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LongIslandMama1114
member
Background on me...
LongIslandMama1114
member
So I did a short and sweet intro last week but I didn't give any details about how/why I ended up here on this board. While I have a few minutes at work, I figured I'd come fill you all in. Sorry in advance if this is long...
BD and I started dating in September 2013. Shortly into it, (before we slept together because he wanted to make sure I knew before anything intimate happened) he informed me that he was in recovery (alcoholic) and had completed a rehab stint as well as lived in a sober house up until June 2013 at which point he started renting a room in his sponsor's house. I didn't judge. I never would. He seemed sincere in making his life better. He also had a son who, at the time, was 2. I love kids. I've dated a few people with kids which I think was kind of normal considering I'm not really THAT young and lots of people my age are already DONE having kids lol Again, I didn't hold that against him.
The relationship progressed fast. Mostly, I think, because of his manipulation. (Looking back at the relationship, I've come to realize a lot.) By November I had paid $2800 in back child support for him (I know, I know...insert eye roll). We decided to move in together (him moving in with me) and the way I looked at paying off the back child support at the time was that he'd have more money in his paycheck to help with day to day living. Once he moved in, it became "why don't you had me on your credit cards so I can build my credit and we can buy a house in a year or two" to which I said...of course! (Insert eye roll again). Now, I had ZERO debt when we got together. Paid it all off that August...a MONTH before we started dating. So adding him (or anyone) to my credit cards was scary but in my mind, I felt it would prove to him that I was in this because he would always say I wasn't. Manipulation at it's finest.
Also in him saying I wasn't in this, I started deleting any guy from Facebook/my phone that HE said made him uncomfortable. These guys could me anyone...someone I had dated, someone I hadn't dated, a guy I knew from the gym, a guy I knew from school, a guy I knew from the car dealership I brought my car to, a guy from work...it didn't matter. I quickly realized that ALL guys made him uncomfortable and that was because he was a manipulator. Uncomfortable in his OWN skin as well as guilty of having inappropriate conversations with women behind my back. As I was deleting and blocking guys, he was going to AA meetings with females and telling me that was ok because it was for his recovery. Yet, never had ANY men around. Didn't take long before my eyes opened.
In January 2014, "we" made the decision to move to a different/bigger apartment in my complex. I say "we" because really it was all another manipulation. He wanted out of the other apartment because it was too small; because his son needed a room; because other guys have been there; because he wanted a brand new fresh start with me. Well, I understood where he was coming from and again, felt the need to prove myself. So, we moved into a 3 bedroom with rent of $2110. And boy did we fight. A lot. All day. I think I knew at that point I had made a mistake but kept trucking along because I was in this dammit! By this time, MOST of my credit cards were maxed out (mostly by him). Since I make more than him, we decided I'd pay the rent while he paid the utilities ($500 a month) and at least the minimum payments on the credit cards (which, at the time, were also about $500). We didn't talk about food, cell phone, etc. and it turned out he thought I was responsible for all that as well.
I'll skip the details of January through the beginning of March and bring you to when I got my positive pregnancy test on March 10th. It was a sympathy lay because it was his birthday. And boom. Pregnant. Which, at 34 and ALWAYS wanting to be a mother, I was happy. But, I was NOT happy with our situation. At this point, I am now $24,000 in debt and he hasn't paid a THING for any credit cards OR utilities in months. We were about to be shut off and I was getting call after call from credit cards. Tried to make it work for a couple months for the baby's sake but to no avail. I was disgusted with the "man" that stood before me. He had no idea how to take care of himself let alone me and a baby. May I told him it was over and to look for a place. June 14th (day before Father's Day) he was gone and I haven't seen him since.
To date he owes me about $15,000. When he left he asked me how much money I wanted a month. I told him to come up with a figure and stick to it because he seems to have trouble doing anything he says he'll do. He told me I'd get AT LEAST $600 a month. I got $175 in June. $250 in July. Texted him yesterday to see if he plans on doing ANYTHING he said...no response.
