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Emotional Day

iheartsippycups2iheartsippycups2 member
in Secondary IF
My emotions are all over the place today. My son & I were playing in his room today, and out of nowhere he says, "mommy can I have a brother like (insert cousins name here) I want him to play in my room with my toys." my sister has 3 boys, and her middle is only 6 months older than my son, so they are close. Anyway, I lost it, I just sat there crying. It is so hard to stay positive, I just want it to happen, and I am so scared it won't. I hate days like these...
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My History:
Lots of BFN's & failed IUI's w/clomid and/or femara
Finally BFP with femara & t.i.- son born 6/17/2010
Started TTC again around when DS was 3ish
Lots of BFN's with femara & t.i & ovidrel
Tubes clear, S.A came back low motility but high count
About to switch to injectables w/femara, did one last cycle with just femara & an IUI with ovidrel- stupid motility was fantastic in the sample, but count was 700,000 AFTER wash! Had to sign a paper to even still do IUI- BFFP (big fat freaking positive) Go figure!
1st Beta 13dpiui 54, 2nd beta 48 hours later 115, 3rd beta 48 hours later 310, 4th beta 72 hours later 1748.
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Re: Emotional Day

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  • sept14sept14 member
    i totally understand.  
    (((((((hugs)))))))

    Married to the Love of My Life since September 14, 2002. 
    Me: 39 DH: 36
    BFP#1: 10/20/08,  EDD: 6/29/09
    PIH, bedrest for 4 wks, delivered at 39 weeks by induction and then c-section- Healthy baby boy on 6/24/09 :-)

    BFP#2: 11/24/11, EDD: 8/4/12, Angel Baby- 2/19/12
    Enlarged bladder seen on U/S at 12 weeks (1/15/12), possibly LUTO or Prune Belly, Heartbeat at OB on 2/17/12,
    No heartbeat/movement at U/S on 2/20/12, (missed MC), D&E:2/22/12.  Miscarried our sweet angel boy @ 16 wks

    TTCAL since June 2012, 
    Progesterone normal, FSH elevated & AMH on the low side--  "ovaries acting older"
    Clomid cycles: 50 mg in February, July, August, September, November 2013, June 2014--  BFNs!!  :-(
    August & September 2014: Clomid, HCG and IUI-- BFNs
    September 2014: FSH= 15.7 AMH= 0.25  UGH!!!  Old lady Ovaries!!!
    October & November 2014: Gonadatropin injections, HCG & IUI... BFNs!!

    We have been blessed with a sweet little boy.  
    Hoping to be able to give him a sibling someday.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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  • FrenchteachermamaFrenchteachermama member
    It's so hard. My identical twin is due in 2 weeks with her 4th (she can't afford the 3 that she has) and my 3 year old has started to ask me a lot why she gets to have all the kids and I don't. It makes me so sad. (((((Hugs))))))



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


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  • sailorgalsailorgal member
    Big hugs. I have been there lately too. My son asks when we will have a baby and has been naming his toys calling them his brothers and sisters and making me call them by their names!
    Me: 32, DH: 33
    DS #1: April 2010
    DS #2: July 2015 (preemie born at 31 weeks) - our little miracle conceived through ART - unexplained secondary infertility/adenomyosis
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  • Bananappeal145Bananappeal145 member
    I'm so sorry, Big hugs.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    TTC #2 since 1/1/13

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  • spfclrspfclr member

    The hardest part about this for me is the sibling thing.  My daughter is fascinated by pregnant women and babies so ages 2.5 to 3-ish years old was really hard for me. She asked daily about when her sister was coming since her friends all seemed to be getting one, told her daycare providers and anyone else who would listen that she was getting a sister soon which was hard because I think everyone thought that I was pregnant, but keeping it secret.  Now that she's newly 4 she doesn't talk about it as much, but I'm crushed when people ask her if she has any siblings and she responds, "my mommy hasn't had a baby for me yet."  I cried typing that. 

    You're not alone.  Hopefully it won't be too much longer that any of our kids are asking for a sibling!

