REALLY struggling with the changes to my body.

designchica · August 2014

I feel ashamed for feeling this way, particularly given the recent Dec. 14 losses we've experienced this week, but I am really struggling with body image issues as my belly is rapidly expanding the past couple of weeks.

I have struggled off and on with eating disorders and body image issues for 22 years. I am in therapy for it and in recovery, and for the most part, I have done very well this pregnancy. But now here I am 19 weeks 1 day and I have gained 4 pounds in the last 10 days (to add to the 8 pounds I gained in my fourth week of pregnancy) and I am REALLY struggling to see the beauty in this. I'm sorry. I know i am blessed, and that this is beautiful, and it is. I know this. But I just feel like I am fighting back tears every time I see that I have gained more weight. Its so surreal, because one minute I am loving my belly and excited that baby is growing and I love to rub my belly. Then an hour later I'm in the bathroom in tears worrying about how I am going to lose all this baby weight.

I feel angry with myself for allowing this to bother me, and I feel very alone in all of this concern I have about gaining weight.

My baby's daddy and I have had a very difficult relationship, he left me six times during this pregnancy and we are trying to make it work. He said something to me the other day about how his daughter, who just gave birth to a baby a month ago, is still carrying quite a bit of weight and how she looks heavy. This really affected me and made me concerned about what he might expect of me if I don't lose the weight right away. He is very complimentary of how I look and tells me almost every day how well I am carrying my pregnancy, so he's not like a jerk about my body or anything, but when he said that about his daughter still carrying all this weight from her pregnancy and her baby is literally only a month old, my fears about not losing the weight were amplified.

Sorry, i'm just kind of rambling at this point. basically this is very difficult for me and I needed to vent. Thank you. I know how lucky I am to be having a healthy pregnancy and please know that even though I struggle with this, I know its for the best that I am gaining the weight and I truly am blessed to be having a baby.

jennielee123 · August 2014

I think you should get rid of your scale.

rshamos · August 2014

Throw your scale away, or give it to your mom or something. Just get it out of the house. You don't need to weigh yourself. Your doc will do that for you. Are you eating healthy? If so, then you are doing everything right and don't need to worry about pounds gained.

As for you SO, you need to tell him how you feel. Especially if things are dicey right now, as they usually are after repeated break ups and reconciliations, you need to be up front and honest about your own needs. Right now you don't need anyone making you worry about your body.

I don't know you, but I can tell you that your body is beautiful right now and it will be after you give birth. Any changes that happen to it are all part of bringing your little miracle into this world.

Annya26 · August 2014

I can almost guarantee that you will still be carrying some weight a month later. Everyone is different, the odd person loses it all right away, but that is not the norm. It took months for your body to get that way, it will take months to go back. Maybe educate him a bit about what to expect so that you don't have to worry about his expectations after, and let him know how you are feeling.

Also just a heads up - if you are planning on breastfeeding please do not try to lose weight right away. First of all, it will come off naturally - especially if BFing, but more importantly you need to take in MORE calories when nursing than pregnant. If not you are risking it affecting your supply. (Mentioning because I have seen it happen more than once)

Eora3 · August 2014

First of all, if you already have body image issues, you need to be seeking some extra support (therapy) during pregnancy. It is hard on all of us to see the physical changes. Post baby it is a whole new ball game. It is really a very difficult time. It is natural to need a little extra help during this time.

Secondly, it sounds like you need to spend some time talking over your relationship with a therapist. Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds unstable and potentially extremely negative. Really consider what you are getting out of the relationship and what is best for you and your LO long term.

Please take charge of your emotional health and wellbeing by seeking support with a therapist. Honestly, most of us could use a mental health "tune up" during pregnancy. It is rough on all of our relationships and self images.

jennielee123 · August 2014

@gradschoolmom1234 what a great blog post!

ebilbao · August 2014

Eora3 said:
First of all, if you already have body image issues, you need to be seeking some extra support (therapy) during pregnancy. It is hard on all of us to see the physical changes. Post baby it is a whole new ball game. It is really a very difficult time. It is natural to need a little extra help during this time.

Secondly, it sounds like you need to spend some time talking over your relationship with a therapist. Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds unstable and potentially extremely negative. Really consider what you are getting out of the relationship and what is best for you and your LO long term.

Please take charge of your emotional health and wellbeing by seeking support with a therapist. Honestly, most of us could use a mental health "tune up" during pregnancy. It is rough on all of our relationships and self images.

