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Dealing with the comments*disclaimer*

nicolediguiseppinicolediguiseppi member
edited August 2014 in Secondary IF
New here over from the 3tc board :)

*disclaimer - I'm not trying to start a faith based argument. I was just looking for advice on how to deal w/ this situation.

I was having a discussion with a friend of mine today who felt the need to mention to me that she 'does not believe in' fertility treatments. I really did not know how to respond. She and I both are 'religious' people. We aren't knocking on people's doors spreading the Word of God or anything but our children are baptized, I teach CCD.Regardless, this is the path I'm choosing. I responded (after a period of awkwardness) that if my path is not to have another child than it won't happen no matter what I do. I just got this agreeable nod in return..

Other friends try to tell me to just stop trying and then I will get pregnant because that's what always happens. No it doesn't - I don't ovulate - that's not going to work for me.

People's comments are so stupid and insensative sometimes and I struggle with how not to get frustrated by it.


Daisypath - Personal pictureDaisypath Anniversary tickers

Married - June 2011
DS born - May 2012

Jan 2013 - off BC and started ttc
Mar-May 2013 - no cycle but lots of BFNs
May 2013 - dx hypothyroid
Sept 2013 - began charting
May 2014 - dx anovulatory
Jun 19 - clomid 100 - no result
Jun 27 - clomid 150 - no result
Jul 5 - clomid 200 - no result
Soon to begin gonal-f injections

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Re: Dealing with the comments*disclaimer*

  • annibesannibes member
    I chalk it up to their pure dumb luck- they just don't know this experience so their comments aren't sensitive to it at all.
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  • sailorgalsailorgal member
    I've had a friend say something similar. This was awhile ago and before we experienced any issues but the comment stuck with me. 

    I just wouldn't talk to her about it anymore. And with her simply nodding in agreement after, it sounds like a discussion she doesn't want to continue either. I know some people and some religions feel strongly about it. 
    Me: 32, DH: 33
    DS #1: April 2010
    DS #2: July 2015 (preemie born at 31 weeks) - our little miracle conceived through ART - unexplained secondary infertility/adenomyosis
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  • GraceyandTroyGraceyandTroy member
    I actually really struggled with this topic for myself when we first learned about our IF issues.  I felt like putting a ton of effort into making a baby when there are so many babies out there who need homes was selfish. But at the same time, I was so overwhelmed with the desire to become pregnant that I just couldn't shake it.  Ultimately, I believe that fertility treatments are a gift from God, just as any other medical treatment is.  Yes, it can be taken out of hand (octomom, for example), but it's a wonderful resource that we should use.  
    Happily Mrs. C 
    image  image

    image Image and video hosting by TinyPicimage image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    start ttc #1 in Jan 2009
    dx PCOS in May 2010, begin metformin
    Two failed clomid cycles (made lining too thin)
    Started acupuncture while saving for IVF in Sept 2011
    Add herbal infusions to the mix in Dec 2011
    Hoping holistic approach works!!!

    BFP on April 2012 at 11dpo
    Meepy Man born on Jan 2013 - Hip Hip Hurray!

    Ready to start ttc #2 April 2013, but plan to be an extended BF'er
    Back on metformin Aug 2013
    Restart herbal infusions Sept 2013 - currently drinking nettle, oatstraw, and red raspberry leaf
    DS weaned in April 2014
    Taking a break from herbs and just riding the healthy train.  
    Planning medicated cycle end of summer.  FX I get KU before then!!!
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  • lawmom747lawmom747 member
    I don't think there will ever be an end to the insensitive comments.  Even when people ask if we are having another child, and I try to put the topic to rest by saying - well, our first child is here via IVF - so it's just not that easy for us - they still persist in saying stupid things like 'just relax' and 'as soon as you stop trying it will happen'.

    I'm with you - I don't ovulate regularly courtesy of the PCOS - so relaxing and just waiting were never going to work for us 4 years ago or now. 

    Thankfully we have each other here on 2IF - to vent among those who truly understand.
    Me: 35 DH: 35 - Married 10 years
    PCOS and MF
    Two failed rounds IUI in 2010
    IVF #1 in 2011 - BFP 8/5/11 - Our IVF miracle was born 4/8/12
    FET 9/23/13; BFP -Twins-10/3/13; EDD 6/10/14; MC 11/1/13; D&C 11/4/13
    FET 3/28/14; BFN - 4/7/14
    IVF #2 - Transfer 2 embryos 11/14/14; BFP 11/24/14 - Beta 265;
    11/26/14 - Beta 612; 11/28/14 - Beta 1263; 12/1/14 - Beta 3571;
    12/3/14 - first u/s - two gestational sacs; 12/17/14 - two healthy heartbeats (132 and 134)
    Our IVF miracles were born 7/16/15

    image
    image
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  • STL34STL34 member
    ((HUGS))  One of the difficult things about dealing with infertility is that so few people really understand what it is like.  Those who have no issues getting pregnant often think that we are doing something wrong and that is why we aren't having luck.  We need to do what they did and it will work.  News flash for them is that it doesn't work that way.  IF is a medical condition that often needs to be treated.

    I am religious and I had a hard time deciding to do IVF (which is what we had to do to conceive our daughter).  But, I spoke with some friends who understood and prayed about it and I felt like it was right for us.  Personally, I believe God allows people to learn and help each other.  I believe fertility treatments are no exception.  Like pretty much anything, however, I think that fertility treatments can be used improperly and this use gives them a really bad name.  I also think there is a lot of misunderstanding surrounding infertility and fertility treatments.  Which is such a shame.

    I really, REALLY hate hearing that if it is meant to happen it will happen.  I equate that with telling a cancer patient that if they were meant they were to survive they would without treatment.  Seriously?  Who would do that?!!

    Best of luck!  

    imageimage


    ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 

    Me= 37 and DH = 41 

    Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)

    IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN

    IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.

    IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!

    TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.

    IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #6:  (New RE):  Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN

    FET#1:  BFN

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