So sick of unwanted advice

jaxx723 · July 2014

I know that everyone who has offered me advice means well, but I'm sick of hearing about what to expect or how to prepare.

There's a girl in my weekly dance class that had her first baby about six weeks ago and I think it's pretty safe to assume that she's going a bit crazy at home all day with the lack of adult interaction. When a bunch of us are talking at the beginning and end of each class, she tends to interject with all sorts of advice for me. I try to be cool with it because I know she's lonely during the day and she's not being mean about it, but I must admit it's starting to get annoying!

I'm also getting a lot of advice from people online and I'm quickly learning that I prefer to keep pregnancy updates off social media all together, because of the stir it causes. I think I'll stick to updating people through private messages or in person.

It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that these people care enough about me to offer advice, I just know that every baby and every pregnancy is different, and what works for some moms doesn't work for others.

Sorry, just had to rant for a moment!

NatureLovers · July 2014

I've let a lot of it roll off my back, and I think you should try to not let it annoy you so much.

Although my pharmacist pissed me off the other day. After I was released from the hospital I went to get my prescriptions filled. The prescription was clearly from X hospital, which is known as the "baby hospital", and I still had my wristband on and my PICC line was visible. She looked at the script and said "do they know you're pregnant? They ordered you Fioricet." I looked at her for a second, then said between clenched teeth "CLEARLY they do." She hustled off without saying anything else. Not only had I just been released from their care, but the prescription was signed by my OB office. She wasn't stupid, she was judging me for taking needed pain meds.

rachel+family · July 2014

I feel like religion, politics and parenting are all very sensitive subjects. Somehow people voice their opinions on parenting the most though

and funny enough it's usually from people who are not parents. Mostly I just giggle to myself and tell DH the silly advice I was offered that day.

Stargirlb · July 2014

honestly I would rather a pharmacist double check with me rather than say nothing. That's part of their job, to double check those things. Clearly you are informed and aware of the risks/benefits of a class c drug, and did not need her to check, but not everyone will necessarily be in the same boat. I would thank her and say yes, we are aware, and move on.

Stargirlb · July 2014

Re: OP

You will have to get over this.

Now that you are becoming a parent, you will hear all about diverse experiences from other parents. It's like people in the same profession getting together and talking about their job, parents will talk about parenting and share their own brand of tips and advice. You will probably be doing it yourself before long-- it's pretty natural.

Grow some thick skin and roll with it.

MichaelSC28 · July 2014

I have refrained from any social media about the topic on purpose. I really could live with out the comments from people and the advice. Like others have said take what people say with a grain of salt and learn the tactics of change he subject. If they don't want to change the subject then just kindly say "Thank you for your advice but everyone is different, I will tackle that hurdle when I get there."

Good Luck!

MusicFanatic · July 2014

I'm pretty sure you will deal with this until your kid is 18

And then it may not even end. It's just something people do, like anything else. Typically with good intentions. I'm getting it, too. But I know everyone means well, so I just listen. Doesn't mean I'll do what they say... but I listen.

liladelphia215 · July 2014

I've learned the art of smile and nodding, taking note of anything interesting and ignoring the rest.

letsgox · July 2014

liladelphia215 said:
I've learned the art of smile and nodding, taking note of anything interesting and ignoring the rest.

This... Except I sometimes give the stink-eye or use my awesome resting bitch face.

literarymuse · July 2014

I haven't had unwanted advice yet. I've had people telling me what I'm going to want or do instead. Which, in my opinion, is far worse. At least advice is, you know, advice. But people who think they know me better than I know me are the ones that really make me mad.

morrones8 · July 2014

Ohhhh I hear ya! I'm totally fine with most ppls suggestions but the WORST is when the 4 women at work decide they know all about what I should or more specifically shouldn't be doing, despite the fact that NONE of them have kids or have ever been Prego. Yesterday one had the balls to say "eek Jess I don't think ur allowed to have caffeine when ur pregnant" ARE U SERIOUS!? I have my allowed 8 ounces of coffee a day during the work week (literally like a half a coffee mug). My response "yeah I think I'll follow my doctors rules with what I shouldn't be doing but thanks"
I honestly think it bothers me more because of my recent loss, that they are all aware of... WHY would they ever think I would knowingly endanger my baby, especially after something like that??? And coffee is one example, peanut butter, any fish, even my "sodium intake" is free for all to point out!

robsbabygirl08 · July 2014

This is why I haven't announced my pregnancy yet. Our parents, siblings, and few of my closest friends know but that's it. Work doesn't know and I've made zero posts on FB.

UberBiz · July 2014

I think if you already have kids, the unsolicited advice drops off quite a bit. All I get now (already) is "Are they sure there aren't two in there?" Holy shit people, yes we're sure, and really, I'm not THAT huge! *grumble*

Josie400 · July 2014

I agree with others about just half listening in the first place and letting it roll off. It makes me remind myself that even after baby is here, it by no means makes me a baby or pregnancy expert. Every pregnancy and child is so different.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

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mandikins27 · July 2014

I usually grin and nod... Unless it is snarky or rude then i break out the bitch face

MommaHoy · July 2014

This is too awful! A post about being sick of getting advice and all the comments are giving advice!! Ha! That backfired.

jmcmoe · July 2014

No advice from me! But I will say that I did get a lot of this when pregnant with DS and even though it was super annoying I find myself pulling out tips and tricks from other parents that I heard along the way...I should be thanking all those people haha

LaStella25 · July 2014

I am dealing with it, too. I need to grow thicker skin, as it usually bothers me a lot longer than it should.

I have so many to list, but I will just stick to one:

If it take you longer than 10 minutes to breastfeed, you're doing it wrong. (Comes from someone who hasn't breastfed in over 30 years).