This. The best thing you can do for yourself is get in to see a therapist regularly during your pregnancy and post-partum. It will really help you to cope with your body and relationship issues.

designchica · August 2014

Eora3 said:

First of all, if you already have body image issues, you need to be seeking some extra support (therapy) during pregnancy. It is hard on all of us to see the physical changes. Post baby it is a whole new ball game. It is really a very difficult time. It is natural to need a little extra help during this time. Secondly, it sounds like you need to spend some time talking over your relationship with a therapist. Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds unstable and potentially extremely negative. Really consider what you are getting out of the relationship and what is best for you and your LO long term. Please take charge of your emotional health and wellbeing by seeking support with a therapist. Honestly, most of us could use a mental health "tune up" during pregnancy. It is rough on all of our relationships and self images.

thanks, I do therapy, as I mentioned. I meet with a therapist 3 times a week. It definitely helps during this difficult time, but it is not a cure-all.

@gradschoolmom1234...thank you for the post. I loved that blog!!

Eora3 · August 2014

designchica said:

Eora3 said:

First of all, if you already have body image issues, you need to be seeking some extra support (therapy) during pregnancy. It is hard on all of us to see the physical changes. Post baby it is a whole new ball game. It is really a very difficult time. It is natural to need a little extra help during this time.

Secondly, it sounds like you need to spend some time talking over your relationship with a therapist. Your relationship with your boyfriend sounds unstable and potentially extremely negative. Really consider what you are getting out of the relationship and what is best for you and your LO long term.

Please take charge of your emotional health and wellbeing by seeking support with a therapist. Honestly, most of us could use a mental health "tune up" during pregnancy. It is rough on all of our relationships and self images.

thanks, I do therapy, as I mentioned. I meet with a therapist 3 times a week. It definitely helps during this difficult time, but it is not a cure-all.

@gradschoolmom1234...thank you for the post. I loved that blog!!

I am sorry I missed where you mentioned being in therapy. I know it isn't a cure all but I am glad you are taking the time to take care of yourself. I really hope you know that your baby is going to love you and need you without any concern for what your scale says. That baby is going to love being held against you and snuggling into you. Your amazing body is going to continue to be a source of comfort and love for your baby.

Keep talking about your feelings and know that you are not alone.

ColeyCannoli · August 2014

I just want you to know that you aren't alone, not at all. Very few women seem to get through pregnancy without feeling insecure about their bodies, whether too big or too small. I gained a lot very fast and it honestly freaked me out. I was always picked on for my weight by my mother and other family members so this really messed with me. But around week 17, I threw out my scale and started closing my eyes at the doctor's office when I got on their scale. My OB has yet to say I'm too fat or too thin, so I'll take it "everything is okay." And it has really helped. As long as you are eating well and trying to get a little bit of exercise in, you are not going to gain more than your body can handle. And try to remember that the weight isn't all fat or baby - you have an ever growing uterus, the placenta, the increase in blood and other fluids, it all adds up.

If possible, maybe take your SO in for therapy with you or to couples therapy. He clearly doesn't realize how his remarks sound or make you feel. A month is not nearly enough time to lose more than the weight lost at delivery so it's ridiculous for him to think his daughter should be back to pre-pregnancy weight by now. He needs some education on all of this.

I hope you feel better soon. I can tell you want to but your brain is fighting you. Try to be kind to yourself ((creepy internet hugs))

Cheekers2010 · August 2014

You aren't alone. It's a struggle sometimes. Please take the great advice you've gotten from the other ladies to heart. They are wise. Also, I'm one who thinks that every pregnant woman is beautiful. Truly.

LinziLoo09 · August 2014

@ColeyCannoli took the words out of my mouth (fingers?). Get rid of the scale --- your weight really means nothing right now. If you look at the breakdown of what the weight consists of, much of it you'll lose during the birth (e.g., baby, fluids, etc). But since it's distressing you, definitely get rid of the scale. I also second Coley's comment on seeing if you can bring your SO in for therapy at some point. It would be helpful for him to learn what triggers you and how he can help soothe some of your anxiety as well.

I also have to commend you on your work on your eating disorder. It says a lot regarding your progress that you are gaining weight for this baby --- even if it is a struggle sometimes. Just know that, eating disorder or not, we're all struggling with our self esteem and body image at different points throughout this process. You are in good company, and you're doing very good work (e.g., counseling and coming to the board about it) to address the issues as well.

tmariesalo · August 2014

I'm glad you posted this. I too have found myself struggling with this. You work so hard for years to maintain your shape and growing a baby changes the whole game. I've made sure my husband knows to be gentle with his comments and I'm trying to focus on the beautiful moments and end result. Thoughts and prayers for us all through this new process

.

SeeRealSky · August 2014

Pretty much what all these other amazing ladies have said. You don't have any real control of what is happening in your body right now, and that's hard to deal with for some of us. Me included. I'm getting stretch marks in weird places. People (including family) are commenting on my weight and size so early on. It happens, yet we want to fight back and take control of these things.

But the point isn't to focus on all those ugly things. It's about overcoming those insecurities and focusing on the amazing things that your body is doing. You've given life to a tiny little human, and that's hard work. You are so awesome there aren't even words for that.

