What would you do?

mskatiep · July 2014

My Aunt and I sat my mom down on Saturday and had a mini "intervention" with her about her drinking (July has been really rough for me emotionally this year!) She refuses to go to treatment and swears that she can do it on her own. I don't really have a lot of faith in that, but I'm willing to take baby steps with her, and see how she does. She asked that when the family gets together, that there be no drinking. I'm totally willing to support that, but I'm having trouble getting buy in from my brothers-in-law. There is no love lost between my mom and the men her daughters love, a lot of previous drama has happened, and well... she is not their mom, so they don't really care what she wants. What do you think should happen?

katie.725 · July 2014

I kind of want to kick your BILs in the balls... then tell them to Fuck off and to support their wives' mother.

Or don't bother attending

fitmama418 · July 2014

If you're hosting the affair and its on her/your turf? You guys dictate if there's booze there. If they don't like that? They don't have to come. She's their MIL and while not their mother? They should be supportive of her efforts. She's their family. And she needs to have everyone's support and faith in order to be successful.

Get together's on others' turf and public places though? That gets tricky.

cagoldi · July 2014

I'm sorry this continues to be an issue @mskatiep. I know this is easier said than done, but to some extent I think you need to let your sisters deal with their husbands. My DH may not be inclined to listen to my little sisters, but he would yield to my concerns if I told him that's what I need to see in order to feel like we are supporting my mom, KWIM?

I understand there is history but if your sisters are able to impress upon them how important they think this is maybe they will come around to it.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

I picked nobody drinks at all. I probably should have picked SS because I have VERY strong feelings about drinking. If there is someone at any family function who is trying to beat alcoholism (not sure if your mom is an alcoholic, didn't want to assume) I think family should do everything that they can to make sure that they help in the recovery process. I know that eventually your mom will need to be able to be near alcohol and not partake, but at this point in recovery/quitting it's too early IMO. I think if your BILs cannot accept that then they need to not participate in family get togethers for the time being. I have no tolerance for people who NEED to drink at every function they attend. I realize that there are people that can drink socially and responsibly and that I probably have a very unpopular reaction but my childhood shaped how I feel and it won't change.

[Deleted User] · July 2014

Also @mskatiep YGPM

mamasoup030 · August 2014

I voted your BILs drink. I have many alcoholics in my family, and they have been in different stages of AA for the last 40 years (needing it but not going, going all the time, and used to go but not anymore). We all coexist. I get that it's hard, and some members of the family have more trouble than others but realistically, unless you are at rehab its impossible to avoid situations with alcohol altogether. And I've learned, that when someone is going to slip, they are going to do it whether there is alcohol being served or they are drinking it out of a secret bag in their purse in the bathroom. There are other more productive ways to support your mom like attending meetings with her and letting her know how proud you are of her efforts. Good luck, I've been here, it is incredibly difficult. I'll be thinking of you! This is so very difficult for your mom, I'm proud of her for wanting to make a positive change I hope she succeeds.

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