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How do you keep it a secret?

Yaz14Yaz14 member
in Pregnant after a Loss
So DH and I have decided to keep my pregnancy a bit of a secret until we're past the first trimester. So far that has proven to be easier said than done. So far I've told my best friend because she asked how the TTC was going. I feel comfortable telling her though as she is currently 19w pregnant and like me also suffered a mc with her first. I've also had to tell my boss after she outright asked if I was pregnant because I've been feeling really nauseous the past week or so. I thought I had better give her a heads up anyway as my job is so demanding and I'm struggling to act as if I have the energy. I've been so close to telling my mum, dad, MIL and SIL but so far have kept my lips sealed. I know I'd feel bad if I told them anyway. I know you can't jinx a pregnancy by telling people but try telling that to my PgAL brain! Fuuuuuuuucckkk...... it's really hard. People are going to start wondering why I'm passing on wine (I would never normally pass on the wine!) and why I have no energy and constantly look and act as if I'm hungover. DH and I figure we'll tell our parents after the first scan which is a little under 2 weeks away so that should make things a tad easier but honestly how do/did you keep it a secret? I mean short of straight out declaring "I'm preggers!" I really want to keep my mouth shut but it's so hard! 

Man that was a rant and a half! 

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Me(24) DH(26)/Married since March 2013
BFP#1 February 18th 2014/EDD October 27th/MMC discovered at 10w/D&C April 7th 
BFP#2 July 24th 2014/EDD April 4th 2015/Please be our RAINBOW!
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Re: How do you keep it a secret?

  • jess123456jess123456 member
    Hiding it can be really hard especially when you have morning sickness. We held off telling for 19 weeks which was really hard. Please keep in mind that my family and my husband's family live out of state and we only saw them during the 13th week of pregnancy this time so I wasn't really showing and my for me my morning sickness wasn't as bad as early.

    As for hanging out with friends I somehow managed to keep our plans to non drinking activities like movies, shopping etc. and just wore baggy shirts to cover my bloat. I also felt that telling would jinx things but that is obviously not true. I think what was hardest was not being able to share the joys and fears of this pregnancy early on especially with my mom but after multiple losses we decided to wait until the anatomy scan to tell because we had told and untold so many times before. There are lots of tricks if you do go out with friends to a bar etc. You could order a beer (with dark colored bottle) and bring it with you to the bathroom and dump it out and fill with water and take sips etc. Whenever you decide to tell remember that it won't jinx it. It's just what you feel comfortable with.
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  • KMW08KMW08 member
    I wanted / needed early support. I told My parents right away, the day after the bfp. MIL has a harder time with secrets, so we told my ILs after our second scan when a hb was confirmed at 6w3d. I let MIL tell The rest of dh's family when we were about 13wks. I told the rest of my family at 15wks. I also posted on fb at 15wks with my story & a blog link of my story in depth.

    It's very hard to hide it, especially with family. Ours knew we were trying and we are around them daily. They never straight up asked us anything, but knew we would tell them when we were ready. I will say I've noticed most people are pretty clueless most of the time and aren't very observant.

    As previously stated, you can not jinx this pregnancy. And it's up to you when you tell, don't let anybody rush you. You can always claim a stomach bug, migraine/headache, ate something spicy etc etc. As for drinking, I always had dh get our drinks, but I'd do something clear like sprite & say it had vodka or a plain coke.

    BFP#4 3/17/14 - rainbow Baby BOY arrived 11/10/14 !!

    DX: Uterine Septum - Resection 9/5/13 || MTHFR Hetero A1298C || My Chart

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  • kateithokateitho member
    I told my BFF right away, because I needed the support.  I waited until after we heard the heartbeat to tell my mom, and did't tell my boss until 14 weeks.  It was hard not telling work when I was puking every day,  I had just started a new job a few weeks after we found out, so they probably though I was drunk before I told them... Showing up to work looking like death, and running to throw up a couple times a week is hard to keep to yourself...
    BFP 11/24/2012  MMC 1/21/2013 - BFP 3/29/2013  MC 4/8/2013 - BFP 4/25/2013 MC 5/6/2013 - 5/17/2013 Diagnosed with LPD - BFP 8/24/13  MC 9/6/2013
    BFP: 12/19/13  - Beta 1@11dpo: 26.8 - Beta 6@23dpo: 3,672
    Our Rainbow Son Born August 26, 2014
    Lilypie - (nueR)
    image
    All ALers welcome!
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  • Mom2anAngel2Mom2anAngel2 member
    I always keep the secret until I can no longer hid the bump. I tend to show a little early, so have had to tell by 14 weeks each time. Usually when I do finally tell, most people had already figured it out, but were polite enough to wait until I was ready to tell.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