I found another really good blog post. I found it before getting pregnant, and I looked it up again when I saw your thread. I hope it touches you the way it does me.
https://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html?m=1

Keep your chin up, gorgeous. ((creepy internet hugs))

SeeRealSky · August 2014

@gradschoolmom1234‌ It is. I cried reading it before. I just short of bawl now. It gets me right in the feels.

JessiRyan810 · August 2014

I'm struggling with this too, big time. I'm 21 weeks and feel disgusted by myself right now. I know it's necessary and I know I'll get back into shape afterwards, but some days I just really miss my flat toned stomach.

hellopartyof5 · August 2014

I was just reading Fit Pregnancy yesterday and Alyssa Milano has asked the drs not to even tell her what she weighs. Apparently there's a post-it on her file that says "She does NOT want to know her weight." I thought that was really healthy. I know that for me the 4 lbs were ok, it was when it jumped to 10lbs that it got harder. However, now I'm really trying not to think about it or look at my weight. I no longer have a scale so that helps. As long as your eating healthily and living a healthy life style, I don't think looking at weight is necessary. Hopefully this helped, if not I hope things get easier for you!

BayCamp · August 2014

In the past few years I've lost 50 pounds. And I worked damn hard to keep it off. At the midwife the other day when I saw the number on the scale it felt like a punch in the gut to see that number jump up, I had to take a deep breath and think of losing the baby weight as a personal challenge. I lost it once, I can do it again.

Just remind yourself that this is temporary and on the days that you feel the worst, go hit the elliptical or go for a swim. The exercise might help remind you that you're doing your best for yourself and the baby.

Heorwig · August 2014

I feel like this on and off too. It's hard when you are so used to worrying about every lb you gain. One moment I'm loving the belly, the next I can't believe how big I am. But like PPs said, throw the scale away or put it in the attic. Your body was meant to grow for your baby. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. It's definitely an adjustment, especially as a FTM

rshamos · August 2014

SeeRealSky said:

Pretty much what all these other amazing ladies have said. You don't have any real control of what is happening in your body right now, and that's hard to deal with for some of us. Me included. I'm getting stretch marks in weird places. People (including family) are commenting on my weight and size so early on. It happens, yet we want to fight back and take control of these things. But the point isn't to focus on all those ugly things. It's about overcoming those insecurities and focusing on the amazing things that your body is doing. You've given life to a tiny little human, and that's hard work. You are so awesome there aren't even words for that. I found another really good blog post. I found it before getting pregnant, and I looked it up again when I saw your thread. I hope it touches you the way it does me. https://weseekjoy.blogspot.com/2013/12/babies-ruin-bodies.html?m=1 Keep your chin up, gorgeous. ((creepy internet hugs))

Just started bawling my eyes out. What a beautiful post.

soulcupcake · August 2014

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. I understand and can relate in some ways. I lost a massive amount of weight back in '10-11. I managed to lose a total of 140 lbs. I felt and looked awesome near my goal size. I have a history of cyclothymia/depression, and went on antidepressants last fall, which caused me to gain some weight back. The depression didn't get better, it seemed, and it may have to do with the fact that I worked so hard to lose a lot of weight and was now gaining some of it back.

My last insurance plan ended and I stopped taking them, and then soon after I got my BFP. Antidepressants aren't recommended during the first trimester, so I still dealt with depression and horrible anxiety. And the weight gain continued. It has tapered off some, and since the icky pregnancy symptoms have mostly subsided I am able to exercise more regularly. I've also made more of an effort to eat Primal the majority of the time, and that has helped.

But it still sucks that I will have to lose these 40 lbs... again. The few things I am thankful for are the awesome boobs I now have. After the massive weight loss I lost a lot of breast volume, so now I have boobies again.

CandEChicago · August 2014

designchica said:

I feel ashamed for feeling this way, particularly given the recent Dec. 14 losses we've experienced this week, but I am really struggling with body image issues as my belly is rapidly expanding the past couple of weeks.

I have struggled off and on with eating disorders and body image issues for 22 years. I am in therapy for it and in recovery, and for the most part, I have done very well this pregnancy. But now here I am 19 weeks 1 day and I have gained 4 pounds in the last 10 days (to add to the 8 pounds I gained in my fourth week of pregnancy) and I am REALLY struggling to see the beauty in this. I'm sorry. I know i am blessed, and that this is beautiful, and it is. I know this. But I just feel like I am fighting back tears every time I see that I have gained more weight. Its so surreal, because one minute I am loving my belly and excited that baby is growing and I love to rub my belly. Then an hour later I'm in the bathroom in tears worrying about how I am going to lose all this baby weight.

I feel angry with myself for allowing this to bother me, and I feel very alone in all of this concern I have about gaining weight.