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2 since April 2012

    Year 1 - nothing

    Year 2 - two m/c

    Year 3 - unexplained diagnosis & 4 failed IUIs with Clomid/Letrozole

    Year 4 - still unexplained & 3 failed IUIs with Follistim & Ovidral

    Year 5 - trying on our own

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  • iheartsippycups2iheartsippycups2 member
    These stories make me sadder! God it just sucks
    image
    image

    My History:
    Lots of BFN's & failed IUI's w/clomid and/or femara
    Finally BFP with femara & t.i.- son born 6/17/2010
    Started TTC again around when DS was 3ish
    Lots of BFN's with femara & t.i & ovidrel
    Tubes clear, S.A came back low motility but high count
    About to switch to injectables w/femara, did one last cycle with just femara & an IUI with ovidrel- stupid motility was fantastic in the sample, but count was 700,000 AFTER wash! Had to sign a paper to even still do IUI- BFFP (big fat freaking positive) Go figure!
    1st Beta 13dpiui 54, 2nd beta 48 hours later 115, 3rd beta 48 hours later 310, 4th beta 72 hours later 1748.
    Report Reply
  • Jodee37Jodee37 member
    Sending you all my love. That is really fucking hard.
    (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))
    Me: 36, DH: 36
    DH's SA = normal
    1 tube only wonder
    AFC 3-5, AMH 0.30

    BFP #1 3/29/11.  EDD 12/4/11... Missed m/c 5/9/11. Cytotec fail. D&C 5/17/11.
    BFP #2   7/5/11.  EDD 3/14/12... Our rainbow Kellen born 3/14/12 via c/s.
    BFP #3 5/30/13.  EDD 2/8/14...  6wk u/s HB 126. 8wk u/s lost HB. D&C 7/12/13.
    BFP #4 2/18/14.  EDD 10/30/14... Ruptured ectopic with L tube removed & D&C 3/7/14.
    BFP #5 7/27/14.  EDD 4/9/15...  m/c @ 5w4d.

    IVF #1    Oct 2014 - antagonist protocol: 9R, 7M, 5F. 3dt of 3 Grade 2 embies. BFN. 
    IVF #2    Jan 2015 cancelled due to dominant follicle.  Converted to IUI #1. BFFN
    IVF #2.1 March 2015 cancelled due to dominant follicle.

    BFP #6  (SUPRISE!) 3/19/15.  EDD 11/30/15...  CP at 4w2d.
    IUI #2:    Clomid + Follistim = 3 follies. BFN.
    IVF #2.2 May 2015 - horrible response to micro lupron flare protocol: 3R, 3M, 3F. 3dt of 2 Grade 3 embies. BFFN. 

    BFP #7 (beyond surprised again!) 4/26/16. EDD 1/5/17. beautiful betas!!!! and then near-fatal hemorrhagic corpus luteum. turns out baby was ectopic after all; another lap 5/6 (@24dpo).

    the universe can fuck off.


     "You are overly paranoid and delusional that every one is out to get you." -lastsliverofhope

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    all AL welcome. TTC #2 for 43 44 months.
    follow my infertility journey here at timestandsstillblog.com

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  • lazfam1120lazfam1120 member
    I COMPLETELY understand what you're going through. I had no trouble getting pregnant with my son, who will be 3 in November. Now, I've been trying for over a year and it so incredibly freaking hard to hear him talk about babies and cousins that are babies, etc. Especially if he says he wants one too :( I have many days like you're describing, it's hard to stay upbeat when we are faced with toddlers and babies and everything we want every day/all day.
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  • iheartsippycups2iheartsippycups2 member
    I'm sorry that anyone has to go through infertility. Not that I wish this upon anyone, but it help to know that others know what I am going through.
    image
    image

