How much help after birth?

stephanie123456 · July 2014

I tried to go back and see if there was any discussions about this and I either missed it or there wasn't any.

How much help will I need after I get home from the hospital, assuming that I have an uncomplicated vaginal birth? DH won't get paid for any time off and my mom keeps bugging me about what days she should tell her work because she wants to take some time off as well. Just thinking of money and that DH only works part-time from 7:30am-12pm Monday through Friday, I think he should only take maybe a week off or slightly longer depending on the day I deliver. And then hopefully my mom could be there after that to assist. I just want to make sure I don't have too much help (if there is such a thing) and be overwhelmed.

Jenner37 · July 2014

I think it will depend on how you're feeling but just for reference, DH had a week off total and 3 of those days were spent in the hospital, he went back to work and I was on my own. Our families live out of state. I feel like I did fine on my own and didn't need the extra help at the beginning...this time is a different story and my parents will be coming for 2 weeks, mainly to wrangle the toddler.

cozybluebear · July 2014

Is this your first child? I had a vaginal birth and I was just fine on my own. In fact, I prefered no visitors for a week or so after coming home because I wanted to bond with my son. My husband worked nights at the time and slept most of the day. The time alone gave me a chance to start developing a routine. Newborns really aren't that difficult. If you have a c section though, you will probably want some help at home with chores because you'll be awfully sore for awhile.

Djcieply · July 2014

I had a uncomplicated vaginal birth and I got home from the hospital on a Thursday. DH took Friday off and was back to work on Saturday. I was pretty much on my own during the day, my mom and sister would stop by periodically for a few hours here and there through out the next week or two, but I was able to handle things on my own fairly quickly.

Marchie1214 · July 2014

No one took off work or stayed extra time with me after DD and I was just fine. I was able to nap when she did and get to know her a little better. Same deal this time only I'm not sure how I will be with DD when baby girl comes home. I'm guessing she will love the extra TV time the newborn stage will bring her.

Jayhawkali · July 2014

Last time I had an emergency csection and dh had to see some clients while I was still in the hospital. Which was ok bc I had nurses. Then my mom flew out the day I got released and stayed 5 days. It was so nice not having to cook or do laundry. This time dh will be off a week then my mom will come for 5 days again. Mainly for the toddler help

chardonnay24 · July 2014

I had my son on a Thursday evening and my husband was back to work by Monday morning. I did fine and other than the boredom, actually preferred not to have a lot of visitors or help.

I am getting a lot of help from family this time, but mainly to help me with my SN 3 year old while I can focus on recovering and nursing.

Mrs.Leah.Maria · July 2014

Well, I'll be the first to say that I welcomed the help, even with a sometimes not amazing relationship with my Mom. My DH went back to work the day after we returned home from the hospital with DS1, which ended up being Monday. My Mom would then come while he was gone, for about 8 hours a day and would leave before he came home. She helped with housework, meals, letting me get naps in and by the end of the week I was having her only come a few hours. I was very apprehensive about needing her that much, but it really helped. We were ready to go into that first weekend and the following weeks to set out our new normal.

With DS2, my Mom did daycare and DS1 continued to her house with DH in the morning, again, the day after we returned home from the hospital. With DD, my Mom had been exposed to chicken pox and there were some concerns about immunity and contagiousness through her doctor and the pedi, so DH went to work after two days of WAH and I was on my own with all three kids at day 3 home from the hospital.

Irisheyes1247 · July 2014

Dh was off for like a month after dd1 was born, it was way overkill. Not that I didn't enjoy him, but two adults to one tiny baby was not necessary. With dd2, dh was off for a week. My mom happened to be off as well - winter break at her school - so she had dd1 often so I could focus on baby.

Dh is planning to be off a week this time. My only concern is based on when baby comes. I'm due 9/1 but have gone early w the other two. If I hold out until my due date, dd1 will be in preschool 5 days/week and will need to be up, dressed, fed and dropped off by 9 am, which was sometimes a feat with just my 2 yr old in tow last year. I can't imagine a baby in the mix too haha.