My baby's daddy and I have had a very difficult relationship, he left me six times during this pregnancy and we are trying to make it work. He said something to me the other day about how his daughter, who just gave birth to a baby a month ago, is still carrying quite a bit of weight and how she looks heavy. This really affected me and made me concerned about what he might expect of me if I don't lose the weight right away. He is very complimentary of how I look and tells me almost every day how well I am carrying my pregnancy, so he's not like a jerk about my body or anything, but when he said that about his daughter still carrying all this weight from her pregnancy and her baby is literally only a month old, my fears about not losing the weight were amplified.

Sorry, i'm just kind of rambling at this point. basically this is very difficult for me and I needed to vent. Thank you. I know how lucky I am to be having a healthy pregnancy and please know that even though I struggle with this, I know its for the best that I am gaining the weight and I truly am blessed to be having a baby.

You have been going through a lot during your pregnancy. Have you spoke to your therapist about these feelings? I would think they would have come across this with other patients and might have some great advice for you. If you are concerned about loosing weight quickly after the baby's birth have you considered developing a healthy plan on how you want to deal with it (trainer, gym x number of days, walking with baby, keeping trigger food out of the house).

(note - I have not read the other responses above yet).

nashamber · August 2014

I am sorry that you're struggling with the changes that your body is going through. Just know that you are not alone, and that there are many women who share the same struggle with you. I, too, have had a past with an eating disorder and extremely excessive exercise. I understand that these issues will never go away and they'll always exist somewhere deep inside of me - sort of like an addiction. It comes down to how you manage these issues. It sounds to me like you're taking the right steps by seeking professional help, and reaching out to others for advice. What works for me is to embrace the weight gain, and to remind myself that this is only temporary, and more importantly it is for the better good of creating a beautiful and healthy baby.

Take care.

leoandethansmom · August 2014

I don't have much more to add than what the beautiful women above me has posted but I can say, I am a fellow recovering eating disorder patient. I struggled a lot when I was pregnant with DS and I threw away my scale. It was actually extremely liberating when I took it to the trash. I also asked my OB (I did it this time to) if I could weigh in backwards and only be notified of my weight if something was wrong. I don't know if I've gained or lost, I couldn't even tell you how much I weigh. It is a constant battle to keep the past in the past and I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm happy to hear you are in therapy but I know it is only an aid, not a cure. You are a very strong woman and as you stated, you know your body is doing the right thing for you and your LO. Kudos to you, mama!

paigep8 · August 2014

Yes, you are not alone! Although I didn't struggle with an eating disorder, I enjoyed tough workouts and feeling somewhat in control of my body. The weight gain is tough, but so necessary for the healthy babies we are growing. I am not only struggling with that, but with some breakouts I am having on my face and some gray hairs that are growing in. I am choosing not to dye my hair while pregnant and am being very picky about what face products to use. So, in addition to the weight, I am kinda feeling unattractive all over the place. We are halfway there though! :-)

LaxMOM44 · August 2014

This is definitely something other women feel. With your history I can imagine it is extr hard to deal with.

Every time I get down about how I look I try and come up with one awesome reason for the extra weight. Example:

My tummy is bigger...that's because my baby is getting bigger too! The bigger they get the sooner we meet!

I have gained so much weight....maybe half of that is in my boobs!

I don't know if that will help you but I thought I'd share.

designchica · August 2014

I wanted to thank everyone for posting such positive support and encouragement, I cannot explain just how helpful it was to hear that I am not alone and that I WILL get through this.

I also appreciated the links to various blog posts on this topic, there were a few in particular that I thought were beautifully written and I even shared one of them with my therapist. Thank you so much!

I also wanted to add that I cannot feel baby moving yet, and I am hoping that in the next few weeks when that starts happening, I will have that constant reminder that there is actually a baby in there. For now, it just seems like I'm fat, even though logically I know there is a baby in there. Not being able to feel him moving makes it seem less real I guess.

Shortstack06 · August 2014

I completely understand the body image and I think it is awesome you are using help that you have available. I thought I would share some of how I dealt. My beginning pre-baby weight was 100 lbs.(I am 5'1") and today my doctor told me I have gained 14 lbs (clothed). I have noticed my thighs have started rubbing, my chest is now a 34DD and my stomach is noticeable at almost 19 weeks. I am totally struggling. I have been trying to at least walk a mile every night and eating well(i do indulge which causes more guilt). My husband being supportive has been a huge help, I wouldn't be able to do it without him. Maybe going as a couple to therapy as PP's have said would help the insecurities so he can get a better understanding of what you are going through.

irish2014 · August 2014

@SeeRealSky‌ that is a beautiful post - had to stop reading on the train so I wouldn't get weepy

sooo manyyy feeels

OP, you are definitely not alone. I don't have anything more eloquent than these ladies have already offered so will stick to internet hugs and kudos for all the hard work you're obviously doing in your head as well as your body!

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