    My History:
    Lots of BFN's & failed IUI's w/clomid and/or femara
    Finally BFP with femara & t.i.- son born 6/17/2010
    Started TTC again around when DS was 3ish
    Lots of BFN's with femara & t.i & ovidrel
    Tubes clear, S.A came back low motility but high count
    About to switch to injectables w/femara, did one last cycle with just femara & an IUI with ovidrel- stupid motility was fantastic in the sample, but count was 700,000 AFTER wash! Had to sign a paper to even still do IUI- BFFP (big fat freaking positive) Go figure!
    1st Beta 13dpiui 54, 2nd beta 48 hours later 115, 3rd beta 48 hours later 310, 4th beta 72 hours later 1748.
    Report Reply
  • Steph1673Steph1673 member
    edited August 2014
    I'm so sorry. My daughter names all of her baby dolls and toys at home after her daycare/school mates little siblings and it's starting to have an effect on me :-( I do think that we are one of the only ones in her class that do not have a younger sibling at the school, and the other ones who don't have a little one, already have older siblings. It's hard.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    VOTE on my Name List

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  • iheartsippycups2iheartsippycups2 member
    Blah :((
    Sorry to be a Debbie downer... Here's hoping coming off just ovulating, the sperm finds the egg this month!
    image
    image

    My History:
    Lots of BFN's & failed IUI's w/clomid and/or femara
    Finally BFP with femara & t.i.- son born 6/17/2010
    Started TTC again around when DS was 3ish
    Lots of BFN's with femara & t.i & ovidrel
    Tubes clear, S.A came back low motility but high count
    About to switch to injectables w/femara, did one last cycle with just femara & an IUI with ovidrel- stupid motility was fantastic in the sample, but count was 700,000 AFTER wash! Had to sign a paper to even still do IUI- BFFP (big fat freaking positive) Go figure!
    1st Beta 13dpiui 54, 2nd beta 48 hours later 115, 3rd beta 48 hours later 310, 4th beta 72 hours later 1748.
    Report Reply
  • southernbelle82southernbelle82 member
    I'm so so sorry. Praying it WILL happen! 
    DD 6/17/08, DD 6/9/10, DD 12/15/11
    BFP 5/24/13 - Natural MC 6/7/13
    BFP 8/13/13 - Natural MC 8/27/13
    Ovarian Mass = removal of left ovary & tube 9/13
    BFP 4/24/14 - Tubal Pregnancy 5/7/14
    Removal of  ruptured right tube 5/8/14
    IVF or adoption??
    Report Reply
  • ScarletBegonia79ScarletBegonia79 member
    i am so sorry. you are definitely not alone in these feelings!!!

    TTC #2 since 8/2012

    IUI #1 April 2014: BFN

    IUI #2 July 2014: BFN

    IUI #3 August 2014: BFN

    BFP: September 15, due May 22nd 2015

    Report Reply
  • phishgirl29phishgirl29 member
    ((Hugs))

              image      image    

    IVF #1 September 2012, beta #1: 213; beta #2: 580. Expecting Twins! 
    EDD 6/9 lost one angel at 9w3d :( 
    Baby boy arrived 6/1/13
    FET #1 10/14, BFP -Chemical Pregnancy :(
    Everyone Welcome

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
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  • spfclrspfclr member

    For me I am realistic that even if we had a 1 year old or younger around it wouldn't likely be the playmate that my daughter is imaging - it's not like having her friend over. And I do think that overall my daughter has had an amazing childhood so far. I try to think long range. My brothers and I are great friends now although as the only girl I felt a little like an outsider growing up. I really want her to have a sibling, but I'm much closer to my brothers now than I was growing up, and we rely on each other for some things.  So in the scheme of things 5-ish years I think is OK. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2 since April 2012

    Year 1 - nothing

    Year 2 - two m/c

    Year 3 - unexplained diagnosis & 4 failed IUIs with Clomid/Letrozole

    Year 4 - still unexplained & 3 failed IUIs with Follistim & Ovidral

    Year 5 - trying on our own

    Report Reply
  • FlamingemuFlamingemu member
    Ugh. I am sorry. I so do not want DD to start asking me those questions. 

    Kid #1 - 09/03/12
    Kid #2 - maybe???
    Diagnosed with Severe Ashermans 
    Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
    #11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
    1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
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