StefanyaMarie · July 2014

I think you will be shocked to find that, while the task seems daunting, most mom's don't need the help after delivery. With that being said, it is nice to not have to do everything alone. I went into labor on a Friday so my DH took that day off (obviously) and had the normal weekend and went back to work on Monday. Since we worked opposite shifts, I had him home during the day and then he left for work at 3pm. My mom would slide by or call each day when she got off work at 4:30 before going home just to make sure everything was fine since she work a few blocks from my house. I never really needed anything but a couple times she stayed just to see her grandson and I would get some laundry done.

This time, depending on when I go into labor, my DH is going to take a day or two off to be home with us since we now have a 3yo along with the baby. But that is it since he doesn't get paid leave either.

emmylu30 · July 2014

With my son my DH took off a week and my mom stayed with us the first 3 or 4 days. It was amazing to have the help since she cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc so my DH and I could focus on DS. We dont really have the room for her to stay this time so DS may be going to stay with her for a day or 2 when we come home with LO.

kmbk27 · July 2014

FTM - so no first hand experience, but may I suggest taking into account how helpful those offering to help will actually be. There are family and friends of mine who would actually help, and there are some who have straight up said, "I'll come over and hold the baby so you can get stuff done around the house." And that much is not going to fly.

Ceridwen21 · July 2014

So long as you and your mother get along well, I don't think it's possible to have too much help once a baby is born. I would just recommend that you have a pretty frank talk with her about what "help" means to be sure you are both on the same page. You don't need help "holding the baby" or "being kept company". You will need help with laundry, cooking, emotional support etc.

Once we were home from the NICU, DH was home for about a week with us, and then either my mom or MIL stopped in every day for a few hours to (truly) help.

suitern · July 2014

I didn't have an easy delivery and I certainly needed the help and welcomed it considering I could barely sit up. DH was off 2 weeks and my Mom was there to help for 2 weeks. She literally took over all the house stuff-cleaning, cooking, laundry, etc. It was so helpful. However, if you feel the help will be sitting and holding the baby while you take care of the house, I would pass and do it yourself.

We have the same plan this time with my Mom coming to care for DS and help with house stuff while I recover from hopefully a much easier birth!

Ivorytower2 · July 2014

Reading these comments made me feel so much better. My DH and Mom will both be with me for about two weeks. I was panicked for when they leave, but you guys are making it seem completely manageable.

andthatmakes4 · July 2014

It is manageable with only one not that it isn't hard and exhausting at times. But I agree with PP'ers about making sure the people that say they are going to help, will. My mom thinks hanging out at my house and holding a sleeping baby is helpful.

amom2four · July 2014

Dh is going to take about a month off I believe. My mom doesn't pop in often and will come take my older kids for a break when I need her to. I did just learn the fil is planning on being here 6 days before my due date and then extending as needed. He helps a lot when he's here even when there isn't a new baby but it's also exhausting because it means that people want to go here and there and sil and her kids are always around. After dd2 was born, I went most places and did everything while he was here but this time I will say I don't want to go. It's not fun having to bf my 5 day old baby in the car for a week.

If you have family coming from out if town, don't feel like you have to do everything with every one. Take time for yourself to spend recovering and spending time with baby. Allow others to help but only of they are really going to help. Many babies are just fine to put down while you shower or start laundry. I feel it's more tiring to have to entertain the town and definitely not needed.

stephanie123456 · July 2014

I'm so glad I asked this! I've been debating what I want to happen after LO arrives and hearing everyone's responses has helped. DH works for a city office and will be off for about two weeks (not voluntarily) before my due date because of the change in the city's classes from Summer to Fall, and I think he would want some time to bond with LO (being that it's both our first) but I want time too. Since he only works part-time anyways, it's not like he would be gone all day.