And to top it off, why was she talking to me about breastfeeding when I was less than two months pregnant?!

rodiesmum · July 2014

I totally understan where u are coming from. My neighbor commented on my bump being bigger this time and theoriSed it is bigger bec ive been drinking soda. Ok i have a sip to a max of one can but only because my headaches are getting worse and she doesnt even knw that.

GromMom · July 2014

The worst is when people who have never been pregnant like a Dad or a woman who'snever been pregnant tries to give you advice. Thanks but no thanks.

Stephij1 · July 2014

Ugh. The unwanted advice drives me crazy. When I was pregnant with my DD, I developed a standard response phrase of, "I'm the type of person who likes to research before making a decision. I'll look into that." Worked every time. What are they going to say, "No, don't do any research, just take my word for it!"?

jennyhatt · July 2014

HappyMonkey817 said:
The worst thing so far is those folks who can't just let you enjoy your fun- instead they have to comment on it by saying, "Ohh... you better enjoy that now, 'cause you'll never be able to do it once the baby comes!" Ugh. Bite me.

This! I get this despite being a STM from all those who have more than one kid. My brother and SIL are the worst for this (they have four). It's like I can't once in awhile grumble because I can't possibly be tired with one kid and pregnant when they have four children!? "Just you wait...."
And for all you FTMs I'm sure you'll get this too.... "Ohh but it's not hard when you only have just one". It will be hard sometimes because it is always an adjustment to bring a new life into your world and especially when it's all new for you. Let it roll off your back

LilyWater09 · July 2014

I agree with getting thicker skin as you will need more of it later. Have you seen the news at all the past 5 years? More and more the "village" knows better at raising your kids than you and will find ways to force you or you get prosecuted somehow (i.e. court of public opinion or real court).

Cbeanz · August 2014

"It gets worse" is a personal favorite.

chelcmariedelvalle · August 2014

I have a few managers at work that are always asking me how I'm feeling and ask how baby is, but these are people I talk to and say hi to on a daily basis. There's this one manager that I never talk to cause we never got along and she was talking to me in the break room the other day and she was asking me about it. I told her I think it's a boy and she asked why so I told her my reasoning. And she basically told me that everything I said wasn't true because she had a boy and had none of those symptoms. Then she proceeded to tell me about how much her feet and ankles got swollen the last month and after she had the baby and how much pain she was in. All I said in response as I was walking away was "Thanks for telling me!" In a sarcastic voice. I feel like so far people have been really nice. I know there's certain things that happen during pregnancy and childbirth that are undesirable...I don't think that you should be telling everyone about your horrible experiences especially if they don't ask for it. It just kind of rubbed me the wrong way, especially since her and I don't even talk to begin with.

My SIL and brother have 3 kids and my SIL always shares with me how little time she has for herself and always says "you just wait", and I hate that. My husband and I had been trying for this baby for over a year when we found out we we're pregnant. The way I see it is that nothing anyone says is going to make me feel any less excited about this baby.

cassied7 · August 2014

My SIL is the worst with this. I've learned over the last two years to just laugh it off...mainly because she is genuinely a horrible person. Now, when she gives me any kind of advice, DH and I laugh about it later. Maybe I'm horrible for doing this, but it makes it a little more tolerable.

Stargirlb · August 2014

Guys... It gets worse.

jaxx723 · August 2014

Stargirlb said:

Guys... It gets worse.

LOL!!!

literarymuse said:

I haven't had unwanted advice yet. I've had people telling me what I'm going to want or do instead. Which, in my opinion, is far worse. At least advice is, you know, advice. But people who think they know me better than I know me are the ones that really make me mad.

I got this a lot the last few days too.

Thanks for your empathy ladies, I had a grouchy moment when I wrote this post a few days ago. I'm not usually one to get annoyed by this kind of thing, so I'm just going to blame it on hormones. Things have leveled out and it's not bugging me anymore. I think I just had to say something about it out loud.

MommaHoy said:

This is too awful! A post about being sick of getting advice and all the comments are giving advice!! Ha! That backfired.

@MommaHoy LOL!

Unknown · August 2014

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spoonleg · August 2014

nursesouder said:

HappyMonkey817 said:

The worst thing so far is those folks who can't just let you enjoy your fun- instead they have to comment on it by saying, "Ohh... you better enjoy that now, 'cause you'll never be able to do it once the baby comes!" Ugh. Bite me.

This! I started telling folks at work this week. The other night at work I was looking for Mexican restaurants in my area because I totally wanted a sloppy plate of rice beans and something rolled in a corn tortilla and stuffed with cheese....I digress, and I got the "enjoy going out to eat now before that baby comes". So you mean to tell me that you think I'll never enjoy some delicious Mexican food once this baby is here???

Ummm, anyone who thinks that having kids means I won't get to eat sloppy plates of rice, beans and cheesy tortillas anymore obviously doesn't know me very well. I will sell these kids on the black market for some Mexican food if I have to.

MattiJ · August 2014

"Are you supposed to be doing that?" Everything from painting the nursery (using non-toxic, safe paint, wearing a mask and with the windows open) to working out (simple strength training, nothing hard core- or yoga) to drinking a small cup of coffee like once a week. People who have never been pregnant feel the need to question my every decision and it's driving me insane.

That and the other day I was at work and went to talk to a person in a different office for like five minutes. The guy sitting next to her made a big scene about getting me a chair even though I repeatedly told him that I was fine standing and was only going to be there a short moment. I'm only five months pregnant, not quite in wheel chair territory yet. Everybody needs to calm down and stop acting like I'm broken. I was driving thirty minutes with my MIL and she asked me three times if I was okay to drive. I haven't been drinking, woman! Leave me be!

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