How much did you share with friends during your TTC journey?

LiznElissa · July 2014

Hi, I'm new to the boards so this is my first discussion thread. I will try to make our recap short. My wife and I are going down the TTC road, and we have had a lot to put in place before she even has her first IUI. This included some corrective surgery on her uterus, hiring lawyers, and testing our known donor. We are still a few months out from our first IUI because we are waiting on a 6 month incubation freeze of our sperm (doctor's order). We will start trying when my wife is 37.

As you all know, it has been a long path just to get to this point and our family and friends have been very close in helping us.

I have recently started feeling like maybe we should stop talking about this until we actually get several weeks pregnant (aren't you supposed to wait to tell people?). My wife on the other hand thinks I'm crazy. I'm curious what you have done - include others throughout your journey or waited until you had news to announce?

2MamazInSeattle · July 2014

We kept our close family and a handful of close friends looped in the whole way. It was a good choice for us. We loved having support, cheerleading and love when things went well, and when they didn't. We did IVF and had 4 tries, I will say we shrunk the "audience" a bit after each but still it was great to have others by our side. I think it's very personal and just depends on your personalities.

Himee33 · July 2014

My wife and I are basically the same way as @2MamazInSeattle.

When we started TTC last October we told family and close friends. We ended up doing 3 IUIs that all resulted in a BFN, so we moved to IVF and still continued to keep everyone in the loop. When we got our BFP of course everyone knew and it was especially hard when we had to tell them that I had a chemical at 5.5 weeks.

We decided to tell our family and close friends when we started this process, so we could have a nice support system. People that were there when we needed someone to lean on. I joined The Bump LGBT because within my support system I had no one to talk to that understood what we were going through.

We are about to start IVF #2 tomorrow and we have decided to keep this round more private. We most likely won't be telling anyone and if we do end up telling people it will probably just be our moms and L's dad. We don't post on social media and when we do get a BFP, I won't be posting for a long time.

Oh, but I will still be posting on The Bump

mallory4284 · July 2014

When we first started and were doing IUI and IVF we just told my immediate family (mom, dad, sister, and BIL knew) and eventually we started telling pretty much all our coworkers and close friends (but still not extended family)

For our recent home insemination, I've only told one person at work, because she has been through the process and has been very helpful and supportive. and apparently J has told her best friend, but that's it....

My mom and sister don't even know about our home insemination this time and I told J I don't plan on telling anyone about what we're doing until we have a for sure viable pregnancy.

StacyLH24 · July 2014

When we first started, we told immediate family and only close friends. As time has gone on, we're pretty open about it. I posted on FB about the problems we (me really) have had. Though I was open that we were moving to IVF, not everyone knows that we're currently in the TWW.

Karlamo · July 2014

We only told 1 friend when we were doing our IUI's after a year passed and we moved onto ivf we told my family what we were up to. We thought for sure IVF would work the first time and were excited. When that didn't happen we didn't say another word till we finally got our BFP on the third IVF try. It's hard to keep telling people month after month that nope still not pregnant.

KH826 · July 2014

Well, many friends suspected we were trying since we were vocal about wanting children. My wife would often say "soon, when we have kids..." Even before we officially started TTC. Actually, part of her wedding vows were about being a good mother to our future children. So everyone knew it was coming, but not the details of our efforts. 2 or 3 close friends knew When we started TTC and then when we moved to IVF. We also told our parents and siblings, though we didn't share a lot of details, so they didn't really know when to "expect" news. In addition to that, we both told a few people at work when we moved to IVF, including our bosses. With all of the many appointments and needing time off at the last minute for retrieval and transfer, but not knowing in advance what day(s) really... It was too difficult to keep to ourselves, and we both would rather be honest with our jobs than appear super shady. There were still lots of people who were very shocked when we announced our pregnancy, but a core group of folks saw it coming. I respect those who tell NO ONE throughout the whole process, but I don't think we could ever do that. When we decide to TTC #2, I am sure at the very least parents and siblings will know again.

trisholio · July 2014

We told close friends and family. It became more public after I had surgery to figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant. We had a hard time not telling people when we were pregnant also. I suck at lying and keeping big secrets!

2brides · August 2014

We started the process not telling anyone. By our 7th? 8th? IUI we told a handful of friends. We didn't tell parents until 12w.

Amber&Reva · August 2014

We mentioned wanting kids. Close friends knew we had starting the process of selecting a sperm donor but once we actually started IUIs we didn't tell anyone because I didn't want to deal with the added stress of being asked monthly if I was pregnant yet. Second time around one close friend knew I had started getting IUIs again so she found out I get a positive before the second beta draw. Other then her and my sister no one knows I am pregnant again yet.

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