Insensitive Comment....

mowl2014 · July 2014

So I work with college students out on a ropes course. I've been fairly sick the first couple months and honestly don't know what my limits are in regards to hauling and lifting things. I had a previous student return to work for us as an outdoor instructor and this is my first time working with him in 1.5 years. I am out on the course today after coming in at 7am (it's not 3pm) working non-stop but not necessarily doing the heavy lifting and I'm coming around the corner and hear him say to another staff member, "Wow, Mo (me) is really milking this whole baby thing". He was going to say more but they both saw me and immediately got quiet. Needless to say I gave them the message like I didn't hear anything then called him over to help me with something. I told him that I had heard what he said and not only was it hurtful but also very unprofessional since it was in front of participants on our course. I am a delayed crier so I've been pretty upset and crying for the past 10 or 15 minutes. I came back and told my boss as I'm in tears what happened and asked him to go out with Bobcat and finish taking down stuff because I didn't want to be out there anymore with the group. Trying to hold it together. I didn't want to put something on FB so everyone could see and comment but man I just feel so upset. Why would someone say that? Its my first baby - I don't know my limits and I AM trying to play it safe because I'm still terrified of a miscarriage and I was SO sick before. Why would someone who just came back say something like that? I have totally lost all respect or desire to work with this kid. I will never give him a recommendation again.

aerotigergirl · July 2014

I'm sorry your colleague made such an insensitive comment. I don't think you're "milking it" at all to try to avoid lifting heavy objects, etc. I know exercise is great for women during pregnancy, but I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to toeing the line between what is safe and what is overdoing it.

Hang in there.

pray67 · July 2014

excitedmama2! Ignore him or take advantage of it. You deserve it!

becks2012 · July 2014

Twenty something guys aren't especially known for their tact. I am sorry that you were upset by his comment.

Speaking as someone who also has a physically active job, I would suggest that you discuss your job duties with your OB at your next appointment. If you need reasonable accommodations for the duration of your pregnancy, then your employer should be informed of your needs and restrictions. I am sure your OB would be happy to provide you with a note to that effect. I also think that the discussion would probably be good for your fears regarding sickness and miscarriage, and perhaps give you a little more confidence.

Beauxbaton · July 2014

I'm sorry. I'd probably start milking it, but only with him. You know, like just start asking him to do everything.

mowl2014 · July 2014

Thanks everyone. To clarify, I actually ran programming like ground school and interacted with group since they arrived at 9am. I just didn't physically lift ladders or belay folks since there were other people around who could do that. So in all honesty I really just stuck to the whole don't lift more than 20lbs thing... I also drove a Bobcat around instead of hiking back and forth for 20 minutes which was more to stay out of heat then due to avoiding exercise. (Plus it was more efficient and someone needed to do it so I elected myself to that position).

rodiesmum · July 2014

Ignore that rude person. He doesnt deserve your time of day nor your tears. You are just caring for your baby and pregnancy. Do what u think is best

Pips09 · July 2014

Sounds like a pretty typical college-age guy (insensitive and tactless). But you handled it well!

KJsbabe · July 2014

He sounds like an ass hole. He clearly doesn't have a clue about what you should and shouldn't do while pregnant.

Stargirlb · July 2014

I'd tell him off. What a turd

JoaPata · August 2014

He sucks, try not to be too upset I am sure everyone that heard him that has any sense thought he was a total ass. He only made himself look stupid and insensitive. I am glad you talked to your boss and I am really glad that you pulled Mr. Jerky Jerk to the side and told him you heard him and did not appreciate it. By calling him on his comments he at least has to acknowledge that you heard him and how what he said hurt you. You showed a lot of class and strength by doing that. Do what you think is right and best for you and baby. Like a poster said talk to your doctor and spell out your limitations to your employer. It is totally fine to ask for reasonable accommodations if needed :-)

jennyhatt · August 2014

D- bag. He probably gets a man cold and stays in bed for a week.

chelcmariedelvalle · August 2014

What a jerk! I can't imagine what it would be like to overhear something like that and I would be fuming if I did. I guess guys will never truly understand what it's like till they have to go through it.

Pregnancy is a gift that not all women get to experience, and those who are pregnant know that there's nothing they would do to put their baby in harm. So what you need a little extra help lifting something, or need to take breaks more often. That's not your fault, people are just insensitive. If any of my co workers have a problem with me telling them I refuse to lift certain things or that I need to take breaks to eat more often then they can take that up with me and I will set them straight! (This pregnancy has seriously made me more angry so I would love the opportunity to rip someone a new one about the matter)

Just take care of yourself and your baby and who cares what everyone else says. Maybe that colleague will get hurt and you can say "man so and so is really milking that injury" see how he feels about that! Haha

Hang in there!

peggels24 · August 2014

I'm sorry - he's a jerk. And I think your reaction was very professional. I probably would have blurted out "Yes, I'm taking it easy because I'm pregnant- what's your excuse for standing around gossiping instead of working? By the way, since you have so much free time, you can do this, this, this, this and this"

MattiJ · August 2014

Everyone should familiarize themselves and their employers with the pregnancy discrimination act. There's a part that reads:

It is unlawful to harass a woman because of pregnancy, childbirth, or a medical condition related to pregnancy or childbirth. Harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted). The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer.

Total BS that anyone (especially a man) should make you feel negatively about taking care of yourself and your babies.

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