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February 2014 Moms
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Would you hire a Manny (Male Nanny)?
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Would you hire a Manny (Male Nanny)? 109 votes
Yes, I am a good person and I judge the person on their merits?
44%
49 votes
No, something about it makes me uncomfortable
33%
37 votes
Maybe if....
19%
21 votes
Silent Snowflake
1%
2 votes
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Would you hire a Manny (Male Nanny)?
If the male candidate would be hired if he was female, don't be a dick.
Mom to Lily and Colin!
So aside from genitals.....this is different from a "female" nanny with the same credentials?
I'd want to know his or her references checked out and I'd have had at least one interview and seen nanny play with my kids and so I'd know his or her education and employment history and so on.
However, since I'm looking at a nanny long term my only thought process is what if K was a girl? I think as an infant it would not matter but would I be comfortable her having a male nanny once she is older? You know using male rest rooms when outside etc. I actually don't know the answer to that. Perhaps it does not matter for say 3-5 years?
As a mother of a boy, this thread actually made me cry. The idea that people will see him as a rapist no matter what he chooses to do in life just leaves me speechless with fury.
I hear that feminists hate men. I swear I like men and think more of them than most non-feminists. I have this funny idea that they can control themselves and keep themselves from hurting others.
It grosses me out that people see men as threats to their children. Women can abuse too, and men can like kids and want to be care providers without being predators.
I get that statistics are scary but if references check out then I dont get the issue. Some of the best teachers I have seen are male...super patient and nurturing.
Here's my take on why we assume men as child care providers must have ulterior motives. We, as a society not F14, value child care so lowly, pay those doing so poorly, and have such little respect for the work that we cannot fathom why any man would want to do such a terrible job. A woman scientist isn't comparable, because a scientist is generally a well-respected career. A job caring for children, like a nanny/daycare provider is considered "woman's work" because it's only for those who can't do something worthwhile. Therefore, any man who chooses to be around children as a job must have some reason.
Mom to Lily and Colin!
I think any time you consider not hiring someone based on their sex alone, you're kind of a dick, reflection or no. I realize this is hypothetical, but I feel it is dickish to say that you wouldn't hire a male nanny.
I have hired people, but that's really irrelevant to this question. Sex wouldn't play an part in my decision.
As far as what you asked @LaurLaurLaur, yes I feel my husband is as good a dad as I am a mom. Some days I feel he is better. I also think my dad was as good as my mom and that my BIL is as good as my sister. There are some women who struggle with motherhood like some men struggle with fatherhood. It has nothing to do with their sex.
Sure, there are days when either one of us could claim the "bad parent" prize because we're tired/stressed/etc and not the best parent in that moment. But I'd never say overall I'm a better parent than H, we have slightly different parenting styles but our kids are loved and well cared for regardless of who is home. I can walk out the door and H is fine with zero instruction/etc minus knowing when kids last ate/slept/pooped.
I don't buy the idea that women are inherently good at parenting/mothering. We learn it. The reason some men are clumsy around babies is because they were never given a chance to play dolls, babysit, etc. But parenting is beyond knowing how to change a diaper and it's unfair to deny men the opportunity to showcase their skills at caring for children because of cultural stereotypes.
Also, all the elementary school teachers who I know that are male are fabulous. We don't have a whole lot in our school, but the ones we do have are excellent.
I can see where everyone is coming from on both sides of this subject. DH calls the thoughts that he has that he tries to suppress his "rat brain," as in the petty little side of his brain. Logically, I think there should be no gender discrimination when it comes to childcare providers. But I can see how the "rat brain" can come out on this topic.
One of the reasons I haven't hired a nanny, even though it would be less expensive than our current in-home daycare provider for two kids, is that I don't want to worry about anyone (male or female) alone in my house all day everyday with my kids. We use an in-home daycare provider and there are only a small number of adults there at any one time (between one and three adults, depending on the number of kids at that day and time, and one of them is male), but I'm a little more comforted by the fact that there are other kids there, and especially by the fact that the day care provider couple has been licensed by the state and watching kids for 30 years.