My bank accounts are negative. I still owe utilities from the last apartment that HE lived in for FREE for 6 months. I have to file bankruptcy. I'm avoiding answering my phone like the plague because I know they all want money. My life is a mess. And I'm bringing a little baby into the world. I broke down this morning at my desk...sobbing like a little girl. I'm officially scared. I know how much I already love this little one in my belly and I know that love will grow immensely when he's here but love doesn't buy diapers and formula for him. :-S
Sorry so long but now ya'll know my story. Thanks again for having me and welcoming me here
BD and I started dating in September 2013. Shortly into it, (before we slept together because he wanted to make sure I knew before anything intimate happened) he informed me that he was in recovery (alcoholic) and had completed a rehab stint as well as lived in a sober house up until June 2013 at which point he started renting a room in his sponsor's house. I didn't judge. I never would. He seemed sincere in making his life better. He also had a son who, at the time, was 2. I love kids. I've dated a few people with kids which I think was kind of normal considering I'm not really THAT young and lots of people my age are already DONE having kids lol Again, I didn't hold that against him.
The relationship progressed fast. Mostly, I think, because of his manipulation. (Looking back at the relationship, I've come to realize a lot.) By November I had paid $2800 in back child support for him (I know, I know...insert eye roll). We decided to move in together (him moving in with me) and the way I looked at paying off the back child support at the time was that he'd have more money in his paycheck to help with day to day living. Once he moved in, it became "why don't you had me on your credit cards so I can build my credit and we can buy a house in a year or two" to which I said...of course! (Insert eye roll again). Now, I had ZERO debt when we got together. Paid it all off that August...a MONTH before we started dating. So adding him (or anyone) to my credit cards was scary but in my mind, I felt it would prove to him that I was in this because he would always say I wasn't. Manipulation at it's finest.
Also in him saying I wasn't in this, I started deleting any guy from Facebook/my phone that HE said made him uncomfortable. These guys could me anyone...someone I had dated, someone I hadn't dated, a guy I knew from the gym, a guy I knew from school, a guy I knew from the car dealership I brought my car to, a guy from work...it didn't matter. I quickly realized that ALL guys made him uncomfortable and that was because he was a manipulator. Uncomfortable in his OWN skin as well as guilty of having inappropriate conversations with women behind my back. As I was deleting and blocking guys, he was going to AA meetings with females and telling me that was ok because it was for his recovery. Yet, never had ANY men around. Didn't take long before my eyes opened.
In January 2014, "we" made the decision to move to a different/bigger apartment in my complex. I say "we" because really it was all another manipulation. He wanted out of the other apartment because it was too small; because his son needed a room; because other guys have been there; because he wanted a brand new fresh start with me. Well, I understood where he was coming from and again, felt the need to prove myself. So, we moved into a 3 bedroom with rent of $2110. And boy did we fight. A lot. All day. I think I knew at that point I had made a mistake but kept trucking along because I was in this dammit! By this time, MOST of my credit cards were maxed out (mostly by him). Since I make more than him, we decided I'd pay the rent while he paid the utilities ($500 a month) and at least the minimum payments on the credit cards (which, at the time, were also about $500). We didn't talk about food, cell phone, etc. and it turned out he thought I was responsible for all that as well.
I'll skip the details of January through the beginning of March and bring you to when I got my positive pregnancy test on March 10th. It was a sympathy lay because it was his birthday. And boom. Pregnant. Which, at 34 and ALWAYS wanting to be a mother, I was happy. But, I was NOT happy with our situation. At this point, I am now $24,000 in debt and he hasn't paid a THING for any credit cards OR utilities in months. We were about to be shut off and I was getting call after call from credit cards. Tried to make it work for a couple months for the baby's sake but to no avail. I was disgusted with the "man" that stood before me. He had no idea how to take care of himself let alone me and a baby. May I told him it was over and to look for a place. June 14th (day before Father's Day) he was gone and I haven't seen him since.
