our freezer and am considering having some sort of breastmilk pendant made with it as a memorial of our girls, and this pregnancy... But I know that isn't for everyone.

Sage Tea will also help dry up your milk, in addition to the cabbage and ice packs. Antihistamine's may help as well.

sugarstar1784 · August 2014

Thank you all, so much. I did the cabbage thing, and it went horrible. I currently have an ice pack on my chest (ahh... relief). I appreciate you sharing your stories.

We did have a name for the baby, but we called him "Baby Bear" when he was in my tummy, so that's what we're sticking with for now.. Baby Bear.

I couldn't find the tea at my local CVS, but i'll try a different store.

Thank you again

Maybe Joleisa · August 2014

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet little Baby Bear. This board has been a tremendous support for me these past 6 months. I hope you will reach out when you need us. ((Hugs))

lexusolsen · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also used cabbage leaves and pain meds (from my c-section) to ease the pain from the engorgment.

sugarstar1784 · August 2014

thank you

stefuge · August 2014

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little baby. The painful physical reminders are very difficult to deal with. As pp said, I wore two sports bras at all time, used cold cabbage leaf compresses, and it took about a week for the pain and engorgement to go down. So many ((hugs)).

CheesyPeas · August 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your physical pain subsides soon. My engorgement lasted for a about a week; I used sports bras, sudafed, benadryl, cabbage leaves, and pain meds but unfortunately there's no fast fix. I guess the universe just thinks we need a cherry on top of our immense emotional pain.

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