My mother, on the other hand, I'm not sure how she's going to be... I think it could go either way or both, with her helping but also wanting to spend time with LO. I agree I need to have a discussion with her about it (also have to talk to her about being in the delivery room and making sure she understands my plan for skin-to-skin after and she will maybe only be able to hold LO for a minute or two that and then be kicked out for DH and I's bonding).

peanutbuttervibes · July 2014

Had DS in Wednesday and my FI was back at work on Monday. Babies don't do much besides eat, sleep, and poop in the beginning! But extra help is always nice.

kateronium · July 2014

Last time my mom stayed a week which was nice and she plans on getting that again plus my SO plans on taking at least a week off.

hizah05 · August 2014

I had a c-section and besides my husband, I had zero help. Granted he took off like 3 weeks but even when he wasn't around I didn't find I needed much help. Babies don't do much in the beginning. Now if your family wants to come cook and clean I'd take it!!! That stuff definitely got neglected but taking care of my son was ok on my own.

Also I think there can be too much, "help". I didn't really like having anyone around the first week or two. I was trying to get used to breast feeding and I was exhausted. I didn't like feeling like I had to entertain guests. So again, it depends on the type of help you're getting.

bumpuser5078523 · August 2014

I was in the hospital 6 nights after a c-section. My blood pressure from my preeclampsia was crazy or I could have gone home sooner. H had to work. I don't think he took any time off. The in-laws helped when I needed it, like driving me places.

I cleaned the house before my induction, so it wasn't an issue.

One baby is easy, honestly. I don't know how it's going to go with a 1 1\2 year old to care for too. This time H should get a week off, which will be nice.

alanaw121 · August 2014

You may not need the help much because babies do sleep a lot the first few weeks but I was personally very thankful for my mom being around. She did a lot of cooking and would keep an eye on the little guy while I got some uninterrupted and much needed sleep. Being a new mom, it's really hard to sleep since you're constantly worrying about baby and if he/she is okay. Having someone else you trust around actually let's you let go and relax a little. There's also usually a lot of cleaning and laundry you won't feel up to doing so helpers are heat for that. Just make sure they understand they are there is HELP you, not to hang out and be entertained by you.

Texasgurly0313 · August 2014

I'm taking 8 weeks of maternity leave and DH is gonna be a SAHD (he doesn't work right now).

My best friend will be staying with us for a few days after he's here, and my parents will be here the 31st-13th. I will be getting induced sometime the weekend before, so it will be the first two weeks. They will be here mainly to help cook and help out with whatever we need. They'll have a hotel room, so they won't actually be staying with us.

lindsay3022 · August 2014

cozybluebear said:

Is this your first child? I had a vaginal birth and I was just fine on my own. In fact, I prefered no visitors for a week or so after coming home because I wanted to bond with my son. My husband worked nights at the time and slept most of the day. The time alone gave me a chance to start developing a routine. Newborns really aren't that difficult. If you have a c section though, you will probably want some help at home with chores because you'll be awfully sore for awhile.

This. Bonding, establishing a routine, figuring out how you want to do things with you child… all easier to do without grandmas pushing their opinions (even in a nice way). Plus, and I'm sure this had to do with hormones at the time but I HATED seeing other people (not my husband) cuddle my baby and stuff like that… which just put me in a bad/anxious mood.

Keep in mind if you have a c-section (not sure how it works with vaginal birth) there's some time before you can drive. My dr cleared me to drive after I stopped taking the pain meds about a week and a half-ish later. Otherwise, I felt find after coming home (maybe the pain meds?!?! lol).

This time around, having a 2 and a half year old I'm going to have to suck it up and have some help, but bottom line: I'm glad my husband and I kept it "just us" for the first week and a half we were home. It was important family bonding that really worked well for us and I'm thankful for that. It might not be for everybody, but hey--- there's my 2cents. :-) Don't stress… newborns are def easier than toddlers!!!!!!

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