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  • carlsonbaby2014carlsonbaby2014 member
    I went to a party at a co-workers house at 10 weeks and just had sparkling water and lime to drink. I just told everyone that I wasn't staying long (true bc I was SO exhausted after work every day) and didn't want to have a drink then drive. Ppl understood and didn't ask any prying questions. I've also used the "I'm taking some medicine right now that can't mix with alcohol" excuse before...that also worked well bc, like you, I'd never normally pass on a glass of wine. GL at keeping it a secret and have fun sharing the news once you're ready :).
    Began trying for a baby January 2012
    BFP 4.25.2013  EDD 1.3.2014  MMC 6.3.2013  D&C 6.19.2013
    BFP 11.3.2013  CP 11.6.2013
    BFP 3.31.2014 EDD 12.10.2014 Baby boy Carlson born 12.19.2014 
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  • smcniffsmcniff member
    I also told a few people pretty early. But, really only people who knew about my MC because I knew that I would need them for support. I was however surprised at how unobservant people tend to be about things. My mom didn't even pick up on all the little things that I thought she would. Also, when we had people over who I didn't want to tell, I would always have a drink in my hand so that there wasn't much opportunity to offer me one. At friend's houses I would 'start with water' and keep refilling or getting my own drinks, so no one ever had to offer me anything.

    If the harder part for you is just keeping your mouth shut because you want to tell them, then maybe you should just tell them.


    BFP #1 11/02/13, EDD 07/04/14, BO diagnosed 12/12/13 at 9w5d
    BFP #2 6/12/14, DD born 2/21/15

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  • jenkellenjenkellen member
    edited August 2014
    It's very hard. I didn't tell family until 13 weeks, my boss at 16, and the rest of my coworkers are just finding out around now (19 weeks). Here's the thing, if you end up telling people earlier that's OK. If you don't want to tell that's OK too. You'll know in the moment what you'll feel like doing. 

    "It's, not, where you are, it's where you're going,
    And it's, not, about the things you've done, it's what you're doing, now"
    TTC Journey Began 8/12
    BFP #1 11/9/12, MMC/D&C 12/21/12 @ 9w2d, EDD 7/24/13
    SAs: 2%-3% Morph - RE Official Diagnosis     Unexplained
     BFN = IUI #1 (Clomid) | IUI #2 (Letrozole) 
    BFP #2 4/19/14 = IUI #3 (Letrozole)
    Expecting Our Elf 12/27/14
    ~All Welcome~

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  • asglover514asglover514 member
    The original plan was my managers get to know immediately because I have a physically demanding job with a lot of lifting, parents and family after my first appt, everyone else at 20wks or just when they figure it out cause I was showing. What actually ended up happening was managers and my bff the day of my bfp, my parents found out this past Friday because the hospital called my dad to confirm my appt to fill out paperwork (apparently because I'm still technically his dependent on his insurance they call and confirm with everyone even my stepmom's appts). A couple people at work figured it out but we're still set in no one else knowing till I'm at least half way or seriously showing.

    It's hard to keep a secret but it's completely up to you. I just had to use a lot of restraint lol. Good luck :)

    Sorry if anything looks weird, bumping from mobile and it's only letting me see 2 limes of text at a time without scrolling up.
    Stephanie Lynn 
    *BFP3:7/10/14 EDD: 3/19/15--Renley Alexander born 3/12/15!!*
    11/17/14-adopted a furbaby named Luna (born 9/05/14)
    BFP2: 11/25/11-Aaron Alexander born sleeping at 31 weeks on 05/31/12
    BFP1: 07/28/11-EDD:3/19/12, natural MC 09/12/11 at 12 wks-HB and growth stopped at 6wks
    S&A together since 05/14/11

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  • BigbonededBigboneded member
    I told family right away (parents with BFP, and some close- out of state girlfriends) told sibs and his kids next, and after first scan, everyone(family) got to find out twins at a BBQ.
    We told my huge extended family at a birthday get together after that. I wanted as many prayers as we could get!
    Told my boss at work due to stress and her.
    Told coworkers at 13 weeks, I need them to be aware so I dont get exposed to TORCH stuff since I work in the medical field.
    It has gone very well, I am glad to have it out there..... and I worry a little- I am not past my loss date, I dont want to "untell" everyone. But this is a different pregnancy and so far, these little ones are doing well :-) So I celebrate everyday that we keep growing, and contemplate the FB announcement.
    If I didnt need work to be aware, I might have only told family so far.... but I need the support and I was very secretive last time.
    I also am not one to pass up a glass of wine, so I dont have any tricks for that, cause I justtell when directly asked :-)
    Pregnancy Ticker
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