To date he owes me about $15,000. When he left he asked me how much money I wanted a month. I told him to come up with a figure and stick to it because he seems to have trouble doing anything he says he'll do. He told me I'd get AT LEAST $600 a month. I got $175 in June. $250 in July. Texted him yesterday to see if he plans on doing ANYTHING he said...no response.
My bank accounts are negative. I still owe utilities from the last apartment that HE lived in for FREE for 6 months. I have to file bankruptcy. I'm avoiding answering my phone like the plague because I know they all want money. My life is a mess. And I'm bringing a little baby into the world. I broke down this morning at my desk...sobbing like a little girl. I'm officially scared. I know how much I already love this little one in my belly and I know that love will grow immensely when he's here but love doesn't buy diapers and formula for him. :-S
Sorry so long but now ya'll know my story. Thanks again for having me and welcoming me here
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Background on me...
As for the apartment thing, I actually have moved since he left. I am in the same complex but I downsized to a 2 bedroom for me and LO. I got rid of Direct TV and got local cable. I've made numerous cuts wherever I can in preparation for when I'm out of work and won't be making much money. I am trying as hard as I can to do this on my own right now...without relying on his money. Just hate when people say one thing and do another. Especially when he texted me almost 2 weeks ago telling me what a horrible person I am (a story for another thread lol).
Thank you so much for all your information! I appreciate being able to come here and have other women to relate to
I also wound up in a world of debt because of xh i was lucky though my dad helped out a lot. (Paying off some medical bills of mine getting me off some of xh bills, tickets, debts) he got me a great divorce lawyer who made sure i wouldnt have to pay a cent of his 10,000 dollar irs debt.
Im on food stamps and cash assistance, im in school, and im making it work(even without the court ordered child support) so just know it is possible to make things better from here on out. Hugs again!
I went online and completed a survey of sorts to see if I can get WIC. Of course I make too much money. I work a lot of overtime so I can pay my bills. I (almost) never have anything left come next pay period but apparently I make too much. It's not cheap to live on Long Island, for sure.
I almost wish I could start over with all the stuff I got DD before she was born. If I knew then what I know now I could have saved a TON of money. Oh well. At least she had/has some really nice stuff.
@tig594 When I went to the bankruptcy attorney last weekend, he didn't even ask to see my debt. He put my salary into some program that calculated everything I SHOULD be paying...rent, cell phone, travel for work, etc. And he said I make too much. He did say I was only off by like $100 and that we could try to squeeze it through but if someone happened to look at mine and found a discrepancy, my bankruptcy would be denied and I wouldn't be able to file again. So it's better that I wait until November.
Thanks again for all your support ladies. It means a lot!!
Plus there is second hand stores for maternity wear and baby clothes, toys, etc
Also check out groupon, target cart wheele, if you have cub foods near you they have a coupon app for smart phones
Also 90% of what the bump/baby magazines/stores tell you a baby needs is crap
I haven't seen the recipe thread but I will be sure to check that out as well!
My grandpa clips them for me(since i dont get their ad flyer) and gives them to me and my mom and that helps ALOT.
I quit smoking again, and im saving money that way.
Shope around and price compare eventually you get a feel for whose prices are what
My grocery store allows me to earn points towards money off gas. I've never actually used them because the gas station they're for is usually 20-30 cents higher than the one I normally use anyway plus it's totally out of the way. Doesn't seem worth it for me.
Also i get milk, eggs, and bananas at thegas station cause they are cheaper
Throwing leaves
Throwing leaves
Jumping in late... but yes Huggies Brand Diapers SUCK for little boys. I had a pack as a gift when he was like a year old and it was a diaster. I am a Luvs girl right now but I put Pampers Baby Dry on him at night... Oh and the Toys R Us/Babies R Us brand aint worth a crap either!
But everyone else gave pretty good advice. I am sorry that you were put into this situation.